"Is It Over?"

[LostAndConfused]

went out on a couple of dates with this broad, then I was extremely sick but still called her for some reason (no idea why), and we talked for 5-10 minutes and the phone call ended bad,

then she called me up again right after that saying sorry for whatever she did,, i dont remember i think she was talking about how she was sorry that she wouldnt be available in the next weekend nd sorry that the conversation ended pretty bad. i think she thought i was mad that she wouldnt be available, but honestly i dont really care, so i just made some funny C+F remark and ended the convo.

fast forward a week and a half (almost), she hasnt initiated any conversation. i'm still interested in the girl but i've done a good job in forgetting about her, however i still want closure. after that, she's NEXTed for good, and i'll be patient till the next opportunity with a girl arises.

should i wait a little while longer or ask her something saying "is it over"? trust me, I KNOW it sounds AFC-ish but whats there to lose? i want to learn from my mistakes so i can better myself......so maybe she'll tell me what went wrong.

if you have a different approach pls tell, as long as its not a joke.

thanks

 

[MotownMack]

whatever you do, don't ask her "is it over". By doing so, you transfer the power over to her. It absolutely communicates to her that you've been sitting around thinking about it like a puppy dog with sad little eyes.

There are a million and one ways that it might be possible to rekindle this, and no offense, but you happen to pick the worst one I can imagine. And you obviously know that, because you called it AFCish yourself. It totally is.

It's not so much about "what do you have to lose", it's more like if you're going to bother trying to move things forward, then say something that is likely to get you to win.

Personally, I would contact her with something innocuous, with no mention of the last phone call or that you're trying to patch things up. What exactly that is, will be up to you, but it shouldn't be that hard. It's not even that important what you say-If she is still interested, she will at least respond.

 

[Mavrick]

You're giving up because it's the easy way out. Take the hard way and see what you can learn from this. Don't do ANYTHING AFC. Not one thing.

Don't call her. Let her call you. Let her wonder what has happened to you. Do next her and don't end it. Stop obsessing over her and women in general.

Also, stop looking at getting with the next woman as an opportunity for you. It's an opportunity for her to get to know a great guy, and she needs to work to get you. If she doesn't want to work, she's done you a favor by giving you more time for what ever else you want to do.

Just have fun because that's all she's wanting. Not one single girl in this world wants to be caged or have tabs kept on her. The whole thing is free. She is free becomes a part of your life on her own. Let it run it's course without trying so damn hard.

 

[LostAndConfused]

ok yeah i know it sounds stupid but the reasoning behind asking her that was to man up and tossing away my chances with this girl to learn and better myself for the future......but thanks to a friend's pm I realized that it would only confuse her if I flat out ask her.

but motown and mavrick said opposite things.....they both make logical sense

On one hand, contact her and it would immediately reveal if she's interested or not by her response,

Or on the other hand, wait for her response, which would help build interest by making myself scarce and having her wonder what I've been up to.

So I have no clue what to do. If the relationship works out, great. If it doesn't, at least let me learn what I did wrong to lose interest, then I'm happy.

And mavrick, your right, it is a great opportunity to get to know me....girls just don't see it that way (yet).

 

[MotownMack]

but motown and mavrick said opposite things.....they both make logical sense

Truth be told, I probably agree with Mavarick in my true feelings about your situation, more than I disagree. A bigger part of me does feel like if you're really not into this girl, and she is a place holder at best, then why do you feel need closure? But I have gotten pretty good at telling when a poster is hell bent on doing something. So rather than try to talk you out of sending the message at all, I thought you'd best be served by sending a more productive message (IMHO).

at least let me learn what I did wrong to lose interest

Fair enough, it sounds good theory. But then reality comes crashing down, it has a nasty habit of doing that. That reality is, what makes you think this chick is going to tell you-or more importantly be honest with you-about why she isn't contacting you anymore?

In my AFC days, I literally painted girls into a complete corner trying to find out what they were really thinking, only to watch them lie to the bitter end, in the name of avoiding confrontation or uncomfortable discussions. And not just girls I went on a few dates with-girls who should have respected me enough to give an honest explanation.

More often than not, when the interest level is low-so is respect, loyalty and everything else. That's why I never usually ask why they're no longer interested, because you don't usually get the whole story or accurate information.

If you wanna hear things like "Oh, I've been really busy" or "I'm just going through some personal stuff right now" or "It's not you, it's me"... then be my guest, if you call that "closure".

Anyway, I am little confused by this thread- the way it reads, it sounds she was worried you were mad at her, you kinda stopped the contact. And rather than freezing her out, it reversed itself and now you are the one left feeling rejected? I am not sure if this is what happened, but I wouldn't be surprised because this has backfired on me before too. More information is needed though.

