I want to share with ya'll what my experiences with online dating have been; you might agree or disagree;
short version; its great !
longer version;
1.
select the dating service that suits you and your needs carefully; follow some basic security meassures-never straying from these.
if the women arent your type, change dating service
dont subscribe for more than 2-3 months even though they give discount for 1 year subscriptions, cause you wont be using the service for much longer, and since most services state when you began, you wont give the impression that you are the perpetual dater !, close your old account and start a new; reuse profile text if it is working, but use new picture and refrase first 3 - 5 lines of the profile text
using more than one dating service can mean trouble if you dont keep track of where you met who ?
2.
present yourself with the syle as a DJ, sofistication, suaveness, but not as a player. Dont come on strong; less is more. Subtle stead of direct.
3.
Write a good profile, but one that IS you. Dont be dumb-honest and tell all in the profile. Dont say that you have humor; show it in your text.
Keep the profile at a reasonable lenght: no telegrams ( you arnt paying by word here ), and no novels.
Dont sound desperate or nervous.
Write both about yourself and what you seek in a woman.
Use words that contain feelings and create pictures; you like to have a steaming hot coffee at a cosy café
4.
Include a picture or at least write; i'll send a picture to you if you like (hell i'll handdeliver it to you, if you ask me politely), but due to my job (whatever) I am reluctant to have my picture hanging around the internet *and* then describe yourself as truthfully as you can.
5.
Dont sit around waiting for women to contact you.
6.
Use whatever search-option you have to get a list of potential dating objects (pdo's).
Dont limit yourself; you dont know whether the pdo's have presented themselves truthfully in their information.
Keep copies of every PDO profile that you are interested in. They might cancel their subscription for any reason. Most computers nowadays can print a window to a PDF-file.
Keep records of what you wrote and she wrote. Believe you-me; she will at one point remember that you said x in email number 2 and now you are saying the opposite ?
Keep what you tell about yourself simple and within certain limits; else you cant remember to whom you told what.
7.
Write to every pdo you want to; dont limit yourself. Write to as many as you have time to write to. This is a numbers game.
Do not *repeat* DO NOT only write to women who have a picture in their profile.
My experience have shown that women with a picture ( good looking women at least ) get so many mails from would-be boyfriends that your mail will drown in the avalanche of messages.
Good looking women with a picture also know that they look good and are more prone to be AW's
And do you know that the picture is of her, and recent, and not before she opted to drown her love-sorrows in Haagen-Dasz ?
Do yourself the favor and read the profiles that come without a photo. Women might not have a picture for so many various reasons; they actually look good but know from friends that girls with good looks & a picture get too many mails.
PDO's without photo also tend to be happy to get a mail from you, because everybody writes to PDO's with photo's only.
My success with writing to PDO's with photo has been limited; but writing to PDO's without a profile picture is remarkable.
Always ask for a photo and always include a photo if you dont have one in your profile.
8.
Visit the dating-site at least every second day and check for new women; write these women ASAP
Getting to be one of the first to mail her will be a huge advantage for you.
9.
When you write to a woman;
read carefully what she has written in her profile and then try to find one or 2 points that you can comment on.
be a bit flirtacious, double entendre's are just fine, but with style
being ****y in email is a tricky one, since you dont know what kind of humor she has; use smileys a lot
annoy her in a funny, not annoying way; if she made a spelling error point it out, but only if you can make a joke of it, not just to put her down
if there are ANY inconsistencies; point them out
it might be a huge red flag that you should avoid her, or it could be to your advantage that she sees that you actually read what she wrote
always ask questions, but relevant questions regarding what she wrote; give her a good reason to get back to you
if possible mimick her way of writing, and get some mindgames going
fx. case-scenario from my mails:
I prefer nonsmokers but made a mistake overlooking that this PDO was a smoker, but she had a lot else going for her. She mailed back that she is a smoker. So I replied; gee what a shame, you know, cause kissing a woman that smokes is kinda like kissing the ashtray, so I guess well be like 2 ships at night, just passing. She replied; I dont want to be left alone on the ocean so i'll promise I'll brush my teeth before each time we meet !
10.
Do nots when you write a woman;
- i've read your profile and I couldnt believe that we were just so compatible
- i've could have written exactly what you wrote
- hi, am interested, get back to me
- hi, i have a large house and 3 mercedes but miss you in my life
- hi, if I dont reply you you at once its because i'm off to my second home in Aspen
- dont tell *anything* about past dating experiences
11.
More do nots:
- dont mention sex or sexual preferences unless the dating forum is called Onenightstand.com or
QuickF***.biz
12.
Make it clear in your profile or your first mail, that you are not into long'ish mails. Its when you meet in person that the chemestry can be found or not.
Be *really* casual about this; you are not wanting a dinner date, just a coffe date.
13.
What if her profile is very short ?
Tell her that she is not paying by word, but despite the little she wrote, you got a hunch that there was a lot more, that you wanted to find out about.
14.
If she doesnt provide a photo pretty quickly; tease her about it at first. She might not have a scanner og any friends with photo-cell-phones, but this is basically a big red flag. NEXT her at own will.
15.
Be prepared for being tested;
she might get 'angry' with you for writing something
she might think that, because you havent any children that you lack the kind of maturity she is looking for
REMEMBER; this is only testing you to see whether you will turn wussy and apologetic to her
stand fast ! never apologize for what you have written and what you are
get back at her and say something like; whaov and we havent even met yet, and you think you know me ? what are you; Janice Freud ?
above all; stay calm, witty and treat her like an obnoxious little sister but never putting her down, like if you are having a grand time mailing with her
she will do anyhting to see if you will turn wussy on her; this can go on for several emails, and she might even throw the ultimate test at you;
"hey to be honest i dont know whether we should continue this. i mean you sound a bit of a challenge, and that is good, but i'm not sure if its worth it" one PDO actually wrote this to me !
answer back; "hey it takes two to tango !" and then do a follow up on something that you know she just *have* to reply to
operative word here is that you got to get the conversation flowing, so that she will want to reply you; she will be waiting for your reply; she will need to know more about you; and will need to meet you in person
she is typically emailing with perhaps 5 - 10 others at the same time, so you must stay interesting and mysterious
once she got you labelled, you are history in the email stage of dating
16.
No matter how good the emailing is; move on to a coffee date ASAP. No pressure from you, just a single statement, that all this email is kinda OK, a meeting face to face is better. If she doesnt agree at first, she might be shy / timid or just wasting your time. Tease her that she can bring all her girlfriends if she like; in fact tell her to be sure that her girlfriends have their phone numbers written down in advance so they dont have to share your pen. But do this respectfully in a manner not putting her down.
TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 2
