Interest Level

[SW15]

If she is saying YES she likes you!!!

This is really what a male is looking for in his interactions. Few women will initiate in the early stages, either online or in real life initial meeting scenarios. Some women will give IOIs, but this has been dwindling in the last 15-20 years. I've had conversations with people in real life about how Millennial and Gen Z women are poorer at displaying interest through body language. That's actually made real life approaching more difficult, in addition to the vast tech changes affecting real life approaching (earbuds/headphones, smartphones, and social media in general).

 

[CornbreadFed]

High interest is not a permanent state; it is a starting point. Just like buying a bike you’re excited about, if you lose interest later, it doesn’t mean your excitement was fake, it just means something within yourself or about the bike changed your feelings towards it.

Not really, the higher the initial genuine interest, the more leeway you have to screw things up and chances you get with her. This is why you have girls still chasing after exes, refusing to date other men after dating a certain guy, and staying with guys that cheated on them because their interest level was high. There are women in my past that I could just call up and fvck right now if I wanted to because their genuine interest level in me was that high. What you are referring to is basically rubber band interest where a girl is temporarily hyper-inflating an interest level for a guy because she is in a scarcity mindset.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Not really, the higher the initial genuine interest, the more leeway you have to screw things up and chances you get with her. This is why you have girls still chasing after exes, refusing to date other men after dating a certain guy, and staying with guys that cheated on them because their interest level was high. There are women in my past that I could just call up and fvck right now if I wanted to because their genuine interest level in me was that high. What you are referring to is basically rubber band interest where a girl is temporarily hyper-inflating an interest level for a guy because she is in a scarcity mindset.

All the examples you mentioned are really about sustaining desire through a strong start by using pleasure and pain techniques—mixing attention with a bit of distance. However, like I said, high interest fades if left alone; neglect it, smother it, or starve it of attention, and it dies. Your examples actually confuse desire with interest since they’re not the same thing.

According to Merriam-Webster:

• Interest is “the feeling of wanting to learn more about something or to be involved in something.”
• Desire is “a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen.”

Interest is about curiosity or initial attraction, while desire is a deeper, more intense feeling that drives ongoing connection. Your examples illustrate desire because they focus on maintaining and nurturing that connection over time, not just the high interest at the start. @RangerMIke goes a deeper in this topic on another post if you want to check it out.

Is it possible for one event to drastically impact the course of a man's dating/sex life?

whereas in 2001-05, she'd need to physically be on her computer The computer era of online dating had some interesting tactical rules that were promoted. Around the early to mid 2000s, I remember reading some advice articles that stated not to respond to messages between Friday afternoon and...

www.sosuave.net

 

[Clockwerk50]

Like the woman who chatted with me outside for 2 and a half hours after our 1st date, wanted to drive me to work, wanted to drive me to an appointment, texted me nonstop, and begged me for a 2nd date multiple times...only to end up hating me before the 2nd date had a chance to happen.

If you'd made a move when she showed that much interest, the move would’ve kept the connection going instead of it fading away.

 

[BaronOfHair]

The more convinced I am she's into me, the more of an idiot I'm going to feel like if it turns out I'm wrong

This crippling fear you're experiencing stems from your distorted, extreme, and insane beliefs about not just women, but life more generally. Start modifying those beliefs, or/and replacing them with saner ones, and you won't be debilitated emotionally to the degree you are now, hombre

 

[CornbreadFed]

All the examples you mentioned are really about sustaining desire through a strong start by using pleasure and pain techniques—mixing attention with a bit of distance. However, like I said, high interest fades if left alone; neglect it, smother it, or starve it of attention, and it dies. Your examples actually confuse desire with interest since they’re not the same thing.

You cannot game or manipulate your way into genuine interest & desire. It is either there from the start or you are not her type and will never be able to reach that level. Every girl has a type of guy that they have wet dreams over and if you match or come close to that image then you will start in a cheat code position with her. If you are starting from a non-genuine interest starting point then yes, her interest can fade at any given moment because you were never top priority in her mind. Unless you are caught in a rebound situation like I mentioned earlier. Otherwise, she essentially settled for you which means she is going to be open to other options and more critical of you. If you are not her ideal type then she will test you more, make you wait, and try and look for reasons to swap you out when necessary. Otherwise, she will throw Mr. Sunshine softball pitches and give him a pension plan. However, unless you have been "that guy" to a woman, you will have trouble understanding what I am talking about.

