Is a good listener a nice guy?

[Trogdawg]

I've read articles on being a great listener and how that is a big turn on for women. I also hear that women will use nice guys as emotional tampons telling them all kinds of personal crap. So which is it? Be the listener or not?

I have an excellent memory when it comes to conversations. I'm the guy that says, "yeah, you told me that already." It's just something I can do. But, because i listen so well and concentrate on someone when they are speaking. I don't want this to be abused by a woman I'm interested in. I don't want to slip into the friend zone because I'm a good listener. Where do you guys draw the line? I usually put my foot down when they start bringing up past dating, sexual, or relationship stuff. Mainly, I don't care about any of it as long as it won't affect the one i have with her. Example, will my crotch start itching after I fvck her.

What do you guys think?

 

[Silquee Smoove]

Example, will my crotch start itching after I fvck her.

You've got bigger problems if that is what you are concerned about, get to a doctor and get your exams done.

I'm halfway on this subject, I've been a good enough of a listener in the past (former AFC days) to know I was in the "friends zone" with her.

Next...

I'd recommend only so much convo. before doing something else. The important thing is that you remember what she says and don't let her drone on and on about her day. Simply put, it's a waste of your time to stand/sit around and talk.

Listen, but don't overdo it. Just get enough so you can build a "rapport" which is what she is looking for, but don't let it get to the point that she is using you as a soundboard.

If this is happening to any of you guys and the girl who is talking to you about this stuff is not your present girlfriend, realize that you've jeopardized being her boyfriend.

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

Okay, first things first. Even DJs have a 60/40 or an 80/20 rule when it comes to the listening to talking ratio.

The line gets drawn when she talks you up specifically to whine for hours on end about her own insecurities.

One thing I'll disagree with you on trog is that I never discourage sex talk until they start talking about that one time at band camp. I findit helps to keep the conversation intimate, and allows one to further advance any physical goals one might have had. Example: If you're interested and you aren't using KINO when she looks into your eyes and describes in illicit detail her best lay, then you're hopeless and need to refine your hint-taking skills.

Simple rule: When you feel imposed upon, then its time to cut the convo short.

-CyranoDeBergerac

 

[FitnessGuy]

I think it's great that you are a good listener, all girls I've dated love it.

 

[Omega]

Theres two ways of being a great listener.

One - AFC listener. You'll listen, but to her complaining. Later on, you can't do **** with the info either then feel like a tampon. Congradulations! Your now saturated. Go take a shower, you manly man.


Two - DJ listener. You'll listen, but ABOUT her (what she likes, where shes from, etc etc). Later on, you use that info to your advantage.

 

[Tao of Steve]

a personel observation

In my afc days, I was ‘always there’ 4 the chicks I liked. I thought I was doing well when they would call to go on about the guys the like, and how they are such jerks. I thought that they would see how diferenet I was, and like me 4 it. Uh – uh. Never worked. I would discuss intellectual matters with them, tell them about my feelings etc. but they would like party boys who had no intellectual intrests, and how they never listened to them.

Now I have found, that I rarely have deep convo’s with women, and never ask them about too much of them. I keep it lite and breezzy. I keep it active – teasing them, touching them, keeping it up beat and simple. and they really respond.

I date this one chick periodically, I barely think about her, I don’t know her last name. I met her friend, who tells me how this girl always talks about me, cant figure me out, and how I never remember things she tells me – but shes crazy for me.

i am a phd student, and thus have long been really rational and intellectual - chicks rarely went 4 me. they r not rational, but emotional. they may like having long deep talks with guys - but not guys they r into sexually.

now i flirt, dance, smile, tease, touch etc. and i am pretty succesful.

im not saying dont listen to them - but be active and upbeat with them, keep them laughing, second guessing themselves etc. don't get all serious.

 

[coldcoal]

You must always listen. How you chose to show a woman you are listening is the difference. Women change thier minds, they forget things they've said before very easily because of 'moods' and 'feelings'; because of circumstances.

The difference is, when a nice guy listens, he often tries to prove he was listening by doing something that she had previously hinted on that she likes. When the circumstances, and her mood, changes, he's usually lost.

The Don listens so that he can prove to be 'caring' if in doubt, but more importantly call her on her BS when the change(s) come. That time almost always comes. I've never dated a woman that didn't change her story on something.