Is it possible for one event to drastically impact the course of a man's dating/sex life?

[SW15]

I feel like most couples I see today look like they could be siblings or met through some convenient mutual environment.

In a mutual environment, a man is still needing to make a move.

If a man goes to a group fitness class and sees a hottie in that class, he must initiate with her.

Men are initiating conversations in running/walking club type events.

Men are initiating conversations with women at invitation only, private residence parties for the most part.

 

[MatureDJ]

It seems like there were a lot of men in this subset who lacked the logistical capability of meeting women, even in a friendlier late 1980s-1990s mating culture. They fell behind the curve in high school and weren't able to catch up during the 4 years of college and their 20s.

It's OVER for BehindTheCurveCels.

 

[BaronOfHair]

It seems like there were a lot of men in this subset who lacked the logistical capability of meeting women, even in a friendlier late 1980s-1990s mating culture. They fell behind the curve in high school and weren't able to catch up during the 4 years of college and their 20s.

Nah, they prioritized playing Dungeons and Dragons and f-cking around on The Atari, over activity which stood to REALLY enrich their lives. They were forerunners of the sort of fellas described here

9:00-the end


Not prioritizing your own self-care isn't the same as "falling behind the curve"... The latter implies that we had little to no role in the way our own fates unfolded

 

[Vanderdonck]

There's a reason I'm asking. I'm beginning to suspect if one thing (which I haven't discussed on the forum a whole lot) went differently in my past, I'd be a drastically different man (in terms of my success with the ladies)

Before I share more though, I'd like to get a general consensus on whether one event can drastically impact a man's success romantically/sexually.

Depends on the significance of the event and at what age it occurred. Something traumatic in childhood, probably. Something inconvenient at age 20, that's just the guy letting it influence him.

 

[jhonny9546]

Don’t worry. 10 or 20+ years later, a friend (male or female) from that social circle will finally tell you “Dude, you should have gone for XYZ chick back in the day. She was so into you back then. Everybody knew she had the biggest crush on you.”

I suspect everyone of us have gone trought this.

Just yesterday a friend of mine sent me a screenshot of his instagram account.
An old female friend actually put some likes on his pictures.
Now, we know we don't focus on these things, but a woman would never do these things if she doesn't like you, or she want you to notice her.
A woman putting likes to someone profile has become the first IOI since year 2000, they just want you to do the move if you like them.

 

[Mike32ct]

I suspect everyone of us have gone trought this.

Just yesterday a friend of mine sent me a screenshot of his instagram account.
An old female friend actually put some likes on his pictures.
Now, we know we don't focus on these things, but a woman would never do these things if she doesn't like you, or she want you to notice her.
A woman putting likes to someone profile has become the first IOI since year 2000, they just want you to do the move if you like them.

It’s even happened to me at work in the past. (It’s not just a school thing.) I had two female coworkers in the building who liked me before. Not a word was said to me about it until long after they left the jobs. One was a chick in a different department that I probably could have dated. The other was the same department, so probably not.

 

[CoolWave1331]

I completely agree. Being physically fit is the single most important thing a man can do to be attractive. The problem is that it takes a lot of effort with discipline and you do not get overnight results. It takes a MINIMUM of 90 days of focused working out to even start to see results. Just do not allow this to turn you into a narcissistic jack@ss.

The reason why this gets lost is because there are too many PUAs and relationship coaches that focus of those things that build interest. Anyone that knows me will recall that I frequently quote Doc Love. The one area that I disagree with the late great one is that he doesn't separate 'attraction' from 'interest'. In his defense, his process is geared towards getting an maintaining a relationship, and if a man is not someone that likes to spend a lot of time in a gym, then he just needs to quickly screen out women that really are not attracted to muscles. They are out there, but these women are rare.

Most women are attracted to physically fit men, who dress well, and appear to have their sh1t together. If you want more women to be attracted to you then you have to be fit, wear clothes that do not make you look like a slob, and have friends and interests other than her.

If she is attracted to you, then and only then does what is called 'game' have an impact where interest becomes a factor.

This is #1. Your appearance is your bait in the game. It's not only guys who care and obsessed about how opposite sex looks like this is all propaganda. Yes, takes takes discipline to build muscle and maintain diet but pays off (you get increased attention from girls).

