Introducing Myself + Situation Advice

[london_lad1986]

Hi all,

Been reading these forums for a while now but never felt compelled to contribute, I like the information provided on this forum and have managed to get some good action from using some of the material. However it is now that I would appreciate some advice on my current predicament.

I am trying to get with a woman at work who is 4 years older than me..I am nearly 25 and pretty mature so felt it should go on here.

The situation is, we have met during my lunch break for a drink and kissed (no tongues)

But I work day/night shifts at work when she works 5 days a week 9-5, sometimes I won't be at work for a week or 2 due to those shifts at the same time as her.

We are currently talking over BBM, but I am woefully bad at this side of things and feel that the longer its like that the further Im driving her away! I come across as weak and needy by text message and cant seem to change it!

I won't be at work for another week, was wondering what you guys think of the following.

Message I might use...'Was just thinking, I'm not back at work on days until next week..we should go for a drink after work this week i'll come down..as I know you wouldn't want to wait so long? x

or just continue the weak BBM chat as little as possible until im back at work when I intend to walk up to her desk and ask her out to lunch again?

Any insight would be appreciated

Cheers,

London_lad

 

[betheman]

how far apart do you two live? its worrying this is al being done a) at work, B) BBM (whatever that is) c) by text?

 

[london_lad1986]

BBM is BlackBerry Messenger...its an instant messaging thing

Yeah we live quite far away from eachother...and work is sort of central to were we both live.

Im not sure if asking for a meet outside of work hours too early on will make her feel uncomfortable or not..

 

[jophil28]

Message I might use...'Was just thinking, I'm not back at work on days until next week..we should go for a drink after work this week i'll come down..as I know you wouldn't want to wait so long? x

It's weak and hesitant. You sound like you are fumbling and stumbling.
The attempt at some kind of DJ humor in the last part also fails.

 

[london_lad1986]

You know Jophil..it's weird until someone points out those faults..you just think it's ok..funny thing is face to face I'm fine but I find it hard to project strength and confidence using text messaging..

Still anybody think that I should wait until I can confidently ask her face to face...or Message her to meet up before then?

 

[Bible_Belt]

I intend to walk up to her desk and ask her out


Be careful about that. In regard to women, being aggressive and assertive is good. However, in regard to women at work, asking them out is often construed as sexual harassment. Ask her to a casual, impromptu lunch, and then while out of the office, ask her out for another time.

And you are not her work supervisor or superior in any way, right? If the relationship sours, could it be damaging to your job or career? These are things to consider before engaging in a workplace romance.

 

[london_lad1986]

Yeah I intend to see how she is then say "Im at work the next couple of days, was thinking we should should meet for lunch again..."

No she works in a different department and if it went bad then it would not really affect me in a bad way, would just have to see her every now and then which is normal for relationships anyway.

With regards to the messaging, if im not good at it how often do you think i should message her?..I was thinking every other day just to let her know im still about.

 

[jophil28]

You know Jophil..it's weird until someone points out those faults..you just think it's ok..funny thing is face to face I'm fine but I find it hard to project strength and confidence using text messaging..

There is a way to text which you might try which works mostly.
THis style is designed to communiocate with women who are busy and usually take a few hours to respond, or who cannot pick up a call..

Text example ..." Drinks at Sam's Bar 7pm Thursday- you in ? "
This almost always receives a positive response from her " Yep, see you there " OR she will call you and discuss.

 

[Boilermaker]

There is a way to text which you might try which works mostly.
THis style is designed to communiocate with women who are busy and usually take a few hours to respond, or who cannot pick up a call..

Text example ..." Drinks at Sam's Bar 7pm Thursday- you in ? "
This almost always receives a positive response from her " Yep, see you there " OR she will call you and discuss.

How general is this method? I really like it, .. do you think it could be used to initiate first dates with plates that you've been spinning?..

 

[jophil28]

How general is this method? I really like it, .. do you think it could be used to initiate first dates with plates that you've been spinning?..

Good question, BM. What do you have to lose by experimenting?
I tend towards a no-nonsense approach these days. It tends to cut the weak, the stupid, the low IL women , and the flaky critters out of the herd.
The direct approach with a strong hint of dominance will a usually attract the more feminine and compliant of your contenders. To that extent it also serves to screen out those women who are difficult, feel entitled and are generally unsuitable to date.

Having said that I still like to use a phone, or face to face, to set up the first two or three dates.