Is it possible for one event to drastically impact the course of a man's dating/sex life?

[SW15]

Oh, and they are both 6'2" .

Being 6'2" is a major asset.

One guy (at that school since age 9 {it also had an all-boy's middle school } was on his way to being the 40 year-old virgin, and was even more hopeless than Steve Carrell's character , but he ended up having the grit to affirmatively ask folks he knew if they knew any single women, and eventually one landed on his plate.

Being in an all-boys school from ages 9-18 was tough on him. It seems like all he did was be a 6'2" agreeable beta male and not relocate from the area where he grew up. As an agreeable beta male from early Generation X with strong roots in one particular geography, he was able to get something after being ignored until age 30 or so. I think the fact this happened well before Tinder even online dating websites is relevant. I can't imagine younger guys being able to achieve what this roughly 60 year old man now achieved.

It is interesting that he got with someone later in life who had attended the all-girls school in that area too. That's social circle game.

Another one simply aged into being desirable (he had built up a very large "Norm from Cheers" social circle, and so he was always being set up), and ended up marrying a gal that he had been set up with over 10 years before their 2nd set up (somehow she was always "busy" when he tried to meet up with her again , but over the decade+ of experience she had gained since then, she learned how not to be so busy the 2nd time ). In these 2 cases, the gals were from all-girls schools in the area.

How did he age into being desirable? College degree and decent paying job?

Once again, this seems like an agreeable beta male with height who didn't relocate far in life post high school. Probably went to a college within the same region as that all-boys school.

The woman rejects him when she's young and then accepts him as she's sliding downhill at age 30+ about 10 years later.

I doubt she ever had genuine burning desire for him but she figured she'd settle and accept the 6'2" height. It sounds like the guy was a "height, hair, money" guy (credit to @Mike32ct about this as he credits those factors for helping mature men attract women). The guy likely had good height (6'2"), got a good job after high school, and probably wasn't balding too bad. At a minimum, he got 2 of 3 of "height, hair, money". He probably had an adequate, agreeable personality. Not amazing, not awful. Sounds like a good enough guy for an aging woman to settle for before she loses all SMV bargaining power.

This guy (also pushing age 60) also benefitted from this setup happening in the pre-Tinder era and before online dating websites got de-stigmatized. This would also be more difficult for younger men in the USA to replicate now.

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I think there's a case to be made that both men would have had an easier time finding LTRs and sustainable success with women had they attended co-ed high schools. It seems like both were tall betas who benefitted from a somewhat less difficult mating environment of the pre-smartphone and social media era.

the fact I never had a sister could at least partially explain my failure.

Your lack of a sister likely had limited effects on you.

Neurotypical, mid-tier looks and money men can benefit from having a younger sister at various times in their lives. These are the kinds of guys who don't stand out on swipe apps and in nightlife venues. There's nothing wrong with them other than being average in a market that doesn't reward average on the surface. Their younger sisters can often facilitate introductions and help her connections see that he's a decent fit for something longer term. The sister's connections likely would overlook this guy if he approached her in real life or swiped right on her. The presence of the sister can ensure that the guy gets a longer look. The guy has to have something going for him to retain her over time but at least a sister's connections will give him more of a chance than the chance he would get with a typical stranger woman on a app, a daygame cold approach, or a nightgame cold approach.

For many beta males, a younger sister is the difference between struggling to get laid/into relationships and having regular sex with a somewhat dependable partner.

 

[Mike32ct]

I don’t have a sister, which I think is a disadvantage. I don’t think it’s essential for guys, but it probably helps to understand women earlier rather than later. I think it’s part of the reason I like having female friends. And interestingly it always ends up being chicks that don’t have a brother. So they are seeking the opposite.

My high school was technically coed but a sausage fest.

While commuting to college did not help me, SW and CBF confirmed something I long suspected. Without any high school dating or social experience, I would have had no chance in college anyway. The dorm/party scene in college would have eaten me alive lol.