 

[Bingo-Player]

You missed a few points

Womens interest can be circumstantial I.E if you meet on holiday or a group activity setting it can be artificially high just due to her being in a relaxed / care free or happy state

I've seen this a thousand times where a guy will meet a girl on a holiday the romance will burn hot and fast and then everyone goes home and all of a sudden the woman realises there are no feelings

It can happen in a much shorter time frame in something like a night out too especially when alcohol is involved

Men dont really make emotional or situational based interest evaluations its usually " is she hot and is she compliant"

---------------------------------------------------------------

Also watch out for Love bombers as they are out there , will usually show extreme interest from the word go

 

[Clockwerk50]

You cannot game or manipulate your way into genuine interest & desire. It is either there from the start or you are not her type and will never be able to reach that level. Every girl has a type of guy that they have wet dreams over and if you match or come close to that image then you will start in a cheat code position with her. If you are starting from a non-genuine interest starting point then yes, her interest can fade at any given moment because you were never top priority in her mind. Unless you are caught in a rebound situation like I mentioned earlier. Otherwise, she essentially settled for you which means she is going to be open to other options and more critical of you. If you are not her ideal type then she will test you more, make you wait, and try and look for reasons to swap you out when necessary. Otherwise, she will throw Mr. Sunshine softball pitches and give him a pension plan. However, unless you have been "that guy" to a woman, you will have trouble understanding what I am talking about.

You just wrote a long-ass paragraph to explain exactly what I already said: interest is the starting point. You’re just using dramatic, layered terms like “genuine,” “fake,” and “cheat code” to make high, medium, and low interest sound more complex than they really are, which doesn’t change the core fact: interest levels vary, and calling it “fake” doesn’t make it a separate category.

 

[CornbreadFed]

You just wrote a long-ass paragraph to explain exactly what I already said: interest is the starting point. You’re just using dramatic, layered terms like “genuine,” “fake,” and “cheat code” to make high, medium, and low interest sound more complex than they really are, which doesn’t change the core fact: interest levels vary, and calling it “fake” doesn’t make it a separate category.

Wrong, you are either coping hard from a recent L with a female or just a little too bold on this subject. We agree that interest levels can change, but this is all depends on the guy from the female's perspective. You can pull up as many terms from a Webster dictionary, but nothing will change the reality of dating. If you are going against Micheal B Jordan for the same girl, she is going to give him way more to infinite chances to screw up while you will get 1 at the most. Micheal B Jordan could fvck her mom and get away with it while she could ghost you because you gave her the ick on the way you pronounced coffee or something. To make it simple, Micheal B Jordan is Lebron James, you are at best a Jeremy Lin.

When you are not starting from initial high interest aka genuine interest then your best-case scenario with a woman is a flash in a pan moment. This explains how you go from having sex with a girl to being ghosted the following week. Your ceiling was not high to begin with, but you were just there at the right time to satisfy a need.

 

[GoodMan32]

If you'd made a move when she showed that much interest, the move would’ve kept the connection going instead of it fading away.

I know. I was afraid I might scare her away if I came on too strong too soon. If I could go back, however, I would have made a move when we were having an extended chat right after the first date (now that I know, in hindsight, I ended up scaring her away anyway)

You cannot game or manipulate your way into genuine interest & desire. It is either there from the start or you are not her type and will never be able to reach that level. Every girl has a type of guy that they have wet dreams over and if you match or come close to that image then you will start in a cheat code position with her. If you are starting from a non-genuine interest starting point then yes, her interest can fade at any given moment because you were never top priority in her mind. Unless you are caught in a rebound situation like I mentioned earlier. Otherwise, she essentially settled for you which means she is going to be open to other options and more critical of you. If you are not her ideal type then she will test you more, make you wait, and try and look for reasons to swap you out when necessary. Otherwise, she will throw Mr. Sunshine softball pitches and give him a pension plan. However, unless you have been "that guy" to a woman, you will have trouble understanding what I am talking about.

