Is embracing the c0ck carousel good or bad?

[DragonBlood]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHoIipZ0WJg

TL;DR: Is embracing the c0ck carousel good or bad. I think bad FOR MEN.

The c0ck carousel or spinning plates. I feel like being independent and filled with positive emotions is the way to go, but Im not sure about this whole training your brain to "desensitize yourself to womens BS and let them USE YOU as TOYS". I feel like accepting this behavior (being cool about her sleeping around) is passive feminine energy. Lets be honest here, your not "cool" with it, at best you just dont give a **** anymore and have given up. You should be angry about it and cut her out of your life for someone better!


My brothers have maintained healthy relationships with their first gfs for over 7 years. Theres no being cool with tunnel buddies. Even the concept of another guy sleeping with the girl at the same time repulses me and makes the girl less attractive (i.e. hard to get it up or excited), especially if you know them. If you get cheated on or she hints she likes more freedom the girl gets hit to the curb for being disrespectful to you. You obviously dont want to be "needy and controlling" (which is a sign the relationship is going stale) but masculine energy is about owning things, hunting your prey, bring them home and protect what is ours. Not sharing and collaborating in a big happy super fun time bubble of STDs. Your energy and time is burning on game and fun instead of life goals. I feel like this is a failure of the PUA community focused solely on seducing women without checking your own needs for affection and stability so you can focus on other aspects of your life.


I feel the real divide in seduction advice comes from either "spinning plates" and using your energy to maintain abundance OR "let girls chase" where you take two steps forward one step back and see who is really willing to commit resources and become your gf. Is it not better to just politely avoid the women until she is ready to meet you on an equal footing or risk being replaced?


One of my friends dated a childhood honey through out most his life. She would break up and reconnect often with him, but all the time she would sleep around and was never satisfied. Eventually she dumped him for another guy at his workplace that she was sleeping around with for quite awhile without his knowing. It was only at this point that my friend got his **** together, a rift was drawn and he focused on himself and his career instead of doing hoops for this girl that had no intention of sticking around. This is when he is open to meeting another women who he shares a great connection with and ends up marrying within a year and still going strong. The old childhood honey now becomes desperate when things dont work out with the new guy (who cheated with her and likely later on her) and trys to barter and pull him away from the wife now that he is happy and fulfilled. Understandably although tempted at times he admits this women disgusts him and avoids talking to her in person whenever she shows up at bars etc.


From my personal perspective you should not enable abusers, reward bad behavior or allow these women into your life. You should have a pair of balls and just walk away from a sinking ship. If she respected you or wanted to move things forward this behavior would not happen anyway. I see this idea of desensitizing creeping up a lot in PUA or SS ideals and even though it probably does increase your lay rates it sets you up for some pretty bad relationships by reframing (aka lowering) your expectations. The guy in the video has made a life for himself going out his whole life in the club to seduce and entertain women, watch afew of his videos.. how happy does he really look to you?


Ive always had mixed feelings on this because the player and sex is so celebrated here, in PUA and in the media.. and certainly I dont have a good answer to the c0ck carousel when it comes to the "early phases" of a relationship. What do you guys think on this? Imagine if the whole world was "cool with it" and she just jumps around like a kid in a candy store. You gave her the golden ticket, all fun no accountability. Are we BSing ourselves and letting ourselves be walked on by women in these situations? How is letting the girl sleep around masculine?

 

[apprenticedj]

I love this thread. IMO, and this is just my opinion, it all comes down to having a personal standard.

Some guys are OK with their plates, FWBs, or LTR prospects sleeping around all the way up until it becomes a committed relationship. Other guys feel physically ill at the thought of the same prospect/plate even kissing another guy.

Which kind of guy are you? Are you cool with it? No?

See, knowing that answer helps you set your personal standard. That's what I think being a man is all about. YOU decide what YOU want. If it doesn't jive with your standard you make it clear and move on.

 

[Brighty]

Interesting point that I never really considered.

