Is it possible for one event to drastically impact the course of a man's dating/sex life?

[zekko]

I think early experiences with women can affect you. There's a theory that naturals get a lot of positive feedback when they are young, so that is a big boost to their confidence. Of course there are probably good reasons for that feedback, like positive genetics. Similarly, early bad experiences can scar a guy.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Additionally, dating her likely would have given me a confidence boost that would have carried me through life.

Other ways events could've gone:

-You both may have been kidnapped while necking behind Tasty Freeze one night, held prisoner in a makeshift dungeon for two weeks, and tortured in the most heinous ways imaginable, before finally being rescued. We're talking being forced to watch your first crush be r-ped, flogged, and electrocuted via alligator clips attached to a car battery half a million times while hanging by your wrists from said dungeons ceiling, unable to prevent any of this

-You could've walked in on this chick down on all fours, your own father behind her, despite the fact that she'd vehemently rebuffed all your attempts to access The Back Door

Both of which could've left you with pretty serious psychic trauma. Mulling over things that happened in adolescence/fantasizing the ways in which they might've panned out, DECADES after the fact, is less beneficial than sawing off your own arm, then going for a swim in The Great Barrier Reef, immediately afterwards. All the while expecting the Great White population to not smell you out, relieve you off your remaining limbs

 

[Manure Spherian]

There's a reason I'm asking. I'm beginning to suspect if one thing (which I haven't discussed on the forum a whole lot) went differently in my past, I'd be a drastically different man (in terms of my success with the ladies)

Before I share more though, I'd like to get a general consensus on whether one event can drastically impact a man's success romantically/sexually.

Yes!

 

[SW15]

early bad experiences can scar a guy.

That does happen. The recovery process from that is usually emotionally painful and difficult.

I had to find a way to kill the "nice guy beta male" inside me. That process took an extended amount of time.

Yes, a single event can significantly alter a guy’s dating trajectory. But this sounds more like a missed opportunity in a social circle, specifically a school one. Those are quite common.

Every guy has a missed opportunity / opportunity to shoot his shot and he didn't do it story from his school years. This usually happens by the end of high school. For those who go on to college, they will likely encounter this in community college or a 4 year university if this hasn't happened to them in high school.

Don’t worry. 10 or 20+ years later, a friend (male or female) from that social circle will finally tell you “Dude, you should have gone for XYZ chick back in the day. She was so into you back then. Everybody knew she had the biggest crush on you.”

They will never give you timely, actionable intel (for reasons beyond the scope of my post). Instead, they wait many years until it’s “declassified” lol.

I have heard of other people experiencing that story. A story like that has never happened to me. There was never a time between age 25 - today where I heard a story of some female from high school or college who was interested in me and I never took action on it.

This might be due to my relocations and a lack of ongoing relationships.

 

[BaronOfHair]

I think early experiences with women can affect you

Yeah, starting with Mum. Key word here being "CAN"... One's thoughts and beliefs about external events ultimately dictate how much and in what ways we'll be effected by them

 

[CornbreadFed]

Absolutely! I think a lot of men that struggle/struggled in dating because they skipped out on building experience with females in Middle & High School for other priorities. We were sold this myth that HS is BS and that getting laid in college is easy for the average men when it is hard mode for any guy with little to no experience. Not only do you miss important rites of passages, but you will come into a hostile environment that will eat you alive while you try and build experience with women.

You also have the Black & Red pillers having this personal vendetta over a particular type of woman because they were screwed over by that type in the past.

 

[SW15]

I think a lot of men that struggle/struggled in dating because they skipped out on building experience with females in Middle & High School for other priorities.

This is true. I think this has gotten more common in the last 30 years with more competitive college admissions and more of a parental focus on building a list of activities that impresses college admissions officers.

We were sold this myth that HS is BS and that getting laid in college is easy for the average men when it is hard mode for any guy with little to no experience. Not only do you miss important rites of passages, but you will come into a hostile environment that will eat you alive while you try and build experience with women.

High school social standing doesn't matter as much on a college campus. That's a true statement.

I think your assessment is correct. Average tier looking men who didn't have much high school mating environment experience will find the adjustment to the mating environment on a college campus to be difficult. The guys who lacked high school mating environment experience were generally the guys who were mostly or universally rejected by females in high school. Some of the males from all-male high schools fit into this category if they didn't have good social ties with girls (usually from their K-8 years) at the all-female high schools near their all-male high schools.

