Hi all
This is just a wall of text of some situations I went through the last few years. These are nagging more and more and I just need to get them of my chest. I hope some of you will read through them, but please do read the last 2 paragraphs. I know what the problem is/was, I’m just not confident enough and too anti-social, but if someone would notice another problem, please do tell. Thanks.
1.
There was this girl in class (of over 700 people) who was basically my crush. I noticed she was sitting every single class in the same spot, as was I, but I always sat on the other side of the auditorium. For some reason I had to go talk to someone who was in a few rows before her. The next day, I didn’t noticed her sitting in her regular spot as those chairs were empty, but just a row before me and was constantly looking over her shoulder at me. In other classes this happened too. Then a few weeks later, we sat on the same train and had to disembark at the same station. She got up and stood in the door, after that I got up and got to the door too, just waiting for the train to stop. She kept looking at me, as wanting her that I said something…
At that time I was just so unconfident I just thought something was wrong with me because she was so looking. I still think this was possible, but I guess I was just too oblivious. And to make matters worse, she was a 9.5, probably the most beautiful girl who was ever interested in me.
2.
I met this girl on a holiday job. Via someone else I heard she was into to me, so basically a free ticket (if I had the social skills). We went on a date and even on a week long holiday. But she just said I was too quiet for her. As a matter of fact, I’m not that quiet, I’m just too nervous and self-conscious with people I don’t know yet as I’m afraid they won’t like me.
She was a 8 - 8,5
3.
Another girl in class who I noticed looking at me a lot. Came across her in the streets of my city too and again noticed her looking intensely. But again, I didn’t act. I’m not sure if she was interested, but I like to think she was as I caught her looking quite often.
She was a 9
4.
A girl at a party came straight to me and the first thing she said was „I thought, hey a beautiful guy, let’s go talk to him”. Nothing happened, she asked my number but probably because of my lack of social skills and that I was stumbled and didn’t know what to do or say, she never texted/called.
She was a 7,5
5.
Had some ocassions where I heard from friends that some girls thought I was pretty.
Want to know my main problem, besides of not being able to hold and start a conversation? I’m too damn self-conscious about my looks, I think I’m as ugly as the streets, but I clearly don’t have to worry about it. This affects everything, I try to act confident, but because it’s a fake confidence, I act arrogant (at least I feel arrogant afterwards and it feels over the top, not natural).
F*ck I just don’t know how to get over it, I read stuff and do stuff. I try everything, I go the gym for over a year now, I found amazing hobbies, I do things I like, I work spare time as a waiter to try to improve my social skills, but it won’t help. Why not?
This is just a wall of text of some situations I went through the last few years. These are nagging more and more and I just need to get them of my chest. I hope some of you will read through them, but please do read the last 2 paragraphs. I know what the problem is/was, I’m just not confident enough and too anti-social, but if someone would notice another problem, please do tell. Thanks.
1.
There was this girl in class (of over 700 people) who was basically my crush. I noticed she was sitting every single class in the same spot, as was I, but I always sat on the other side of the auditorium. For some reason I had to go talk to someone who was in a few rows before her. The next day, I didn’t noticed her sitting in her regular spot as those chairs were empty, but just a row before me and was constantly looking over her shoulder at me. In other classes this happened too. Then a few weeks later, we sat on the same train and had to disembark at the same station. She got up and stood in the door, after that I got up and got to the door too, just waiting for the train to stop. She kept looking at me, as wanting her that I said something…
At that time I was just so unconfident I just thought something was wrong with me because she was so looking. I still think this was possible, but I guess I was just too oblivious. And to make matters worse, she was a 9.5, probably the most beautiful girl who was ever interested in me.
2.
I met this girl on a holiday job. Via someone else I heard she was into to me, so basically a free ticket (if I had the social skills). We went on a date and even on a week long holiday. But she just said I was too quiet for her. As a matter of fact, I’m not that quiet, I’m just too nervous and self-conscious with people I don’t know yet as I’m afraid they won’t like me.
She was a 8 - 8,5
3.
Another girl in class who I noticed looking at me a lot. Came across her in the streets of my city too and again noticed her looking intensely. But again, I didn’t act. I’m not sure if she was interested, but I like to think she was as I caught her looking quite often.
She was a 9
4.
A girl at a party came straight to me and the first thing she said was „I thought, hey a beautiful guy, let’s go talk to him”. Nothing happened, she asked my number but probably because of my lack of social skills and that I was stumbled and didn’t know what to do or say, she never texted/called.
She was a 7,5
5.
Had some ocassions where I heard from friends that some girls thought I was pretty.
Want to know my main problem, besides of not being able to hold and start a conversation? I’m too damn self-conscious about my looks, I think I’m as ugly as the streets, but I clearly don’t have to worry about it. This affects everything, I try to act confident, but because it’s a fake confidence, I act arrogant (at least I feel arrogant afterwards and it feels over the top, not natural).
F*ck I just don’t know how to get over it, I read stuff and do stuff. I try everything, I go the gym for over a year now, I found amazing hobbies, I do things I like, I work spare time as a waiter to try to improve my social skills, but it won’t help. Why not?
