Insecurities! (plz read!)

Boricua_33015

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hey, I have this major insecurity problem. My skool iz big, VERY BIG, and has like 5000 people in it, its the biggest high skool in the southeast US, maybe even the whole eastern US. At least thats what my principal says. But i think it has affected me greatly. The first day I came into the skool im like damn!! so many people, and big open courtyards and stuff. Now I feel as if someone is alwayz looking at me. I have a major insecurity that now wherever I go I feel as if someone is looking at me, or perhaps everyone is looking at me. I am NEVER fully comfortable unless Im in my safe and secure home. Im afraid of looking stupid in front of people so I am alwayz paying attention at how I walk, how I talk (im alwayz slipping up) and how I just look. I am also afraid to been seen alone becuz it may make me look like a loser with no freinds and suddenly my whole status will drop.

And u kno how ur boys like to rank on each other? Well I used to be an AFC, but an abnormal AFC who alwayz complained about everything, alwayz threw tantrums and ****, alwayz was depressed, and never in a happy mood. So being the AFC that I was, I think I somehow put myself in a more vulnerable position in the eyes of my boys and it seems as if they are alwayz just rankin on me to get me pissed and/or secretly hate me and want to kill me but they just keep me around becuz they feel sorry for me becuz I dont have anyone else to chill with. But really, they are the only ones I hang around with, they are my only freinds, the rest of the people I kno are just my acquaintances and nothing more, I wish they can become more than my acquaintance but I really dont kno how to become their freinds or w/e or to start chillen wit them.

w/e, im saying this becuz I wanna find a new group of freinds, becuz im not happy wit the ones I have becuz it seems like they really want to kill me becuz they are alwayz rankin on me, and every now and then I try to assert myself and they just take it as that I am crying, and that I take everything to the heart and that they rank on each other also. But for some reason to me it seems as if Im more vulnerable in their eyes and that they just target me more often. I do rank on them back, but sometimes one of them says "hey, when u become a man then u can make fun of me but ur not so shutup"

o, and today one of them just pissed me off. They kept on and until I got mad and I said "u kno one of these days ima bring a gat and kill both u muthafukaz becuz u guys just talk so much ****" And then one of them says "what are u too ***** to try to beat me down?" and im like "no man, ill whoop both ya asses, especially u!" And they go on saying how I wont even be able to touch them and **** cuz i would already be on the floor. Then one of the dumbasses say "please nigga the only reason why I have never stuck u iz becuz I dont wanna give u the biggest beating of life" That right there pissed me off and I said, ok im out peace. So I left the lunch room and just walked thought, well im just going to the bathroom and Im comin back. I went and came back to the lunchroom and I of course they were nowhere in sight, and thought I looked pathetic and desperate, thinkin that everyone that wuz there from before and saw me now thinkin ahah his boys left him what a dork/loser/all of the above.

so then I just walked around the skool a couple times (since i dont chill wit no one else) and then I found them again, walking around the skool and Im like why did u *****es leave. and they like becuz u left. and im like o. then im like why are u such *******s and they like bro are u dumb or something. and i told the guy who made the comment that made me leave the lunch room "yo whatever u said dont say it again, u dont say **** like that to me" and he says under his breath "i can say w/e I want to say to u" i say "no i aint ur *****, what makes u think that Im more vulnerable than anybody else and that u can say w/e u want to me? look man just think about what ur gonna say before u say it to me". Then hez like "i dont wanna hear it no more, u take everything to the heart. And I aint afraid to just beat u down right now in skool in front of everybody and I dont care if i get suspended, I just break those muthafukin glasses u have". i stop right in front of him and I say "NIGGA IM RIGHT HERE MUTHAFUKA IF U SO HARD THEN GO AHEAD AND DO WHAT U SAID U WUZ GONNA DO"

Then he just stayed quiet, and I said "the stuff im sayin isnt to start a fight, its to make u guys realize that u dont realize what u guys say to me", and the only thing they can say is that I just take everything to the heart. W/e, we just stayed quiet walkin around the skool for the next couple minutes waiting for the bell to ring. WHen the bell rung i said "yo im out, just think about the **** that I said, peace"

I kno, my situation is messed up. Was I the person at fault in the situation? or were they? or wuz I just a drama queen?

also help me on the insecurities that I have. I have been this way for 2 years and have seen my personality diminish in front of my eyes becuz I cant act the way I want to in front of people. I feel like Im about to go crazy, im sick of bein tense in front of everybody and alwayz looking at everybody through the corner of my eyes, afraid to turn my head becuz theyll think that Im staring at them, and that I am just spaced out thus making me look stupid and thus lowering my status in everyones eyes. PLEASE HELP!
 