Most college campuses are going to be hostile environments for trying to learn the mating environment from a starting point of zero or essentially zero.

This forum has an excellent resource on sex lives on college campuses for those interested. The bottom line from this thread is that college sex is not going to be easy to get for most college males.

Observations about college sex life from someone that went to a party school.

I thought I'd share this as someone who went to a party school and was in a fraternity there as well. Not wanting to give too much about myself but I went to UGA and graduated a few years ago. While Athens has its hot girls, I do feel like the quality got worse every year due to the admission...

www.sosuave.net

 

[Manure Spherian]

Red pillers

Gynocentric, hooting and hollering, deranged, middle-aged madmen!

 

[Barrister]

Every man has missed opportunities in their past, I get that.

But not every man has the same reason of why they squandered the opportunity.

There are very few men who squandered an opportunity specifically because he had been repeatedly told no girl would ever want him.

And how do you know this? Sounds like a blanket statement that you are making based upon absolutely zero evidence.

There are plenty of kids who were told they would "never get girls" growing up. Picked on by others. And plenty of them turned out fine. Some even became full fledged DJs. I know because when I was younger I was a bit of an introvert, nerdy type which would probably surprise people that know me today. There were a couple of kids in particular who loved to go at me during my middle school days.

Your problem is the same as you always have. You are constantly looking to make an excuse for why you can't get women and think you are operating under some type of special circumstance that no one else can understand. I won't proclaim to understand personally the struggles of autism, but the frustrating part is you just flat out don't listen to any advice and constantly look for ways to tell everyone why they are wrong and you are right.

Adopt a different mindset. You may be surprised at the results.

 

[SW15]

Adopt a different mindset. You may be surprised at the results.

Multiple posters have told this thread's OP that he needs to fix his mindset.

He will also need improvements in all 3 categories of Rollo's "money, muscles, and game" statement.

 

[Barrister]

Multiple posters have told this thread's OP that he needs to fix his mindset.

He will also need improvements in all 3 categories of Rollo's "money, muscles, and game" statement.

Yep. And I have been one of those posters previously. He is always looking for an excuse.

 

[SW15]

And I have been one of those posters previously.

I have been one of them as well.

He is always looking for an excuse.

There are times where certain excuses can be legitimate. However, at a certain point, everything is water under the bridge as @Clockwerk50 said earlier in the thread. Sometimes, a situation can get so bad that a man needs to break everything and start from scratch building himself back.

OP is on the autism spectrum, which is a major issue for males in "money, muscle, and game", particularly the game component of that.

When I was in college, I knew a guy who was diagnosed as Asperger's back during his childhood in the 1990s. In the 1990s-2000s, Asperger's was a separate diagnosis, not changing until 2013.

When Asperger's was a separate diagnosis, it was known as higher functioning autism.

My college classmate that was Aspie was able to seduce women during high school and college. He eventually got married and remains married to this day. Even before marriage, he had some lengthier relationships. Despite being Aspie, he put up a solid notch count in the mating marketplace over the years.

 

[GoodMan32]

Your example doesn't qualify based on numerous reasons.

1. It is unknown if she actually would have gone out on a date with you. Even if she had gone out on a date with you, the whole interaction might have been 1-2 sexless dates and no LTR. You also likely overrated her signals. It's common for even neurotypical men to overrate most women's signals.

2. You have had sex with 9 different women from the conventional mating market since this happened. You were never able to build momentum off of those 9 different women. I don't think this would have been any different under the highly unlikely, best case scenario.

3. You are on the autism spectrum and that makes it difficult to be successful with attracting, seducing, and retaining women.





It is true that all men will have some woman in their lives that they wish they had pursued. This is even true if they didn't get any IOIs from a woman. In high school, there were girls on the cheer/dance team that I wish I had pursued. Some of these females didn't even show me the slightest IOI. In high school, a cheer/dance team consists of the highest social standing and some of the best looking females in the school. It's a good idea to take your shot with as many of them as possible.

Many men do look back at times and lament the missed opportunity. It's best not to dwell on it. I haven't dwelled on any cheer/dance girls that I didn't ask out back in high school. I have occasionally checked the social media profiles of a few of the cheer girls and have seen instances of declining looks.

The solution to this issue can be boiled down to a quote from Rollo Tomassi.

