Is divorce really as big of a risk as the statistics say?

[DJ Novice]

During my marriage the time spent raising and playing with my kids was the most happiest and most fulfilling time of my life to date. Sex didn’t even come close and I didn’t really miss it at all.

It was only when my kids became much older (high school age) that the quality and quantity of sex and being physically attracted to my wife became an issue. Even now I’m dating someone younger, more attractive and more sexually adventurous I still miss the times I had with my children when they were younger more.

I think without some form of purpose in your life than p*ssy (whether that be raising a family or something else) then you won’t truly find happiness or fulfilment.

Sex only takes up a very small part of your life in reality (but it’s still important that small part is great!) and as you get older the desire for it to the exclusion of or at the expense of everything else decreases (unless you are on TRT).

 

[BaronOfHair]

Why do you think so many celebrities got fleeced in their divorces? Were they simply too naïve to not have a prenup?

Same way so many of them go bankrupt, after once being richer than 98% of the human race will ever be, no matter how hard we work... Being a convincing actor or a solid musician doesn't make you either a financial wiz or especially knowledgeable of the law

 

[BaronOfHair]

Why do we need marriage? Whats the benefit?

In Post-Industrial nations such as ours, marriage IS NOT a necessity for anyone on an individual level... A fella can have a set up where he has two children by two different women, co-exists peacefully with them, sees his off-spring regularly, yet still lives alone. On a SOCIETAL level though, promoting marriage and monogamish living serves as a deterrent to our degenerating into a clone of Sub-Saharan Africa https://www.sos-usa.org/about-us/where-we-work/africa/aids-in-africa#:~:text=Sexual Behavior: The polygamy and,often have changing sexual partners.


"Have you ever wondered why a marriage contract isn't more like a business contract?"


Read Jeff Pfeffer's Power and The Millionaire Mind. Folks on the higher end of the socioecomic ladders DO approach marriage as just as much of a business contract as they do a matter of love. Part of what keeps those who are perpetually broke and grousing over how awful the government is(No doubt, it's flawed)continuing to buy into all the messages we've seen in rom-coms and Disney movies

 

[jhonny9546]

What interests me most about separation for unmarried couples with children is the financial situation upon exit.
If the man owns a house that he is paying for with a mortgage, in which he, she, and her son live, and the judge were to award the house to her and her son, he would ultimately have to pay both maintenance and the mortgage on the house, and then pay rent for a new place to live.
It really seems impossible to become a mature man in this society. As a man, you want to own real estate, such as a house, to have a space of your own. Then, you want to be a father, because nothing like having a son can make you a man and teach you valuable lessons. But what if things go wrong?
If all this is true, what living solutions have you found? Do you live in rented accommodation? Have you registered the house in someone else's name? Do you live with your parents? Do you have an agreement?
How does it work? I think we need to learn how to protect ourselves first and then consider buying a house.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Many dudes the divorce statistics as a cope so they don't have to do the necessary and difficult work of sorting for and creating and maintaining a healthy relationship.

Many people get married and stay married and have happy marriages.

Instead of using divorce stats, maybe look at what people are doing that works and emulate that.

 

[obelisk]

Divorce is not a joke. This is exponentially true if you have kids with the woman. In this current climate, one should have serious reasons to marry a woman. The potential downside risks are massive and simply seeing them listed in the posts above does NOT prepare you for the reality of just how divorce can dismantle everything you built and then some. You can't truly understand it unless you go through it yourself.

 

[obelisk]

Many dudes the divorce statistics as a cope so they don't have to do the necessary and difficult work of sorting for and creating and maintaining a healthy relationship.

Many people get married and stay married and have happy marriages.

Instead of using divorce stats, maybe look at what people are doing that works and emulate that.

The statistics are not a cope. You just want to be an apologist for women's behavior and believe the norm is a happy, healthy, sustainable marriage. The numbers paint the opposite picture to what you're saying. Go watch women's tik toks and dating advice to other women. It says the SAME thing. Most people have crap marriages regardless of if they appear happy on the outside (way more common than people realize). Men are the romantics of the two sexes. Far better to go into the decision to get married with an informed, realistic vantage point on the grim statistics than a rosy-colored version of what you desperately want to be the case.