I first really became aware of this through one of my highschool friends. He transferred to the school in the 10th grade from another city close by. He was tall guy, like 6'2 and had what you call 'handsome" face, but he was built like older adult. He had been lifting for I think 3 years and could bench press over 200 lbs. Was a big guy, even compared to the kids who played sports because they don't really take weight lifting seriously for most part at that age. Anyway the girls were all over this guy, they would talk about him all the time, some even flirt with him - I saw it many times. A couple of times they or one of their friends come to me and say "hey can you tell your friend i like him or tell him that so and so likes him"...These were some of the more "desirable" girls too. He made almost no effort in a lot cases didn't even talk to them prior. He was good guy, kind of quiet & NOT popular (except with the girls), he was obsessed with like body building, wwe wrestling and mma.

If large boobs and butt is attractive to most men, increased musculature is going to be attractive to most women. There are certain things seems they like in my experience chest, shoulders, abs, back....you know, all the areas that grab when having "fun". Arms too, it's safe body part, they are likely to grab when walking out in public etc. You don't need to be a mass monster with tren flowing in your veins - think lean like Brad Pitt in Fight Club.

 

[CoolWave1331]

Yes, a single event can significantly alter a guy’s dating trajectory. But this sounds more like a missed opportunity in a social circle, specifically a school one. Those are quite common.

Don’t worry. 10 or 20+ years later, a friend (male or female) from that social circle will finally tell you “Dude, you should have gone for XYZ chick back in the day. She was so into you back then. Everybody knew she had the biggest crush on you.”

They will never give you timely, actionable intel (for reasons beyond the scope of my post). Instead, they wait many years until it’s “declassified” lol.

That’s why it’s so important for men to make mistakes early and learn to read IOIs themselves
as soon as possible.

Last part is good advice.

All the guys that are "good" with girls have both put in a lot of time (practice) and also had good experiences. This is what shapes his confidence. Is a skill like anything else - need both practice and positive reinforcement (success).

This doesn't always happen. Some guys have a hard time...need to have compassion for these guys who struggle, a lot of times had pretty bad early experiences - maybe bullied or something. I don't like some of these extremely negative about evrything types online but do believe every man should receive help if willing to improve his situation.

We've all been there when it comes to missed opportunities. If there was a way to find out just who liked us over the course of our lives we'd probably be very disappointed...probably some women we thought would never give us a chance. People are complicated - it's very easy to "miss stuff" (especially when young and inexperienced), some girls are taught/afraid to show enough interest, etc. In many cases nothing simply happens because both sides unable to communicate their desire.

I suspect everyone of us have gone trought this.

Just yesterday a friend of mine sent me a screenshot of his instagram account.
An old female friend actually put some likes on his pictures.
Now, we know we don't focus on these things, but a woman would never do these things if she doesn't like you, or she want you to notice her.
A woman putting likes to someone profile has become the first IOI since year 2000, they just want you to do the move if you like them.

There's truth to this. Probably depends how close the relationship is between the man and woman- if it's like a good friend it may not mean as much, but I think overall is a reliable sign yes (for modern times). Certainly women who like men and are connected to them on social media will like and comment etc.

I've posted pictures on social media before, a selfie of just like my face or something, and I would get likes from random girls I didn't know sometimes. I put tags in photo and I guess this is how they found the photo. I always assumed found me handsome in the photo, no reason otherwise to like picture of a random guy. If it's something like dogs, cats, babies that's different LOL

 

[SW15]

This is #1. Your appearance is your bait in the game. It's not only guys who care and obsessed about how opposite sex looks like this is all propaganda. Yes, takes takes discipline to build muscle and maintain diet but pays off (you get increased attention from girls).

If large boobs and butt is attractive to most men, increased musculature is going to be attractive to most women.

This is why Rollo Tomassi says "money, muscles, and game"

There are certain things seems they like in my experience chest, shoulders, abs, back....you know, all the areas that grab when having "fun". Arms too, it's safe body part, they are likely to grab when walking out in public etc. You don't need to be a mass monster with tren flowing in your veins - think lean like Brad Pitt in Fight Club.