Back to height, hair and money:

I’ve known guys even in their 60s, gray and quite aged in the face who had decent 40-something gfs. But they were all over 6-foot, successful and had minimal or no balding.

One of them told me he attracted women because of “the way he carried himself” lol. <with his chain smoking voice aka the original vocal fry lol>

 

[BadBoy89]

One event? It's more like 2.

- get a growth spurt in high school to get at least 6'1.
- don't lose your hair.

Money becomes important when the girl starts losing her youth.

 

[MatureDJ]

How did he age into being desirable? College degree and decent paying job?

Once again, this seems like an agreeable beta male with height who didn't relocate far in life post high school. Probably went to a college within the same region as that all-boys school.

The woman rejects him when she's young and then accepts him as she's sliding downhill at age 30+ about 10 years later.

I doubt she ever had genuine burning desire for him but she figured she'd settle and accept the 6'2" height. It sounds like the guy was a "height, hair, money" guy (credit to @Mike32ct about this as he credits those factors for helping mature men attract women). The guy likely had good height (6'2"), got a good job after high school, and probably wasn't balding too bad. At a minimum, he got 2 of 3 of "height, hair, money". He probably had an adequate, agreeable personality. Not amazing, not awful. Sounds like a good enough guy for an aging woman to settle for before she loses all SMV bargaining power.

Oh no, this guy was starting to Norwood it in high school, LOL. He has a college degree, but interestingly has slid into being a supervisor/manager at small, light-manufacturing places, and his income from that is not something that is overly a positive (but it's not a negative either). And the barroom social circle has helped him get those jobs too, LOL. The only thing that stands out in any way, other than his pleasant personality, is his height. He also played OL in high school.

What I meant by "age into it" is that he has always gone for women about his own age, and when he got into his 40s, he was getting the attention that he wasn't getting in his 30s.

 

[SW15]

I don’t have a sister, which I think is a disadvantage.

It is. Not all sisters are created equally. The major advantage is the younger sister.

I think it’s part of the reason I like having female friends.

Very few female friends or acquaintances are good at social circle introductions. Younger sisters and even younger cousins in the same city are way better at this.

While commuting to college did not help me, SW and CBF confirmed something I long suspected. Without any high school dating or social experience, I would have had no chance in college anyway. The dorm/party scene in college would have eaten me alive lol.

Thank you. This forum has had a good resource about college campus sex life topics.

Observations about college sex life from someone that went to a party school.

I thought I'd share this as someone who went to a party school and was in a fraternity there as well. Not wanting to give too much about myself but I went to UGA and graduated a few years ago. While Athens has its hot girls, I do feel like the quality got worse every year due to the admission...

www.sosuave.net

It is probable that you would have had a tough adjustment at a lot of USA colleges, even with a friendlier 1990s mating environment.

Oh no, this guy was starting to Norwood it in high school, LOL. He has a college degree, but interestingly has slid into being a supervisor/manager at small, light-manufacturing places, and his income from that is not something that is overly a positive (but it's not a negative either). And the barroom social circle has helped him get those jobs too, LOL. The only thing that stands out in any way, other than his pleasant personality, is his height. He also played OL in high school.

What I meant by "age into it" is that he has always gone for women about his own age, and when he got into his 40s, he was getting the attention that he wasn't getting in his 30s.

Football player status in high school is useful in high school. It has less of an effect after high school, but could be relevant for a guy who stays in the same area post high school.

Advanced balding early is something that reduces market value. He had height, neutral on money, but balding. His story is that he has been a pleasant, agreeable beta male personality with a social circle and 6'2" height. That got him an aging, similarly aged woman in middle age.

 

[MatureDJ]

For many beta males, a younger sister is the difference between struggling to get laid/into relationships and having regular sex with a somewhat dependable partner.

It's OVER for NoYoungerSisterBetaCels.

 

[Clockwerk50]

In that case, the fact I never had a sister could at least partially explain my failure.

