Is it a turnoff for women if a man isn't popular or have a lot of friends?

[Bud_Fox]

Well is it?

 

[DonJuan11]

Well is it?

Yes it is. She'll see it as a behavioral issue and view you as a loner. Even if you give her best sex ever, if you see doesn't meet your friends on Fri and Sat nights, what are you going to do? Play X-box every weekend with her?

 

[classy broadside]

But if you're not naturally inclined to be a social butterfly, will you really change yourself just so you'd attract more women?

This is a deceptively short question. Moreover, popularity and having lots of friends are not the same thing. You can be popular -- everyone knows your name, who you are, what you stand for, and admire you for it. But you don't have to be friends with a lot of people, i.e. socially tied to them, if you're very selective about the kind of people you socialize with.

Also, the answer really depends on the goal sought and the personality of the man.

If the man is happily individualistic and strong, then it's not a big deal. But if relative isolation is the result of social ineptness rather than choice -- then it becomes a turnoff.

 

[randalll]

i dont think anyone can give a straight answer to this question because it's not detailed enough.

i guess it varies from guy to guy... and girl to girl of course as they all have different tastes.

if you're not particularly interesting or have social insecurities that prevent you from making friends she probably won't be interested in you for very long, if at all.

but if you've got a lot of hobbies, you're an interesting person and you have fun with a girl then chances are she'll like you, but only if you havent got many friends because you like keeping yourself to yourself.

 

[randalll]

didnt really need to write that, broadside's spot on

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

Not from what I have seen. I know a guy I hang out with here and there. He basicly, has no friends. The girl is pretty good looking in my opinion and she is still with him.

 

[bukowski_merit]

well... two people already covered this pretty well...

but i AM a loner! i have 3 best friends, who i barely talk to anymore because we all moved about 30-40 minutes from each other when we moved out of our parents houses... i don't like doing much...

i have no problem talking to people, have legit charm, and a lot of people like me and (girls and guys/friends) pursue me and try to get me to do stuff... but i really like hanging out with people one-on-one by myself, or just by myself... i really like going to bars/clubs, by myself... when i hang out with girls - it's normally over my house and we drink and have a great time, that's what's important...

it defintely has it's draw backs though - #1 "young" woman who haven't experienced much, get restless after a few months and want to parade you around to her "trendy" friends... #2 woman when bored - will start arguements over dumb stuff... i'm in no way boring... but it's hard to keep things interesting for 24 hours+ (so i try to keep their stay to under that time period if possible)

so no, i wouldn't say it's a turnoff... unless of course it's because you suck at conversation... if they see it as you being selective about who you associate with - and you associate with them - that can be a turn-on...

 

[bud_2005]

I don't like topics like this because it always hurts my confidence. I myself am somewhat of a loner. After reading the responses to topics like this it makes me want to shack up and never go out. It starts to make me think, I have few friends so women will never like me. I might as well not approach because of my social situation, because like I'm told women won't like me.

 

[bukowski_merit]

I don't like topics like this because it always hurts my confidence. I myself am somewhat of a loner. After reading the responses to topics like this it makes me want to shack up and never go out. It starts to make me think, I have few friends so women will never like me. I might as well not approach because of my social situation, because like I'm told women won't like me.

you're reading the negative stuff and not paying attention to people like me telling you that you CAN still get woman if you're a loner... i swear to you the last time i hung out outside of work with a male friend was about 4 months ago... i keep to myself and only let who i want in... woman LOVE me... i have no problem seducing... sex is not hard to come by as a loner... relationships - kind of are though... like i said - after a few months - you start getting the "we need to do something else" talk... and that's when i start with the "no you need to find someone else" talk

 

[MisterMcGee]

Loners are boring. Boring people aren't attractive. Roll with that logic and the answer is clear.
Loners are both lazy, unsocial, and so forth. No reason to bother with loners, both women and men, in my opinion. They can keep themselves to themselves if they want to.

 

[DJDamage]

Not directly.

When I go out with women, they don't know how many friends I have, whether I am popular or hell if I have any friends at all.

Normally those who are not popular or don't have alot of friends are so because they are boring or lack a sense of humor and good social skills. You see there is a correlation between attracting large group of people that want to hang around you and call you a friend and attracting women and if you have to put some sort of a facade that you are someone exciting and popular while you are not, she will eventually figure it out.

Become a more interesting person and you won't have problems in either department.