Upper body musculature with lower body fat is the ideal combination.

Mass monsters don't quite do as well as guys with more aesthetic muscle mass.

 

[CornbreadFed]

In a mutual environment, a man is still needing to make a move.

If a man goes to a group fitness class and sees a hottie in that class, he must initiate with her.

Men are initiating conversations in running/walking club type events.

Men are initiating conversations with women at invitation only, private residence parties for the most part.

Not 100% of the time lol. Women do more pursuing and initiating then what most people think.

 

[GoodMan32]

I suspect everyone of us have gone trought this.

Just yesterday a friend of mine sent me a screenshot of his instagram account.
An old female friend actually put some likes on his pictures.
Now, we know we don't focus on these things, but a woman would never do these things if she doesn't like you, or she want you to notice her.
A woman putting likes to someone profile has become the first IOI since year 2000, they just want you to do the move if you like them.

Disagree. There were popular girls from my high school who would like some of my Facebook posts (including the popular girl I've mentioned on the forum who gave me a pity dance at homecoming)

Liking a social media post doesn't mean sh1t romantically/sexually. All it means is...drumroll...they liked what you posted.

Getting Facebook likes from popular girls did absolutely nothing to shed my stigma.

My stigma, by the way, never meant girls didn't talk to me. All it meant was girls didn't like me in that way.

It’s even happened to me at work in the past. (It’s not just a school thing.) I had two female coworkers in the building who liked me before. Not a word was said to me about it until long after they left the jobs. One was a chick in a different department that I probably could have dated. The other was the same department, so probably not.

At a store where I worked, I remember finding out through the grapevine that a girl I worked with was supposedly into me. I was 26. She was 6 years younger than me. She was a petite Native American cutie.

I never acted on it because:

One, I (especially at that time) didn't have much experience pursuing the opposite sex outside of tech methods.

Two, I only found out from hearsay the girl was supposedly into me. Hearsay isn't the most reliable. For all I know, the girl might have just made a comment about thinking I have good looks. That doesn't automatically mean she'd date me.

This is #1. Your appearance is your bait in the game. It's not only guys who care and obsessed about how opposite sex looks like this is all propaganda. Yes, takes takes discipline to build muscle and maintain diet but pays off (you get increased attention from girls).

I first really became aware of this through one of my highschool friends. He transferred to the school in the 10th grade from another city close by. He was tall guy, like 6'2 and had what you call 'handsome" face, but he was built like older adult. He had been lifting for I think 3 years and could bench press over 200 lbs. Was a big guy, even compared to the kids who played sports because they don't really take weight lifting seriously for most part at that age. Anyway the girls were all over this guy, they would talk about him all the time, some even flirt with him - I saw it many times. A couple of times they or one of their friends come to me and say "hey can you tell your friend i like him or tell him that so and so likes him"...These were some of the more "desirable" girls too. He made almost no effort in a lot cases didn't even talk to them prior. He was good guy, kind of quiet & NOT popular (except with the girls), he was obsessed with like body building, wwe wrestling and mma.

If large boobs and butt is attractive to most men, increased musculature is going to be attractive to most women. There are certain things seems they like in my experience chest, shoulders, abs, back....you know, all the areas that grab when having "fun". Arms too, it's safe body part, they are likely to grab when walking out in public etc. You don't need to be a mass monster with tren flowing in your veins - think lean like Brad Pitt in Fight Club.

Most men don't like large T&A.

Take my brother's girlfriend for example. She's a 7 or 8 based on facial attractiveness. Yet her backside is too flat for me. Her chest is small too (I could let a small chest slide if she has a nice backside. Flat backside AND small chest, on the other hand? Pass)

I'd prefer my obese counselor, with a large chest and large backside, over my brother's girlfriend.

Most men, on the other hand, would pick my brother's girlfriend.

Last part is good advice.

All the guys that are "good" with girls have both put in a lot of time (practice) and also had good experiences. This is what shapes his confidence. Is a skill like anything else - need both practice and positive reinforcement (success).

This doesn't always happen. Some guys have a hard time...need to have compassion for these guys who struggle, a lot of times had pretty bad early experiences - maybe bullied or something. I don't like some of these extremely negative about evrything types online but do believe every man should receive help if willing to improve his situation.

