Is it possible to prevent Jealousy and the "she's the one" mindset?

[Spearmint]

I recently sought out the advice of more experienced PUA's over a case of one-itis that I am going through, I love the girl, but this post is not about that.


One bit of advice I received in particular was the following.



"Jealousy are normal emotions and must be metered in some way, if a girl you have strong feelings for is directly ****ing other guys it would take a super-human idiot not be jealous. You have a right to those feelings, those feelings are telling you something, basically that this isn't fair, that you're being wronged. This is not a paranoid-jealousy. This is the real deal."


So my first question would be, how do those of you out there who are more experienced than me, handle jealousy, how would I go about metering it and not letting it bury itself in my stomach and begin to let it deteriorate my otherwise healthy look on things?



Secondly, I find that, very rarely but it still happens, I develop a fear about not finding "her again". I know a lot of guys believe next one is "the one" too.
I was also told about this as well


If anything, work to meter also your "she's the one" feeling and be more self-questioning in those feelings.



Now at this present time, with my mindset and how I feel, I find it difficult to question a girl I have strong feelings for, so to the guys not experiencing that or even to those that have, how do I go about not getting the "she's the one" feeling and mindset?



Basically, it got to a point where I went from not being remotely bothered about any other guy because I told myself they had zero game, and I had the knowledge and support of forums, personal experience in the field etc.
Then I started to be more concerned about other guys, questioning what they had and I didn't so to speak. I do not know why. :nono:



Any information and personal experiences and what you did about it would be a great help to me in the future.


Many thanks, Spearmint.

 

[Mr Wright]

Yeah, whenever i feel jealous i ask myself why. Is it because i think shes going to leave me for this guy? or is it because my friend getting a car makes me feel inadequate? or is it because it because of something else. Either way, i confront it head on because its not really about what you're jealous of, its you inside. Its something deep within you thats making you react this way, find it and you find the way to control jealousy.


Put it this way, if you're trying to combat the "she's the one" mindset, you know that the girl you're talking about isnt the one. No one on here can snap you out of it, its all down to you. Dont rely on guys on message boards to make you happy, do it yourself.

 

[Zarky]

The way to avoid oneitis is to continually search for new *****es to ****. Even if one chick you're dating is awesome in every way, you shouldn't get lazy and should be ****ing other *****es. Once you've got several *****es on your ****, you will realize that all *****es are mostly the same.

 

[serDUDE]

Is it possible to prevent Jealousy and the "she's the one" mindset?

it is in the way you think,stop to think about romantic things
have fun and go talk to other girls because when you have set up a date with one girl,you will be lot less needy while talking to other girls
even if you get rejected you will still have the date/number from that other girl and if she turned out to "not be the right one" you will have the number that you got before you came on the date

in other words don't be monogamous until you [and she] promise to each-other that you will be just with her

 

[The_411]

Spot on. I used to get horribly jealous, but over time I began to recognize that feeling(s) and asked myself what was causing and why was I jealous? I began to realize that being jealous is due to a craving aor a desire that's not being met which is in and of itself a selfish impulse. It stems from wanting to control situations that we can't control and affect outcomes that we can only partially affect.

So word to wise if you start to feel jealous try to see what you are jealous about and what you are trying to control? An outcome or a situation or both.

 

[HGKnights]

Spot on. I used to get horribly jealous, but over time I began to recognize that feeling(s) and asked myself what was causing and why was I jealous? I began to realize that being jealous is due to a craving aor a desire that's not being met which is in and of itself a selfish impulse. It stems from wanting to control situations that we can't control and affect outcomes that we can only partially affect.

So word to wise if you start to feel jealous try to see what you are jealous about and what you are trying to control? An outcome or a situation or both.

I couldn't of said it better myself.

You can't spend your time feeling bad about all the things you don't have, rather than take the time to fix yourself.

jealousy is a natural emotion, it's true. However, it takes strength to overcome it and to fill that void with accomplishments that you can be proud of!