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Jay83

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WHOA!! Slow down man!!! I went to a huge high School
so I know what you mean. It's all in your brain man!! When you're walking in school just take a deep breath. Do you feel like this when you're walking by yourself or when you're walking with a friend?If you're school's as big as you say it is then odds are no one is reallylooking at you. You know how you look at people but in actuality you're not. Kinda like in the hallway, you see people but you're not actually looking at them. And about your compadres, they could be just teasing because they know they can.

I would try making some new friends, which might be hard at first, but worth it in the long run. I always say surround yourself with positive people. Try joining clubs, or sports teams. You might think that's corny but trust me, you are likely to make good friends there. And another thing, theres nothing wrong with chillin by yourself sometimes. No disrespect man, but if you are that weak minded to be worried about sittin by yourself and what other people are thinkin of you, then I feel bad for you. I'm not saying isolate your self, be a loner, and cease to make friends. I am saying be your own man and do your thing. High school is full of phony and insecure people who always try to "fit in".

If I was in your shoes I would evaluate my friends and ask my self are these people going to be there for me. Will these guys stick up for me? If not I would chunk them the duce if you know what I mean. Your article touched me because my cousin is like you, he goes to a big school and he's a little shy. Just keep your head up and try to make some new friends!!!

Later,

Jay83
 
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Originally posted by Boricua_33015
hey, I have this major insecurity problem.
I hear that, dude!
My skool iz big, VERY BIG, and has like 5000 people in it, its the biggest high skool in the southeast US, maybe even the whole eastern US. At least thats what my principal says.
Lyin bastard
But i think it has affected me greatly.
don't worry dude! HES ONLY YOUR PRINCIPLE
The first day I came into the skool im like damn!! so many people, and big open courtyards and stuff. Now I feel as if someone is alwayz looking at me.
they are always watching...
I have a major insecurity that now wherever I go I feel as if someone is looking at me, or perhaps everyone is looking at me. I am NEVER fully comfortable unless Im in my safe and secure home.
many people have felt that at some point
Im afraid of looking stupid in front of people so I am alwayz paying attention at how I walk, how I talk (im alwayz slipping up) and how I just look.
har har. stoopid kid
I am also afraid to been seen alone becuz it may make me look like a loser with no freinds and suddenly my whole status will drop.
yeah you'll be the stoopid kid with no friends that everyone looks at! those guys get NO pússy

And u kno how ur boys like to rank on each other?
with our hands?
Well I used to be an AFC, but an abnormal AFC who alwayz complained about everything, alwayz threw tantrums and ****, alwayz was depressed, and never in a happy mood.
I used to know a guy like this. I didn't like him
So being the AFC that I was, I think I somehow put myself in a more vulnerable position in the eyes of my boys and it seems as if they are alwayz just rankin on me to get me pissed
dude u got sum sick fúcks for friends
and/or secretly hate me and want to kill me
Is there anyone reading this that doesn't want to kill this guy right now?
but they just keep me around becuz they feel sorry for me becuz I dont have anyone else to chill with.
cough
But really, they are the only ones I hang around with, they are my only freinds,
O-fúcking-K we get the message!
the rest of the people I kno are just my acquaintances and nothing more, I wish they can become more than my acquaintance but I really dont kno how to become their freinds or w/e or to start chillen wit them.
NOW we are talkin! What you need to do is put up a friendlier front. Talk to people who sit around you in classes, especially girls, and take it easy. Nobody wants to be around some over-sensitive crazy weirdo guy

