Insecurity......?

[theapprentice]

I know that having insecurity about yourself makes for a bad partner in a relationship because if you don't love yourself or like yourself, then you always run into problems.


The thing is that I was very confident in the beginning, I didnt have to talk to her much and I could pretend to be super confident.

Now as we get closer, you start to develop feelings for the person, and you still have to have a grip but you can't totally not care once your in a relationship with somebody you care about.

As I see myself getting closer, I keep getting scared, on the hold that this person can start to have on how I feel about myself.

This person starts to make you question yourself, because in the beginning you didnt take them seriously but with time you start too.

Let me give you an example,

My gf said "Your so cute that you said that, I love you so much more"

The first thought in my head was "So i have to be cute to get this girl to love me" It made me feel pressured like I had to be a certain way in order to get her to like me, instead just being able to be myself and getting her to like me.

I told her how I felt and she told me not to worry, "you can be yourself around me baby....I dont know what your last gf did to you" plus a few other things to try and make me understand that she didnt mean it that way.

Im sure that this is insecurity speaking, I am also pretty sure that this not attractive or building respect in her mind for me.

My question is that when I have insecure thoughts, should I just keep them to myself and pretend like nothing is bothering me. When I do this long enough, they bottle up inside me and it doesn't end too well.

Or I can ask her or tell her how I feel to have my fears put to rest but at the cost of looking insecure and weak.

How do I keep my insecure thoughts to myself, I try and tell myself things like

"Insecurity is unattractive"
"If you want this relationship to last you cannot be insecure about yourself or at least show her that you are"

But I can't seem to be able to keep my insecure feelings to myself.

Any advice?

 

[theapprentice]

well?

Well?

 

[Last Man Standing]

Insecurity is associated with women - not men!! You have a self-confidence problem!!!!

 

[musclyjerk]

"Your so cute that you said that, I love you so much more"

Hmmmm.. I'd get your **** together quick 'cos in my opinion she's about to up and leave you.

"you can be yourself around me baby....I dont know what your last gf did to you"

This actually un-nerves me. Isn't this what guys who play girls say? 'You know I love you babe, I'd never do anything to hurt you' (while they're up to alsorts behind their back).

I didn't really want to answer with what I thought, but you did push.

PRAY you're with a genuine, thoroughly decent young lady who loves you with all of her heart... else it's looking really bad.

I suggest you stop acting like a 'baby' else she will treat you (and speak to you) as one.

The Muscly Jerk

 

[Scorched]

What are you insecure about?

Bro, try not to show any insecurities when you are around your girl.
I doubt the girl is about to dump you or anything. Ignore who ever said that...

As far as pretending to be confident. Hmmm I guess at times it is needed. Although if you do it on the first few dates you are "putting on a front"...
To me, it sounds like you on insecure because you put on a front, once she gets to know YOU for YOU, you think she will not like you...

If I ever felt like I was putting on a front around a girl I had just met/got her number. I wouldn't even bother calling her or trying to be more than just friends... Although I will admit, everyone puts on a front to point, as well as it is hard not to put on a front.


It was someone recently on this forum who said, "Find your true self and push it forward."
I believe it was Socrates who said, "Find your weaknesses and work on them."
Also an approach I push for my self, heck it's almost my life style.
Find what makes you confident!
For example if I go to the gym 4 to 5 times a week I am happy & more confident! If I dress nice and gel my hair I am happy & more confident. When my teeth have been whitened I smile more because I love my smile. In the summer when I get to hang out with my friends on the boat, I am more confident, tanned as well. Hmmmm even posting on the forum helps me be more confident. Reviewing and completing short term/long term goals. Being PRODUCTIVE! Budgeting my money correctly, etc, I could come up with more ways I make my self confident, but yeah you get the point!

 

[theapprentice]

ic

Yeah....ppl above are just w/e.

I think I can stop from telling them to her which will not make me look weak anymore.

Your right, the more you focus on yourself, and just assume that she will like you, the less likely you will have insecurities.

Its just that sometimes its hard to hold them back.

 

[musclyjerk]

Look, she isn't being truthful with you and it's likely she's dissapointed and thinks less of you seeing you more of a 'cute' baby that requires looking after and patronizing. That's how it really sounds to me, ok? That's what I really think.

That's because you're acting weak, and believe it or not - nearly the only girls who will stick around with guys like that are those with an extremely low self-esteem who don't value themselves enough and usually aren't that much of a catch.. but that's not to say you're girlfriend isn't a good catch, I don't know how desirable she is on a scale of 1-10.

You can't just cherry pick advice or posts that you like the sound of best and disregard other peoples comments, especially not in the way you did.

The Muscly Jerk

 

[Scorched]

Hmmmm.. I'd get your **** together quick 'cos in my opinion she's about to up and leave you.

Cos? Cos why?
He shows ONE insecurity and now she is going to leave him?
If he continues to show insecurities and he isn't that confident person she met, then yes, chances are she will leave him...