Introduction - 43 y/o "Player" AFC

[Bushmaster]

Introduction - Mature "Player" AFC

Hello. I recently found this forum and would like to give some background. Alot of this will sound self-disparaging but I'm coming from a better place currently. I'm in my early 40's, been married/divorced twice, been with ~100 women (mostly only ONS or STR for the sex). Struggled with low self-esteem my entire life. I've been bald since I was 25, I'm on the chubby side, shorter at 5'8", and I smoke.

The "Player" label I applied was because unless the seduction was natural, I tended to not be honest about my intentions with women, use them for sex and not call them or break up after 2-5 lays. Basically been a slave to my drive. Most pickups were women in the 5-7 range.

In 1999, I found the book "How to Succeed with Women", absorbed it like a sponge and attracted women out of the woodwork, lol, including my second wife was an "8" who had my son.

Several times in bars I have made out and moved to sex in quickly nearby without saying more than a few words.

I started to get into dating again this fall and have met several women online and have had sex with four since October. The latest woman is a few years older than me, was never married, well-off and in a great career and wants to just hook-up every time I see her, which has been 8-10 times over the last month. She is starting to text me more things like "thinking about you", etc. She is attractive, successful, and very sweet and respectful...but I'm feeling oneitis. I feel like I'm starting to supplicate and see her more than I want.

I don't want to break it off I just want to take control and stop being so passive-Is there a way to create more space and to manage expectations at this stage? Thanks for reading and the great resource.

 

[SecondHalf]

If you fear her being too astute to buy into your reasoning for slowing down and dumping you, then you have a legitimate reason to not see her for a week or two.

Such as ...
Vacation
Offsite training (or some such work thing if you can muster it).
Shift work, after hours support (again, depending on what you do).
A friend / relative visiting that you've not seen in some time.

After the momentum is slowed down a little, it is easier to control the pace that this time, you will set.

Regarding the texting ...
Tell her you prefer not to text affections, mundane occurrences, and regular life/day messages. It will sever a bit of the connection she's clearly trying to establish with you.

SH

 

[Bushmaster]

Thanks for the reply, SH. I work in sales with a set M-F schedule so artificial space is difficult. I do have my son this weekend which creates a few day's space. Thing is that she has introduced zero drama to the relationship and isn't likely to...I'm just not used to that.

 

[speed dawg]

Just see her less. Plenty of excuses. It's not like she knows every single detail of your life. On the texting stuff.....just respond to 1 of every 10 texts she sends. Regardless of what you're thinking, it's not going to drive you away to be unavailable for a little while. But be smart, dial things back slowly, or at least have a good excuse to do it quickly.

 

[Bushmaster]

My problem is I waiver from wanting to spin plates to a LTR so I end up failing at either.

Dating high value women also makes me complacent in adding more.

 

[corrector]

In 1999, I found the book "How to Succeed with Women", absorbed it like a sponge and attracted women out of the woodwork, lol, including my second wife was an "8" who had my son.

This is the best thing I've read apart from Espi's journals. Wow. That book works? Which advice did you find worked the most with you? I understand you have to memorize some canned lines on coffee dates and say "hi" to six women a day or some crazy sh1t like that. Seduction dates are a no-brainer.

I started to get into dating again this fall and have met several women online and have had sex with four since October.

Which dating site did you use?

T She is attractive, successful, and very sweet and respectful...but I'm feeling oneitis. I feel like I'm starting to supplicate and see her more than I want.

So what's wrong with that maybe this is what she is attracted to. With a person of your level of experience I find it difficult to believe you are asking questions on here about an issue that should be a no-brainer if you are really a player. You should have this all figured out. Are you a troll?

 

[Bushmaster]

This is the best thing I've read apart from Espi's journals. Wow. That book works? Which advice did you find worked the most with you? I understand you have to memorize some canned lines on coffee dates and say "hi" to six women a day or some crazy sh1t like that. Seduction dates are a no-brainer.



Which dating site did you use?



So what's wrong with that maybe this is what she is attracted to. With a person of your level of experience I find it difficult to believe you are asking questions on here about an issue that should be a no-brainer if you are really a player. You should have this all figured out. Are you a troll?

Heh, glad you found that amusing. Hard to believe you can't comprehend how a book on seduction wouldn't open the eyes of a SNAG (read the book) like I was at the time. But it sounds like you didn't actually read it, you're just running your mouth.

You also failed to correctly conclude that, I suck at relationships, hence my question. Congratulations. I see 90% of the questions on here as "no brainers", but they aren't to the guy asking them, so I stay out of their thread.

 

[JulieWatson31]

You mention oneitus coming on. The only cure I have found is to date several girls and split the interest between them. I mean 2/3 as more is a waste of my time.

Take a step back, relax and see what you want to do.