I originally posted this on another forum. I believe it has value so I'm posting it here.
Inviting a Woman on a Date is 100% Normal and Natural
From reading some of the posts here, I get the impression that many of you guys think you are somehow doing something wrong by inviting a woman on a date.
I want you to pay attention to the wording of that phrase. I purposefully avoid the phrase "ask her out."
Why?
Because "asking her out" has all sorts of connotations that go back to when we were young kids. For youngsters, "asking her out" means asking her to "go steady."
Your purpose isn't to "ask her out." Your purpose is to invite her on a date so that you can spend time together and get to know one another.
When you see a woman you are attracted to, you need to realize that you don't have enough information about her. Most of men's attraction to women is based on her looks, so automatically we think she is perfect for us.
The problem is, you don't have enough information to make this determination.
You have criteria of what you want in a woman (and if you don't have criteria, you better spend some time figuring it out!).
How do you gain the information that you need?
First, you approach and talk to her. Then, you request her phone number. Next you plan a date, then call her and make the date invitation.
Very simple steps.
The problem is that men today do not believe this is normal. We think we are somehow doing something wrong when we try to do the steps. So instead, we look for shortcuts.
We give her our number, then bail because we are afraid of rejection.
We become friends with a girl, then confess our feelings to her.
These are shortcuts. You have to do the steps listed above.
The goal is not to somehow trick her or circumvent the steps. The goal is to discover is she's interested, while at the same time closely watching what she does to learn if she is the type of girl we would like to have a long term relationship with.
That last part is very important. Even if she's interested, we may discover she isn't right for us (because she's a smoker, has a chemical dependency, or whatever). That puts us in the position of dumping her.
Many of us have never dumped a girl early on. If she's willing to see us and **** us, we aren't going to dump her under any circumstances. This can get us in a lot of trouble (been there done that).
You need to examine your beliefs regarding meeting women and going on dates. If you find that your beliefs are not consistent with the reality that inviting women on dates and talking to women, and asking for their numbers is 100% normal and natural, then your beliefs need to be addressed and changed.
Do not fear "rejection." What is rejection, anways? Its a woman letting you know that she doesn't like you. Is it possible for every girl to like you and want to date you? Absolutely not!
When she rejects you, she is giving you information. Before you talked to her, you didn't know if she was right for you. Now you know for a fact that she isn't!
You can't get what you want without risking rejection. The key is how you deal with it. You can be happy that she let you know early on so you don't waste your time, or you can let it hurt you emotionally.
Dating used to be a huge mystery to me. So instead of learning how to do it, I would just date whatever girl showed the most interest in me. The problem was, they were choosing me over other guys, but I wasn't choosing them over anybody. So I ended up with women who weren't right for me.
How can you find the girl who is right for you, if you aren't out there dating many women? What are the odds of the first girl you meet being "the one?"
Keep it simple.
Talk to her. Get her number. Make a date. Invite her on the date.
If she falls by the wayside at any of these steps, then so be it. She has made her decision, and she won't be looking back. Neither should you. Immediately start the process anew with a different woman.
You can let your fears get in the way, or you can feel those uncomfortable feelings and DO IT ANYWAY. That's what courage is: being afraid, but still taking the proper course of action.
And talking to her for the purpose of going on a date is the proper course of action.
Inviting a Woman on a Date is 100% Normal and Natural
From reading some of the posts here, I get the impression that many of you guys think you are somehow doing something wrong by inviting a woman on a date.
I want you to pay attention to the wording of that phrase. I purposefully avoid the phrase "ask her out."
Why?
Because "asking her out" has all sorts of connotations that go back to when we were young kids. For youngsters, "asking her out" means asking her to "go steady."
Your purpose isn't to "ask her out." Your purpose is to invite her on a date so that you can spend time together and get to know one another.
When you see a woman you are attracted to, you need to realize that you don't have enough information about her. Most of men's attraction to women is based on her looks, so automatically we think she is perfect for us.
The problem is, you don't have enough information to make this determination.
You have criteria of what you want in a woman (and if you don't have criteria, you better spend some time figuring it out!).
How do you gain the information that you need?
First, you approach and talk to her. Then, you request her phone number. Next you plan a date, then call her and make the date invitation.
Very simple steps.
The problem is that men today do not believe this is normal. We think we are somehow doing something wrong when we try to do the steps. So instead, we look for shortcuts.
We give her our number, then bail because we are afraid of rejection.
We become friends with a girl, then confess our feelings to her.
These are shortcuts. You have to do the steps listed above.
The goal is not to somehow trick her or circumvent the steps. The goal is to discover is she's interested, while at the same time closely watching what she does to learn if she is the type of girl we would like to have a long term relationship with.
That last part is very important. Even if she's interested, we may discover she isn't right for us (because she's a smoker, has a chemical dependency, or whatever). That puts us in the position of dumping her.
Many of us have never dumped a girl early on. If she's willing to see us and **** us, we aren't going to dump her under any circumstances. This can get us in a lot of trouble (been there done that).
You need to examine your beliefs regarding meeting women and going on dates. If you find that your beliefs are not consistent with the reality that inviting women on dates and talking to women, and asking for their numbers is 100% normal and natural, then your beliefs need to be addressed and changed.
Do not fear "rejection." What is rejection, anways? Its a woman letting you know that she doesn't like you. Is it possible for every girl to like you and want to date you? Absolutely not!
When she rejects you, she is giving you information. Before you talked to her, you didn't know if she was right for you. Now you know for a fact that she isn't!
You can't get what you want without risking rejection. The key is how you deal with it. You can be happy that she let you know early on so you don't waste your time, or you can let it hurt you emotionally.
Dating used to be a huge mystery to me. So instead of learning how to do it, I would just date whatever girl showed the most interest in me. The problem was, they were choosing me over other guys, but I wasn't choosing them over anybody. So I ended up with women who weren't right for me.
How can you find the girl who is right for you, if you aren't out there dating many women? What are the odds of the first girl you meet being "the one?"
Keep it simple.
Talk to her. Get her number. Make a date. Invite her on the date.
If she falls by the wayside at any of these steps, then so be it. She has made her decision, and she won't be looking back. Neither should you. Immediately start the process anew with a different woman.
You can let your fears get in the way, or you can feel those uncomfortable feelings and DO IT ANYWAY. That's what courage is: being afraid, but still taking the proper course of action.
And talking to her for the purpose of going on a date is the proper course of action.
looks like i learn sumthin everyday