Insecure trait of a friend of mine. Very, very off-putting

[The_Reaper]

Nearly every time he sees a girl with one of us (i.e. his friends) he will have an insult; either, the girl is ugly, or the guy is punching above his weight.

Though he wouldn't call the guy ugly to his face, he'd say the girl was (in front of the guy).

Example. I'm chatting to a girl I know from before, we're at a club. There's a bit of a vibe between us - we only met recently.

My friend comes up and says "who's that?" I said, it's Michelle, the girl I mentioned earlier. He laughed and said, "well, in that case, I feel sorry for you, man!"

Fck you! The idiot was too drunk to realise she may have heard.

He's done this a few times. He's pretty sh*t with women overall. I'm annoyed at this transparent insecurity.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Sounds like a quality friend.

 

[The_Reaper]

If he was an all round douchebag I wouldn't care. I'd just stop hanging around with him. But we go way back, and he's a cool guy except for this sneering derogation and autofellatio that comes out of him occasionally, mostly when he's drunk.

 

[Kerpal]

LOL, one of my friends is like that, and he never gets laid. Last time he said something like that, I said in a sarcastic way "Yeah, I know you get laid all the time and you only **** supermodels, but I have lower standards, OK?"

That shut him up pretty quick

 

[The_Reaper]

LOL, one of my friends is like that, and he never gets laid. Last time he said something like that, I said in a sarcastic way "Yeah, I know you get laid all the time and you only **** supermodels, but I have lower standards, OK?"

That shut him up pretty quick

Niiiiicccccce. I'm remembering that one.

 

[Kevin Feng]

Ok, guys like that, you just need to rid yourself of them.

I think they call it "crab in a barrel" syndrome, if they can't succeed themselves, they'll try and drag you down with, it's a very egotistical move.

Oprah had this same problem when she was trying to lose weight since all of her overweight friends would constantly beat her down.

It's just human nature, you don't want others around you succeeding if you're insecure, because it puts you in a place of inferiority.

Just stop going out with this guy, he's only going to hurt you.

 

[The_Reaper]

Well well put, Kevin Feng. You pretty much nailed his personality and you brought up an ubiquitous trait of insecure people: the need to drag down others to avoid feeling inferior. It's a horrible trait. I'm glad to say I don't have it, but I understand it.

Quite sad.

 

[Daydream Engineer]

100 post! Whoohoo!


from:
http://www.livestrong.com/article/14655-handling-insecurity/


Insecurity is defined as:

* Feeling of not being "good enough" to meet the challenge of a situation you face in life.
* Sense of helplessness in the face of problems, conflict or concerns.
* Belief that one is inadequate or incompetent to handle life's challenges.
* Fear of being discovered as inadequate, ill-fitted or unsuited to meet responsibilities at home, school or on the job.
* Sense of not fitting in, being "out of sync" with those in your peer group.
* Perception that life is unpredictable with most of the expectations you have to meet not clearly understood.
* Sense of always climbing up a mountain, never being able to reach the top.
* Sense of lacking support or reinforcement where you live, work or play.
* Results from a sense of being unaccepted, disapproved or rejected.
* Inner turmoil coming from a lack of direction or bewilderment as to where you are going, what your goals are and what responses are appropriate for events in life.

Insecure people may have:

* Been raised in a chaotic, unpredictable or volatile environment in which they were kept off balance, on guard or on edge.
* Experienced a major tragedy or loss in their lives and are having a difficult time in accepting this loss and adjusting to the change.
* Experienced a major catastrophe in life (e.g., divorce, losing a job, bankruptcy, failure in school, losing a friend, lack of acceptance into social or civic groups, etc.) that led them to question their personal competency.
* A poorly developed self-concept with low self-esteem, lacking belief in their personal goodness, skills or abilities.
* Never felt accepted by the others' in their life, so much so that they became chronically shy, retiring and withdrawn in their interactions.
* Had an unrealistic list of rules and expectations prescribed by significant others in their life, rules they are striving to meet even in their current life.
* A poor body image, making them believe that others see them in a negative light. This makes them self-conscious, tense and anxious in dealing with others.
* Never received enough positive reinforcement or feedback from others about their talents and abilities, leaving them unclear as to their skills.
* Been given very little direction, guidance or discipline in their earlier lives leaving them unable to cope with the current pressures of life.
* Always felt overshadowed or overlooked due to the people in their lives who seemed to be more successful, smarter, prettier, more handsome, more athletic or higher achievers, getting much attention.