We've all been there when it comes to missed opportunities. If there was a way to find out just who liked us over the course of our lives we'd probably be very disappointed...probably some women we thought would never give us a chance. People are complicated - it's very easy to "miss stuff" (especially when young and inexperienced), some girls are taught/afraid to show enough interest, etc. In many cases nothing simply happens because both sides unable to communicate their desire.



There's truth to this. Probably depends how close the relationship is between the man and woman- if it's like a good friend it may not mean as much, but I think overall is a reliable sign yes (for modern times). Certainly women who like men and are connected to them on social media will like and comment etc.

I've posted pictures on social media before, a selfie of just like my face or something, and I would get likes from random girls I didn't know sometimes. I put tags in photo and I guess this is how they found the photo. I always assumed found me handsome in the photo, no reason otherwise to like picture of a random guy. If it's something like dogs, cats, babies that's different LOL

Agreed, we'd likely be disappointed at all the missed opportunities if we were to find out everyone who was into us through the years. I'd seriously be willing to pay a thousand dollars for the closure of getting a list of every girl/woman who's ever been into me (as you said, the list would likely include girls we never thought we had a chance with)

Another good point you mentioned is that it can be hard to decipher whether a girl is into you when you're young and inexperienced. So imagine (in my youth) being young and inexperienced on top of being autistic.

For that matter, autism renders me basically illiterate at identifying a woman's interest level no matter how old I get. Which is why it's silly how it's been said on this forum that my bad luck with the ladies is proof I'm only a 4/10.

The much more likely explanation for why I don't get much attention from the opposite sex is...drumroll...the fact I'm unable to tell when a woman is into me (in other words, I probably do get attention from the opposite sex...I just don't realize it)

 

[BaronOfHair]

...in other words, I probably do get attention from the opposite sex...I just don't realize it)

Yeah, you've almost certainly had more accusations of stalking lodged against you than you'll ever realize. Sometimes ignorance really is a blessing

 

[MatureDJ]

This is #1. Your appearance is your bait in the game. It's not only guys who care and obsessed about how opposite sex looks like this is all propaganda. Yes, takes takes discipline to build muscle and maintain diet but pays off (you get increased attention from girls).

I first really became aware of this through one of my highschool friends. He transferred to the school in the 10th grade from another city close by. He was tall guy, like 6'2 and had what you call 'handsome" face, but he was built like older adult. He had been lifting for I think 3 years and could bench press over 200 lbs. Was a big guy, even compared to the kids who played sports because they don't really take weight lifting seriously for most part at that age. Anyway the girls were all over this guy, they would talk about him all the time, some even flirt with him - I saw it many times. A couple of times they or one of their friends come to me and say "hey can you tell your friend i like him or tell him that so and so likes him"...These were some of the more "desirable" girls too. He made almost no effort in a lot cases didn't even talk to them prior. He was good guy, kind of quiet & NOT popular (except with the girls), he was obsessed with like body building, wwe wrestling and mma.

If large boobs and butt is attractive to most men, increased musculature is going to be attractive to most women. There are certain things seems they like in my experience chest, shoulders, abs, back....you know, all the areas that grab when having "fun". Arms too, it's safe body part, they are likely to grab when walking out in public etc. You don't need to be a mass monster with tren flowing in your veins - think lean like Brad Pitt in Fight Club.

The Incel Wiki begs to differ:

Gymcel

A gymcel is an incel who works out, believing that a muscular body will compensate for an unattractive face. Gymcels will often spend countless hours in the gym...

incels.wiki

 

[GoodMan32]

The Incel Wiki begs to differ:

Gymcel

A gymcel is an incel who works out, believing that a muscular body will compensate for an unattractive face. Gymcels will often spend countless hours in the gym...

incels.wiki

Well-said.

If weightlifting really were the foolproof solution some on this forum claim, gymcels wouldn't be such a widespread phenomenon.

 

[BPH]

Well-said.

If weightlifting really were the foolproof solution some on this forum claim, gymcels wouldn't be such a widespread phenomenon.

You're agreeing with the only guy on this forum who posts more meaningless sh** than you.