It's been suggested to me before that if the woman I just mentioned in my reply to Clockwerk50 really lost interest in me that quickly, the genuine interest was never there to begin with.

I disagree. With how that woman was acting toward me during (and in the few days after) our 1st date, no one will ever convince me her interest was never genuine.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Wrong, you are either coping hard from a recent L with a female or just a little too bold on this subject. We agree that interest levels can change, but this is all depends on the guy from the female's perspective. You can pull up as many terms from a Webster dictionary, but nothing will change the reality of dating. If you are going against Micheal B Jordan for the same girl, she is going to give him way more to infinite chances to screw up while you will get 1 at the most. Micheal B Jordan could fvck her mom and get away with it while she could ghost you because you gave her the ick on the way you pronounced coffee or something. To make it simple, Micheal B Jordan is Lebron James, you are at best a Jeremy Lin.

When you are not starting from initial high interest aka genuine interest then your best-case scenario with a woman is a flash in a pan moment. This explains how you go from having sex with a girl to being ghosted the following week. Your ceiling was not high to begin with, but you were just there at the right time to satisfy a need.

You've resorted to a personal jab for the second time ("coping from an L") instead of addressing the actual points. That’s not how a productive debate works.

You just said, "we agree that interest levels can change," which is exactly what I said in my original reply: that interest can fade if you don’t behave appropriately. So now you're agreeing with the very thing you originally tried to dismiss.

My issue is with your terminology. Creating labels like "fake" and "genuine" high interest simply rewrites the narrative after the fact. When a girl displays temporary, scarcity-driven attraction, you call it "fake high interest." This is a circular reasoning fallacy: if her strong interest fades, you retroactively decide it was "fake" all along. Interest can be perfectly real in the moment and still fade; that's not "fake," it's just change.

Your "Michael B. Jordan" example actually highlights the logical flaw in your argument. By your own definition, if a woman's high interest in you shifts when someone like Michael B. Jordan appears, her original interest in you must have been "fake." Yet, if Michael B. Jordan himself messes up repeatedly and her interest in him decreases, your logic would still label his initial high interest as "fake," because you insist genuine interest is inherently consistent. This creates a circular definition: any interest that changes or diminishes is retrospectively deemed "fake," regardless of its initial intensity or duration.

This inconsistency reveals the weakness in your core premise: you're using complex labels to obscure the simpler reality of the intensity of interest at any given time. What you're doing is the obfuscation fallacy, making a simple concept unnecessarily complicated to avoid admitting it’s flawed.

 

[CornbreadFed]

I know. I was afraid I might scare her away if I came on too strong too soon. If I could go back, however, I would have made a move when we were having an extended chat right after the first date (now that I know, in hindsight, I ended up scaring her away anyway)



It's been suggested to me before that if the woman I just mentioned in my reply to Clockwerk50 really lost interest in me that quickly, the genuine interest was never there to begin with.

I disagree. With how that woman was acting toward me during (and in the few days after) our 1st date, no one will ever convince me her interest was never genuine.

I think it’s important to understand the difference between genuine interest and infatuation. Imagine a regular guy who doesn’t usually work out starting a gym plan on New Year’s Day compared to someone who has been consistently training for a long time. The regular guy will probably put in a lot of effort and time at first because it feels new and exciting, but over time he will likely burn out and start to prioritize other things, especially when life gets tougher. On the other hand, the experienced guy will always make working out a priority and find a way to stay committed throughout the entire year.

When a girl shows infatuation towards you it could be for many different reasons like being in a drought, trying to get over a guy, trying to get back at a guy, vengeance towards life, and etc. The best way to tell the difference between high interest and infatuation is how fast a girl is coming at you. If a girl is suddenly blitzing you faster than the Wehrmacht then it is more than likely infatuation.

 

[CornbreadFed]

You've resorted to a personal jab for the second time ("coping from an L") instead of addressing the actual points. That’s not how a productive debate works.

