Athos
Don Juan
Hey guys.
I came across this forum recently, and have read a lot of useful stuff on it.
So, I got into this PUA stuff say, about 1 1/2 months ago.
This thread is talking a little about my experiences so far, and asking for advice, opinions, information - because I know most of us here share fairly similar goals in regards to women.
My journey - and I'll call it a journey because learning to become a PUA changed my life.
I started out with Social Anxiety. Social phobia. What ever you want to call it. I'm still not certain what caused it, but I think it was just a crap load of negative thinking about myself - causing low self esteem, making me always anxious in any public situations. I use to feel nervous walking, because I thought people would be looking at me and judging me.
Okay so you can see how this might make my chances of meeting and attracting women a little hard. So yeah, I've been going through this for as long as I can remember and I always did wish I was better with girls.
So this is when a friend of mine recommended one of these audio books and so I began getting into this stuff.
After listening to that, I began looking up more and more stuff, until it became a passion and as we say, a life style. But it has, and is helping me two fold because it is helping me beat my anxiety. Anxiety that 9 months of Anti-depressants couldn't fix. I'll always stick to the theory that medication is not a really a solution - just fixes symptoms temporarily. Admittedly this didn't even do that.
I no longer look at any social interaction the same way. I am a LOT more confident and even when I'm feeling anxious (I guess its just due to years of feeling that way and my subconscious just doing what it was programmed to do) I never let it show in my body language. My stance, the way I walk, my facial expressions (I'm always smiling) and all that jazz don't show it.
So right now, yeah just working on fixing the anxiety which really goes hand in hand with inner game I guess - can't attract girls until you're confident.
Anyway, so recently I took up a hobby - Ice skating. Funnily enough, the friend who got me into PUA also got me into this. He works there so he introduced me to a fair few people there. So anyway, long story short, met this girl through his introduction, as I still had some fear with the approach. This was of course heavily influenced by my social anxiety, so yeah anyway, I was just employing all the PUA stuff I had learnt.
Confident body language, kept the conversation light, not sure how I went about DHV, but I did interject humour in here and there. She's a better skater then me - figure skater for 4 years so far etc. I had a couple of friends that were completely new to skating who I had invited over that day and yeah I called her over when she was skating and asked her to give my friends some tips.
I think we kept talking a bit, I was making huge improvements in both skating and with my anxiety, so I was feeling pretty happy/confident, I'm not sure if that had something to do with it yeah but we talked a bit and then when the skating session was over, I don't really remember what I was thinking.
I think I was just practising my game - as it was one of my first experiences actually talking to a girl in this situation after knowing about all this PUA stuff.
A bit of back ground before I continue here:
My friend had helped me a lot to get to this point; we'd go to shopping mall's and first off I started just talking to girls asking for the time. After this we started going into shops with female staff, just talking to them never really trying to get numbers and not really aiming for attractive girls, any girl was fair game. A lot of this was just to get me use to talking to strangers and help me with my fear of approach/build self confidence and beat the social anxiety that I had.
Okay back to the story:
At this point, I wasn't think about getting her number. Was still a bit nervous, and I wasn't sure at that point if I had built enough attraction, really we hadn't talked for more then 10 minutes? But yeah she was nice, seemed pretty cool and before she left she said "text me". So, I said "I don't have your number" and yeah I took my phone out and she said she'd type it in so I handed it to her.
Yeah well, after this we got out and I was waiting for my mate to finish work to leave, and so we were just talking about stuff. At this point I believe I was just on auto-pilot, and the only thing I remember actively practising was open, confident/relaxed, taking up space body language, while leaning back.
Also I remember occasionally body rocking and I noticed that as I leaned back on the counter (I was pretty much locked in here) that she had moved closer to hear what I was saying, and was actually fairly close - at least closer she needed to be.
I think at least by now I should rate her and I'd have to say 6/10, she wasn't really 'hot' but she wasn't that bad either, so I'd have to say 6 seems like a safe bet.
I was just talking to her about casual stuff, just getting to know her really - and then something finally clicked in my head when I realized I already had her number and by continuing the conversation too long I could be reducing my value, so I said I was really thirsty (admittedly I was) and said I was going to go get some water a few metres away, right beside the skate hire booth.
So yeah, I went in was drinking water, just analysing my game so far in my head. I think at this point something I was thinking was "This was too easy, maybe the girl is just really friendly or gives her number to everyone etc." After this I had a brief episode of negative thinking where I remember I suddenly felt like I should down play my recent success by saying maybe she's insecure or something herself which I now realize isn't right.
Anyway, lets fast forward to the next day around 7 or 8 pm. I txted her saying 'Hi' and she said 'sorry who is this?' Fairly fast reply. So I said 'You must give your number out to a lot of guys if you don't remember me, haha' so she took a guess or something and I said my name. Back and forth texting, I asked her if she liked pool and then I said I'd never met a girl that was good at pool. So she says 'Id be good if you taught me haha'. I took this as an IOI and as it goes, I said 'Hmm... I charge though'. She replied something like 'Ooh sneaky!' and then 'What do you want?' or something of that sort. I carried it on with 'Depends.. what currency do you pay in?'