It simply isn't. Especially with the dating market, social media, family court and a slew of other issues how they are.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

If I absolutely had to get married, is the best way to mitigate the risk of being destroyed financially in a divorce, the following?

1) Marrying a girl who comes from a rich family
2) Has her own high income job?

Divorce wouldn't bother me, but losing my assets and being forced to pay alimony and child support would.

Nobody "has to" do anything.

You are bringing up some things that occur, but realistically the reason why most divorces happen is that over the course of a long relationship both people change.

If they change in opposite directions, they get pulled apart and likely are no longer compatible.

If they pull in the same direction then the relationship continues going strong and can actually improve.

Thinking the person you are marrying today will be the same person you are married to in 15 years is completely unrealistic.

But that is what most people don't think about or realize.

Also, people don't realize that relationships are hard work to maintain. Most people just go on cruise control and the relationship suffers and over time it's like not doing maintenance on your car...eventually it stops running.

 

[justaroundthecorner]

Females usually initiate divorces due to lack of respect from husbands, lack of sexual interest and/or they want to monkey branch to someone more successful because they career and persons developed further while man's SMV dropped OR monkey branch due to clinical reasons <e.g. female accustomed to abuse married nice guy which does not abuse her - she might willingly monkey branch to abusive type> - if children are in play, this happens usually when children are in their late teens years (aside of clinical reasons) - also females are usually much better prepared to go to divorce proceedings than men (meaning men live with them as their husbands several months up to year or even more w/o realisation that their wives have already a plan for divorce in motion - also gold diggers often marry already with plan for divorce in their heads).

Generally speaking, the most plate-oriented/cheater type of guys are usually easy targets during divorce proceedings, also any history or violence or criminal records will screw men during divorce proceedings.

The self-"sure-shots" in your face are following:
- lack of sex with your wife, shooting down her trials to initiate sex
- signs of gross lack of respect for female partner (whether shown privately, among mutual friends or in public)
- admitting to cheating & exposing any evidence to wife (results depend whether you are still sleeping with your wife or not,whether you have small children or not - however relationship will not come back to what it was before - like never - even if one have married below his SMV attraction capabilities on purpose)

Women tolerate doing drugs, porn use, overall bad manners, obesity or even their husbands serious criminal activity as long as psychological and sexual bonds are on board.

Some men are afraid of their wives or family reactions to initiation of divorce proceedings so they try to force their wives to initiate divorce instead by e.g. disrespecting them and cutting interest in the process - this is gross mistake but it often ends like that.

 

[Free_Agent]

Marrying a high income woman doesn't always mitigate risk and cost.

I married a doctorate degreed woman. Making $350k at 30. Came from a large good intact family with all good relationships. Intelligent. Conservative. Religious. Submissive. I loved her family. Her Parents loved me.

Married 14 years with 2 kids. She got fat and unattractive and didn't give a **** about herself. Only her career. We basically became roommates and maybe had sex 1x a year the last 4 years. During discovery in the divorce I discovered she was $180k in CC and consumer loan debt and wasnt paying a thing.

The divorce and custody battle was BRUTAL. She attempted the usual DV charge and even went to the length to claim I was "inappropriate" with my daughter ( Ex would sleep with son and I would sleep with daughter).

Then there was the 3 month PRE. Full psychological evaluation to evaluate each parent. Another shill of the family court. I scored better than she but ..... surprise....they still recommended the EOW screw job.

Long story short I got raped. Even though she earned more income than I, I accrued more income producing assets ( she had nothing). And when you have rental properties, and in my case large rental properties, Family court calculates GROSS RENT as income and STRIP away any and all deductions. Then they went after my 2 location business. Forensic accountants spend months looking at every expense, deposit, receipt, statement. I got emails from the attorney on a daily basis asking for more and more info. I wanted to load a mag and literally eliminate all these people attacking my life. They even went after my parents assets in an attempt to say they were co-mingled.

In the end it cost me $150K in attorney fees ( 12 months of battle with no trial - that would've cost another at least $100K). Sold our 2 houses and split the check. Paid her debt. Then I wrote her a large 7 figure check and the judge signed off on a small CS payment ( under $1000/mo).

My kids have been alienated against me. I haven't had more than a 30 min coffee meeting with my daughter in 3 years. I see my son about 8 weeks a year.