Instead of CHASING - Discouragement and disappointment...

[Babnik]

What are possible reasons for the following situation.

Girl has interest/attraction in a guy. She is quite pretty, has several guys who want her, has high self esteem.

A girl is supposed to have even MORE interest once she finds out that the guy is UNAVAILABLE, right?

So, she finds out that he is seeing another girl or has a GF or is generally NOT that interested in her.

Her reaction to unavailability is NOT chasing and having more interest but simple discouragement, hopelessness, and disappointment that he is NOT available.

The end. She will approach or try to talk to that guy anymore, forget him, and look for someone else.

Neil Strauss, Mystery and other PUAs say that one of the BEST things you can show a woman is that you not available!

Do you think its possible to be too direct and strict about the "I am unavailable" situation? Maybe instead it should be "I'm not THAT available, but you might have a chance!"


And its not just having someone ELSE, its also showing dislike towards something. Like "I don't like your shoes" - she gets sad and leaves!

 

[Babnik]

bump!

 

[Poll]

Are you the guy in the story? If so, you are an idiot, go get her.

 

[white sox bill]

Actually a good topic...as we all know, women are all different so we can't make blanket statements and expect 100% coverage. That being said, us humans have a tendacy to want what we can't have. If the female is up to a challenge, then being unalvaible is very seductive. Women are very jeolous and catty that way. They seem to enjoy taking what another has.

If you are asking about direct application, I wouldn't come out and say your taken. Insinuate you are. This is win-win for you. IF she comes out and asks "do you have a GF?" and assuming she has high interest, she has just put her feelings on the table. She only asked because she does have interst.
If she doesn't ask, keep her guessing you do. She will love the chase. If you don't have a SO, keep insinuating you do. Stand back, be a good actor, and watch her come after you.

All in all, being desired is 100% seductive. Would you go to a resturant at noontime and want to eat there if you were the only one there?
Peace
Bill

 

[Babnik]

Actually a good topic...as we all know, women are all different so we can't make blanket statements and expect 100% coverage. That being said, us humans have a tendacy to want what we can't have. If the female is up to a challenge, then being unalvaible is very seductive. Women are very jeolous and catty that way. They seem to enjoy taking what another has.

If you are asking about direct application, I wouldn't come out and say your taken. Insinuate you are. This is win-win for you. IF she comes out and asks "do you have a GF?" and assuming she has high interest, she has just put her feelings on the table. She only asked because she does have interst.
If she doesn't ask, keep her guessing you do. She will love the chase. If you don't have a SO, keep insinuating you do. Stand back, be a good actor, and watch her come after you.

All in all, being desired is 100% seductive. Would you go to a resturant at noontime and want to eat there if you were the only one there?
Peace
Bill

Well, maybe I am doing it wrong, but I definitely know that if I let her know without words, just by acting that "You can't have me. Period" then its over.

But if I don't give them the SMALL things they want then they chase. Like, they may want to know things about me and I can around answering them - they laugh and giggle and chase.

BUT even if I take that too far - the interest disappears. I have to show challenge but give up at the right time!

So, she asks about A and I talk about B, then C, then D and she asks about A, and I talk about X, Y, Z, and then 3d time she asks about A I will say "OK, fine, A is...." but if I won't eventually reply - loss of interest.

 

[fedagent]

This is a good thread and merits discussion....

I think the ideal place to be is where you keep her guessing.....Where you keep the carrot in front of her thinking she can get it, but just far enough away that she has to keep jumping at it......

As she becomes more invested in chasing you, she'll rationalize that she likes you and you're in.....

Fed

 

[white sox bill]

This is a good thread and merits discussion....

I think the ideal place to be is where you keep her guessing.....Where you keep the carrot in front of her thinking she can get it, but just far enough away that she has to keep jumping at it......

As she becomes more invested in chasing you, she'll rationalize that she likes you and you're in.....

Fed

Great tip....its hard to give exact advice since we don't know the nuts aand bolts of whatever is transpiring here, but DON'T APPEAR TO BE TOO EAGER!!
Women like the chase, believe me. Be vague with your answers, never give direct answer. Keep her in the gray area

 

[Babnik]

This is a good thread and merits discussion....

I think the ideal place to be is where you keep her guessing.....Where you keep the carrot in front of her thinking she can get it, but just far enough away that she has to keep jumping at it......

As she becomes more invested in chasing you, she'll rationalize that she likes you and you're in.....

Fed

Yes! I think you got it right! I shouldn't try to convey the message that she can't have me, but let her guess whether she can have me!

