Is it beta to remain unreactive when challenged by other men?

[ilikecharlene]

I dunno, I'd been at the gym and going out all day so I was too tired to react and it was a friends 21st party so I did not want to cause a scene. I just kept ignoring him and telling him to 'get lost' and 'how it is my own business' only to know my private life. So how should I have reacted then? I mean, I am bigger and more built than the guy so could of easily thrown him on the floor or anything but I'm not like that.

He physically assaulted you, and you did nothing.

It's not about being macho, but what is stop him from doing it next time? Or worse? He most likely thinks he can get away with doing what he wants to you. I just think that we should always demonstrate our limits to others.

 

[NotAgain]

You're right. I guess I've never thought of it that way but you know what, my new years resolution was to be the man I want to be and after this post, I won't take that crap no more.

As beta again as it sounds (sent it before posting this), I kicked him out of a party I had initially invited him to for my birthday (mass internet invitational posts sent before incident). Told him my reasoning being I wasn't going to celebrate it with a bloke who acted like he did that night. Felt like he was trying to get a reaction out of me after that but I dropped it after a couple replies. Was not going to fuel his crap. My reasoning was at least this way I have not broken all ties with him rather than resort to swearing and acting like a caveman.

But this stops now and I won't look back. Cheers guys, I know I've got to stand up for myself some time and honestly if happened again I wouldn't know what I'd do but atleast next time, I will have you guys and what you've told me in the back of my mind so I won't take any crap from anyone anymore.

 

[Aaron B]

women are often attracted to guys who act like cavemen

 

[zekko]

women are often attracted to guys who act like cavemen

I agree this is often the case, although from the story it sounds like the girls gave more attention to the OP, and weren't into the jerk guy at all.

 

[Aaron B]

caveman and jerk aren't the same thing

 

[perseverance]

I wouldn't have driven him home and I certainly wouldn't invite him to your party. I'd tell him that he isn't a friend of mine as well. The guy sounds like a Grade A Jerk.

Did you do the right thing? Yes, you didn't give him the reaction he wanted.

 

[zekko]

caveman and jerk aren't the same thing

I agree, but who was being more "caveman" in the original post?

There's no question who was being the jerk.
Don't they always say around here that girls are attracted to jerks?
Obviously not in this case.

 

[Robert28]

honestly i'm beginning to think this guy wants YOU and NOT the women you're talking to/hanging out with/gaming. he sounds jealous that the GIRLS are getting attention that he wishes he was getting from you. i smell a closet fag. never bend over in front of him. :nono:

 

[perseverance]

honestly i'm beginning to think this guy wants YOU and NOT the women you're talking to/hanging out with/gaming. he sounds jealous that the GIRLS are getting attention that he wishes he was getting from you. i smell a closet fag. never bend over in front of him. :nono:

That's quite possible, they do say that gay people are the best people for unearthing closet gay people.

 

[NotAgain]

Don't they always say around here that girls are attracted to jerks?
Obviously not in this case.

You're right here. As I've not hung out with this group in a while, it seems the dynamics of the group has changed. That guy seems to have become more 'excluded' from the group. Like they'll invite him to partys as he is friends with them but he isn't really included in everything. Heck, girls seemed to be put off by his passive aggressiveness that night too.

Moral of the story: They're not always attracted to jerks but guys with confidence.

Thing is he had a couple drink so I didn't want the guy driving home and possibly killing himself. Got to swallow my pride for the greater good sometimes. Funny, spent the drive with him yabbering on about how come I don't invite him to meet all my new friends (my social circle expanded MASSIVELY when I left HS and I guess theirs didn't) and why I didn't tell him about my past relationships etc.

But thats enough of me ranting. Told myself I will stand up for myself more and that be a better man and thats that.

 

[sozzz]

I haven't seen this group of friends in many years and definately did not have fun at tonights party. No HB's I was interested so I just chatted up random girls whom seemed cool. Yet a mate whom I use to be close to kept hassling me that night. He got physical and pushy trying to pry out what I had been getting up to and particularly my 'private life'. Not to mention he kept butting in to the girls I was chatting to. Naturally I am very protective of this and only tell it on a need to know basis so he spent the night punching me, pushing and eventually pouring a drink down my shirt. I never realised how much of an a##hole he was until tonight.

Naturally I did not react to this and laughed it off. Later on as I was talking to these girls even they thought my mate went too far. Not to mention I seemed to attract their attention even more and could have probably escalated it but I just could not be bothered. I also seemed to notice a sense of envy I think as I drove him home. Not looking forward to a party I have planned. I have invited every one of my friends and this guy is really going to kill it for me I think because he keeps trying to invite himself into my life and friends when I don't want him to be in it.

So did I react the right way? Is it beta the way I acted? How would you have reacted?

I don't feel like going into detail as to what I would do and all that stuff, but you NEED to get rid of that idiot.

Stop inviting him if you do, but if you don't then thats good. Don't let him know what goes on with your life, such as what you're doing over the weekend or your new friends are. Basically, start avoiding him and talk as less as possible to him when you see him.

 

[capuaco]

Ju-Jitsu wrist locks

^^ This.... "Hey, let me show you something....."