I kind of dove into another LTR only six months after my previous LTR of a year ended, but during those six months I was spinning four different plates (gee thanks Tinder) and finally decided that one of the girls I was seeing was worth it to pursue more seriously. I'm looking back on that and to me its always a "grass is always greener" situation - when I'm in a LTR I often yearn for the desire to go out and play the field, and when I'm out playing the field often times I'll find that while I enjoy being with new and exciting women - I yearn for that true companionship and bond that you can only get (based off of my own life experiences) with someone you're serious with.

That video made me realize that maybe that's something I need to work on with myself instead of looking for a LTR to kindle that flame, even though it is nice to have some intimate with that you can confide in.

Was I happier when I was seeing four girls at the same time? It's hard to say, really. There weren't really any issues - all I asked of them is that we be responsible about this and if we have other partners that we use appropriate protection/get tested. It would be extremely selfish to demand that each one of those girls sees exclusively me while I see all four of them, and I wasn't invested as I am now with the fourth girl I "saw".

It was interesting though, as once I started "dating" girl #4, issues started to crop up in my own head that I didn't even care about before - I'm one of those guys that tends to be somewhat territorial and I don't want to hear about my partner's sexual history. When we were just fvcking around and having our flings, it was like two friends having a conversation talking about funny sex stories (same goes for the other three), but now that we're in an actual relationship I get annoyed and a little hot-blooded (although I never openly show it) when her friends casually joked around about how my new girlfriend jumped on this dude's bones last year at a party and hooked up with him.

Eh, you can't have it both ways. One philosophy for playing the field, one philosophy for being in a relationship.

 

[AttackFormation]

I think ultimately there are four options:

1) "Cure" humans of being excited by promiscuity/cheating
2) Accept that it takes some side sex that you sweep under the rug to keep long relationships alive and humans just aren't made to stick to one other human sexually forever
3) Like 3 but you don't have a problem with side sex and instead your partner is basically just the person you invest the most of your emotions in
4) Abandon any pretence of monogamy and just go with the flow

Imagine if humans were immortal and extremely few to no children are born because we don't or barely ever need to replace anyone. Would we really be able to stick to one partner for the rest of forever? and even if we were able to, would it make our lives more or less boring? Although I wish I didn't, I do feel rage too at the thought of some other guy f*cking my girl, but I don't think letting that feeling dominate can work in the long run - we just aren't a completely monogamous species (yet). But I also don't think monogamy is a good idea except when both people genuinely want to be.

 

[Mike32ct]

The Community does sort of look down on the idea of a guy having a girlfriend. They focus only on the quantity of lays rather than the quality. And when they do look at "quality," it's mostly about looks or HB# rather than whether she's a good girlfriend.

Obviously, there's nothing wrong with having a gf.

 

[hudpes]

Spinning plates was a difficult concept to grasp for me, as this isn't something we normally do in Europe, or at least in relatively small cities. I have no personal experience with it, nor do I know of a friend who at one point spun plates, I don't take into account one night stands or occasional sex, just this dating/fvcking multiple women simultaneously.

Now, you guys in the States do your thing, I get that, but personally, I find the idea somewhat repulsive - it's like a contest and may the best one win. Sort of makes sense, but on the other hand, you have feelings for and are intimate with several women at one time and more than likely at least one of them is going to be hurt by rejection when you choose another one and go exclusive. I don't find relationships should be regarded as auditions. You go with your gut, find a girl attractive as hell? Ask her out. Like what she says? Have lots in common? Doesn't get boring with her? Kiss her, have sex with her and see where that takes you.

 

[latinnova]

Well..... I had a high school buddy that used to sleep around with all the women he could get. By the end of high school his d!ck just about rotted off his body because of all the different STD's he obtained on his little sexual journey. This impacted me, because I like my pecker, and my pecker likes me. So I have no problem going out and having fun with different girls at one time. However, I am very, very picky about who I will sleep with. If some girl is throwing her **** to all kinds of guys and you know she is a slut whoor, then the probability of her having a std is highly elevated. I try to minimize my risk. But I will go out and have some fun.