Anyway, ended in us meeting today to play pool, she texted me few times throughout the day in the afternoon.
Greeting was a hug. We played. She told me she'd never played before in her life etc. she wasn't very good, but that was expected. I wasn't sure what sort of tactic to employ here really. Pool is one of those expertise areas that I have and I didn't want her to get bored and feel bad, so basically I taught her her how to hold the cue, like how to keep her arm and bridge hand. Several times that I did use kino, but kept it fairly casual and I was feeling a bit nervous about this and I unfortunately did not escalate. I let her move the ball around etc. take as many shots as she wanted to get the ball in and stuff like that, because I sensed a little insecurity already from her as she was commenting here and their that she didn't want to look bad and that she doesn't want to embarrass herself. S
o, yeah I was focused fairly internal, just taking shots here and there and trying to keep myself and her entertained - I did compliment her shots a lot as I kept telling her she was getting better or nice shot etc. Occasionally I did neg on some bad shots but yeah.
So yeah, after that we went and grabbed some food, well I did, and she watched me eat lol because she was on a diet or something but yeah. She had to leave by 9.30 to get home at her 10 PM curfew and yeah, so just a hugged her good bye and left after eating.
All right, that's all I can remember of it.
Okay, now I had several reasons for creating this thread.
One of them is that though everything went fairly good, I was in a fairly low mood. Like after the texting and stuff and after I basically had her asking me to ask her out, I had a brief period where I was happy but it was short lived.
Followed by this unhappy mood, it's inexplicable and I just can't understand it, so since yesterday night after we decided to go out tonight, I've been hazarding guesses at what's causing it.
I think maybe I somehow feel guilty that I may be toying with this girls emotions. Or like feeling bad for her because I think I'm not "that" into her as I think she might be into me. But yeah, I really can't understand it - she's a fairly cool person to hang out with and I enjoyed her company. Yet, I still feel bad.
Is it because I think I'm manipulating her? The goal of a PUA is to have fun and not be outcome concerned, but it seems I almost feel like it was too easy and I feel like crap for no damn reason, lol. I think I'm not "that" attracted to her and this combined with these guilt/negative feelings resulted in me not escalating kino, though I had several easy opportunities to do so; in fact I'm pretty sure the girl was hoping I would.
TL;DR: First girl picked up with PUA, first date, everything going fairly well, yet I feel bad. Can you help me figure out why? And how I stop this.
I would REALLY appreciate if you could give your opinions, comments, and advice on this issue.
Cheers everyone.
P.S. I don't blame you if you don't read through all of it. Not even sure how I managed to type all of that.
I came across this forum recently, and have read a lot of useful stuff on it.
So, I got into this PUA stuff say, about 1 1/2 months ago.
This thread is talking a little about my experiences so far, and asking for advice, opinions, information - because I know most of us here share fairly similar goals in regards to women.
My journey - and I'll call it a journey because learning to become a PUA changed my life.
I started out with Social Anxiety. Social phobia. What ever you want to call it. I'm still not certain what caused it, but I think it was just a crap load of negative thinking about myself - causing low self esteem, making me always anxious in any public situations. I use to feel nervous walking, because I thought people would be looking at me and judging me.
Okay so you can see how this might make my chances of meeting and attracting women a little hard. So yeah, I've been going through this for as long as I can remember and I always did wish I was better with girls.
So this is when a friend of mine recommended one of these audio books and so I began getting into this stuff.
After listening to that, I began looking up more and more stuff, until it became a passion and as we say, a life style. But it has, and is helping me two fold because it is helping me beat my anxiety. Anxiety that 9 months of Anti-depressants couldn't fix. I'll always stick to the theory that medication is not a really a solution - just fixes symptoms temporarily. Admittedly this didn't even do that.
I no longer look at any social interaction the same way. I am a LOT more confident and even when I'm feeling anxious (I guess its just due to years of feeling that way and my subconscious just doing what it was programmed to do) I never let it show in my body language. My stance, the way I walk, my facial expressions (I'm always smiling) and all that jazz don't show it.
So right now, yeah just working on fixing the anxiety which really goes hand in hand with inner game I guess - can't attract girls until you're confident.
Anyway, so recently I took up a hobby - Ice skating. Funnily enough, the friend who got me into PUA also got me into this. He works there so he introduced me to a fair few people there. So anyway, long story short, met this girl through his introduction, as I still had some fear with the approach. This was of course heavily influenced by my social anxiety, so yeah anyway, I was just employing all the PUA stuff I had learnt.
Confident body language, kept the conversation light, not sure how I went about DHV, but I did interject humour in here and there. She's a better skater then me - figure skater for 4 years so far etc. I had a couple of friends that were completely new to skating who I had invited over that day and yeah I called her over when she was skating and asked her to give my friends some tips.
I think we kept talking a bit, I was making huge improvements in both skating and with my anxiety, so I was feeling pretty happy/confident, I'm not sure if that had something to do with it yeah but we talked a bit and then when the skating session was over, I don't really remember what I was thinking.
I think I was just practising my game - as it was one of my first experiences actually talking to a girl in this situation after knowing about all this PUA stuff.