This can foster doubt in an insecure person's ability to gain recognition for their successes, and can make them doubt their ability to achieve success.

What do chronically insecure people believe?

* I can never accomplish the task facing me.
* Everybody is looking at me, just waiting for me to make a fool of myself.
* I am a failure.
* I am ugly and awful to look at.
* I can never win. I am a loser.
* What is the sense of trying, I'll never get it right.
* No matter how hard I work to achieve, I never get any recognition.
* I am incompetent in everything.
* How could anybody ever say anything good about me?
* I failed them in the past; therefore, I am a failure today.
* Once a failure, always a failure.
* There is only one direction for me to go in this organization and that is down and out.
* No one could ever like, respect or accept me.
* I don't deserve to be treated nicely.
* I don't fit in here or anywhere else for that matter.
* Everyone else looks so good, so together; I feel so out of it compared to them.
* I am an incomplete person and will always be that way.
* I am so afraid that no one will like me.
* Why would anyone care to hear what I say, how I feel or what I think?
* People are just nice to you in order to use you and get something they want from you.

What are some negative effects of insecurity?

People who are insecure can:

* Have difficulties in establishing healthy, long-lasting relationships.
* Be perceived incorrectly by others as being snobbish or uppity.
* Become victims of fears that impair their freedom of action or choice.
* Be candidates for paranoia feeling others are out to get them.
* Scare others away from them by their defensive attitude.
* Be over-controlled emotionally, having problems letting others in on their emotions. This can lead others to guess what is going on until the passivity of the insecure person leads to an over-reaction by the others, resulting in conflict or rejection.
* Have problems on the job or in school when they have the knowledge, skills and abilities to do a task efficiently but are told to do it in a different, less effective manner. They get so uptight about the job and are fearful of standing up for what they believe that they get angry, hostile and resentful until they either quit or succeed in submerging their emotions.
* Get passed over for promotions, advances or honors because they are so quiet about what it is they do. This leads the insecure persons to feel more unaccepted, unappreciated and under-valued.
* Have problems meeting people and often can become debilitated socially by chronic shyness.
* Become so inward that they seek to escape into their fantasy life rather than deal with the reality of their lives.

In order to overcome insecurity, people need to:

* Be willing to be put in vulnerable positions in life where they might get hurt.
* Take risks to change their current behavior.
* Trust others enough to expose themselves to them, risking vulnerability and the possibility of being hurt.
* Have a healthy and humorous belief in themselves in order to overlook their exaggerated need for acceptance and approval.
* Take a rational approach to each problem they face so that they are no longer inhibited by debilitating fears or beliefs.
* Practice assertive behavior in their lives, earning respect and the acknowledgment of their rights.
* Arouse the courage to take small steps in learning to experience success and overcoming their lack of belief in self. Once the success is experienced, they can build on it to gain the courage to act out of a strong conviction in their self-goodness and worth.
* Break the barrier or outer shell of the self-doubt they have hidden behind and reach out to others. Breaking out of their "shells" requires letting go of past hurts (real or imagined) and moving on with life.
* Open themselves to the possibility of success and accomplishment. Visualize or make a prophecy of winning at life so their energies are focused in a growth direction.
* Reward themselves for who they are and capitalize on their strengths, attributes, skills and competencies.

What steps can people take to handle insecurity?

Step 1: Answer the following questions in your journal:

a. What behavior traits signal my insecurity?
b. What happened in my past to make me insecure?
c. What are some of my beliefs that account for my insecurity?
d. What are some negative consequences I've experienced due to my insecurity?
e. What behavior traits do I need to develop in order to overcome my insecurity?

Step 2: After identifying your insecurity, how can you handle it? Answer the following questions in your journal:

a. What substitute behavior traits could I develop that would indicate security in myself?
b. What are some positive consequences of exhibiting such secure behavior traits in my life?
c. What are some rational beliefs I must develop in order to exhibit secure behavior in my life?
d. How will my life change if I exhibit secure behavior?
e. What is my action plan to develop security in my life?
f. What obstacles stand in the way of my executing this action plan?
g. How can I overcome the obstacles to my development of self-confidence and security?

Step 3: Implement the plan of action in Step 2. Keep a log in your journal as you go through each stage of handling your insecurity.

Step 4: The following project is designed to help you develop secure behavior by learning about yourself through the eyes of the other people in your life.

---------------
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[GuyInNeed0902]

Boy, that last post describes me to a t....