Instant clinger, red flag?

[shizz702]

Thank you! You can tell who has actual life experience and who is just drooling and waiting for the next part of the story lol.

Is this girl a super-extroverted bubbly type?

Ha agreed on both accounts here!

That was my point that I'm used to the typical games and bs early on. So I have a bit of a guard up here and am going to maintain a healthy distance.

On her personality, as noted she doesn't have any friends here yet as she just moved here, but from what I gather her and her sister hit the lounges and clubs and are active in the night life scene. So yea, would say extroverted.

Just gonna run with it and see where it goes and have some fun. Whenever she pulls the LTR on I will just cut her off on that kind of talk, and I'm going to keep seeing my other plate, and pursue others.

She conforms to everything I say and last night when I cut her off from texting while with my friend she later ended up texting me at like midnight saying sorry and that she just wants me more than anything.

And this morning she texted me saying she had a dream about me. I can see where this is going to get old quick. I don't like being smothered with attention like this as I have a lot of life to live outside of her, and nor do I or will I give that kind of attention to someone. Can't. Like Iceberg said in a recent post I too have become legitamently busy.

 

[floydb25]

She's starting to sound like one of those clingy, obsessive nice girls. The kind that smother you, don't let you breathe, let you get away with anything, always seeking your approval and reassurance, acting like doormats, present no challenge, have no lives, etc. The same nice guy that women despise. There's female nice girls, too. They are equally as insecure, annoying, desperate, and unattractive.

I've dated hot nice girls like this before, and they annoyed me as much as the *****es did. Though, they didn't piss me off like the *****es; just couldn't respect or feel any attraction towards someone who never leaves you alone, tolerates everything, worships you, etc. They quickly became forgettable. Shame; they were decent, good-looking people people - just overbearing and insecure.

As always, there's a lesson to be learned. As much as this turns off - it also turns women off. Attraction is pretty global, and non-gender specific. You might not realize how annoying and clingy you might be (or have been) until you date someone who's the same way. So, don't ever act like this; show too much interest, make them your life; etc, etc. Women hate it as much as we do. Interestingly, a lot of the things people ***** about not working (ie, being the nice guy/girl) is what turns them off when other people do it to THEM. Hence, why most nice guys don't date nice girls. They themselves aren't attracted to this garbage - no one is. Funny how that works, eh? Look at what you hate, and don't do it.

 

[shizz702]

She's starting to sound like one of those clingy, obsessive nice girls. The kind that smother you, don't let you breathe, let you get away with anything, always seeking your approval and reassurance, acting like doormats, present no challenge, have no lives, etc. The same nice guy that women despise. There's female nice girls, too. They are equally as insecure, annoying, desperate, and unattractive.

I've dated hot nice girls like this before, and they annoyed me as much as the *****es did. Though, they didn't piss me off like the *****es; just couldn't respect or feel any attraction towards someone who never leaves you alone, tolerates everything, worships you, etc. They quickly became forgettable. Shame; they were decent, good-looking people people - just overbearing and insecure.

As always, there's a lesson to be learned. As much as this turns off - it also turns women off. Attraction is pretty global, and non-gender specific. You might not realize how annoying and clingy you might be (or have been) until you date someone who's the same way. So, don't ever act like this; show too much interest, make them your life; etc, etc. Women hate it as much as we do. Interestingly, a lot of the things people ***** about not working (ie, being the nice guy/girl) is what turns them off when other people do it to THEM. Hence, why most nice guys don't date nice girls. They themselves aren't attracted to this garbage - no one is. Funny how that works, eh? Look at what you hate, and don't do it.

Yea this is pretty much where it is going. On one hand I kind of like for now but on the other her texts and what not are getting old.

Lol she just texted me good night and said I have her under my spell, all she wants to do is her school work and be with me.

Well we are gonna do the do tomorrow, so this should be interesting. I will update later.

Also floyd, I can totally relate cause I used to be that guy. An insecure, approval seeking doormat, with no spine.

I sought refuge in this site and from the help of a good friend and obviously have since changed my ways, and now personify the complete opposite of what I once was. If it wasn't for that I would not be having any success with women right now.

I think you are right, not only is that kind of behaviour just flat out unnattractive, but on some kind of psychological level we despise in others what we hate (or hated) about ourselves.

 

[floydb25]

It is going to get old fast. It's nice at first, because everyone likes to be complimented, and to feel special. Nobody likes to be smothered or worshipped. You're going to end up feeling no attraction for her, and probably not wanting to be around her at all. She won't stop being clingy and lovey-dovey - even in bed.

 

[The_411]

Floyd you forgot option 4

She has a personality disorder.

 

[floydb25]

Floyd you forgot option 4

She has a personality disorder.

That's a little far-fetched, and way overblown. People with BPD, for instance, have major emotional issues. It's not a simple checklist, because everyone has certain issues. People see the list, and say "yep, she has BPD". It's not so simple. Everything is extreme with these people. I know people who had it, and its a lot worse than what most people think. It's not the typical crazy stuff women do. Nor your normal every day issues everyone has. Not even the specific things on the checklist. It's all in one, and its all extreme. Same with depression and bi-polar disorder.

