Is it ok to ask why?

[thirdtimescharm]

you may be hooking up with other chicks, but the fact that you're getting all upset about one girl who doesn't like you tells me that your personality could still use some work. Not every girl has to like you. And just because she doesn't like you doesn't necessarily mean that you need to change anything about yourself; you just need to find someone else.

I won't argue that my personality couldn't use some work (maybe a lot)! Still, I wouldn't say I'm "upset" as much as intensely curious to know more about how this stuff works. I did think of myself as a pretty good judge of how women feel about me, but I guess the more women I meet, the more I will find women who I can't read. I've had a couple of these experiences lately (admittedly with much younger women) where I've met them, had a good time, got a great kiss to end the night, and then no follow up. Maybe I should be going for more right then and there. Transitioning, I guess...

 

[DonJuan11]

So you go out on a date on a Friday and things go really well (ore so you are led to believe). Before the date is over, you make the plan for the next date the a week later on Saturday. On Wednesday, you call to confirm, and get voice mail. A day later, still no call back.

At what point is there any value in calling back again? If nothing else, if you are getting blown off, is it ok (if you get voice mail again) to say something to the effect of, if you don't want to see me again, I have no problem with that, but just for future reference, I'd like to know why?

Sort of like what Scott Baio did on his reality series with old girlfriends..

Who the heck is Scott Baio?

DON'T EVER phone back and ask "why don't you want to see me again?"

Imagine if a girl was really into you and you didn't like her after the first date. Then she phoned and said "If you don't want to see me again, can you tell me why?" Would you phone back and say "Because you don't turn me on enough"

 

[AFC Savior]

the real question is, what did you and her do on the 1st date?? did you give her an intense makeout session? did you fvck her till she moaned and came? did you just act like a nice guy and give her a hug goodnight??

hmmmm option 3 seems very likely for you based on how you sound in this thread

 

[penkitten]

scott baio was the dreamest!
i want...
charles
in charge
of my days
and my nights.....

 

[thirdtimescharm]

the real question is, what did you and her do on the 1st date?? did you give her an intense makeout session? did you fvck her till she moaned and came? did you just act like a nice guy and give her a hug goodnight??

hmmmm option 3 seems very likely for you based on how you sound in this thread

We spent 3 hours eating and drinking, and then changed venues for another 3 hours of very intimate conversation and more drinks, with much kino both ways. At midnight (we went out at early specifically because of the kid), she said she had to get home because of the sitter, I drove her back, and had a really good long kiss before it was over.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

So maybe I just blew it and had all the signs to take her in the back seat of the car?

 

[thirdtimescharm]

DON'T EVER phone back and ask "why don't you want to see me again?"

Imagine if a girl was really into you and you didn't like her after the first date. Then she phoned and said "If you don't want to see me again, can you tell me why?" Would you phone back and say "Because you don't turn me on enough"

When you put it that way, I see your point. Though if anyone ever did do that, it isn't hard to say "I just didn't feel any chemistry between us."

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

scott baio was the dreamest!
i want...
charles
in charge
of my days
and my nights.....

You had me worried for a second there Pen; thought you were going to have the hots for Chachi.... "Waa, waa, waa..."

Please say that you're old enough to know what the hell I am talking about....

 

[penkitten]

You had me worried for a second there Pen; thought you were going to have the hots for Chachi.... "Waa, waa, waa..."

Please say that you're old enough to know what the hell I am talking about....

i remember when joanie loved chachi and the cunninghams were always annoyed until the fonz would come in and say "ayeeeee!!!!" then the audience would clap .

 

[thirdtimescharm]

So, she finally does call me last night and I was out with two other women at a movie so I missed the call and the message she leaves is such bull...she says "sorry I just got your message but I'm not a stander-upper, even though I just got stood up....blah blah blah, but, I just don't think maybe it's a good idea, be well and have a good night."

So, rather than stand me up, she called and gave me a lame non-excuse for standing me up. She's a loser.

 

[Mr. Me]

But is there anything I can do at this point, if I want to try to get her to un-flake?

No, the horse is already out of the barn. The way to "unflake" a woman is to prevent it from happening in the first place. Women flake when they don't have sufficient interest. So, you lost her during the first date, if she even had that much interest in the first place.

Reading your other posted dating experiences, I'd have to say that you probably come across as rushing things. First dates on prime weekend nights and asking for the next date while you're still on the first date = rushing things. You probably come across that way in other aspects during the date too, it's hard to tell without being a fly on the wall.

But obviously her getting turned off happened during the first date.