w/e, im saying this becuz I wanna find a new group of freinds, becuz im not happy wit the ones I have
I wish you were my friend
becuz it seems like they really want to kill me becuz they are alwayz rankin on me,
just stay away from their ****s
and every now and then I try to assert myself and they just take it as that I am crying, and that I take everything to the heart
"stop it guys, you're hurting my feelings"
"Fúck you mothafúckah I'ma kill you. I am ACTUALLY going to KILL you."
and that they rank on each other also.
lol i bet they do!
But for some reason to me it seems as if Im more vulnerable in their eyes and that they just target me more often. I do rank on them back,
ur school is full of rankers
but sometimes one of them says "hey, when u become a man then u can make fun of me but ur not so shutup"
Maybe you should try asserting yourself like a MAN, and not like some little kid who's being picked on

o, and today one of them just pissed me off.
he didn't rank on you?
They kept on and until I got mad and I said "u kno one of these days ima bring a gat and kill both u muthafukaz becuz u guys just talk so much ****"
Ok I'm not sure if you meant "GAT" "CAT" or "BAT". either one would have been equally as gay
And then one of them says "what are u too ***** to try to beat me down?" and im like "no man, ill whoop both ya asses, especially u!" And they go on saying how I wont even be able to touch them and **** cuz i would already be on the floor. Then one of the dumbasses say "please nigga the only reason why I have never stuck u iz becuz I dont wanna give u the biggest beating of life"
and then Ronny said, "Why are we talking like this? We're WHITE and we're RICH. Lets all go buy ferraris!
That right there pissed me off and I said, ok im out peace.
peace homeboyeeeez
So I left the lunch room and just walked thought, well im just going to the bathroom and Im comin back.
for a quick rank
I went and came back to the lunchroom and I of course they were nowhere in sight, and thought I looked pathetic and desperate, thinkin that everyone that wuz there from before and saw me now thinkin ahah his boys left him what a dork/loser/all of the above.
so they WERE all watching. haha

so then I just walked around the skool a couple times (since i dont chill wit no one else) and then I found them again, walking around the skool and Im like why did u *****es leave.
to get away from YOU
and they like becuz u left.
and I like pie
and im like o.
"o shiot nigga dawg biotch"
then im like why are u such *******s
*wipes a tear from eye* *******s:(
and they like bro are u dumb or something.
"And I like...yes"
and i told the guy who made the comment that made me leave the lunch room "yo whatever u said dont say it again, u dont say **** like that to me" and he says under his breath "i can say w/e I want to say to u" i say "no i aint ur *****,
Put a mudafúcken cap in that biotches ass!
what makes u think that Im more vulnerable than anybody else and that u can say w/e u want to me?
I'm a boy with feelings...just like you :(
look man just think about what ur gonna say before u say it to me". Then hez like "i dont wanna hear it no more, u take everything to the heart.
you'll take a few caps to the heart now! biotch
And I aint afraid to just beat u down right now in skool in front of everybody and I dont care if i get suspended, I just break those muthafukin glasses u have".
lol...glasses
i stop right in front of him and I say "NIGGA IM RIGHT HERE MUTHAFUKA IF U SO HARD THEN GO AHEAD AND DO WHAT U SAID U WUZ GONNA DO"
bizzotch

Then he just stayed quiet, and I said "the stuff im sayin isnt to start a fight, its to make u guys realize that u dont realize what u guys say to me", and the only thing they can say is that I just take everything to the heart. W/e, we just stayed quiet walkin around the skool for the next couple minutes waiting for the bell to ring.
I'm not sure whether its you, or your friends, but one of those factors is seriously gay

WHen the bell rung i said "yo im out, just think about the **** that I said, peace"
peace

I kno, my situation is messed up. Was I the person at fault in the situation? or were they? or wuz I just a drama queen?
You got the queen part down anyway

also help me on the insecurities that I have. I have been this way for 2 years and have seen my personality diminish in front of my eyes becuz I cant act the way I want to in front of people. I feel like Im about to go crazy, im sick of bein tense in front of everybody and alwayz looking at everybody through the corner of my eyes, afraid to turn my head becuz theyll think that Im staring at them, and that I am just spaced out thus making me look stupid and thus lowering my status in everyones eyes. PLEASE HELP!
:rolleyes:


O dear God. Where do we start? Firstly you're gonna have to read some of the confidence posts in the bible, cause that is by far ur main problem. Your """""friends""""" don't see you as an equal, they see you as a freaky nervous biotch and take advantage of that. I notice that not one word of you story involved a chick, but I'm gonna assume you are not a homosexual.

