introvert/extorvert/sextrovert

[mrblack]

Now I see all the facts laid out before my eyes. My biggest problem lies in my extreme introvertedness. What made the situation even worse was not being aware of this biologically based trait, all these past years. Therefore, when I tried to extrovert myself, it would just be awkward, to me and the audience, because I was far from congruent with it.

Nature is more powerful than we believe. But if there is no way out of this what can I do? Can will power alone make me who I want to be, the character who is able to express himself and his true emotions at any given moment? But some will argue that the introvert is expressing his true emotions by preferring solitude and avoidance of conversation, while it is the overly obnoxious extrovert is putting on a facade, of himself, by being 'lively, and faking their happiness and curiosity only because of their inner loneliness which they can only regulate by being social. I say this is gibberish. This is a generalization of those folks who TRY to extrovert to hard to a certain extent, where it's got everyone else thinking ...."Someone shut this retard up…he is trying waaaay tooo fycking hard."

But it not the extrovert or introvert that controls the world. It is those who know how to balance their temperaments. Extroverts, try reading a fycking book sometime. Hey you introvert, get the hell out of the library and go have that conversation with your brother or sister that you never had.

The facts are appearing before my eyes. An extreme introvert is not going to be able to live a happy life, because in the real world, they will be viewed as parasites that can easily be manipulated or ignored. In a family, a dominant extroverted father is necessary, who can take control of his kids and wife, and be able to understand one another’s emotion’s through conversation.

The introvert has difficulty engaging in small talk with people, which causes extreme difficulty trying to get a close relationship to someone. Many people do not understand that the introvert loses energy when trying to speak to people, so they just assume he just a selfish prick and/or does not care about anyone/anything.

We are not animals. Conversational skills are a necessity for humans trying to survive in this world run by extroverts. But introverts have an advantage. They have an ability that allows them to think deeply like no other. This sounds like gibberish, but introverts get a kick out of doing nothing, and just letting their minds wander wherever it takes them. And it’s been told in history that some of the greatest scientific laws where devised by those creepy introverts. Hmm… why don’t we forget about stop adding additional numbers to Pie, and learn to be better conversationalists.

This is a rant, to pass some time. And I want comments of those who are of either spectrum of the introvert/extrovert scale of anything that comes to mind.

I think what I’m trying to get at is, that we must not ignore our given genetic nature. The environment alone did not make us who we are. However, everyone can learn how to do something the right way. An improvement can be made, but not a vast improvement that will completely erase your true self…


I plan to investigate the topic in a much more scientific method in the future backed upon research.
14

 

[KarmaSutra]

I've known Introverts that have metamorphosized themselves into Extroverts. Never the other way around.


I'm living, breathing proof.



Karma

 

[uzio]

Adorable, but inaccurate. I
ll elaborate one I'll get back from the gym.

 

[Damian]

Well, the first step in solving a problem, is identifying it. Next, just see what you need to change to correct the problem.

Conversational skills are an absolute must-have in the modern world. I actually wrote a guide on Conversation skills. Check it out in the link below.

Click: Dimond_Lounge: Social Climates and Speaking

-Damian

 

[arlanda]

Do not use this "I am introvert" as an excuse.

Sure, most of the material out there is oriented towards the "outgoing/talkative" people and it WILL always work better for them. But I am sure we can do as good as them! Just try to open up a little and it will be enough even for you ... then just add the built-in mysteriousness.

 

[uzio]

Aaaall righty.

I was supposed to elaborate on this topic - so here goes.

Intro and extroversion are psychological terms describing the overall qualities of a person's character.

Pure introvert is usually reclusive, 'loner' type. Social interaction is kept to minimum and most of his/her life takes place inside of their heads. Introverts are usually territorial, self consious and private.

When it comes to socializing introverts prefer 1on1 or small groups. Large groups are exhausting and in 'killer' doses even depressing.

Pure extrovert is opposite. They are 'people's' people, all about social interaction. The whole world is is a place to meet people, chat and socialize. Extroverts have no notion of 'privacy'.

Extroverts have virtually no resistance to solitude. Highly extroverted person when kept in solitude will literally go mad after a while.

Neat? Ey?

Now the important part. There are no 'pure' intro and extroverts. All people are a mixture of both traits. The society leans about 66/34 into extroverted side, but each healthy individual is capable of all behaviours.

However - the leanings toward one or another side show the person's default 'modus operandi' - eg no consious effort to behave in that way. That is not possible to change - once the consious effort is gone, the person will snap back to the default behaviour.

Now - introversion is often associated with social anxiety, shyness and somesuch.

This isn't a part of the trait however. Western societies are very strong to 'force' people into socializing, putting great emphasis on having a great circle of friends. This puts a great stress on an introverted people and due to their natural traits - instead of developing into social people, they isolate themselves, low self esteem ensues with all the effects. (esp the 'everyone will judge me').

Healthy introvert will be just as apt in the social game as extrovert - alas in a different flavour. Extroverts are more of action people, introverts are more of idea people. But both can radiate strength and confidence.

 

[\O/]

Thanks for clearing that up Uzio.

I'm very extroverted in most social situations, but I don't NEED to be around lots of people and be out socializing all the time. I like solitude and I like to be on my own at times...

People who likes to spend alot of their time by themselves for whatever reason, aren't necessarily introverted right? They can be very extroverted and outgoing when in a social setting.

