Invited a friend, she invites another friend who i've had history with

[the_prototype]

h

 

[dunkie]

The golden rule: isolate.

I invited a female friend of mine (girl A) to watch my hockey game tommorrow and out of nowhere, she calls me and tells me she wants to go if this other girl (girl B) can come.

I'm assuming that you have the goal of hooking up with this girl. The golden rule in these situations is always isolate the girl. You have to make sure that the girl is there with YOU, and that her entire attention is on YOU, in order to start building rapport and intimacy. Unless you really know what you are doing, attempting to create intimacy with a chick in a group setting makes your task immeasurably harder.

My advice is to make sure you arrange to go somewhere (just the two of you!) AFTER the hockey game. This serves a dual purpose. First, it absolutely identifies for you that she has a high enough interest in you for the situation to be workable (assuming she agrees). Second, you now her full attention in order to start creating an atmosphere of intimacy between the two of you.

As the hockey game itself is not really a 'date', it's fine for her to bring a friend along. But be 100% clear that after the match, the friend has got to go.

Questions?

Im thinking this whole situation would make it seem like >I< told my friend to invite Girl B JUST TO GET HER TO COME OUT with me, which i didnt. It would make me seem like im still persuing her but in the weakest possible way (getting a friend to help me) which was not my intention. I always invite friends to watch my games and i dont want them, espcially Girl B, to think any different.

I find it useful to ask myself this question: "How would I act if I knew that nothing anybody does, says or thinks, can affect or hurt me?" Give it a go; ask yourself that question. The bottomline is, hard as it may seem at first, you cannot be concerned with what other people think of you. (Especially what you THINK other people may think of you!). Don't project your assumptions or fears onto other people's actions.

Good luck, let me know how it goes.

 

[the_prototype]

Re: The golden rule: isolate.

h

 

[dunkie]

Well, not entirely. Even me myself, im not sure at this point. This situation is more about my pride and showing im not a doormat or needy, more than hooking up with a girl.

Okay. This is really the crucial distinction. What your goal is defines what this situation means to you. What this situation means to you defines how you act in it.

Am I right in thinking you asked the girl to the game, in order to prove to yourself you've got some balls? If this is the case, you've already achieved your goal (well done!), and what happens at the game, or regarding the 'friend' is entirely irrelevant. You may now need to ask yourself whether you might now have a new goal regarding this girl - and the answer to this question will again dictate your behaviour.

If you decide you DO want to get something going with this girl, follow the advice in my previous post.

1) btw, im not sure if you understand im actually playing in the hockey game and she is watching, so she will be by herself at the local rink seats while im on the ice.

Yup. And she wants the 'friend' to come so she's not sitting on her own? That's fine:

if you have an interest in this girl: ensure you get rid of the friend before you hang out with her,

if you don't have an interest in the girl, it doesn't matter if the friend is around or not. If your hanging out with them and you're not having a fun time (the friend is being awkward etc.), simply make your excuses and leave.

2) i dont mind her bringing friends along, actually i would prefer it because a) shes by herself in the seats b) i would meet new people. the problem here is that she is bringing a friend who ive known before and had romantic interest in. it is over now though, and it would be just plain awkward. even worse, the friend might come to a conclusion that I AM STILL PERSUING HER in such a weak way, which i am not. i dont call or message (never had in the past anyways, she was the one to do that stuff).

Let me re-emphasise, as you and this 'friend' are now history, it simply does not matter to you what she thinks. Don't let your mind believe that it does.

What you should say to the girl you invited absolutely depends on your desired outcome. Again, you have to be 100% specific in your mind what you want the outcome of this 'date', and the whole situation, to be. That can be a really tough question to answer, but everything rests on it. Give it a go, try to define exactly what your goal is, and let me know...

 

[the_prototype]

Ive come to a conclusion that im not trying to hook up with my friend girl A.

The point im really trying to make is that if i take both girls, it would be just plain awkward.

What i am focused on, and what i am most confused about is that (like i said before) the friend might come to a conclusion that I AM STILL PERSUING HER in this weak way of getting MY FRIEND to ask her to come out. It would be fine if Girl B asked to come, but no. It is my friend girl A who asked her to come, which i am mad about. I basically just ignored Girl B since the last rejection (i asked on three occasions) and im not about to put my pride on the line again. If Girl B asked to come, then i wouldnt have a problem because it shows she still has interest. If girl A asked B to come, then it is like ME asking B to come through A. Hope that is comprehendable.

Basically, the focus is on girl B, not girl A (my friend who i asked to come initially).

any input?