Hi, looking some feedback on how I've done with this one girl lately, framing this as a really good opportunity to learn from whatever has happened.
So basically I've been trying to engage with the DJ side of things with the immediate goal of defeating approach anxiety, getting more dates with long term goal of a relationship. I'm not too bad with talking to women at all and can approach quite well in a club or when drunk, problem is a lot of the women I meet when out aren't really what I'm looking for and end up wasting time so off the back of tihash's daytime journal have been increasing my number of daytime approaches.
So with this one girl, met her in a coffee house, she was sitting on her own reading and i approached and opened started chatting and she's quite a chatty girl, which helps me and it went really well, number closed, called two days later set up date, went on date she drove to mine, 45mins away (meal, then drinks in another bar, then back to my place) Went well, good convo, escalated well with kino. Had the intention of kiss closing at the end of the night at her car but invited her back to flat and we have this cool rooftop terrace so time was ripe and kissed her then. Kissed for around 20 mins, then she left, had to be back to her place.
After this had the usual texts and calls, she was contacting just about everyday, she'd even get drunk at uni, and call me at 4am, etc. Told her off about it, but was still a signal of interest. Anyway that carried on and we saw each other 4 more times, each time we'd do something then go back to whoevers place was nearest and end up watching a movie just lying in bed for hours kissing and doing stuff, the third time, fourth time she was on period. During this period she is talking/joking about things getting more serious, I went with it but never initiated it, so she was the one going off in her head about where it was going, I know I'd done this in the past and desn't lead to anything good for me, so I allowed her to chase, she was contacting me at least 3 times for every 1.
The fourth time she came round to mine for the full day 1pm, we went to Ikea to get some tuff for our flats, got a costa coffee and went for a walk on way back (it was around quite an affluent area so we were looking in estate agents at million pound homes having a laugh, she'd be joking like, "ooh lets buy that one" and I'd joke around "Well yeah could've done, but havn't got the right change now I've bought the coffee, etc. etc. ") came back to mine, laid on bed, watching youtbue, listening to music, chatting, playing guitar, doing 'stuff'. Later went into the lounge watched x-factor, she bought chinese takeaway, she was laid on me going to sleep, and I said she could stay, knew nothing was going to happen she was on period, she was debating and then because I got work next day, I said traffic might be busy in morning for her to get back to uni in time for lectures. I dunno if this put her nose out of joint or what!
Interestingly she talked about she didn't like it when she realised guys were just out for sex. I said we'll have to have a sleepover when either of us don't have to be up next day. Now whether she took sleepover to mean something more than I meant it idk. Also when I first stayed round at hers, her housemates all ran into her room and put like 100 rubbers in her bed. Basically there were lots of IOIs and seemed like she was really intersted.
After this Ikea day, it all went a bit wrong...
She text to say she'd got home ok. Didn't hear anything next day. Called her the day after, it was her birthday in 6 days and I said about taking her out for her bday. She said something odd about "not knowing with so much work on at school and really struggling this year starting back at school and money and that she doesn't want me spending money on her cos she doesn't know.... etc. etc. After that we talked perfectly normally about week ahead and normal stuff (kinda blindsided me so I thought best reaction was to remain cool and calm and not react too much, in case she was testing to break her own state)"
Ever since she's not contacted once, I called her three days later, talked about normal stuff, she has been busy with bday nights out, she was angry with me not being able to make her night out cos my sister was staying, that was when she was still contacting regularly though. I text her on bday saying happy birthday and all that, she replied fine, i didn't reply.
So what does everyone think happened there? I'm at a bit of a loss. Its now day after her bday. Anyone know where to go from here? No contact? To call and say "heard what you said about spending money on you, do you wanna hang out (basically meaning what we had been doing but without any of the expensive activities - she is a student)?"
If she doesn't, which is what I'm expecting, I can say "so maybe I'm being dumb, but what happened in that one day" Part of this would function as a bit of closure (bad, I know) and part would be for learning.
I'm wondering if money is an issue, it takes 40 mins to get to each other - petrol and the first date I paid for meal £40 and she felt obliged to buy the chinese, for her £10 is alot. I dunno if thats entering her midn and she thinks I want to be doing expensive stuff.
