Is it my fault?

[Reed247]

I just joined this website about 2 weeks ago. I have been in a relationship with a girl for about 9 months. She is asian and she is not from the United States. We met one night last summer in 2004 and since then have been dating. The first 4 months of our relationship seemed to be delightful, and she would even invite me to concerts and anything she could do to please me. I had a horrible experience the year before. I dated a girl who was asian as well. We dated for about 7 months, and she admitted to me that she was an escort. I was shocked, heart broken. She was sleeping with tons of men and admitted it to me. When this new girl came along I didn't trust her fully because she was the same race. I was being judgemental. She said she was a Christian, and went to church every sunday.
I was so paranoid and suspicous with her the first few months, but I didn't let it show. I always enjoyed being with her. When winter hit and it was cold, I became nervous because I saw a picture that resembled the new girl on an escort website. I called her up and asked her if she had any involvement with escort agencies. I explained to her I was hurt before and just do not want to risk this. She was furious with me, and a fool I wise found out it was actually my ex-girlfriend in the pictures not the new girl I was dating. That happened around January. Now April, the relationship has not developed at all. It was at a high in December, and then all of the sudden it went down hill. She decided to act controlling, bossy, and break many dates with, making excuses like being to tired to go out, or sick. But she would continue to go out with me. I thought this was my girlfriend, someone who I dated for 9 months. Back in January when I accused her of this, I apologized for her about an hour or two on the phone. She accepted and I bought flowers and took her to dinner. She apoligized for over reacting. Ever since then though, she has been bossy, controlling, and rude. Although she continues to date me, it is only when it is convienient for her. I am not sure if this is because I was to nice with her, or if it roots back to January, and she feels she has the right to treat me like dirt. Either way I am having trouble getting over her because it hasn't officially ended, but she has been acting like a jerk towards me the past 3 months. No matter what I do, no sex, breaking dates, sees me only when it is ok for her to do so. I told her I loved her, she said she loved me, and still it continues to be an relationship which is leading now where.
Tonight I should be with her but she cancelled our date last night claiming to be sick, and she is to busy to see me saturday night. She says she will call me. I mean, After what I have been through with my past girflriend, why would it be so hard for her to deal with? Shouldn't a girlfriend be there for you after you have had a bad experience?
Is she being that selfish?
I have been a gentlemen and have been very good to her since we met, I don't understand why she has taken me for granted and has decided to crap all over me emotionally, in a subtle way. Does she secretely resent me for being a successfull american guy?
I think, I am the good looking guy, successfull guy, nice apartment, and I treat her so damn well, yet she breaks dates and is a piece of crap to me. Why? Should I bother with this girl anymore?
I did nothing but 1 mistake, I should be forgiven.

 

[LuvMyArmyMan]

One thing you have to learn about being a man: Its almost ALWAYS your fault.

And BTW, your girlfriend is f*cking you up the ass right now and you're bending down, grabbing your ankles and taking it.

 

[englishman]

dunno man, you asked her if she was a prostitute just because she was the same race as your ex prostitute gf, and then you said youd seen her on the web but it turned out not to be her but your ex? were you on drugs or something?

 

[( . )( . )]

how the fvck have you gotten away with 42 posts without someone picking up your stupidity?

Youve alot of reading to catch up on :kick:

 

[TedJustAdmitIt]

Yup...you accused her of being a prostitute and on top of that you couldn't even tell the difference between your new girlfriend and your ex when it came to a photo on a website.

I'll repeat that again incase you didn't hear it the first time...you accused her of being a prostitute and on top of that you couldn't even tell the difference between your new girlfriend and your ex when it came to a photo on a website.

Why is she acting the way she is?

Are you mental?

 

[diplomatic_lies]

Hey if some girl accused me of being a pimp because some guy on a pimp-related website was of the same race, I'd be flattered.

Actually, I'd dump her ass, but I'd still be flattered.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by LuvMyArmyMan
One thing you have to learn about being a man: Its almost ALWAYS your fault.

