"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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Is it possible to ask a girl out too early?

SteR

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Okay so for the first time in a loooong time, I've actually found a girl who I'm seriously interested in. I've only met her briefly once/twice and she's a friend of a friend type thing. When I say I'm 'interested' in her, she seemed like a decent girl ie. someone I'd like to see more of. I know she's attracted to me.. just from her behaviour that evening. I last saw her on the weekend.

The problem is that when I met her I was under the assumption that she was taken (golden rule of mine not to mess with taken girls). It turns out she's single but I only found this out yesterday. There's a very decent chance I will see her again over the coming weeks (going to a party she'll probably be attending in a month or so) and it's possible I may see her again on random nights out as my friends hang out with her friends a fair bit.

Now the silly thing is I'm no stranger to asking girls out/getting their number. I would've liked to have done it that evening but I thought she was taken. She also seemed to be playing hard to get.

Anyway I figured since it's been a few days since I last saw her, I feel it'd be a little awkward for me to ask her out now.. I wouldn't be able to do it without getting her number off a friend too which seems a little creepish... especially because like I said, I didn't really get to 'open her up' and just had some playful banter going. I guess I'm just concerned about blowing my chances early. I also believe in striking while the iron's hot and it seems a little too late to make a last ditch attempt when it's very possible I'll see her soon.

Am I doing the right thing by waiting till I next see her? I'm pretty confident that next opportunity I get to meet up, I'm gonna chase her down like a dog, but it's screwing with my head because I can't get her out of my thoughts (sounds like oneitis I know). I figure during this time I can just forget about her and chase other girls to keep my mind in check.

What do the rest of you think about the situation? Any similar experiences?

Grrr, I hate over-analyzing **** like this. Thankfully I'm going away this weekend with the lads so they'll be plenty of opportunity for me to focus on other girls..
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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lxr

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sorry to post without any help, but i wanted to say that I also find a situation confusing when you first meet someone under one pretext (i.e. not interested/friends) and then you want to meet them under another (dating). awkward... no? any help for SteR and me?
 

SteR

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lxr said:
sorry to post without any help, but i wanted to say that I also find a situation confusing when you first meet someone under one pretext (i.e. not interested/friends) and then you want to meet them under another (dating). awkward... no? any help for SteR and me?
Ah, I should probably mention that I was flirting with her a little bit.. play wrestling/a lot of kino (as I do with most women) but I didn't expect anything to come of it.

What's troubling me is that there's a good chance I'll see her again in the future.. and I don't want to put myself in an awkward situation now by asking her out when I don't really know her too well. Plus her interest levels have prob dropped a bit since this all happened on the weekend - it would've been ideal for me to ask her out at the end of the night.

Anyway what's the deal with your situation? You trying to seduce a friend?

One thing I try to do is be flirty/playful with girls all the time.. that way when the time does come for you to make the next move, they should already be aware of your intentions.

bump for advice :)
 

SteR

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Espi said:
Don't wait...ever.

If you want something in life, you have to go to it.

If you wait for the "perfect time", then you someone else might come in and steal her away from you.

Just ask her out.
I agree.. but how the hell can I do it without coming off as a bit of a weirdo? I'll have to ask a friend to ask his friend to get her number. If I'd done this the day after meeting her then I reckon my chances would be good. But now it's Thursday (5 days later). ****.
 

Gamer

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You are seeing her in a months time at a party right? I'll do this

1) Ask for her number from your mutual friend, but whatever you do, DON'T contact her! Chances are news will travel to her and she will be wondering...

2) Hit the iron at the gym in the mean time. Make sure you are in tip top form for the party

3) Chat her up at the party like you did before, you seemed to have done that well last time you see her already. The number thing might or might not come up, if not, engineer a way for it to crop up in conversation. If asked about it, tell her some ridiculous excuse such as that you were renewing your passport and you had to fill out the contact number of someone in case of death or emergency

4) Go for the kill!
 
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"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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SteR

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Gamer said:
You are seeing her in a months time at a party right? I'll do this

1) Ask for her number from your mutual friend, but whatever you do, DON'T contact her! Chances are news will travel to her and she will be wondering...
Did something similar last night and added her on fb. Seems less creepish to me!

Gamer said:
2) Hit the iron at the gym in the mean time. Make sure you are in tip top form for the party
Fortunately I've been into lifting ever since I was a kid.. I'm not worried about my appearance ;) (but duly noted)

Gamer said:
3) Chat her up at the party like you did before, you seemed to have done that well last time you see her already. The number thing might or might not come up, if not, engineer a way for it to crop up in conversation. If asked about it, tell her some ridiculous excuse such as that you were renewing your passport and you had to fill out the contact number of someone in case of death or emergency

4) Go for the kill!
Yea this is the bit I want to get to asap! ha. I'm pretty confident I can get this girl but it's just getting the opportunity to meet with her again. I'm also gonna talk to my buddy this weekend and see if he can engineer another night out where we both 'happen' to be there.

Anyway thanks for the advice, appreciated!
 

Gamer

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All the best man! Keep us updated how you get on! Sounds promising already.
 
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