Interesting case

[Die Hard]

This post is gonna reek of 'overthinking', which implies too much outcome dependency etc. But trust me, if there's ANYTHING occupying my mind regarding last night, it's the fact that I saw my ex (yeah, the one that turned me into a mess for the last few months) at the same party and how to deal with THAT experience!!
I just like playing Sherlock Holmes and want to share an interesting case with you:

Met a girl at a party. I didn't really open her, just grabbed her and started dancing on a very slow song. She had her arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer, making her leg rub against my d!ck while we danced. The song ended and we started talking a bit. Very basic, where do you live, what do you do for a living, blah blah. We also found out that we both go out to a few of the same places now and then.

Anyway, the night was already coming to an end at that point, many people had already left and me and my friends had also just agreed to leave in 10 minutes. So after talking a short bit, I tell her: "Hey, it's time for me to go, so let me get your phone number"

She hesitates for a moment, then says "No". I gave her a surprised look for a moment, kinda like I was expecting some clarification. So then she added something like "I think you're moving a bit too fast" (That's not literally what she said. I'm translating from my native language here and can't find an exact translation for the expression, but this is roughly what her words meant)

I figured that was kind of a bullsh!t excuse. Sure, we had only been talking for 5 minutes or so, basically just about what cities we live in and what jobs we do. But the party was coming to an end and I was about to leave, so.... We might accidentally run into each other some time into he future coz we

Besides, she pulled me closer and started to rub against my d!ck within a minute of meeting me, and she thinks I'm the one moving too fast when I ask for her number??
Whatever... I told her "no problem", just acted cool and started talking about something else for a moment. Shortly after that, I told her goodbye and went home.

So...girl acts very interested, is being very physical etc. but refuses to give her number. The only logical conclusion is that she must've been attention wh0ring, right? But AW's just lead you on in a confident and calculating way, without being nervous. And even though that's exactly how she acted when we started dancing, her later behavior was different.
When we started talking, she was constantly trying to qualify herself to me and acted quite nervously. Imagine an AFC trying to talk to an HB9: he's soooo afraid to say something stupid that he is being WAY too conscious of everything he says and therefor his speech becomes forced instead of spontaneous and that causes him to say something stupid after all....then right after he said something stupid, he realizes it and doesn't know how to recover from his "mistake" so he just smiles at her awkwardly.
Well, it wasn't that extreme, but she was definitely showing this kind of behavior. That really doesn't fit attention wh0ring...

But if she wasn't AW'ing, then why else did she refuse to give her number

So I looked her up on Facebook when I got home and guess what, her profile says 'in a relationship', pics of her and the boyfriend on holiday etc. Now it all made sense: She wasn't just attention wh0ring, there was definitely genuine interest on her part. But she wasn't willing to put her LTR at risk, so she had to refuse when I asked her number. Case solved, the end.

I guess.... Coz I think that still leaves one interesting detail unaccounted for. Can you guys name it?

 

[Who Dares Win]

Happened the same to me plenty of times, even had girls pulling me without me being active, some dirty dancing then no phone number, most of them give me their real facebook only for not adding me later.
They have no intention to add you yet they give their real name to make sure someone see them in a relationship, its a mental orgasm for them, power and ego.

They just like the comfort of being in a relationship yet still want an ego boost once in a while and the thrill of the power to say no.

The number of girls like this is growing exponentially, probably there is some girly board where some fat cvnt suggest them to keep spinning plates while in a relationship to self confirm their "empowerment".

Still not sure if a man above a certain value would still be able to pull a one night stand despite the setting.

 

[Die Hard]

You're talking about classic attention wh0ring... So no, a guy is not gonna pull a one night stand in that setting. The term 'attention wh0re' describes a woman who leads you on coz it gives her an ego boost, but won't go any further than that. If she decides to go further and actually has sex with you, it is not a case of attention wh0ring anymore (she now levels up from 'attention wh0re' to 'slut' )

Seriously now, if I thought this was a classic AW situation, I would just dismiss her and never think or speak about her again. I'd certainly not open a thread about it, lol. But I think this situation was a little different and I plan to make another attempt on her if I happen to run into her again.

I wouldn't do that if it wasn't for one tiny but intriguing detail, though... It could mean nothing and it's not a conclusive sign at all, but I still think it warrants making another attempt on her if I run into her again.
Just waiting to see if anyone else is picking up that tiny but intriguing detail...

 

[Die Hard]

Either your post-dance conversation was a huge turnoff to her because it was so boring or it was overall pretty much just classic attention wh0ring.

It was neither. The post-dance conversation is actually where she started to act shy and nervous, trying hard to qualify herself to me etc. I made her uncomfortable (in a good way) during the convo.

Like I said before, that's not how attention wh0ring works. When a girl is AW'ing, she sees that guy kinda as an object. It's like taking a can of energy drink when you're tired...you open the can, pour the drink in your mouth and throw the can away.
Just like that, an attenton wh0re takes a guy, leads him on, sucks up all the attention he's giving her through his attempt to pick her up, then she throws him away before he can actually close the deal. He is just a tool to her, an object she can use to satisfy her need for attention.

She isn't nervous when interacting with the guy, she doesn't start stuttering when he asks her something, she doesn't laugh nervously when he makes her a compliment, she doesn't look away in a shy manner when he looks her in the eye etc. etc.