Certainly, she does have issues to be acting this way. I wouldn't call it a disorder, though. Possibly abandonment issues, neglect, bullying, cheating, failed relationships, low self-esteem, and other insecurities and fears... She's clinging on for dear life, because she NEEDS him, and is afraid of being alone. She doesn't even know him. This is still a huge red flag, and in a way does make her "crazy". It's definitely not healthy.

The worst part is, they depend on YOU to make them happy. You're their only source of happiness. This is way too much pressure. You aren't perfect, and can't hold up to this pedestal they put you on. It almost makes you uncomfortable when someone is so obsessed and clingy.

 

[floydb25]

She's probably Histrionic, not Borderline. This part is called the "honeymoon phase" of the Histrionic relationship. I know that my HPD relationships began EXACTLY like the OP's did.

Woah... I definitely dated those types before. The OP hasn't provided enough details to determine, though. She only matches one of the criteria so far. People with disorders usually have all or most of the symptoms. You can just tell when someone has serious issues to the point of being a disorder. She could be hiding it, though. Crazies love to do that in the beginning.

 

[floydb25]

Got a good laugh out of this:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/if-im-so-crazy-then-why-do-people-keep-having-sex,11505/

 

[The_411]

Dated a HPD/BPD all I can say is that those types of behaviors mentionned by the OP are typical signs ... doesn't mean she ihas a personality disorder but chances are she's not a healthy partner, BPD or not.

 

[shizz702]

Well we went out last night and did bowling and dinner. Sure I could have F closed but she was on her period. She said she is dtf next time for sure.

Lol had fun with her, was busting on her all night and she was eating it up. Wasn't being an ******* and going out of my way to treat her like sh!t but was just running c and f on her. We were making out inbetween rolls and I would occasionaly give her a spank.

Funny moment, when we were leaving bowling she was like baby can you hand me my shoes, and I was like what? So I was like what are you gonna do for me, then she pulled in and gave me a kiss and lol so I said good now get your shoes and lets go hahaahahaha!

We then went and grabbed din.

Closed with a BJ to finish the night.

Some observations throughout the night.

She same jokingly (lol probably serious though) she wants to be my future ex wife.

She threw the boyfriend card out there a few times.

Told me she has her facebook ( I will NOT be friending her lol) relationship status as "it's complicated" cause she feels it is with us now and I have not agreed to be in one with her.

She also came right out and said "so are you my boyfriend." I just laughed, and she repeated herself. I said it's only our 2nd time together how bout we just keep doing like we are doing and not overthink this.

And she kept going on and on about how happy she is and how she has hasn't been this happy in such a long time bla bla bla!

Oh and she must have said at least 5 times throughout the night looking me dead in the eyes, "I really like you!"

lol I pulled a luke skywalker on her and would say........"I know."

That's it for now. The hotel room and all is still on tap, and she said she gets paid monday and wants to take to a nice, hip, upscale restaraunt on the strip then.

I don't know, I'm starting to feel kinda bad here cause I don't want to hurt her. She is simply not the type I'd want to be in a relationship with.

So what to do, be real with her on this or just keep running it how I'm running it? I have not led her on otherwise but I'm sure the relationship pestering is only gonna get worse with her in time, and probably sooner rather than later.

 

[floydb25]

She's gonna get hurt either way, and probably blame you for it. You didn't state your intentions, so you kind of are leading her on. But I doubt it would matter. Her head is way up in the clouds; she sees only what she wants to see. She'll probably think you're afraid / confused, and try to force a commitment out of you... Thinking she can change your mind... Making everything out to be bigger than it is. Blah blah. Obsessive / crazy people never give up; they push harder and harder; thinking you don't know what you want, so its up to them to force you to want them - since they're so great and wonderful and crazy.

She's not going to stop being obsessive if you break it off with her. She'll probably just whine, nag, and cry; ask what she did wrong; why don't like her - then become even more clingy and crazy. She might also become aggressive and start hating you. Love and hate will be very prevalent in your interactions. All of those fears and insecurities she was masking behind obsessive love will come to the surface.

These are all possibilities, of course. But things to watch for. You don't want to get in too deep with a crazy person - if that's what she is. Obsession like this is never good, and should not be ignored. Every girl I dated who was like this had major issues. Super infatuation, black and white thinking, in love with the idea of being in love, extreme attachment, etc. They usually can't handle this; pull a 180, and bail / become crazy.

Keep your eyes open. There's a difference between gaming someone and dealing with a crazy person.

 

[floydb25]

Yeah... My crazy bells are going off, too. What they say should not be ignored or shrugged off. People usually tell you what they're all about - if you're willing to pay attention. Not doing this got me in a lot of trouble in the past. The warning signs are always there, and she's definitely showing them.

If what she says seem off the wall - as in the examples above - its usually because SHE is off the wall. Don't assume she's nervous, and just spouting dumb stuff out there, because she's so excited and can't control herself. This got me in a lot of trouble, too. Crazy people usually have no control, anyway. Their emotions are way out there.

 

[shizz702]

Could not take it anymore fellas!

Based on the warnings from you guys and my irritability going through the roof with her at this point I went ahead and dump texted her.

Lol got a response saying "Goodbye. Jerk! Don't ever talk to me again, ever!"

Lmao no problem and thank you!