 

[LostAndConfused]

Lol I'm a little confused too...shows how girls aren't logical at all.

Honestly I don't know what to make of the situation, nothing I've read on seduction covers this...i probably just haven't read the right stuff. I've assumed she's not interested....BUT....

..she WAS worried if I was mad at her. Thats why she called back. Thats what makes this whole thing so confusing. Thats obviously an IOI, plus things she's said recently in the past, plus I ended the call light heartedly with something funny as I said before...not a big deal, but last impressions do make a difference, right?

and I DID freeze her out, mainly because I felt like I was about to start chasing too much (although she has been giving in), I thought I'd give her a chance to pursue ME. I felt that there was DEFINITELY enough interest at the time.

So why hasn't she texted or called? Logically that means she lost all interest but the way the last convo worked out it didn't seem THAT bad. She would at least give me another chance to fvck things up before she pulls a LJBF or some other major rejection line.

Plus, shes not the slvtty type who would just toss a guy out and start seeing the next man on the list.


anyone know what to make of this?

 

[MotownMack]

I once learned the hard way that completely freezing out is a tricky concept. There are essentially two pre-requisites that need to be met, and I suggest you don't it in the future unless both of them are fulfilled:

1) That you are completely prepared not to hear from this girl ever again are ok with it. (doesn't sound like you were, and best to have something else on the burner so that you don't think about it)

2) She has to have a high enough interest level for this to work (obviously, you kind of already knew this was one of the reasons it may not have worked).

Using jealousy-which I try to avoid because it's a seriously negative emotion (one of the ugliest)-also falls into this category. There has to be sufficient interest for it to work, end of story.

Also, I don't have a context, but her asking if you were mad is not necessarily an IOI. I've seen girls ask this to gauge the effectiveness of their sh1t testing, too. It's tough to say, since I didn't hear the conversation or the tone of her voice, but that could be the case.

At this point, I am really thinking you sound more vested in this girl than you realized, and if you're ok with not talking to her, then just let it go. You will probably just be reopening the case if you do.

But if you seriously feel the need to speak to here again, do what I mentioned earlier. Inquire about something trivial or light, and see where it goes.

Another one I've used in the past-which will sound really cheesy, but usually works to innocently initiate conversation- is to send a text that looks accidental, like it was intended for someone else. Something that will look completely nonsensical to her, and she is like to respond to with "hey, did you mean to send this to someone else?"... I have only done this 2 or 3 times, but it was a good way to turn the conversation into "Oh, sorry, you're in my phone as Samantha, right next to my buddy Sam. But I must warn you, if you used the information you just received in any way, I will be forced to kill you."

 

[Mavrick]

I was where you are once. Every single girl that did me wrong, I just wanted to next her. That's not needed in every single situation. Hell, it's not needed in most situations. All you should do is back off. Stop trying to draw her in. Every single time I've done this, the girl ended up chasing me. Every single time.

It's happened over and over. Once they don't have you fetching for their bone anymore, and you have disappeared, they come looking for you and want you more than ever.

The trick to this is:
You must not want it anymore. You don't have to tell any woman that it's over. You don't have to do jack sh1t.

I have no doubt that you want to tell this girl that "it's over" because you're looking for an outcome. You're wanting her to come to come running back to you.

When you're truly done with her, you haven't really responded, and you haven't told her what's up in a good length of time, they'll ALWAYS come running. Like I said you have to be done with her to be able to play this game.

A woman that doesn't call isn't really that impressive anyway, so you should be good and ready to move on and just back the F off. Don't give her an inch until she comes running, and when she does, just keep doing what you've been doing without her all along. Do not drop everything for her.

This is a perfect chance for you to play the game and see what success you can have.

 

[DonJuan11]

should i wait a little while longer or ask her something saying "is it over"? trust me, I KNOW it sounds AFC-ish but whats there to lose?

I was selling my house the other day and the buyer was interested at first but then he didn't contact me for two weeks even though he knew my phone number and how to contact me. I phoned him up and said "Are you still going to make an offer on what I have to sell? Can you tell me what I didn't do right?" He told me where to go.

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Ouch, what do you mean Barq's has bite?

 

[LostAndConfused]

Yeah i admit, i'm slightly caught up on her. its because of my available options right now but this has nothing to do with the thread.

I'm still getting mixed responses....should I initiate and text her or wait for her to text me?

It's been exactly a week and a half now, and she hasn't contacted me. I'm beginning to think I should move my camp somewhere else, and work on getting done with her.

 

[romangod]

It's been exactly a week and a half now, and she hasn't contacted me. I'm beginning to think I should move my camp somewhere else, and work on getting done with her.

That's probably your best option. It's no longer about her but about you. Time to move on. Cheers!