The next thing you're going to have to look at is some of the 'making friends' posts cause you SERIOUSLY need to take down that whole "I'm a little gay boy" attitude barrier.



Peace out boyee,


Ronny
 

kevbo

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if you can't stand walking around alone, it seems to me like you don't even fully respect yourself the way you should. if you can figure out what's stopping you from doing that, then getting new friends or proper respect from your current friends won't be a problem. also, they don't want to kill you. some of my best friends say things that seem like the absolute worse thing that anyone could ever say, but since i realize that they don't mean any of it, they are my best friends. besides, never insulting anyone increases formality, when between friends it's better to have casuality. for example, you wouldn't go up to someone on the street and insult something like their hair or anything, you'd start with a formal greeting. that would begin an acquaintance. after you use some formality to get to know the person and their limits a bit better, you start with a few "insults" even though the goal isn't to insult them. that will begin the casuality that exists between friends. sometimes with an insult directed at you, laughing is the best response. if you laugh at what your friends are saying to you, they'll notice that you're actually not "taking it to heart" as they say. finally, i definitely say that the whole club idea is a great one. choose whatever club appeals to you most, then you'll see just how many people share at least that one interest. finally, don't be afraid to jump into a nearby situation sometimes. that's how i made my best friend.

well, hope i helped.
 

Boono11

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Damn straight kevbo. you know what you're talkin about.

If you can't act yourself around your friends then they must not be that good of friends. you should feel comfortable. friends joke around all the time. they're always makin fun of each other. I tell my friend that his hair looks horrible all the time, he doesn't get offended, he just turns it back at me and then i turn it back to him and so on.

You are seemmy friend kris. i often tell him how stupid he is. but he can't take a joke, we also joke on everyone else and they can take it just fine. he gets offended if we say anything the slightest bit insulting. we've talked to him about this. now when we make a joke we hear this really sarcastic laugh coming from him. it sounds so horrible.

You don't want to be like him and take everything so seriously. just take most thing as a joke. and if your friends are like mine, you will know when they're serious and when they're just joking.
 
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Boricua_33015

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lol Ronny_Neumonic, i think ur name should be changed to Ronny_Moronic.

Boono11, I do act like myself around my freinds, but only when im around my freinds only, and not when Im wit them but at skool or something u kno?

I kno my situation is messed up but I have been suffering from depression for like 2 or 3 years but I dont want to go to a doctor cuz its all in the mind, thats whats everyone says. And I kno that many of my insecurities and me taking jokes too seriously has to do something wit my depression. But I want to overcome this by myself with a little advice from others. I dont wanna be taking antidepressants, (I have before). So if its all in the mind, than I can do it. BUt itll just take some time.
 

DJ Girevik

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Hey, Boricua, as stupid as this post is I will respond. Everyone is not looking at you. In fact, so many people are so worried about the same crap you are that they are thinking the exact same thing. Remember that, think to yourself "what do I have to worry about, they're thinking the exact same thing!" And being alone is not a bad thing. Hell if you're comfortable being alone and show it, girls might dig that cuz it increases the "mystery" factor. Simple solution is: smile more, and be friendly. People like that. Yes, people, as in preps, punks, nerds, jocks, skaters, metalheads, stoners, etc. ALL of them. And learn how to take jokes and to give crap with your friends and how to take it without being offended. Being confident, fun and friendly = what people like.
 

Levex

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i went to a HS with 5000+ students. trust me,noone gives a sh!t about you. everyone is worried about their own patheric little problems. just dont judge anyone else and noone will judge you.
 

jive

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lol i think Ronny's post was good, and i believe the main point was not to make fun of u,

but to get u to realize that u need to lighten up and stop taking things so seriously

AND quit whining, be a MAN

also if u really want to be a dj - to me u are miles away from being one, READ THE BIBLE! - then u SHOULD like the fact that everyone is watching u - its all part of confidence. You are the ****, and everyone knows it.
 
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