is it ok to ask where the relationship is going?

[Backwardsman]

hi all,

just a question, is it ok to ask the girl where things are heading?

i have been seeing this girl for just under 3 months, she initiates everything, calls, texts, always comes to my house etc - when she does come it gets very sexual and heated.

went on holiday last week with my mates, she text me all the time saying she is missing me etc, phoning me....

so, again, is it ok to ask her where we are heading relationship wise?

thanks

 

[BigSmooth]

hi all,

just a question, is it ok to ask the girl where things are heading?

i have been seeing this girl for just under 3 months, she initiates everything, calls, texts, always comes to my house etc - when she does come it gets very sexual and heated.

went on holiday last week with my mates, she text me all the time saying she is missing me etc, phoning me....

so, again, is it ok to ask her where we are heading relationship wise?

thanks

1. Where do you want it to head?

2. Can you see yourself with her long-term?

3. Do you both have good communication in y'alls current "relationship"?

4. Has she ever hinted she wanted something more?

 

[Backwardsman]

1 - not sure to be honest lol
2 - potentially, i know very vague lol
3 - yes very
4 - kinda, not directly, someone at work asked her where her boyfriend was last week, joking around as everyone knows at work we are seeing each other, (whilst i was on holiday) she said he is on holiday....

 

[BigSmooth]

At this point then I would just continue on what you are doing. I wouldn't mention it to her. If what you are doing is currently working well, I think the introduction of that "long term" aspect will potentially affect the current situation (whether in a good or bad way...I don't know). Seems like you're both having a good time so I would just continue on with that. If you later on start to develop more feelings for her, or if you can clearly tell she's looking for more, then I would voice it out.

 

[Backwardsman]

nice yeah, when you said where do you want it to head, i actually thought no where lol... we will see what happens....

cheers

 

[Zarky]

OP, no offense my man, but what in the world would prompt you to be asking questions like that? That's some girly sh*t.

"Where are we headed?"
"Do you see us getting married, huh, huh do ya?"
"Are we gonna bee together foreeeever?"

Come on man get your sh*t together. Go out and bang 6 more chicks before the month is up.

Are you a teenager?

 

[TheException]

then I would voice it out.

He11 No^

Relationships are best when brought up by the woman, and thats the way it should be. You should be seeing as many chicks as possible and screening each. When a woman brings up exclusivity, it is then up to you to decide. Dont even think about relationships....it will be the death of this relationship with this plate. I wrote a post on this...look it up. Its all mentality/mindset

 

[BigSmooth]

then I would voice it out.

He11 No^

Relationships are best when brought up by the woman, and thats the way it should be. You should be seeing as many chicks as possible and screening each. When a woman brings up exclusivity, it is then up to you to decide. Dont even think about relationships....it will be the death of this relationship with this plate. I wrote a post on this...look it up. Its all mentality/mindset

Very one dimensional. This is advice I would heed in your own peril.

Yeah sure having the woman "bring up being exclusive" is ideal, but a lot of the stronger relationships I have seen were when the men actually brought it up.

There's no shame in confidently voicing out your opinions about the relationship. That's one of the wonders of being a man. You can say what you want to say...if you want something then take it. It does not make you "girly" or any other subjective clown adjectives to shoot down your manhood.

 

[j0504s]

hi all,

just a question, is it ok to ask the girl where things are heading?

i have been seeing this girl for just under 3 months, she initiates everything, calls, texts, always comes to my house etc - when she does come it gets very sexual and heated.

went on holiday last week with my mates, she text me all the time saying she is missing me etc, phoning me....

so, again, is it ok to ask her where we are heading relationship wise?

thanks

Honestly, I would not ask that...What do you want? that is the question...Be a MAN and lead it int he direction you want it to...Its a very WEAK question to ask, as man you should know what you want and the road to achieve it (ambition/Drive for sucess)...This question can only shoot you in the foot...If you do ask, it will get her thinking negtaivly...you alrdy have her hooked...DO WHAT YOU WANT. YOU ARE A MAN. You DONT NEED TO ASK!!!!

Keep Spinning,

J0504S

 

[JoeMarron]

You're doing great so far OP. She's clearly far more interested than you are. Don't fk it up by asking questions like that. Sure a man could do it if he really wants to but its just not the optimal way to go about doing it.

