Update:
I feel a little better. Not much but a little. It really isnt that bad. The problem i mean. This is our WORST problem since the relationship... thats it.. She is fed up with waiting around for me. Im always keeping her waiting. Im late to everything thats just my nature. I noticed it was a problem after the fact. Ive made ammends to fix that for myself and not for her. I dont like to wait why should i make others?
She was a good girl. I thought... i got her after the party stage. Shes 24 and shes smart, shes not super HB100000. I dont care. But enough to keep me happy and the sex is beyond fine. It just escalated to the point of no return. She thinks because i got into my past about my mother that im going to be abusive because my mother was abusive. So not the case. Now her friends have twisted her thoughts over the course of the week while she parties and drinks.
I know shes getting trashed there poisioning her mind and pushing guys into her field of view to remove me from her thoughts. Its working. Last week it wasnt bad but every day that goes by it gets worse. And no ones doing anything. I know she misses me, i know she cares. Shes just been influcened. I fcuked up as well. But i belive the relationship is salvagable. No one cheated... i didnt, i could have i didnt. I belive she didnt up till when she stopped talking to me.
She said she didnt take anyone home but was open about flirting with other guys at the bar. (lame)..
I know i could ignore her and in 3 months, she will come back. But the door will be closed. Once i do disapear then im gone. Ive done it before. Hell when i called up the x of 3 years ago long distance, she was very happy to talk to me, in fact she wanted to come down and visit me. No thanks. But i did thank her for talking to me about this, she was really supportive.
So anyways my X finally responded to me online. 1am, ... yea... "errands". She said she couldnt do it anymore, she cant be with me im controlling ive caged her etc, she misses me but she cant. She wanted nothing to do with me at that point.
Then i told her, about how i wanted to see her today She said she was busy, and its better we don't. Then i said **** this **** the rules. I told her, i wanted to see her face, i wanted to take her to the park today. It was beautiful out. Its been rainy for weeks. I wanted to give her a small gift for her birthday its not much but i feel bad i missed it. (flowers $23 i spend more on alcohol when i go out). Then.. she said "you wanna take me to the park now? why didnt you ask me instead of just say your coming over and show up at my house?".
I asked her to be an adult, be civil. At this point i dont care if we date, i just wanna say my peace. Its not a big city and we will bump into each other if were out. Bars whatever. Be an adult i have so much to say but i only need 5mins if i cant say everything. She could see me at the bar, be with her friends laugh in my face after i tell her what i need to say. Why be in denial i want to express my feelings. After that i could give a shi-t. Thats one thing i never did in the relationship i always kept her guessing all the time. She said i never showed emotion i was a brick wall. I really want closure.
I told her if im annoying with phone calls, ims whatever. Give me my 5mins lemme give you your ****ing flowers. Take your cam i dont want it. And i ll disapear and she can suck whatever **** she wants.
Not really like that but similar.
She aggreed. We were going to meet up tonight, but not at my house (bad energy, watching her walk out the door would kill me) and she didnt wanna do it at hers. So i suggested the park but its late shes tired im exhausted. She aggreed. Tomorrow sometime in the afternoon, ( hope its nice) she will walk in the park with me, let me say what i need.
Its what i wanted, wish me luck. That alone makes me feel a little better.
p.s its 2:27 am and im so tired im not even gonna revise this whatever
