Internet Dating

[Dirtheart]

I have just been speaking to a friend of mine who is soon to be married to a man she met via an Internet dating agency. After my recent relationship failure she suggested I give it a try. A lot of interesting theories and facts came from this discussion, so I thought I'd share them.

This, however, will only be of interest to those seeking LTRs or romance, not players or PUAs.


The advantages

*Women using online dating agencies are rarely hos. They are seeking company and romance, and they're there because their alternatives are limited.

*Most women here are craving affection and will fall in love with ease.

*You can run your game in a composed manner, without being impeded by nervousness or fear.

*You can build strong psychological attraction and get to know each other on a deeper level than you might in real life.

*You can take your pick of many women.

*You can plot your strategy in advance.

*You can practise C+F, neg hits and all you like without fearing harsh repercussions.

*You can bail at any time and move on.



The disadvantages

*You aren't seeing each other in person and there's room for deception.

*It takes time to build trust and affection. No chance of getting laid immediately.

*There are chances a woman may be weird, become obsessed or even dangerous.

*There are jokers, looking to exploit people for fun.

*If photos don't flatter you, you'll find it hard to get your foot in the door.



Tips and advice

*Online dating is a different game. You have to nurture relationships, show women what they claim to want in a guy - trustworthy, nice, warm etc - in order to create the impression of their perfect man and get them hooked to this belief. Once you have established this, then it's time to play cool and indifferent. If you act cool too soon, you will not match their idea of the perfect man.

*Restrain yourself sexually. Women online find guys who are forward to be creepy and desperate. They will either toy with you or ignore you.

*Be polite at all times and show them you can be a friend. These women are after good company, so the friendzone doesn't apply so much online.

*MAKE SURE YOU BOTH HAVE A WEBCAM!!! This is very important for a number of reasons. First of all, photos are deceptive - they catch a person in a certain light, from a certain angle and at a certain time. A web cam allows you to see each other in the present, from different perspectives and also shows each other's expressions.

What's more, it's easy to see a photo and profile and allow your mind to fill in the blanks and form a fake impression. You will both end up creating a fantasy person in your mind and falling in love with him/her. NOBODY can live upto that and meeting in person will shatter your illusion. If you are seeing each other over webcam, you will at least be able to form your impression around a realistic image.

Web cams also create intimacy. You are seeing each other in a cosy, relaxed environment while chatting one on one.

*When meeting up, make it short and public. If things don't work out, it's easier to get through a few hours in a bar/cafe than a weekend in a hotel or your home.



Anyway, that's about all I have to offer. I have not tried online dating for myself (yet), but this advice comes from a woman who has been into it for two years and had 2 LTRs including her current.

If anyone else has something to add or disputes anything here, please go ahead...

 

[becker]

The gal in my posts in the other forum was one I met online and in person a while ago, and she was everything I wanted in a girl so it seemed, and she was totally into me as well. We swapped pictures back and forth and she seemed to like me a lot. Things changed when I met her in person because I felt I built up the relationship so much after talking to her for a month online, so when I met her, I acted like I knew her forever. I would walk with my arm around her from the moment I met her, and we were acting like we were a couple or something. It was quite strange for both of us. Anyways, she sort of freaked out, and things haven't been the same since. She gave me the whole "I'm not ready" and all this friendship stuff. She's in the middle of a divorce, so it's understandable.

Despite this, be careful, my best advice is that when you meet them in person, treat it as though it was the FIRST time you've met, and disregard all the internet conversations as much as you can.

 

[Dirtheart]

Thanks for that advice Becker. I can imagine when you meet first time it's like meeting a stranger. As you say it sounds like a very wise idea to meet as though meeting for the first time or perhaps make it clear you are meeting as friends only, to get to know each other, and then progress from there if it works out.

I've always been sceptical about online dating, but that was before I realised the power of psychological attraction. I think it could work exceptionally well if done right.

I should also add that I have another friend who got married a few years ago to a girl he met online. They are both very ugly. He's a typical nerd and she's a BIG and rather slovenly woman. Yet they fell in love with each other in a way that transcends physical appearance.

I also have another friend who build up a relationship with a girl in Norway. They met for the first time and she was not attracted to him at all. She backed off, but then about 2 months later she got back in touch and invited him to stay with her and they've been dating long distance ever since. It may be that she just needed time to adjust her mental image and associate her feelings with the guy she met rather than the guy she created in her head.

I find it quite fascinating.

 

[becker]

Hey, no problem, I figure someone else should learn from my lesson. It's too bad since this girl was so good for me, and I sort of ruined it. If only I had taken the approach I said above. She is cool with being friends with me, so if I can somehow get her to hang out, which is sort of difficult even though I tell her we're friends since it has already been put out there that I'm interested in her, and she was interested in me, then I'll be able to see where that leads. I figure if the attraction was built over the internet and you guys talk enough so that you can actually develop feelings over the internet, then when you meet in person, and she freaks out at all, you know that it's more the situation hopefully than anything else.

I'm going to ask this girl to hang out next weekend, since I'm very busy this week. I hope she'll agree to it, and we can establish a good friendship if nothing else.

 

[DJ_Dork]

Just be friendly to them, let it come naturally and don't spend too much time online chit chatting.