 

[TheException]

Very one dimensional. This is advice I would heed in your own peril.

One dimensional? Im guessing youd advocate for women to be in the NBA and for science to find a way to let men bear children....because those are "one dimensional".

Yeah sure having the woman "bring up being exclusive" is ideal, but a lot of the stronger relationships I have seen were when the men actually brought it up.

No sh1t it's ideal. OP...do you NOT want optimal advice or are you posting for second rate advice?

There's no shame in confidently voicing out your opinions about the relationship. That's one of the wonders of being a man. You can say what you want to say...if you want something then take it.

Say what you want? Hey pal, thats exactly what has lead struggling betas to these forums....because their nice guys that think if they just say whats on their mind and spill their guts that women will actually like them. They dont understand why after they spill their feelings, that the woman leaves them and gets her hole plugged elsewhere. Its all about the mindset pal.

OP you need to see yourself as the PRIZE. She should be the one lucky enough to spend time with you...lucky enough to get her hole penetrated by you...lucky enough to even garner your attention. SHE SHOULD CHASE YOU. You should be totally satisfied with her as things are, and should have no doubt that she wants you. Rid yourself of fears/insecurities that say "She will cheat on me if i dont get her into a relationship". If a relationship is to spring up...let it. Dont ruin it by pouring out your feelings like some beta chump. It will come when she knows you can catch any girl you want...and she decides she wants to lock you down.....that son IS IDEAL ADVICE. Follow it.

 

[BigSmooth]

Very one dimensional. This is advice I would heed in your own peril.

One dimensional? Im guessing youd advocate for women to be in the NBA and for science to find a way to let men bear children....because those are "one dimensional".

Yeah I'm actually the President of the One Dimensional Society of America.

Yeah sure having the woman "bring up being exclusive" is ideal, but a lot of the stronger relationships I have seen were when the men actually brought it up.

No sh1t it's ideal. OP...do you NOT want optimal advice or are you posting for second rate advice?

Ideal as in the easiest way something that can. And obviously he wants ideal advice...which is why I am giving him some advice he can actually apply in the real world.

There's no shame in confidently voicing out your opinions about the relationship. That's one of the wonders of being a man. You can say what you want to say...if you want something then take it.

Say what you want? Hey pal, thats exactly what has lead struggling betas to these forums....because their nice guys that think if they just say whats on their mind and spill their guts that women will actually like them. They dont understand why after they spill their feelings, that the woman leaves them and gets her hole plugged elsewhere. Its all about the mindset pal.

You really do not understand do you? I'm telling the OP to take charge and voice his desires in a confident and assertive way.

Sounds like you have more than your fair share of first hand experience of "spilling guts" and "betaness".

OP you need to see yourself as the PRIZE. She should be the one lucky enough to spend time with you...lucky enough to get her hole penetrated by you...lucky enough to even garner your attention. SHE SHOULD CHASE YOU. You should be totally satisfied with her as things are, and should have no doubt that she wants you. Rid yourself of fears/insecurities that say "She will cheat on me if i dont get her into a relationship". If a relationship is to spring up...let it. Dont ruin it by pouring out your feelings like some beta chump. It will come when she knows you can catch any girl you want...and she decides she wants to lock you down.....that son IS IDEAL ADVICE. Follow it.

Yeah this is elementary...let's move on to some real advice.




TO THE OP:

What women want: A guy who takes charge in a relationship and lays down the law of how the relationship will progress through his actions and words. A guy who has his own mind and desires.


What The Exception wants you to do:Wait for the girl to do everything in the relationship and let her decide when the relationship will move on to a new level.



I'm not telling the OP to ASK his girl about the relationship...I'm telling the OP to confidently voice out how he wants the relationship to go.


If you can't communicate in any relationship, might as well cut your balls off and make a necklace out of it.

 

[Zarky]

BigSmooth, you're 20 years old. No offense but you know nothing. Read more, advise less.

There's no shame in confidently voicing out your opinions about the relationship. That's one of the wonders of being a man. You can say what you want to say...if you want something then take it. It does not make you "girly" or any other subjective clown adjectives to shoot down your manhood.

