Is her hamster wheel starting to spin?

[DrStranglove]

So my 2 year LTR ended last Thursday, basically on our 2 year anniversary, because the relationship wasn't progressing fast enough for her (she's 31, enough said). Said she promised herself to end it if things hadn't improved by that point. We've been on borrowed time over this for the past six months, she's been pulling away, its caused a few mini-break ups, etc. I handled it well, telling her I thought we could fix the issues but if she wanted to leave I wouldn't stop her. She told me she wasn't changing her mind this time, so I politely told her OK have a nice night then got off the phone.

Fast forward five days later to yesterday and suddenly (I maintained no contact to all of this):

- Missed call at 11am
- Two calls back to back at 4pm on her way to work
- Texts right after the two calls about her job.
- Texts again 20 min later saying "Thought we would stay friends, but if you don't want to talk let me know!"
- Calls again at 10:30pm after work
- Immediately texts "So were not even on speaking terms I guess, I think the next time I'm on facebook I will just unfriend you then.. no sense in being friends if we aren't even on speaking terms. Hope things are going as well for you as they are for me!"

I know her, and the delete from facebook threat and "I'm doing so well" are her attempts at a power grab to get me to reply. She's quite manipulative. She has legitimate anxiety issues and going cold/distant in the past would make her go nuts (noting her IL was higher then).

Should I maintain radio silence and watch how much she squirms, or attempt to talk things out (which has worked in the past)?

 

[jay07]

Simple. Shes 31 and as you pointed out she wants morw than just bf/gf title. You didnt give it to her so she uses a breakup as a way to "force" you to progress the relationship. Shes caught off guard by the fact you seem to not care, realizes starting over with someone else will delay her goals, and now realizes she messed up.

Good job! You have all the power. If you go back shell proby ki$$ your behind for a while.

If you respond to her just accept her friend plea and act busy when she contacts you. Shell probably get drunk and spill her guts.

 

[Zarky]

^^^ I think that's a good analysis so I won't add to it.

At some point when the relp is truly over, and if you're not too invested in her, it might be good to remain friends with her (taking her at her word, which is probably not what she meant but what you can push for). Either way you should be dating other women.

I try to remain friends with as many exes as I can. One ex who is still my friend had a client who was giving away a bunch of office furniture and I completely re-outfitted my office with it. It was like $7500 in office furniture for free. Exes that you remain friends with can definitely be of good use.

Like I said that assumes she really only wants to remain friends. But I'd respond and say, "You're right, I'd like to remain friends." It's hard to do at first but exes can be very loyal and wonderful friends. I have a few and wouldn't change them for the world. And there's no sexual tension because you've already been-there, done-that.

 

[888]

just delete her off your facebook, tell her to stop texting, and block her number. Seriously it sounds to me like you're trying to "win" the breakup or get her back or get the power or whatever other nonsense. You really should just be focusing on making it a clean break. The two of you obviously have different priorities right now; she wants to get married, you just want a girlfriend. There's really no good that can come to either of you by playing this little power game. You'll just stay together for another few months at most before breaking it off again (if you're lucky; if you're not you might even get snared into marrying her).

just move on man. let this one go. spin other plates

 

[Lord Hypnos]

Should I maintain radio silence and watch how much she squirms, or attempt to talk things out (which has worked in the past)?

what's there to talk about? she wants to get married ASAP and you don't. you really think that she'll stop busting your balls for marriage if you take her back? she's probably spinning plates by this point, so you should too. Women never make a clean break from a relationship unless they have a back-up c0ck waiting somewhere