 

[Ratisson]

Babnik, i am not that familiar with Neil Strausses or mystery's work, but if they are saying that u should tell the girl that u are unavailable by saying u have a girlfriend (i.e a long term relationship) then i would say that this advice is crap. I think what they mean by saying that ur unavailable is just showing her or joking to her about how every girl wants u. For example, (Her) "what did u do on the weekend?" (You) "Oh i just went to Hef's house to visit my 3 playmates".
Saying something along these lines i think is what Strauss and mystery are trying to say. Otherwise, saying that u have a meaningful girlfriend is just going to turn her off. She doesnt want to be a homewrecker.

 

[Babnik]

I think I am taking the "too eager thing" too far.

Like, to me, NOT eager means when a girl is talking to me - I just turn around and ignore her showing disinterest.

They walk away then..

I think the important word is TOO eager. Its fine to be interested and look at her and listen to her and have a conversation. Its NOT OK to be beginning or trying hard to keep her interested if she is not.

I, however, blew off countless chicks who came up and acted interested and I acted hard to get by not listening to what they have to say and showing that I am TOO cool to talk to them.

Many people would advice to act that you TOO cool to talk to a girl and you should make it look like you really don't want to, but because she keeps begging... and I have to say it does NOT work.

 

[PRMoon]

There are fractures in the point made. If a girl thinks you're unavailable because you have a girlfriend or something, it warrents them thinking of you as safe to talk to and makes them potentially want to be friends with you (if you're not an a-hole) because, in their mind, you're a "good boy" and unless you state otherwise, you're not going to hit on her and cheat on your girlfriend.

This can and has lead to many relationships forming from a former friends basis. Guy talks about his girlfriend and how she treats him bad, girl thinks he's genuinely a nice person and deserves better, starts to find him attractive, one night at the bar BAM you're hooking up. There are people who don't have girlfriends but instead PRETEND to do so in order to set this up. It seems underhanded and lengthy to me but i'm the last person to judge methods or character. I do however think there are better ways to pick up that are faster and more efficient.

 

[Babnik]

There are fractures in the point made. If a girl thinks you're unavailable because you have a girlfriend or something, it warrents them thinking of you as safe to talk to and makes them potentially want to be friends with you (if you're not an a-hole) because, in their mind, you're a "good boy" and unless you state otherwise, you're not going to hit on her and cheat on your girlfriend.

This can and has lead to many relationships forming from a former friends basis. Guy talks about his girlfriend and how she treats him bad, girl thinks he's genuinely a nice person and deserves better, starts to find him attractive, one night at the bar BAM you're hooking up. There are people who don't have girlfriends but instead PRETEND to do so in order to set this up. It seems underhanded and lengthy to me but i'm the last person to judge methods or character. I do however think there are better ways to pick up that are faster and more efficient.

Well, they do not stay and talk to me as a friend. They verbally say "Oh, c'mon girls, he has a GF, lets leave him alone" and make a sad face and go sit by themselves.

 

[PRMoon]

Well, they do not stay and talk to me as a friend. They verbally say "Oh, c'mon girls, he has a GF, lets leave him alone" and make a sad face and go sit by themselves.

Your basic socil output must be somewhat negative or unfriendly then. I've had girlfriends before inthe past and been able to hold lengthy conversations with girls. Prehaps it's the enviorment you're in, the girls you're talking to, or like i said the way you're presenting yourself that's fathering your unsucessfulness.

If it were me though, I'd be able to stop them from leaving, but I'm just good like that How do I do it? It's really one of those unteachable traits that contributes to my overall sucessfulness as a great socializer. I can convince girls that my arms were neon green at one point but I got over it somewhere down the line if i put my mind to it. Skill is derived from experience and when things aren't going your way, look at the things you could POSSIBLLY change and work on your problems from that point. If you try to tacke large tasks and don't look at the individual pieces, then you'll never fully solve the problem.

 

[Babnik]

Your basic socil output must be somewhat negative or unfriendly then. I've had girlfriends before inthe past and been able to hold lengthy conversations with girls. Prehaps it's the enviorment you're in, the girls you're talking to, or like i said the way you're presenting yourself that's fathering your unsucessfulness.

If it were me though, I'd be able to stop them from leaving, but I'm just good like that How do I do it? It's really one of those unteachable traits that contributes to my overall sucessfulness as a great socializer. I can convince girls that my arms were neon green at one point but I got over it somewhere down the line if i put my mind to it. Skill is derived from experience and when things aren't going your way, look at the things you could POSSIBLLY change and work on your problems from that point. If you try to tacke large tasks and don't look at the individual pieces, then you'll never fully solve the problem.

Well, what if I said that when I do make myself AVAILABLE - it all works out well.

Why do I have to do it some particular way and let them know I am hard to get and then get them rather than just get them?