Straw-man argument. The OP wasn't asking if he should "confidently voice his opinions," he asked:

is it ok to ask her where we are heading relationship wise?

While I agree that men should not be afraid to state their desires (usually), the OP was talking about something completely different. Nowhere in any of your posts did you address his question -- instead you just talked about some tangentially related opinions of yours.

is it ok to ask her where we are heading relationship wise?

This is not "confidently voicing one's opinion," this is asking a girly question in a girly way and should be avoided at all costs.

 

[SteepleChase]

Yeah I'm actually the President of the One Dimensional Society of America.



Ideal as in the easiest way something that can. And obviously he wants ideal advice...which is why I am giving him some advice he can actually apply in the real world.


You really do not understand do you? I'm telling the OP to take charge and voice his desires in a confident and assertive way.

Sounds like you have more than your fair share of first hand experience of "spilling guts" and "betaness".



Yeah this is elementary...let's move on to some real advice.




TO THE OP:

What women want: A guy who takes charge in a relationship and lays down the law of how the relationship will progress through his actions and words. A guy who has his own mind and desires.


What The Exception wants you to do:Wait for the girl to do everything in the relationship and let her decide when the relationship will move on to a new level.



I'm not telling the OP to ASK his girl about the relationship...I'm telling the OP to confidently voice out how he wants the relationship to go.


If you can't communicate in any relationship, might as well cut your balls off and make a necklace out of it.

I agree with BigSmooth.

In all the relationships that worked for me (in the end, I was the one to end them), there is NOTHING wrong with having the guy "ask" or "talk" about the relationship with his girl.

All the girls actually responded well to them. They told me they had thought about taking it to a new level but as the girl, wanted the guy to be the one to bring it up.

You all have a distorted view on being this supreme alpha which will get you nowhere...and will provide more problems than solutions.



@Zarky, re-read his post. He's clearly telling the OP to bring up the matter in a confident way, supporting the OP's decision to ask.

@OP, looks like your relationship is going fine. You don't even know if you want to be around her long-term, so don't bring it up. Ignorance is bliss in this situation.

 

[zinc4]

Keep it light and fun like what you are doing.....no need to try and put a serious title on it until she starts pushing you and at that point you have a decision to make.....she should always be trying to lock you down, not the other way around...

to Big Smooth....guys who are relationship closers scream of inexperience with women in general...project some sort of need for a relationship...and are usually future beta provider material at best if the guy has his financial sh&t together that is....i just don't see the point in wanting to make it serious in the first place, especially if the guy is young...IMO that is or at least should be the woman's role to pursue...the guy should be the wild horse that the woman has to try and tie down...

but OP, i am assuming you are young....so as always try and meet other girls on the side...it's just a great habit in general....and if you are young...i wouldn't even consider a serious relationship if i were you...bang as many as possible...

 

[Atom Smasher]

How to cause yourself to greatly diminish in a woman's eyes: Ask her where this relationship is going.

Those words should never leave a man's lips. Orchestrate things to cause her to ask that question herself.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

In short: NO, it's not okay.

If you want an extended answer from me about WHY, here it is.

- Harry Wilmington

 

[DonJuanabe]

If you inquire about where things are going it means you don't know where they are going but believe the girl knows where things are going. From her point of view it means you're not in control, that you are not leading, that you are confused about how she feels despite all the positive signs she is giving you which means that you don't know how women communicate. All of these will decrease her interest in you.

If a girl is giving you positive signs (I don't mean BS so-called indicators of interest, I mean spreading her legs when she sees you, etc.) and you like the interaction and dates you are having, then leave it as it is. It is what it is and it's good, that's all that matters. A woman who really likes you will eventually inquire about your status as a couple because she wants it to be official so she can keep you -- just roll with it.

 

[nismo-4]

:nono:HELL TO THE NO.:nono:

Ask this question if you want your princess to go to another castle. Otherwise, don't do it. That's the woman's job.

Don't act like you have someting to lose when you get a girl. That essentially is illegal use of a pedestal. Get it? Got it? Good. Harry also helped you out. I just got to the point.

If it ain't broke, don't f**kin' fix it! That's my ruling.

Case closed. Leave my courtroom.