 

[Tazman]

As an introvert myself, I find it difficult to be more outgoing, but it's the only way I'll get laid (the way I want, with who I want) so start practicing. You can take small steps in the process and you'll be amazed at how much more comfortable you'll be talking to strangers. YOU MUST PRACTICE or you'll end up back at square one. I just got a job working at a mall near where I live, I'm jumping right into the thick of things because I'm not getting any younger. I was anxious going into the interview (no retail experience at all) but once I started talking to some of the people there I became much more at ease. You have to start somewhere, and whatever you do, DON'T STOP.

 

[mrblack]

An introvert can offer their two cents of the conversation, but it becomes extremely difficult and energy consuming to take the lead in the conversation.

thanks for summing up important information uzio

 

[tmpgstx]

There are different types of introverts though (same for extroverts). The Jung Topology test deciphers who and what you are.

If you're INTJ, then you lead conversations but sometimes too much (more than the person wanted or really needed to know). It's due to being thorough and a perfectionist (not leaving out any details and adding some no one probably thought of).

When dealing with people, if your an introverted thinking type, try to tone it down until you get to know the person better and a feel for what they would be interested in knowing more about.

 

[mrblack]

this is a good link somewhat relating academics to the subject

http://www.southend.wayne.edu/modules/news/article.php?storyid=1424

 

[DonJuanMonk]

Originally posted by tmpgstx
There are different types of introverts though (same for extroverts). The Jung Topology test deciphers who and what you are.

If you're INTJ, then you lead conversations but sometimes too much (more than the person wanted or really needed to know). It's due to being thorough and a perfectionist (not leaving out any details and adding some no one probably thought of).

When dealing with people, if your an introverted thinking type, try to tone it down until you get to know the person better and a feel for what they would be interested in knowing more about.

in other words, STFU and listen.

 

[DonJuanMonk]

Originally posted by dementia
extroverts aren't fake. They dont PRETEND they are outgoing, they are. They dont put on a front either. A fake does that.

Introverts get energy from their solitude alone time
Extroverts get it from behing around people

Its 2 opposite comfort zones.

I agree, extroverts may appear to be whimsical, I used to think that too that it's just a facade. Now that I think of it, they're just being themselves. I think Extroverts think Introverts are very selfish keeping to themselves, but if you spend time with one you'd find out that they can be pretty forthcoming with their ideas.

 

[mrblack]

up

 

[joekerr31]

introvert and extrovert are merely labels relating to social or group interaction.

most introverts, in 1:1 situations with someone they trust, can be comely OVERLY extroverted.

introverts do a lot of thinking and mulling over ideas and once they trust in someone, they can swamp them with their various thougths.

introverts generally are looking for deep, intense connections versus fluffy party hardy connections. they typically look for substance over quantity.

in fact, a lot of extroverts become quick introverted behind closed doors.

ive dated many chics who were the life of the party. i mean, you can't get these women to shut up or stop laughing and having fun when they are around other people. when you get home though they become quiet as a mouse.

ive dated shy girls who you can tell just observe the party and never really participate in it. once you are dating them and they trust you, and you get the home they WONT shut up (they also become quite the sex freaks also).

So I think the lesson I've learned is that "what you see is NOT what you get". the crazy chic with tons of energy that you think is goign to be bouncing off the ceiling while she f*cks you, usually ain't that great a lay. and the quiet shy chic (only once she comes to really trust you) becomes the talkative sex freak you always wanted.

go figure.

J

 

[SDBmania]

Originally posted by uzio
Aaaall righty.

I was supposed to elaborate on this topic - so here goes.

Intro and extroversion are psychological terms describing the overall qualities of a person's character.

Pure introvert is usually reclusive, 'loner' type. Social interaction is kept to minimum and most of his/her life takes place inside of their heads. Introverts are usually territorial, self consious and private.

When it comes to socializing introverts prefer 1on1 or small groups. Large groups are exhausting and in 'killer' doses even depressing.

Pure extrovert is opposite. They are 'people's' people, all about social interaction. The whole world is is a place to meet people, chat and socialize. Extroverts have no notion of 'privacy'.

Extroverts have virtually no resistance to solitude. Highly extroverted person when kept in solitude will literally go mad after a while.

Neat? Ey?

Now the important part. There are no 'pure' intro and extroverts. All people are a mixture of both traits. The society leans about 66/34 into extroverted side, but each healthy individual is capable of all behaviours.

However - the leanings toward one or another side show the person's default 'modus operandi' - eg no consious effort to behave in that way. That is not possible to change - once the consious effort is gone, the person will snap back to the default behaviour.

Now - introversion is often associated with social anxiety, shyness and somesuch.

This isn't a part of the trait however. Western societies are very strong to 'force' people into socializing, putting great emphasis on having a great circle of friends. This puts a great stress on an introverted people and due to their natural traits - instead of developing into social people, they isolate themselves, low self esteem ensues with all the effects. (esp the 'everyone will judge me').

Healthy introvert will be just as apt in the social game as extrovert - alas in a different flavour. Extroverts are more of action people, introverts are more of idea people. But both can radiate strength and confidence.

Very good post, I'm primary an introvert, but I can thrive in social enviroments.

 

[mrblack]

the following post can help add more insight

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=91137

 

[GSSH]

im an introvert... or was. well i guess i still am a little

ive always been one since i was small. super shy, and not outgoing. i was only comfortable around people i knew very well.

well 22 years later. things have definately changed. I think what mainly changed me was that i got over the fear, or that feeling of uneasiness around strangers. just do it. i got tired of being scared. and i just did it, and it's not bad. well mostly i think the military also changed my mindset about many things, that definately helped, but you don't need the military to change yourself, there are many other ways.