No..A girl that's AW'ing a guy, feels as if she is above that guy... She views him as an object to give her her attention fix and then discards him. She executes the whole operation with a certain air of confidence, she's in control of the operation, she is toying around with him, she;s acting kinda calculated, she knows what she's doing and how to push the right buttons. She doesn't get very shy or nervous from the guy! (It may very well be that a girl INITIATES the interacton with the intention of AW'ing and then starts acting shy and nervous after all, finding out that she actually likes the guy for more than just attention. At that point, she has actually become GENUINELY interested and is not just in it to get her attention fix anymore)

That's why I was convinced that she wasn't just attention wh0ring me. But attention wh0ring is the only explanation I could come up with regarding the fact that she refused to give her number. So it made no sense: her shy and nervous behavior told me she wasn't AW'ing but her refusal to give the number told me she was AW'ing.

When I found out she's in an LTR, it all made more sense. I believe she was really interested in me and couldn't resist the urge to dance with me and enjoy conversation with me etc. She didn't do those things coz she wanted to get her attention fix, she did those things coz she felt genuine interest and attraction towards me. She was not AW'ing. The number refusal made it seem like she was....but she really just refused to give her number coz she wasn't willing to put her LTR at risk.

It was not a case of attention wh0ring. It was simply a case of: girl likes boy. Girl therefor goes along when boy grabs her by the hand and starts dancing with her. Girl likes dancing with boy so much that she can't control herself and invites him to dance intimately with her. Girl likes it when boy starts conversation with her afterwards, so she keeps standing next to him and continues conversation with him. Girl finally realizes she must draw the line when boy asks her for her number, coz she isn't willing to put her LTR at serious risk, so she refuses to give him the number.

Attention wh0ring had nothing to do with any of this... She simply liked me but not enough to meet up again and put her LTR at risk. End of story.

But there's still that tiny, intriguing detail I was talking about! It seems no one has picked up on it after more than 60 views, so let me point it out:

As I said, I don't believe she was attention whoring, so that was not the reason why she didn't give her number. The fact that she's in an LTR is the reason! So, if that's the reason, then why didn't she just say so when I gave her the surprised look??? She could've just said: "Sorry, I have a boyfriend" It's the most commonly used and accepted excuse for women when they need to make something up. On top of that, this girl didn't even HAVE to make something up, coz it's actually the truth in her case! All she had to do, was tell the truth.

But she didn't. She decided to say something else: "I think you're moving too fast". Now why would she give me that line, instead of just telling me she has a boyfriend? Unless.... She doesn't WANT me to know about the boyfriend!

She's possibly hoping to run into me again at one of our common spots, under better circumstances. Coz the night I met her, she was with a female friend. I looked her up on FB and she's turned out to be a mutal friend of the boyfriend. So perhaps she was afraid that the female friend would shame her (or tell the boyfriend) if she had exchanged phone numbers with me?

That's just speculation, really... But you gotta admit it's very curious that she didn't mention her boyfriend and decided to use some other excuse for not giving her number. I think it warrants at least one more attempt on her if I run into her again, whereas I would not give her the time of day if it wasn't for this!



Thanks for reading

 

[Atom Smasher]

Buyer's remorse. She didn't want to feel like a slut.

 

[BeDJ]

By grabbing her hand and leading her dancing, her impulse kicked in. Similar to shopping for a new car, next thing you know you are on the demo drive and it is more exciting to drive than the car your own. The dealership and car treated you well and showed you what you wanted, but the impulse fades and rationale comes in. No matter how much better the new car is compared to your current one, you don't want to trade it in yet because it still gets you from point A to point B.

You probably aren't the first or last guy she acted that way towards. By saying you're moving too fast, her value is still intact. You would have thought differently of her if she said IHAB. She is testing the market and keeping her options open when she decides to branch swing.

 

[Slickster]

I agree with your analysis DH.

In fact I used to do this to chicks when I was in an LTR. Make up some lame excuse rather than say I had a gf.

I would say there was some interest there. What are the chances you see her again?

 

[Jitterbug]

Was it at a social dance? You're a salsa dancer, I recall?

Many taken chicks act exactly like this at socials. It's their fantasy escape to a different world within those few minutes of a dance where they can be naughty but with the assurance that they will go back to their guy afterwards and you are monitored by the dance scene police (event organiser) and can't take it further. A safe thrill, if you will. A single girl will never act so sexual straight off the bat at a social dance. She might eventually, but she will need some warming up first, unless she's somehow stupidly drunk.

Those same taken chicks might be open to something on the side (my scene at one point was full of trophy wives / GFs trolling for d1cks) but you'll have to go slow and give them all kinds of plausible deniability. Getting their phone numbers is generally NOT a good idea.

 

[Die Hard]

Nah, it was just a "normal" dance, Jitter.

I think chances of running into her are pretty good, Slickster. It might take while, a few weeks or months, but I'm bound to run into her again eventually. I don't really care, though... She was not that special, just an HB7.

I just thought it was an interesting case because usually it goes like: Open her, get IOI's, ask phone number, get refused, accept your loss and forget about her.

That's how I regarded this siutation too, and I would not have given her the time of day if I ever ran into her again. But later on, when my pals asked about the girl and I explained what happened, one of them noted that it was weird for her to give a different excuse instead of just saying she had a boyfriend.

 

[Night-hawk]

The fact she never mentioned she had a boyfriend means she doesn't want to lose your interest and wants your future advance, perhaps? That's what I thought was the missing piece of the puzzle. She is loyal enough to not reciprocate your advance but wants to leave you a hint that she isn't closing you out because of it...

 

[5string]

Her....No I'm not giving you my number. You're moving too fast.

You....Well, I can't move at all unless you give me your number!