A bit of back ground before I continue here:
My friend had helped me a lot to get to this point; we'd go to shopping mall's and first off I started just talking to girls asking for the time. After this we started going into shops with female staff, just talking to them never really trying to get numbers and not really aiming for attractive girls, any girl was fair game. A lot of this was just to get me use to talking to strangers and help me with my fear of approach/build self confidence and beat the social anxiety that I had.
Okay back to the story:
At this point, I wasn't think about getting her number. Was still a bit nervous, and I wasn't sure at that point if I had built enough attraction, really we hadn't talked for more then 10 minutes? But yeah she was nice, seemed pretty cool and before she left she said "text me". So, I said "I don't have your number" and yeah I took my phone out and she said she'd type it in so I handed it to her.
Yeah well, after this we got out and I was waiting for my mate to finish work to leave, and so we were just talking about stuff. At this point I believe I was just on auto-pilot, and the only thing I remember actively practising was open, confident/relaxed, taking up space body language, while leaning back.
Also I remember occasionally body rocking and I noticed that as I leaned back on the counter (I was pretty much locked in here) that she had moved closer to hear what I was saying, and was actually fairly close - at least closer she needed to be.
I think at least by now I should rate her and I'd have to say 6/10, she wasn't really 'hot' but she wasn't that bad either, so I'd have to say 6 seems like a safe bet.
I was just talking to her about casual stuff, just getting to know her really - and then something finally clicked in my head when I realized I already had her number and by continuing the conversation too long I could be reducing my value, so I said I was really thirsty (admittedly I was) and said I was going to go get some water a few metres away, right beside the skate hire booth.
So yeah, I went in was drinking water, just analysing my game so far in my head. I think at this point something I was thinking was "This was too easy, maybe the girl is just really friendly or gives her number to everyone etc." After this I had a brief episode of negative thinking where I remember I suddenly felt like I should down play my recent success by saying maybe she's insecure or something herself which I now realize isn't right.
Anyway, lets fast forward to the next day around 7 or 8 pm. I txted her saying 'Hi' and she said 'sorry who is this?' Fairly fast reply. So I said 'You must give your number out to a lot of guys if you don't remember me, haha' so she took a guess or something and I said my name. Back and forth texting, I asked her if she liked pool and then I said I'd never met a girl that was good at pool. So she says 'Id be good if you taught me haha'. I took this as an IOI and as it goes, I said 'Hmm... I charge though'. She replied something like 'Ooh sneaky!' and then 'What do you want?' or something of that sort. I carried it on with 'Depends.. what currency do you pay in?'
Anyway, ended in us meeting today to play pool, she texted me few times throughout the day in the afternoon.
Greeting was a hug. We played. She told me she'd never played before in her life etc. she wasn't very good, but that was expected. I wasn't sure what sort of tactic to employ here really. Pool is one of those expertise areas that I have and I didn't want her to get bored and feel bad, so basically I taught her her how to hold the cue, like how to keep her arm and bridge hand. Several times that I did use kino, but kept it fairly casual and I was feeling a bit nervous about this and I unfortunately did not escalate. I let her move the ball around etc. take as many shots as she wanted to get the ball in and stuff like that, because I sensed a little insecurity already from her as she was commenting here and their that she didn't want to look bad and that she doesn't want to embarrass herself. S
o, yeah I was focused fairly internal, just taking shots here and there and trying to keep myself and her entertained - I did compliment her shots a lot as I kept telling her she was getting better or nice shot etc. Occasionally I did neg on some bad shots but yeah.
So yeah, after that we went and grabbed some food, well I did, and she watched me eat lol because she was on a diet or something but yeah. She had to leave by 9.30 to get home at her 10 PM curfew and yeah, so just a hugged her good bye and left after eating.
All right, that's all I can remember of it.
Okay, now I had several reasons for creating this thread.
One of them is that though everything went fairly good, I was in a fairly low mood. Like after the texting and stuff and after I basically had her asking me to ask her out, I had a brief period where I was happy but it was short lived.
Followed by this unhappy mood, it's inexplicable and I just can't understand it, so since yesterday night after we decided to go out tonight, I've been hazarding guesses at what's causing it.
I think maybe I somehow feel guilty that I may be toying with this girls emotions. Or like feeling bad for her because I think I'm not "that" into her as I think she might be into me. But yeah, I really can't understand it - she's a fairly cool person to hang out with and I enjoyed her company. Yet, I still feel bad.
Is it because I think I'm manipulating her? The goal of a PUA is to have fun and not be outcome concerned, but it seems I almost feel like it was too easy and I feel like crap for no damn reason, lol. I think I'm not "that" attracted to her and this combined with these guilt/negative feelings resulted in me not escalating kino, though I had several easy opportunities to do so; in fact I'm pretty sure the girl was hoping I would.
TL;DR: First girl picked up with PUA, first date, everything going fairly well, yet I feel bad. Can you help me figure out why? And how I stop this.
I would REALLY appreciate if you could give your opinions, comments, and advice on this issue.
Cheers everyone.
P.S. I don't blame you if you don't read through all of it. Not even sure how I managed to type all of that.