A couple of comments:

This is what feminist society tries to shove down our throats. I won't take it. If I'm not at fault, I'll let her know. If she can't handle being wrong, then she can handle taking the one-way highway out of my life.

____________________________________________________

A note to Reed247: You're acting like those girls with emotional baggage that we're told to avoid. You're basically acting like a woman "boohoo I got hurt before waah waah waah!" This is how woman react, not men. We take our sh1t and go on with our lives. You need to start acting like a man and

1) Don't get emotional about past bad experiences
2) Don't let her push you around, EVEN if you ARE wrong

You're wrong for acting paranoid, not trusting her, and generally acting like a big wuss.

She's wrong for treating you like dirt. She has no right to, even if you did mess up in the way mentioned above. She's being immature.

For the sake of your manhood, tell her that you were wrong, but she's wrong in the way she's been treating you. Then tell her to hit the road and leave with at least some dignity.


P.S. I just throught of something ironic. You said she's a Christian and goes to church every sunday? Well doesn't Christianity teach you to forgive? Isn't the philiosophy "turn the other cheek" and not "treat the one who wrong you like trash"? She's also being a hypocrite. Tell her there's more to Christianity than going to church. She's got to PRACTICE Christianity, not just profess it by saying she goes to church every sunday. I really dislike hypocrites.

 

[Reed247]

True but not true

I appreciate your comment, I think it is true that she has no right to treat me like dirt, and if she was a real Christian she should not be acting like a temptress and being a b*ch on wheels.
One thing that I disagree with is this "Acting like a woman with emotional baggage".
Some people have had rough past. That comment takes away from your other advice. Some people have been in combat, wars like Iraq, have seen a lot of negative things. Being a man does not mean you can not express your concerns emotionaly with a woman especially if the girl you knew and trusted ended up being something completely different.

 

[LongDrinkofWater]

So, you've been with her for 9 months. Thats a good amount of time to get to know and *trust* someone, only to reveal that you think there is the possibility she's an escort. That pissed her off (wether or not she showed it), and isn't going to forget it. Trust broken bigtime. Sounds to me that her mistrust of you is now beginning to manifest itself in her attitude towards you. Sounds like you were never very comfortable being with her anyway. Because you've been with her for a while, it will make it harder to get over, but I'd say distance yourself and be prepared to _next_ her.....

 

[DJDamage]

One thing that I disagree with is this "Acting like a woman with emotional baggage".
Some people have had rough past. That comment takes away from your other advice. Some people have been in combat, wars like Iraq, have seen a lot of negative things. Being a man does not mean you can not express your concerns emotionaly with a woman especially if the girl you knew and trusted ended up being something completely different.

I agree with TillTheEndOfTime. You should not vomit your emotions when you feel 'helpless' that is a woman's behaviour.

A man takes ACTION to fix a bad situation and says little.

When a woman sees a man acting like her, she will lose respect for you because you are being the helpless one instead of the heroic one.

Stop believing the relationship gurus out there saying that you will get closer to your women by expressing your concerns emotionally. You screwed up by thinking she was a prostitute and letting her know about it! Now she is resenful and your behaviour was nothing but feminine, she has you by the balls and you let her treat you this way.

Cut your losses man-up, break up with her and learn from this.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Re: True but not true

Originally posted by Reed247
I appreciate your comment, I think it is true that she has no right to treat me like dirt, and if she was a real Christian she should not be acting like a temptress and being a b*ch on wheels.
One thing that I disagree with is this "Acting like a woman with emotional baggage".
Some people have had rough past. That comment takes away from your other advice. Some people have been in combat, wars like Iraq, have seen a lot of negative things. Being a man does not mean you can not express your concerns emotionaly with a woman especially if the girl you knew and trusted ended up being something completely different.

I was a refugee before coming to Canada. I've lived in the middle east. While you are there self-righteously talking about it, I've LIVED IT.

Stop making excuses. You need to grow up and you're not going anywhere through denial.