"Money, muscles, and game"

Muscles are the best solution to opportunities with women, especially under age 35-40. Looks are the #1 factor in seduction. Building a great physique will create opportunities. Women might show more IOIs pre-approach, women might swipe right more often, and women might also accept more date offers due to a good physique. Focus on building muscle. @BPH has been successful with women because of his physique (and to a lesser extent, personality).

Game refers to elements of personality. It is your charisma, risk taking in making the approach, etc. There are always opportunities to improve.

Money isn't something I need to explain.

If a man does well on money, muscles, and game, he will miss few opportunities and he will have more opportunities.

Money, muscles, and game.

Ok, I fully admit it's possible I overrated her signals.

If, for argument's sake, we were to operate on the premise that she was genuinely into me, here's where the difference lied between her and the 9 free partners I failed to maintain: Blondie already knew me. 8 of my 9 free partners, on the other hand, didn't know me ahead of time.

Shooting your shot with cheerleaders who never gave any IOIs sounds like a failing strategy. Unless you yourself are on the top of the social food chain, you aren't getting a cheerleader.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Ok, I fully admit it's possible I overrated her signals.

This crap with Blondie happened back in HS, and you're now in your 3rd decade of life, hoss. What steps are you taking TODAY(and I mean "today" as in "this day right now")to be more sociable out in reality?

Are you getting off those Incel/MGTOW forums, throwing on fresh clothes, combing your hair, and going out into the fresh air and sunlight for at least an hour? While doing so, are you walking into shops, the library, etc etc and saying "Yo" to the staff, possibly even asking "How's the day been going?" Small as these steps sound, you'll be doing more than 75% of the male population is doing on this front, if so

 

[SW15]

I fully admit it's possible I overrated her signals.

Signal reading is tough. Many neurotypical males fail with this. The natural tendency for men is to overrate signals.

If, for argument's sake, we were to operate on the premise that she was genuinely into me, here's where the difference lied between her and the 9 free partners I failed to maintain: Blondie already knew me. 8 of my 9 free partners, on the other hand, didn't know me ahead of time.

High school is a bit of a bubble in the mating environment. College (also a bubble environment) only somewhat resembles it. The mating environment that most working age, post schooling men face isn't one that resembles high school.

Shooting your shot with cheerleaders who never gave any IOIs sounds like a failing strategy. Unless you yourself are on the top of the social food chain, you aren't getting a cheerleader.

I could have done more to get cheerleaders aware of me. It's possible that they could have been more into me had I made myself more known. While that has been a passing thought over the years since high school, it isn't something that I have dwelled upon in any meaningful way.

 

[GoodMan32]

And how do you know this? Sounds like a blanket statement that you are making based upon absolutely zero evidence.

There are plenty of kids who were told they would "never get girls" growing up. Picked on by others. And plenty of them turned out fine. Some even became full fledged DJs. I know because when I was younger I was a bit of an introvert, nerdy type which would probably surprise people that know me today. There were a couple of kids in particular who loved to go at me during my middle school days.

Your problem is the same as you always have. You are constantly looking to make an excuse for why you can't get women and think you are operating under some type of special circumstance that no one else can understand. I won't proclaim to understand personally the struggles of autism, but the frustrating part is you just flat out don't listen to any advice and constantly look for ways to tell everyone why they are wrong and you are right.

Adopt a different mindset. You may be surprised at the results.

I didn't say it never happens to any other guy. All I know is I was uniquely known (in high school) as the guy where girls dreaded finding out they were my crush.

If it were really as common as you're making it sound for dudes to be told no girl will ever want him, there wouldn't have been such a unique stigma toward me in high school (as plenty of other male classmates would have been in the same boat)

Not everyone who's bullied/nerdy in school is told they'll never get girls by the way.

I have been one of them as well.



There are times where certain excuses can be legitimate. However, at a certain point, everything is water under the bridge as @Clockwerk50 said earlier in the thread. Sometimes, a situation can get so bad that a man needs to break everything and start from scratch building himself back.

OP is on the autism spectrum, which is a major issue for males in "money, muscle, and game", particularly the game component of that.

When I was in college, I knew a guy who was diagnosed as Asperger's back during his childhood in the 1990s. In the 1990s-2000s, Asperger's was a separate diagnosis, not changing until 2013.

When Asperger's was a separate diagnosis, it was known as higher functioning autism.

My college classmate that was Aspie was able to seduce women during high school and college. He eventually got married and remains married to this day. Even before marriage, he had some lengthier relationships. Despite being Aspie, he put up a solid notch count in the mating marketplace over the years.