You just said, "we agree that interest levels can change," which is exactly what I said in my original reply: that interest can fade if you don’t behave appropriately. So now you're agreeing with the very thing you originally tried to dismiss.

My issue is with your terminology. Creating labels like "fake" and "genuine" high interest simply rewrites the narrative after the fact. When a girl displays temporary, scarcity-driven attraction, you call it "fake high interest." This is a circular reasoning fallacy: if her strong interest fades, you retroactively decide it was "fake" all along. Interest can be perfectly real in the moment and still fade; that's not "fake," it's just change.

Your "Michael B. Jordan" example actually highlights the logical flaw in your argument. By your own definition, if a woman's high interest in you shifts when someone like Michael B. Jordan appears, her original interest in you must have been "fake." Yet, if Michael B. Jordan himself messes up repeatedly and her interest in him decreases, your logic would still label his initial high interest as "fake," because you insist genuine interest is inherently consistent. This creates a circular definition: any interest that changes or diminishes is retrospectively deemed "fake," regardless of its initial intensity or duration.

This inconsistency reveals the weakness in your core premise: you're using complex labels to obscure the simpler reality of the intensity of interest at any given time. What you're doing is the obfuscation fallacy, making a simple concept unnecessarily complicated to avoid admitting it’s flawed.

I don’t think it was meant as a jab, but I’m now confident in where you stand when it comes to women. We’re on a dating forum discussing theory and gray area topics, yet you’re approaching it like a formal professional debate. If this is how you interact with women, I can understand how it might instantly turn someone off, even if you’re coming from a place of genuine interest. It is now clear to me that you have never been "that guy" and cannot relate to anything I am saying.

My point is being challenged because I’m asking whether a woman would lose interest in someone like Michael B. Jordan if he consistently interacted this way. I hate to be that guy, but this is a textbook example of how not to connect with women.

 

[Clockwerk50]

I don’t think it was meant as a jab, but I’m now confident in where you stand when it comes to women. We’re on a dating forum discussing theory and gray area topics, yet you’re approaching it like a formal professional debate. If this is how you interact with women, I can understand how it might instantly turn someone off, even if you’re coming from a place of genuine interest. It is now clear to me that you have never been "that guy" and cannot relate to anything I am saying.

My point is being challenged because I’m asking whether a woman would lose interest in someone like Michael B. Jordan if he consistently interacted this way. I hate to be that guy, but this is a textbook example of how not to connect with women.

You’ve made it personal again, criticizing my communication style and linking it to my dating life, which you know nothing about, a classic ad hominem used when the argument can’t be addressed. I’m speaking to a man on a seduction forum, not engaging in a romantic interaction, and this conversation is about ideas, not a reflection of how I connect with women. My points focus on the logic and definitions within your theory, not my personal life. When you resort to personal attacks, it usually means you’ve already lost the argument.

Your point is being challenged because you’ve created unnecessary, overly rigid categories like "fake" and "genuine" interest that ignore the basic reality that interest fluctuates over time, in which is something you already agreed with. What you call “fake” is often just waning interest, which doesn’t need artificial labels to make sense.

 

[CornbreadFed]

You’ve made it personal again, criticizing my communication style and linking it to my dating life, which you know nothing about, a classic ad hominem used when the argument can’t be addressed. I’m speaking to a man on a seduction forum, not engaging in a romantic interaction, and this conversation is about ideas, not a reflection of how I connect with women. My points focus on the logic and definitions within your theory, not my personal life. When you resort to personal attacks, it usually means you’ve already lost the argument.

Your point is being challenged because you’ve created unnecessary, overly rigid categories like "fake" and "genuine" interest that ignore the basic reality that interest fluctuates over time, in which is something you already agreed with. What you call “fake” is often just waning interest, which doesn’t need artificial labels to make sense.

I am sorry you feel that way

 

[Clockwerk50]

I know. I was afraid I might scare her away if I came on too strong too soon. If I could go back, however, I would have made a move when we were having an extended chat right after the first date (now that I know, in hindsight, I ended up scaring her away anyway)

That's so long ago, it is time to make new memories.