is being called "nice guy" always bad?

[ne0phyte]

maybe its the desire in me to never be AFC again, but i absolutely hate it when girls call me a nice guy. honestly, it doesn't happen very often (i've only been called nice twice this school entire school year, but it still bugs me. let me know if still need to become more alpha/less supplicating

the first time it happened, i offered to drive the car of the chick i was dating (and laying) back to her place. she had slept over at my place, and was really hung over so she couldn't drive home. since she was holding party at her place later that night, i told her i'd drive her car over and chill until the the party started, and just get one of my friends to drive me home. i really didn't think much of it until one of my female friends found out, and said "you're such a nice guy".

the other time it happened, one of my engaged female friends got drunk with me at a club and start kissing me on the neck. i had to push her away (i really do not want to cheat with someone who is getting married) as she started moving her kisses towards my lips. she apologized for it the next day - i played the C and F (Its ok, i know women can't keep their hands off me), and she laughed and said, "what a nice guy". (was she just disappointed that I didn't go for it?)

so there you go - two times in a year that i've been called nice (to my face anway) and i wanna know if that's 2 times too many haha. I'm getting better at getting girls, but I still want to get better, and get more :rockon: are these situations legitimate indications of still having some AFC nice guy in me, or were they just genuine compliments?

btw, i've found the style of game that I am comfortable with is somewhat like being Will Smith. confident, talkative, charming, friendly and direct about my sexual intentions. don't know if i need to/should get "edgier" or more a-hole like.

 

[Iceberg]

It's just words.

When people tell you to not be a nice guy, they mean "don't be a doormat." It doesn't mean you're not allowed to do nice things for people.

For instance, in your scenario - you're dating the girl, having sex, and you decide to drive your girl's car to her place, and wait for a friend to drive you back home...

Well, a "nice guy" in the bad sense, would do that for a girl he's NOT having sex with. Because he thinks doing favors for women will make them more sexually interested in him.

Summary - don't worry about the words "nice" and "guy". Worry about their context. In your case, you seem to be doing fine.

 

[mahoney]

Yeah i wouldn't necessarily worry about either of these situations

while it is valid to be worried about being called "nice guy" a lot of the problems associated with "niceness" are dudes that self-define and internalize that "niceness" - ie they think they are being nice but they're not really

dude i know that sleeps with the most girls is ALWAYS getting called nice...and thats because he genuinely is! but he never does girls favors in the hope of something happening! actually he's always doing stuff for people - but for pretty much anyone, not just for girls that happen to be cute - but its really obvious its never in the hope of something in return and that makes a really big difference

 

[DCC]

I've accepted that I'll probably always be a 'nice guy' but I'm also never a doormat. I'll open a door for you or cook you dinner, but if you do something stupid, you bet your ass I'm gonna call you out on it, I'm not going to change my opinion on something just to agree with you, and if you start playing mind games, I'm going to put you in your place. Like said, there is a difference between a nice guy and a pushover.

I went on a date with a girl I'd call an HB7 Saturday night, and opened the door for her. She told me no one in her life has ever did that for her, and didn't know what to do. We went out, watched fireworks, walked around town, and had a kiss close that was more of a long makeout close, so yeah, being a nice guy isn't always a bad thing.

 

[PokerStar]

i think its good to have a healthy balance of the two.

I can be a really nice dude but then i follow up with being an @sshole, just for my own entertainment.

 

[Mike32ct]

Nice guy could mean an attractive guy that is pleasant and considerate or an unattractive (lookswise) doormat.

Since you are getting laid and have women coming on you, you are in the former category. I wouldn't worry about it.

 

[Scars]

Action's speak louder than words.

 

[BlackMack177]

This whole nice guy thing is a bit over blown here in the dating world. I wish people would adopt a different term, because now it is becoming clear that people confuse being nice with being a lap dog.

being nice isn't bad at all. In fact, some of the nicest people I know are also the biggest players I know. Being good with women doesn't mean you have to be an ******* to everyone. That's a quick way to end up a lonely man. No one likes and *******. Sure certain women might be attracted to that sort of thing, but see how many friends you have if you piss in everyone's face. Bet you won't have many. Nice people attract other people. That's how it is and how it always will be. Being a Genuine good person is a great thing.

What you don't want to be is a doormat. The term nice guy came from guys who do "nice" things for women in hopes of gaining their attraction when they're really just using backwards manipulation and being pushovers. They claim they are being nice but really inside they are insecure and and don't know how to go about getting what they want (sex) without supplicating. So they end up alone and bitter while the women go for guys who actually stand for something and act like men. Then they cry about how "nice" they are but they still can't get women

Women don't want another wet pvssy, they want a man. Many would prefer a nice man over a selfish asshat. It's perfectly possible to be a nice man with backbone. Many of the greatest leaders are this.

so don't worry about being called nice. take it as a compliment and move on. Would you rather your friends call you a d1ck?

 

[PapiChulo]

I honestly believe that being nice or good is overrated. I used to be like that, genuinely good, idealistic, believed in what's right, stood up for people and ideas,and it had never gotten me anywhere. That's what actually turned me into a cynic and made me realize that people in general can't appreciate a genuinely good person. I also have never been a doormat to anyone, even though many have tried to take advantage of my good intentions. Apart from that you cant really equate niceness with attraction. That's bogus, hence one should have other things that actually do attract, e.i. nice body, load of cash, and a higher goal in life. Per every nice person who people love, I can find 2 asssholes who people adore. There is just something about these non-nice folks! Sometimes people say that he is nice because they have got nothing better to say or go by. After all, I dont want be called "nice", I wanna be that "cool" guy, that "funny" guy, etc.