I'd be curious to know what your classmate's secret was to get cooch despite being an autist (I myself am in the same place as him on the spectrum; I was told by a professional I have Asperger's back when they still made the distinction)

Doing the math of the time period when you were in college, I don't think Craigslist casual sex (my college method) was popular yet.

 

[BaronOfHair]

All I know is I was uniquely known (in high school) as the guy where girls dreaded finding out they were my crush.

Was it

-Walking the halls with a ferret's skull around your neck

Or

-Offering to buy these girls's panties off them, PROVIDED they'd decorated said garments with at least 3 skidmarks

That led them to conclude: "There's Something off about that guy"?

 

[SW15]

I'd be curious to know what your classmate's secret was to get cooch despite being an autist (I myself am in the same place as him on the spectrum; I was told by a professional I have Asperger's back when they still made the distinction)

I think settings with alcohol helped him. I know of some college parties where he got laid when he had been drinking and the woman had been drinking as well.

He did bar approaching for many years once he turned 21.

He did eventually move to swipe apps when swipe apps were invented.

Doing the math of the time period when you were in college, I don't think Craigslist casual sex (my college method) was popular yet.

I was in college from 2001-2005 as I have mentioned in previous posts.

Craigslist started its casual encounters section in 2000 per this article below.

A New Twist in the Story of Craigslist Sex

A New Twist in the Story of Craigslist Sex

www.huffpost.com

I think it had gained some popularity while I was in college. Online dating as a whole was de-stigmatizing during the 2001-2005 era. Match, Yahoo Personals, and eHarmony were major players in those years. Both Plenty of Fish and OkCupid launched while I was in college, though neither were popular on college campuses because most people on college campuses were still meeting in the real world.

Craigslist always had a reputation for being the dumpster dive of the mating environment.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Craigslist always had a reputation for being the dumpster dive of the mating environment.

Depended on what your mission was

 

[GoodMan32]

This crap with Blondie happened back in HS, and you're now in your 3rd decade of life, hoss. What steps are you taking TODAY(and I mean "today" as in "this day right now")to be more sociable out in reality?

Are you getting off those Incel/MGTOW forums, throwing on fresh clothes, combing your hair, and going out into the fresh air and sunlight for at least an hour? While doing so, are you walking into shops, the library, etc etc and saying "Yo" to the staff, possibly even asking "How's the day been going?" Small as these steps sound, you'll be doing more than 75% of the male population is doing on this front, if so

The organized singles events are making me more comfortable with the opposite sex.

As for today specifically, I told a girl who works in my office building's cafe I'm attracted to her today (and no, not the cafe girl I have a thread about)

Incel forums? The world's #1 incel forum turned down my request to join because I've had free sex before.

Unless it's a day where I spike my hair up, I comb my hair. I spend some time outside daily. Always wear clean clothes.

Was it

-Walking the halls with a ferret's skull around your neck

Or

-Offering to buy these girls's panties off them, PROVIDED they'd decorated said garments with at least 3 skidmarks

That led them to conclude: "There's Something off about that guy"?

No, simply being an autist was why girls dreaded finding out they were my crush.

I think settings with alcohol helped him. I know of some college parties where he got laid when he had been drinking and the woman had been drinking as well.

He did bar approaching for many years once he turned 21.

He did eventually move to swipe apps when swipe apps were invented.



I was in college from 2001-2005 as I have mentioned in previous posts.

Craigslist started its casual encounters section in 2000 per this article below.

A New Twist in the Story of Craigslist Sex

A New Twist in the Story of Craigslist Sex

www.huffpost.com

I think it had gained some popularity while I was in college. Online dating as a whole was de-stigmatizing during the 2001-2005 era. Match, Yahoo Personals, and eHarmony were major players in those years. Both Plenty of Fish and OkCupid launched while I was in college, though neither were popular on college campuses because most people on college campuses were still meeting in the real world.

Craigslist always had a reputation for being the dumpster dive of the mating environment.

I am fascinated to learn Craigslist launched the casual encounters section in 2000.

Still, I'd venture to guess 2012 (the year I began using Craigslist casual encounters) was a much different environment than 2001-2005 Craigslist. By 2012, most had smartphones (even though I didn't yet), which meant I could pretty much communicate with a woman on Craigslist at any time (whereas in 2001-05, she'd need to physically be on her computer)

The fact I never attended a college party could at least partially explain the difference between your autist classmate and myself.