I would say not having a sister accounts for about 0.5% of your failures. Let’s not exaggerate these external factors as the reason things aren’t working out. The reality is, if you don’t work on your mindset, process unresolved trauma, and improve your physical fitness and overall attractiveness, the same patterns will keep repeating.

 

[SW15]

I would say not having a sister accounts for about 0.5% of your failures. Let’s not exaggerate these external factors as the reason things aren’t working out. The reality is, if you don’t work on your mindset, process unresolved trauma, and improve your physical fitness and overall attractiveness, the same patterns will keep repeating.

This is a correct assessment. Mindset, physique/overall looks, money, social awkwardness, and not driving in a car-centric USA city are the biggest factors.

It is difficult to date with deficiencies in looks, money, status, and personality.

 

[GoodMan32]

This is a correct assessment. Mindset, physique/overall looks, money, social awkwardness, and not driving in a car-centric USA city are the biggest factors.

It is difficult to date with deficiencies in looks, money, status, and personality.

On the topic of social awkwardness, I have something to add to my story from yesterday where I (in a pretty relaxed manner) admitted to a married woman who works in my office building's cafe I find her attractive. She's 4 years younger than me.

Today I did something similar, only with a much older woman. The 60-something married woman from another office I have a flirtatious dynamic with (who I've mentioned on the forum before) asked me "You like older, right?"

I confirmed. She then asked "How much older?"

I told her "45 through 60s."

Then I told her "I know you're married. So I'm not coming onto you." Next, while looking right into her beautiful blue eyes, with no nervousness whatsoever, I said "I think you're an attractive woman."

Yet doing something like that with a single woman from my day-to-day routine would (in most cases) give me crippling levels of nervousness (to the point where I wouldn't even be able to go through with it). What a shame that even when my social awkwardness with the opposite sex temporarily goes away, it only tends to go away in scenarios that don't really benefit me.

 

[BaronOfHair]

As for what specifically about my autism made girls grossed out by me?


My general unfamiliarity with social norms, even if I didn't do any of the extremely outlandish examples you gave.

$10 says you're still guilty of that today, and both then and now, I'm sure at least more than a few folks out in reality have pointed out specific things you said/say or do/did that leave large sections of humanity to consider you undesirable company... What are they?


"Many autists, myself included, lack facial expressions, which really freaks some folks out. Hell, I've had sex partners comment that even after I climax, I don't give any tells (in terms of my facial expression). As a result of my lack of facial expressions, I probably come across as a robot/human hybrid"

Lots of folks have similar difficulties, for causes other than autism: Trauma can often leave someone with diminished affect. It's a hurdle one can overcome, by:wait for it: STARTING TO HAVE FACIAL EXPRESSIONS!!!


"Building on the unfamiliarity with social norms, there was also my unfamiliarity with social cues (which was way worse in high school than now). In high school, for example, if a classmate told me to stop doing something, I would think they were joking around...so I'd continue (I thought it was all in good fun)"

I'll contest the notion that you've advanced much on this front, hoss... Continuing to manufacture rationalizations in almost every post you've made here on SS(despite copious encouragement to lay off that sh-t, start pursuing women your own age and younger on a regular basis in venues outside of the occasional singles mixer or at the office, etc etc)is just a variation of the unattractive behavior you describe above



"Which brings me to yet another point. I was incredibly emotionally/socially immature in high school. My social/emotional age was 5-6 years younger than my actual age"

Lots of us were. HS is now decades in the past: Time to start embracing adulthood

 

[SW15]

On the topic of social awkwardness.... something like that with a single woman from my day-to-day routine would (in most cases) give me crippling levels of nervousness (to the point where I wouldn't even be able to go through with it). What a shame that even when my social awkwardness with the opposite sex temporarily goes away, it only tends to go away in scenarios that don't really benefit me.

Those 2 stories are nothing. Some might even call it simping.

There is no point in telling married women that you find them physically attractive.