 

[Michele l'Arcangelo]

Loners are boring. Boring people aren't attractive. Roll with that logic and the answer is clear.
Loners are both lazy, unsocial, and so forth. No reason to bother with loners, both women and men, in my opinion. They can keep themselves to themselves if they want to.

wrong.

i took a coworker out yesterday after work... i can tell she wants me... she even broke up with her needy-clingy boyfriend in front of me.

i told her i'm a loner, and that i prefer things that way. i told her i'm very decisive about who i want to hang out with or spend any time with. she asked about herself... then i told her shes one of the lucky few that i decided to hang out with.

 

[bukowski_merit]

Loners are boring. Boring people aren't attractive. Roll with that logic and the answer is clear.
Loners are both lazy, unsocial, and so forth. No reason to bother with loners, both women and men, in my opinion. They can keep themselves to themselves if they want to.

i'm far from boring mistermcgee...
not lazy or unsocial...
just prefer my own company because no one can keep me entertained like i can...

even as a child - my friends would be in the backyard playing their G.I. Joes together... all involving themselves in the same storyline - arguing over who's idea was best to use for which G.I. Joe... and i'd be far away from them... doing my own story... because i knew that mine was better =)

 

[Darth]

I would say that's completely dependent on whether you are OK with it.

It also depends on your personal qualities, and the personality/shallowness of the chick in question. In my small experience the ones worth going after don't care...all they care about is you and how you make them feel.

 

[randalll]

I don't like topics like this because it always hurts my confidence. I myself am somewhat of a loner. After reading the responses to topics like this it makes me want to shack up and never go out. It starts to make me think, I have few friends so women will never like me. I might as well not approach because of my social situation, because like I'm told women won't like me.

nah, just take things slow for now and dont worry too much about approaching and picking up women.

i had no friends in high school, was bullied a fair bit, mostly for being underweight, and then i started isolating myself from people and any conversation that 'could go wrong'. this affected my personality a lot, gave me low self esteem, paranoia, anxiety.. you name it.

anyway what im saying is this stopped my conversation skills from developing etc, thought i would be that way for years, but i started working on it. and its true what people say, you can improve if you put your mind to it, dont expect it to happen overnight though.

just do things you want to do, get some hobbies, watch some stand-up comedy, anything, just develop yourself and be content with who you are. your confidence will increase as you do this.

 

[bukowski_merit]

wrong.

i took a coworker out yesterday after work... i can tell she wants me... she even broke up with her needy-clingy boyfriend in front of me.

i told her i'm a loner, and that i prefer things that way. i told her i'm very decisive about who i want to hang out with or spend any time with. she asked about herself... then i told her shes one of the lucky few that i decided to hang out with.

pretty much the same thing i say...

it works too

and it's not a lie or a line it's an answer to a question normally asked...

 

[Michele l'Arcangelo]

i don't get why people think being a loner is a bad thing.

loners have better independence. they can entertain themselves when they're bored.

sure, some may have problems with communication... but that's not even a problem. you overcome that... when you learn things from this site.

i'll always be a loner... it's just more fun than pretending to care about what other people are doing for fun.

 

[DonJuan11]

I don't like topics like this because it always hurts my confidence. I myself am somewhat of a loner. After reading the responses to topics like this it makes me want to shack up and never go out. It starts to make me think, I have few friends so women will never like me. I might as well not approach because of my social situation, because like I'm told women won't like me.

We are not saying know half the city. We are saying a girlfriend should know you have some friends you can hang out with, you would be there for you, who you could trust to take a ride with her, etc. Otherwise she'll see it as a behavioral issue.

Think about it: If you met the best girl in the world, funny, pretty, sexy, and wild in bed, but she had no friends and you never met anyone she knew, she just wanted to stay in every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night and watch tv or play X-box, you would get rid of her pretty fast and move on.

I'm sure you have some friends you could introduce a girl to, because that shouldn't be holding you back.

 

[FairShake]

I dunno actually.

I have a fair amount of friends. Several CLOSE friends, more than usual actually, at least 15 I talk to weekly. But no CIRCLE. These are all people I've collected as I've traveled from job to job, in school, even places I frequent. One or two know eachother but that's it.

My girlfriend has met most of them and we've hung out together. She's gotten along with them. We haven't gotten bored yet in our year together because we have so much fun together. If you are a fun person by yourself believe me, it won't matter. If she's the same way, and in my case, she is, then all the better.

Relationships happen with like-minded people. Find your like.

 

[DJVladdy]

Why so many loners here?