 

[zekko]

This whole nice guy thing is a bit over blown here in the dating world. I wish people would adopt a different term, because now it is becoming clear that people confuse being nice with being a lap dog.

Totally agree, only people in the pickup world use the word nice this way.
I have heard so many women describe the guys they are into as nice.
So if someone in the real world says you are nice, like you say, take it as a compliment and move on.

On the other hand, PapiChulo correctly points out this:

you cant really equate niceness with attraction. That's bogus, hence one should have other things that actually do attract, e.i. nice body, load of cash, and a higher goal in life.

If you're attractive, you're going to attract women. It's got nothing to do with whether you're nice or not. If you're nice, it's a bonus. The only exception is (as BlackMack points out) if you're the kind of nice that draws people to you - makes them feel good about themselves so they like being around you - like if you are fun, friendly, and positive.

If you're going to be "nice" (as in treating people with respect, etc), you shouldn't be doing it to get women anyway. If you do, that's when you are acting like the pickup definition of nice.

As for being an @sshole, you shouldn't be a total @sshole, but if you want to have some charisma, it helps to have a bit of an edge to you.

 

[thevilittletroll]

read my post called kill the "nice guy" syndrome. i am genuinely a nice guy, but i get a lot more chicks by being an a-hole. you game sounds tight, but what happens 3 months down the road with these chicks? when a girl i'm trying to game calls me nice, i take it as an insult, and re-evaluate my game with her. in your case you've already banged them so i guess your doing good.

 

[mahoney]

I honestly believe that being nice or good is overrated. I used to be like that, genuinely good, idealistic, believed in what's right, stood up for people and ideas,and it had never gotten me anywhere.

Why were you being nice? To get somewhere....if so, is that genuinely nice - sometimes i think its worth looking at the intentions behind the actions

if a thing is done with expectations attached, is it really that nice?

 

[Alle_Gory]

It depends on the context and how the girl says it. It can mean many things.

Two events don't mean anything. You're reading too much into things.

 

[zekko]

Why were you being nice? To get somewhere....if so, is that genuinely nice

Sounds like supplicating to me.

 

[f283000]

OP, so you helped a woman out, she thought it was a nice gesture, she said you were nice. Of course that's not a bad thing from a human point of view.

However, Most men that know a little about the game and have been in it long enough have come to the realization that women just don't want men that do stuff for them..if those men want to be seen as potential lovers.

It's as simple as I can put it. It's like the moment you do something "nice" for a woman it triggers a signal in her brain that tells her you are doing it to get in her pants even though your intentions may be pure. Women have been conditioned to have a mentality of distrust towards men ever since the feminist movement.

Sure you can do nice things for them after you're their lover. That's when they expect it as she is playing the role of a girlfriend and you're playing the role of her man.

So you're right it's not a bad thing FROM A HUMAN POINT OF VIEW to be called nice, sweet, caring.

IT IS A BAD THING from a sexual attraction point of view to be called nice. A woman that is attracted to a guy doesn't say he's nice. She says he's hot, rad, bad, sexy etc.

So technically being called "nice" is not bad unless your aim is to be having secks with women.

I rather be called an jerk by a woman 1000% more than I would prefer to be called nice.

 

[mahoney]

Sounds like supplicating to me.

exactly - and supplicating is kind of creepy and not very genuine - i wouldn't exactly say people who do this are nice in any way

 

[PapiChulo]

Why were you being nice? To get somewhere....if so, is that genuinely nice - sometimes i think its worth looking at the intentions behind the actions

if a thing is done with expectations attached, is it really that nice?

. Not all. I was brought up this way, good parenting, you see. Reread the post, it's all there. Ex-convics get more poon than do-gooders and altruist.

 

[f283000]

. Not all. I was brought up this way, good parenting, you see. Reread the post, it's all there. Ex-convics get more poon than do-gooders and altruist.

Exactly. But like I said in an earlier post today's women don't appreciate goodness from a man...THEY DISTRUST IT!

Combine that with the popularization of bad men on tv and you have modern women as the end product. They will distrust you and lose attraction for you if you do something nice for them but are somehow attracted to mean that treat them like crap.

You just gotta live with it and adapt to it. The game changed a long time ago can't change the game you have to change yourself to adapt.

 

[Jblitz59]

They could be calling you a boring guy instead count your blessings

 

[zekko]

They will distrust you and lose attraction for you if you do something nice for them but are somehow attracted to mean that treat them like crap.

Meh, this sort of thing is overstated on this forum. There may be some basis for it, but it's not strictly true. Most women who respond to that sort of thing have some sort of self esteem issue. Do you really want the kind of woman who would be attracted to a convict? I'll pass.

There's an article being featured at the top of the page about being an alpha male:
http://www.sosuave.com/dating/alpha-book.htm?forum
It points out that the best way to get women is not by being a nice guy, or even the jerk. Neither one of those guys are the full package. Too many guys here are aspiring @ssholes, because they are being told that's the way to go. Anyway, what kind of guy embraces being an @sshole just to get laid? I'll keep my convictions, thank you.