Is it Possible to Change Your Personality?

[Safari]

It's not about changing who you are at the core, but if there are aspects about my personality that are universally unattractive, I feel they need improving.

I am going through a hot-and-cold scenario with a girl I have felt deeply for. Even with other women on the side, this is one I hoped would work out. We did sleep together earlier this year, but we were separated by distance due to my job until recently, after which she found a local boyfriend, however now we are local, and she is single again.

I've pursued a bit since I returned. On her first night sleeping over since I've been back, I lost my cool when she didn't want to escalate. I apologized hugely and I thought she'd get over it, mainly because we both had multiple substances in our bodies at the time, but I've learned through mutual friends she's still upset about this even after a few weeks. She claimed at the moment it happened I lost her right there, but she didn't go home either.

I still want to fix things, and she's aware she has the power over me, and is exploiting it now. I work in a club, and last night she was grinding on some guy right in front of me. She won't dance with me because of my lack of dancing skills. Some days she pays me a lot of attention, and others none. I understand I have to appear that it isn't bothering me and make myself less available, but I doubt if that will rebuild her attraction (correct me if I'm wrong) and I'm more or less resigned to my fate. Her friends and even her sister WANT us to be together and give me tons of advice and inside info, but they can't explain what is happening with her either. They claim she is still attracted to me, that she's said I'm not "out" yet, and that she glances at me often. Perhaps she does, but she isn't letting me win her over either.

Although I did nothing overt to admit my strong feelings, I feel I was unsuccessful keeping my desire off her radar. To prevent this outcome with the next "keeper," I need a more relaxed, aloof personality, and as my friends have told me for as long as I can remember, not to over-analyze things. I can't help it, so it seems. They say I should just FLOW with things, but I have no idea HOW to flow. It's seems like flowing is just knowing what to do in every situation, and I don't seem to.

What do i do?

 

[edmond]

A personality is not something that you can change or exchange like a shirt.
Your problem is not your personality it is your submissive behavior, which your were born with.

 

[MAVER1CK]

Safari, Friend, Brother-

Try and rid her out of your mind. SHe knows your in a softy position now, and she thinks its horribly not attractive. You need to be a man and look at her with disgust and pay her no attention. She does not care for you, her friends and sisters dont know whats in her head.

How was the sex with her? did you get her off? how many times?

if you were ****ty in bed, this could very well be the reason, that AND the fact you are being a puppy, when she is looking for a Nordlander/Viking.

Here is some advice, Spend 2 hours online researching some dance moves, get atleast a few down, so you can show her you have some moves, Make her think you have more, just give her a taste... If you DO get her to dance, Turn her down. Dance with another girl infront of her.

rape her at her own game. Remember, you are the god, And she is the female.

 

[oakraiderz2]

A personality is not something that you can change or exchange like a shirt.
Your problem is not your personality it is your submissive behavior, which your were born with.

Ummm...wouldnt that be a part of his personality? Are you trying to say because that was the way he was born that he cant change it?


Bro theres more than enough girls out there for you to try to hook up with instead of gettin fixed on one girl who doesnt even show you interest.

 

[rrrrr]

no, you can change your personality. it takes work and doesn't happen overnight, it is difficult.

 

[squirrels]

There are more aspects to your personality than you include in your definition of yourself. The ones which you think you "don't have"...well, you have them, but because of how you define yourself, you've never really exercised them. Possibly because you weren't initially gifted in them. But that doesn't mean those aspects can't be developed if you choose to tap them.

no, you can change your personality. it takes work and doesn't happen overnight, it is difficult.

No it doesn't, yes it does, and no it isn't. However, DEVELOPING aspects of your personality, once you choose to include them, does, doesn't, and is.

 

[Safari]

Some great tips here, thanks... .

I'm already researching the dance moves. Her older sister, who has been advising me closely all along, assured me she can teach me enough dance with a week of effort. She has already fixed up my hair style, has been gradually helping me straighten out my wardrobe, and already gave me a few basic moves that I use while playing (I'm a musician). She said I already look way better, and that the girl I'm after has definitely noticed. The older sister is a good friend, and understands that I want to close all these gaps for the next girl that I really like, but if the current girl comes around, then that's a bonus.

On the sex, I got her off three times. She claimed that she had never had multiple before me. We were separated by distance the very next day, so there was no opportunity for a second round for eight months. In chat, she was very enthusiastic to doing it again, but that's a long time. I had five other sex flings in that time, but I knew that I just had a very strong attraction to this one and I knew I would want to pursue it when we were reunited. Her sister said she is normally very difficult to give it up, and that I was the first and only guy to seduce her without waiting for months. (2 days) My game with her was flawless for those couple of days.

As far as finding other women, I agree 100%, and that's already in my head, but I have a very narrow range of women I'd even care to approach, so until the next one comes along I have to work within this. Plus she will be regularly in the club where I perform, so I'm forced to play the game.

I don't agree that you're born with submissive behavior. It's learned and can be unlearned. I've made many strides on that in other areas of my life.

Regardless of whether I would try to get her back or completely forget about her, the strategy as I see it is the same. Ignore her at the club, don't hang around her table, be "busy" if she wants me to do something with her after the club, and talk with other girls. I will likely soon be able to make her jealous by dancing with other girls, but to what end?

It's fair to expect that she will come around. The girls who've known her all her life claim she is attracted to me, but apparently just not enough to be with me right now. So if she does return, how will I know the difference between if she's just trying to get me back long enough to regain control, or if she wants back in for real?

I'm going to play the game because I have to, and I'll also keep my options open, but in your opinion, is this recoverable?

 

[MAVER1CK]

Hey bro, I know you sent me the PM.. Im going to go hit the gym, THen I will help you out some more.

 

[MAVER1CK]

This seems like a game.. So you are working with her sister? Her sister is helping you become more attractive to her?

this is crazy bro, but I like it!! LOOOL. Use her sister as much as possible, If you lack in the wardrobe department, then by all means have her help you look sharp for the hotties.

Her sister sounds cool, you should probably try and go for her. But if not, who cares. Get as much "good" stuff out of this as possible.

Your ultimate goal here is iffy, You talk about being with other girls, but then talk about being with her..

WHAT do you want? do you want her? WHere do you want to be in 5 months?

Tell me more about yourself, WHere is your life heading? Do you have any career goals? Hows your body?

 

[Deadly_Ripped]

Safari,

I did change my personality. It has been almost 7 years now since i started working on it, and I am not comfortable in almost any possible social situation, make people laugh on a regular basis, and don't need alcohol or drugs to relax. And this is one of the few places I've looked for help on changing my personality. The hard part is filtering out the bull**** on this place, because, as everyone knows, sometimes it's contradictory or misleading semantically, but the key points are all here.

 

[MAVER1CK]

Agreed. Anyone can change any aspect about them. It is ALL about will power.

PS: no one is born with personality traits...