During this time I was spinning two other plates, both just texting and calling, no dates yet.
Any views?
So basically I've been trying to engage with the DJ side of things with the immediate goal of defeating approach anxiety, getting more dates with long term goal of a relationship. I'm not too bad with talking to women at all and can approach quite well in a club or when drunk, problem is a lot of the women I meet when out aren't really what I'm looking for and end up wasting time so off the back of tihash's daytime journal have been increasing my number of daytime approaches.
So with this one girl, met her in a coffee house, she was sitting on her own reading and i approached and opened started chatting and she's quite a chatty girl, which helps me and it went really well, number closed, called two days later set up date, went on date she drove to mine, 45mins away (meal, then drinks in another bar, then back to my place) Went well, good convo, escalated well with kino. Had the intention of kiss closing at the end of the night at her car but invited her back to flat and we have this cool rooftop terrace so time was ripe and kissed her then. Kissed for around 20 mins, then she left, had to be back to her place.
After this had the usual texts and calls, she was contacting just about everyday, she'd even get drunk at uni, and call me at 4am, etc. Told her off about it, but was still a signal of interest. Anyway that carried on and we saw each other 4 more times, each time we'd do something then go back to whoevers place was nearest and end up watching a movie just lying in bed for hours kissing and doing stuff, the third time, fourth time she was on period. During this period she is talking/joking about things getting more serious, I went with it but never initiated it, so she was the one going off in her head about where it was going, I know I'd done this in the past and desn't lead to anything good for me, so I allowed her to chase, she was contacting me at least 3 times for every 1.
The fourth time she came round to mine for the full day 1pm, we went to Ikea to get some tuff for our flats, got a costa coffee and went for a walk on way back (it was around quite an affluent area so we were looking in estate agents at million pound homes having a laugh, she'd be joking like, "ooh lets buy that one" and I'd joke around "Well yeah could've done, but havn't got the right change now I've bought the coffee, etc. etc. ") came back to mine, laid on bed, watching youtbue, listening to music, chatting, playing guitar, doing 'stuff'. Later went into the lounge watched x-factor, she bought chinese takeaway, she was laid on me going to sleep, and I said she could stay, knew nothing was going to happen she was on period, she was debating and then because I got work next day, I said traffic might be busy in morning for her to get back to uni in time for lectures. I dunno if this put her nose out of joint or what!
Interestingly she talked about she didn't like it when she realised guys were just out for sex. I said we'll have to have a sleepover when either of us don't have to be up next day. Now whether she took sleepover to mean something more than I meant it idk. Also when I first stayed round at hers, her housemates all ran into her room and put like 100 rubbers in her bed. Basically there were lots of IOIs and seemed like she was really intersted.
After this Ikea day, it all went a bit wrong...
She text to say she'd got home ok. Didn't hear anything next day. Called her the day after, it was her birthday in 6 days and I said about taking her out for her bday. She said something odd about "not knowing with so much work on at school and really struggling this year starting back at school and money and that she doesn't want me spending money on her cos she doesn't know.... etc. etc. After that we talked perfectly normally about week ahead and normal stuff (kinda blindsided me so I thought best reaction was to remain cool and calm and not react too much, in case she was testing to break her own state)"
Ever since she's not contacted once, I called her three days later, talked about normal stuff, she has been busy with bday nights out, she was angry with me not being able to make her night out cos my sister was staying, that was when she was still contacting regularly though. I text her on bday saying happy birthday and all that, she replied fine, i didn't reply.
So what does everyone think happened there? I'm at a bit of a loss. Its now day after her bday. Anyone know where to go from here? No contact? To call and say "heard what you said about spending money on you, do you wanna hang out (basically meaning what we had been doing but without any of the expensive activities - she is a student)?"
If she doesn't, which is what I'm expecting, I can say "so maybe I'm being dumb, but what happened in that one day" Part of this would function as a bit of closure (bad, I know) and part would be for learning.
I'm wondering if money is an issue, it takes 40 mins to get to each other - petrol and the first date I paid for meal £40 and she felt obliged to buy the chinese, for her £10 is alot. I dunno if thats entering her midn and she thinks I want to be doing expensive stuff.
During this time I was spinning two other plates, both just texting and calling, no dates yet.
Any views?