******** is a language of its own, and every man should learn how to speak it.”

[jhonny9546]

Hello everyone,

In this space, you can find many insights that help translate women’s language, their behaviors, and truly understand things that are often interpreted differently elsewhere. I want to say that I have immense respect for this forum, its members, and all the experiences and guides shared every day by men from all over the world on this topic.


Today, I’d like to talk about something I’m sure many of you have wondered about at some point in your lives.
I’ll keep it brief and use simple examples to make things clear.
We’re all familiar with the idea that a woman forms emotional “imprints” of her ideal partner through her early experiences, especially in her youth. The man who affects her most emotionally during that time becomes the one she remembers most strongly over time.
That said, there are many situations, especially now that we can observe them online, where women talk about their life experiences from their 20s into their 30s or 40s. They often describe building a family with a man they believed was the best choice for them, only to later realize that this wasn’t the case.

Then, after a breakup,or even a divorce, sometimes after having children, house mortgage, or any other socio economical commitment, they explain how, later in life, they meet another man who doesn’t have the same issues as their previous partner, and how his qualities are superior.. You always hear that what her previous partner cronically missed, things like being a listener, calm, present, honesty, integrity, empaty... and with whom they feel secure and at peace.
We could also say that their first relationship was based on an emotional rollercoaster while the new one is the contrary.



At this point, there seem to be two possible explanations:

1. The “ideal” man they had earlier in life, left, and they "lost" him. So she "settle" with a more "peaceful" man.
2. The woman genuinely realizes that life offers something better than emotional ups and downs, grow, and look for another man, without having that persistent thinking on the previous one.

Most people here would agree with the first explanation, while many would never believe the second. But is the second possibility actually real? Let’s think about ourselves: we might be with someone very attractive, but after 10–15 years, we can’t stand the relationship anymore. Instead, we start looking for someone who truly understands us and can be a real companion in life.
Those who have experienced this know exactly what I mean. When you find someone who listens to you and genuinely wants to know more about you, a bond forms that feels limitless, far deeper than relationships based on emotional games or push-and-pull dynamics or emotional rollercoaster.


So the real question is:
When we see these stories and experiences online, or hear them among friends, people around us and life experiences, are they mostly examples of the first scenario (the “ideal man” who got away), or is it actually possible that a woman has grown, matured, and is now seeking a more meaningful relationship, finding someone who truly understands her and makes her feel seen and heard?

 

[BaronOfHair]

"The “ideal” man they had earlier in life, left, and they "lost" him. So she "settle" with a more "peaceful" man"

Most PEOPLE are unhappy in their marriages.... Relatively few view this is as exactly what it is(an investment), hitch themselves to someone they've simply been attracted to for a couple of months, then end up disappointed after that ardor vanishes about a year into the union

Correcting such a situation can, temporarily anyway, be messy and uncomfortable, thus many spend the remainder of their lives in marriages that aren't even worthy of being labeled "lousy". Goes without saying, if a fella claims to be a MAN rather than a child, the onus is on him

-To pull his head out of the sand

-Become aware of everything occurring in his immediate environment

-Start addressing the obstacles in that environment which are keeping him inert. That includes ending a marriage to some broad who's become a liability

 

[jhonny9546]

It's easier said than done. There's no doubt about that.

In words, I could say that:

ending a marriage to some broad who's become a liability

I could do it.
I have my priorities, my values, and how I'd like to be respected.
If you don't, then my freedom is more valuable.
(Could you understand what I mean?)

But you say this happens in the initial phase:

Relatively few view this as exactly what it is (an investment), hooking up with someone they've simply been attracted to for a couple of months, then ending up disappointed after that ardor vanishes about a year into the union.
Correcting such a situation can, temporarily anyway, be messy and uncomfortable, thus many spend the remainder of their lives in marriages that aren't even worthy of being labeled "lousy."

You say that after the honeymoon phase, when attraction and desire become companionship and friendship, the problems begin.
For many, perhaps this isn't the case, and in fact, the desire might remain. More like admiration for your partner.

That said, how do you avoid getting stuck in something you call a lousy marriage?

 

[BaronOfHair]

@jhonny9546 "That said, how do you avoid getting stuck in something you call a lousy marriage?"

Short answer:

Like everything else in life, there are no guarantees... There's always a danger that a marriage can go sour, same way being backstabbed by a colleague is always a danger