It's much more meaningful to ask a woman 4 years younger than yourself on a date from a random non-bar approach in a supermarket or a coffee shop not in your office building. It's more meaningful if you figured out in the conversation before asking her on a date that she was single and available and then you made the offer to go out for alcoholic drinks with her.

 

[BaronOfHair]

I don’t have a sister, which I think is a disadvantage

Yeah, when a fella has someone to play Cersei to his Kingslayer, he can spend adolescence practicing for the day he finally beds his Brienne

 

[BaronOfHair]

There were dirty guys who were into going to strip clubs or having connections with loose women, school dances (ie I did not participate on those at the time)...

So, then as now, you weren't exploiting the opportunities that surrounded you, imperfect as they have been/currently are

 

[GoodMan32]

Those 2 stories are nothing. Some might even call it simping.

There is no point in telling married women that you find them physically attractive.

It's much more meaningful to ask a woman 4 years younger than yourself on a date from a random non-bar approach in a supermarket or a coffee shop not in your office building. It's more meaningful if you figured out in the conversation before asking her on a date that she was single and available and then you made the offer to go out for alcoholic drinks with her.

I went on to share the story with the married 60-something woman of when I had an affair at 23 with a sex-starved married woman 22 years my senior.

Upon hearing the story, the 60-something woman gave me a fist bump.

The fact we have a flirtatious dynamic to begin with (she acts handsy with me, which has gotten more extreme lately), and now she knows I have a history of getting with an older married woman (subtle cue that I'm DTF if this 60-something from a different office in my building ever wants an affair), combined with the fact her reaction suggested she's impressed by the past affair, there's no telling what might come of it.

So, then as now, you weren't exploiting the opportunities that surrounded you, imperfect as they have been/currently are

At the one school dance I went to in high school, all I got was one pity dance. With @corrector's social awkwardness, his results likely would have been the same (or worse...Canadian girls are supposedly the only demographic on the planet more stuck up than American girls).

He really wasn't missing out on much.

 

[BaronOfHair]

At the one school dance I went to in high school, all I got was one pity dance. With @corrector's social awkwardness, his results likely would have been the same (or worse..

Luckily for us, we're not in HS anymore, and we've a choice to NOT continue being socially awkward

 

[corrector]

At the one school dance I went to in high school, all I got was one pity dance. With @corrector's social awkwardness, his results likely would have been the same (or worse...Canadian girls are supposedly the only demographic on the planet more stuck up than American girls).

He really wasn't missing out on much.

My focus was not on school dances though. It would be on day-to-day intearctions within the High School itself. The last time I was in close proximity to a girl was in Grade 8 (ie prior to HIgh School) where I sat next to a nice Spanish girl from Colombia and it was a nice friendship with her at the time. You can't get close to any girl in a famalia setting in an all boys high school.

 

[SW15]

At the one school dance I went to in high school, all I got was one pity dance.

In co-ed high schools in the USA, the primary dances are formal dances for Homecoming and Prom. There are occasional less formal dances at USA high schools.

For Homecoming and Prom, it is a good idea to bring a girlfriend / pre-arranged date to them.

Less formal dances might be an opportunity to meet someone new.

At single sex schools, there are dances between the all-male and all-female schools that are useful as an opportunity to meet someone of the opposite sex. Those at single sex schools don't get daily interaction with the opposite sex, so those dances are one of the primary means to find a date/girlfriend.

There's not much of a need to think about high school dances once high school ends.

 

[Thebestthereeveris]

There's a reason I'm asking. I'm beginning to suspect if one thing (which I haven't discussed on the forum a whole lot) went differently in my past, I'd be a drastically different man (in terms of my success with the ladies)

Before I share more though, I'd like to get a general consensus on whether one event can drastically impact a man's success romantically/sexually.

Usually having a gf will make girls rain on you. Pre selection is proabably the most powerful thing in game. Once a couple girls like you most girls will like you.