Babaganoosh
Don Juan
Hey all. Well, after and asking and asking about my problems and getting great advice, I thought I'd better share some of my own. Apologies if this has been said before, but this place is huge and I haven't come accross it yet. It may seem obvious, but hopefully it will put some of the things you learn here in perspective. It will also help past 'nice guys' make more sense of actions which would seem destructive to them at first "don't call her? How can I do that? She is my life, my everything!!!"...
Leo Tolstoy once said "we love people not so much for the good they have done us, but for the good we have done them". Both men and women enjoy taking action and seeing the positive fruits of their labor. How does this apply here? Let's say you're just an AFC who has started seeing someone. If you're the one who always calls, makes the plans, pays for the date, carries the conversation, she won't have to think twice about dumping you. It's because she has contributed almost nothing to the relationship, and thus feels it is not worth her time. On the other hand, the person who contributed everything has made a large investment and will try to protect it, often by becoming desperate. It may sound paradoxical, but if you let her do some of the work she'll actually be more likely to stay with you - she will have to protect the investment of time and money! Hope this helps some people out there who think women are these amazing superior creatures whose every desire must be instantly fulfilled.
By the way, the same principle applies to friendships (male or female) and any sort of relationship, really. Hope this helped someone, and if the same thread exists elsewhere, feel free to smack me over the head
Leo Tolstoy once said "we love people not so much for the good they have done us, but for the good we have done them". Both men and women enjoy taking action and seeing the positive fruits of their labor. How does this apply here? Let's say you're just an AFC who has started seeing someone. If you're the one who always calls, makes the plans, pays for the date, carries the conversation, she won't have to think twice about dumping you. It's because she has contributed almost nothing to the relationship, and thus feels it is not worth her time. On the other hand, the person who contributed everything has made a large investment and will try to protect it, often by becoming desperate. It may sound paradoxical, but if you let her do some of the work she'll actually be more likely to stay with you - she will have to protect the investment of time and money! Hope this helps some people out there who think women are these amazing superior creatures whose every desire must be instantly fulfilled.
By the way, the same principle applies to friendships (male or female) and any sort of relationship, really. Hope this helped someone, and if the same thread exists elsewhere, feel free to smack me over the head
