Is a woman wanting to "just be friends" just putting a boyfriend opportunity in reserve?

[MatureDJ]

A different thread about speed-dating got me interested to do some internet research, and I found this article with this interesting observation at the end.

http://www.thedatereport.com/dating...s-i-learned-watching-other-people-speed-date/

Women have also more often requested there be an option to indicate interest in men as friends only. Even though this sounds kind of sexist, along the lines of “guys secretly want to bone all the girls they’re friends with,” it’s true. So, be warned.

It sounds like the women who do this think that they don't really want to settle on this guy, but when they are ready - e.g., "my eggs are expiring - who is going to 'man 'up'?" - they would like to have this guy in reserve to pick off the pile. Obviously, they can't expect that such men would be around, so they like to build up a pile so that at least a few are around.

 

[Infern0]

Kind of

Usually it means "i can do better"

But on very rare occasions they might get desperate and pluck a guy from friendzone. But he will go straight back when a better option comes along.

If a girl mentions friendship, vanish.

 

[Mike32ct]

I've thought about this sort of scenario before (though not necessarily in the context of speed dating). Actually I have a different take on this.

I would say that a guy in friendzone (FZ) is not a backup boyfriend. She puts a guy in FZ because she likes his company, but doesn't want to F him. She only wants him as her straight "gay" friend or orbiter. There's really no scenario where he would be upgraded to bf, so he can't really be considered her backup guy.

 

[Mike32ct]

Women can certainly have a "friend" that she is somewhat attracted to but is not her A guy. I suppose she could put him in "reserve," in theory.

But I was always under the impression that textbook friendzone is when she does not consider the guy doable (and therefore not dateable either).

 

[Charmaine]

Different women may say it for different purposes, but what is common among them is they either have zero interest or very low interest that they wouldn't care less if you choose to walk away for good.

If they want to put you in reserve, they would be more likely to string you along instead of telling you up front to give you a chance to give up and walk away.

 

[wifehunter]

It's frame

Weak frames, get friendzoned.

 

[ubercat]

I have to agree about the frame. I had an on again off again girlfriend for years. We actually really enjoyed each other's company. But it was the classic scenario where I had helped her in life and she now thought that her value was equal to mine. I was f****** plenty of other girls in that time so the bouts of 1itis were pretty rare. But it still distracted me from what I needed to do in life.

 

[ThisNThat]

I've thought about this sort of scenario before (though not necessarily in the context of speed dating). Actually I have a different take on this.

I would say that a guy in friendzone (FZ) is not a backup boyfriend. She puts a guy in FZ because she likes his company, but doesn't want to F him. She only wants him as her straight "gay" friend or orbiter. There's really no scenario where he would be upgraded to bf, so he can't really be considered her backup guy.

Actually, I see it happen a lot. Usually with married couples who share their "how we met" story..."Yeah, we were actually friends for a long time, just the timing was off"

Then they indicated a point in time where they actually changed their status to something romantic, dating, and then...marriage.

 

[nismo-4]

Women mentioning just being friends is low interest or orbiter recruitment. They already have either Chad or Tyrone.

Second place is first loser. You need to come in first. Accepting a friendzone invite is not first place.

 

[Who Dares Win]

I believe it works like this for women:

physical attraction + personal compatibility + emotional attraction= boyfriend

physical attraction + personal compatibility= fvck buddy

physical attraction only= one night stand

emotional attraction or personal compatibility only = friendzone

Anyway I would gladly give the options to those women to check a "friends only" box as long as the guys can have a "fvck buddy only" box themselves...basically its the same thing in our side toward them.

 

[sazc]

My own personal experience is that, if I am telling a guy 'LJBF" it's because I'm not interested in him as anything more. For me, after hanging out with him for a time, I could change my mind, but that is rare.

I really think if you get the LJBF sentiment, you should just move on. The LJBF female doesn't even deserve to retain you as the F part of that because it removes time that you could be looking for non LJBF females - unless the LJBF female has female friends you can flirt with.

I'll even take it a step further. If a female isnt responding to your texts, or takes a long time to respond, she most likely isnt interested and you should move on from her as well. If she regains interest because you are ignoring her, she really should be a plate until she very much proves value, if she can.

 

[ThisNThat]

I really think if you get the LJBF sentiment, you should just move on. The LJBF female doesn't even deserve to retain you as the F part of that because it removes time that you could be looking for non LJBF females - unless the LJBF female has female friends you can flirt with.

Good point, some female friends could have other female friends she could introduce you to. Even if she doesn't know anyone, ;let's say if she has a friend that has a house party, she can invite you along for an opportunity to meet other prospects, but do so organically and don't go there expecting prospects.