Is "being unable to stay mad" a virtue or a character flaw??

[squirrels]

I mean if someone does something that REALLY p*sses me off and either doesn't realize it, or DOES realize it and apologizes but maybe doesn't see the severity of what they did.

I just find myself unable to stay angry at people. I mean, I've damned near gotten into fistfights with people before over "respect" issues, or had women do stuff that was completely out-of-line on a date...things of that nature. But I feel deep down somehow that "staying mad" is wasted energy.

Certainly I won't be as trusting of that person and may not think as much of them, but "most people" I would think would stay mad for some time over certain stuff, like never really forgive people and make a point of avoiding them.

To me it just seems incredibly petty. I don't feel like wasting energy staying mad at them and I just feel like, although I don't forget, there's no point in staying angry...life is too short.

This has led to situations where I feel like maybe I'm "letting people off too easy", and where I have to FORCE myself to stay p!ssed off at people. It feels very unnatural, and I'd just as soon say "f**k it" and just adjust the way in which I trust/respect them, rather than making a point to be confrontational and objectionable.

For example, I believe if you get p!ssed enough to beat the hell out of someone, you should do it right then and there.

I don't believe in setting up a confrontation down the line, and I certainly don't believe in "plotting vengeance", i.e. laying low and doing the passive-aggressive thing, pretending to stay friends with them while secretly waiting to f**k them over.

To me it's just "dirt off my shoulder".

But sometimes I worry people will be able to sense that I don't stay mad often, and would take advantage of that fact. (i.e. Take my kindness for a weakness)

I see a lot of ranting about "disrespect" from women on this forum...and a lot of it seems petty. When I read something like that, I'm like, "whatever...she's just a skirt". I guess I really don't see whether I should get bent out of shape about it or whether it's better to just "let it go" and not build up stress over it.
q

 

[Lexington]

Like anything, one needs to have balance. Personally, I can be easily disarmed and that can be a character flaw. I tend to be quick to forgive when someone tries to make amends. But this can sometimes lead to being taken advantage of; people will keep disrespecting you because they know you'll forgive them easily.

Now I consciously make an effort to let it go only if the apology seems sincere and the person takes steps to correct the situation. Otherwise, people will keep transgressing against you with the assumption that they can easily make it better by apologizing.

If someone disrespected you or did something wrong, you have every right to feel angry about it. And you shouldn't just dismiss these feelings so quickly....you feel them for a reason. But at the same time, don't be petty. Don't make a big issue out of little things and if the other person is genuinely contrite, forgive them.

Taking responsibility for one's actions is not simply saying "I'm sorry." You have to take ownership for what you did and take steps to fix any harm that was done and also to ensure that it won't happen again. If someone fails to do those things, then they haven't adequately made amends.

 

[vatoloco]

I'm way too busy to stay mad at anyone.

 

[DarkShade]

There comes a point where you're only making yourself mad, which is self-defeating and takes energy and effort away from improving yourself. I tend to forgive but not forget.

 

[Jitterbug]

Don't get mad, get even.

In fact, if someone tries to piss you off and you just refuse to get mad, it drives them nuts!

 

[bugsquish]

I never really get mad. Either I avoid being disrespected at all, or just didn't place much value that person's opinion.

 

[samspade]

Here's an old chestnut:

Law 39

Stir up Waters to Catch Fish

Anger and emotion are strategically counterproductive. You must always stay calm and objective. But if you can make your enemies angry while staying calm yourself, you gain a decided advantage. Put your enemies off-balance: Find the chink in their vanity through which you can rattle them and you hold the strings.

 

[women haze]

I'm way too busy to stay mad at anyone.

This!!!!!

 

[vatoloco]

There's a saying in Spanish that says "El que se enoja, pierde" (He who angers/gets angry, loses.) I'm way too busy to spend time being angry when I could be doing something better for my life, like getting laid and/or making money. Preferably both. At the same time.

Anger is a mostly counterproductive emotion. Sure, if harnessed properly it can be channeled towards positive things (self improvements, etc.) However, most of the time, it clouds judgement, makes you lose focus and is detrimental to your well-being. Remember the words of that great sage Yoda, "...anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering..."

 

[Lexington]

I'd have to respectfully disagree with some of what is being said in this thread. Anger is an emotion that is there for a reason. There are valid reasons to be angry. I think you would be justifiably angry if someone punched your mother, for example.

One should not become angry about the wrong things. For example, there's no point in getting angry at a girl for rejecting you. She simply did not feel attraction for you and she is in no way obligated to. But there are circumstances in which anger is warranted and even helpful.

 

[FairShake]

To the original, not really. For example, I don't stay angry very long, but I cut people off easily if they screw with me too much. And it's not done angrily. If I see them again I will be cordial but they are not in a position to mess with my finances, family, and security anymore.

Revenge is a dish best served cold. In fact, all decisions and moves are best made using logic rather than emotion. If you can get past emotional and into logical quicker than most you will usually stay ahead of most.

That said...sometimes SHOWING a little anger actually helps the situation. People don't respect you if you don't show any anger. It's just how it is. Even if you don't FEEL it, SHOW a little of it.

 

[Jeffst1980]

When anger is shown in the moment, it can be an effective bargaining tactic.

I think the trick is to discharge anger completely, and resume life as normal. If someone wrongs you and you immediately display anger, it shows you have boundaries. If you are able to release that anger after the situation is resolved, it shows that you are too happy with your life to carry grudges.

I think that revenge is usually more trouble than it's worth. A better solution is to become a man of high value and cease contact with those that impact your life negatively. Silence is often your most powerful weapon; think of how angry it makes you when chicks ignore all your messages!

Also, getting angry at a girl that isn't your girlfriend is a waste of mental resources. Delete their number and you'll forget about them quickly.

 

[Warrior74]

There's a saying in Spanish that says "El que se enoja, pierde" (He who angers/gets angry, loses.)

This. YOu can get mad, then either get over it or get revenge. But don't stay mad.

 

[L B]

It's a virtue if applied correctly. I'm always happy and at peace due to not being pissed off at people all the time. If someone takes advantage of my good nature, they lose my trust. Once my trust is gone, that person is dead to me. Good luck asking for favors. I'm very blunt/direct in denying people's requests.

 

[scrouds]

Anger can be a tool. Its a virtue to not be able to stay mad. Its an even greater virtue to be able to act mad when it serves your uses. It goes hand in hand with samspades' post of the 39th law of power.

 

[leeraconteur]

I mean if someone does something that REALLY p*sses me off and either doesn't realize it, or DOES realize it and apologizes but maybe doesn't see the severity of what they did.

I just find myself unable to stay angry at people. I mean, I've damned near gotten into fistfights with people before over "respect" issues, or had women do stuff that was completely out-of-line on a date...things of that nature. But I feel deep down somehow that "staying mad" is wasted energy. q

I live in Asia and being angry is a no-no. It's not desirable, angry makeup sex isn't really done to my knowledge, and expressing anger makes one look like a fool.

Unlike many men, it would seem, I don't like angry sex that is supposed to be 'hot'. If I am angry, Mr. Happy is asleep.

As far as someone doing something to me that broke a promise, or such, I don't get angry but I don't really forgive that much. I don't **** up like that anymore as I keep my word, and I expect others not to as well. Lie to me once, cheat on me once, and it's over and I don't want anything more to do with her.