Insecure chick I was dating...

[Champ1]

I was dating this chick for a while now and she seemed really into me. But, she got a little too carried away. At first I liked that she got a little jealous if another girl talked to me and she wondered who I was talking to when she wasn't around, but she started taking it to another level! Why? I mean she was attractive herself, or else I wouldn't have given her the time of day, know what I mean? At first I just thought she was just really into me, but I couldn't go to another store in the mall without her. She walked into American Eagle when I was checking out and the register chicks were talking to me and she flipped out on me when we got outside of the store and threatened to go back in and freak out on them. Why do some chicks do this? I just ignore her when she acts like this, because I think it might just be a little insecurity that she's dealing with in her relationships or some other issue. I just grew really tired of it and annoyed to the point that I decided that it would be best to move on, because this was her base personality and she wasn't going to change. Now she is even more obsessed and is calling all the time and begging me to come back and telling me how she understands how her actions made her look. She says she can change and is afraid that I'm going to not be such a playa with some other woman now and it is eating her up inside. My question is, well why didn't she behave accordingly when we were together the first time and now she's accomplished her self-fulfilling prophecy of me finding someone else and leaving her in the past. She did this by her actions and now she can't understand why it happened. I know guys, I guess she has some issues. Why do women do this? Even the ones you think are total HB7's and higher still have self esteem issues for some reason. It makes no sense to me. I wish I could just find a low-drama woman for a change! But that's me, I go after those high-maintanance women for some f*cked up reason. Maybe it's the thrill of the game, I don't know. Anybody else have an opinion on this?
Champ

 

[Champ1]

By the way I forgot to mention how unnattractive this quality was and is in women like this. Jealousy and insecurity can make the most beautiful woman just look ugly in the end. Maybe these women have just been hurt by someone in a past relaionship and just need to move past that. It kills any chance long term they have acting this way. I guess they think by trying to control and manipulate their current love interest that this will ensure that he won't look elsewhere for pleasure, well the opposite is true! It only freaks the guy out, and causes him to look for someone who isn't so controlling and is somewhat sweet and caring. Just my $0.02 worth.

 

[Wyldfire]

Most likely she was in a relationship with someone who cheated on her, hit on other women while he was with her or destroyed her self esteem. This is what a lot of women become after being involved with an arsehole/jerk. Other guys end up paying the price for how badly the jerk treated her. This is why I have always discouraged guys on here from trying to "become a jerk" or "act like a jerk". You don't have to be like that to attract and hold onto a woman. You simply choose not to be a doormat and don't allow others to use, mistreat and take advantage of you. If you're an arsehole or jerk as well all you do is ruin women for the next guy who gets involved with them. The same thing happens with men who have been in a relationship with very miserable women.

 

[Champ1]

Wyldfire, is it possible to have a relationship with one of these types of women, or are they so wounded that they will always be like this? I mean, she would respond favorably when I was somewhat sweet to her, but then she would start to act a little controlling and manipulative when I was being slightly nice to her (but not overly nice). It's like she started wanted to try to control me when I was being 'not so DJish, no what I mean? I know, she admitted she was hurt in the past and some guy cheated on her. So, I guess she was afraied of getting hurt again. I know that women want a 'nice guy' but not a 'door mat'. But it's hard to be this way with women like this, because when you act like this they want it all. It's like old saying, "You can't be too nice, you can't be too mean, you've gotta be somewhere in between!" Do you think there's any hope of entering a relationship with women who've been hurt like this in the past? I don't like walking around on eggshells the whole time I'm dating a woman with issues like this. Your thoughts? Thanks.
Champ

 

[WaterTiger]

Dateable right now? No she isn't. Dateble in the future? Sure, but she needs to get get a couple therapy sessions under her belt. Until she understands that all men are not cheating dogs, she'll act like this with every guy she meets.

Women equate sex with an emotional bond between two people in love. So when a guy cheats, he's rejecting her, saying that the bond, her feelings mean nothing to him and entering that magical bond with some one else. That's a hard thing to get over.

For the guy it's usually just getting his rocks off, no bonding what so ever took place.

If you want to date her, you'll have a lot of work to do. And I don't know if that's something you want to get into. She may try to change on her own, but will have the same feelings only hide them better than before. She really needs some counciling.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Champ1
Wyldfire, is it possible to have a relationship with one of these types of women, or are they so wounded that they will always be like this? I mean, she would respond favorably when I was somewhat sweet to her, but then she would start to act a little controlling and manipulative when I was being slightly nice to her (but not overly nice). It's like she started wanted to try to control me when I was being 'not so DJish, no what I mean? I know, she admitted she was hurt in the past and some guy cheated on her. So, I guess she was afraied of getting hurt again. I know that women want a 'nice guy' but not a 'door mat'. But it's hard to be this way with women like this, because when you act like this they want it all. It's like old saying, "You can't be too nice, you can't be too mean, you've gotta be somewhere in between!" Do you think there's any hope of entering a relationship with women who've been hurt like this in the past? I don't like walking around on eggshells the whole time I'm dating a woman with issues like this. Your thoughts? Thanks.
Champ

The only thing you can have with women like this is an unhealthy/toxic relationship where you fight constantly and can't even enjoy it. She's got to fall in love with a decent guy and lose him because of her behavior before she's going to begin to act somewhat normal again. Either that or she has to hurt a few guys worse than she's hurting. Then she might be a better bet. As for at least the next two years just stay the hell away from her or she'll suck the life right out of you and make you crazy.

 

[ScrewIt]

i think the problem is tha these hb7+ long for a solid LTR.
and probably many guys end up cycling through these girls easily, in the end they get hurt.

there was this HB8 in my class who showed insecurity, but that's just cause she broke out of a (how many yearS?) relationship iwth her bf and having to move out of his place.
she rarely meets any new guys, except for me cause i start to talk to her.

but ask this...does she actually like you?? or hangs on to you cause she doesnt think she can attain anyone else?

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by ScrewIt
i think the problem is tha these hb7+ long for a solid LTR.
and probably many guys end up cycling through these girls easily, in the end they get hurt.

there was this HB8 in my class who showed insecurity, but that's just cause she broke out of a (how many yearS?) relationship iwth her bf and having to move out of his place.
she rarely meets any new guys, except for me cause i start to talk to her.

but ask this...does she actually like you?? or hangs on to you cause she doesnt think she can attain anyone else?

What he described was a girl who is looking for a doormat and someone to take out her own bad feelings on...or someone to bring them down to make herself feel better. I call people like this "emotional terrorists"...they are abusive, but not in the physical sense usually (although they can be). People like that are NOT worth it, period.

 

[ManOMan]

Champ, at the base of this issue is the girls fear of abandonement, jealousy, and major insecurity.

yadda yadda yadda she has been hurt by other guys, so WHAT, havent we ALL been hurt by someone/few people in the past? We deal with it and move on, not carry our baggage over from past relationships.

Does this girl have like a parent that abandoned her?

Girls like these have some major problems at home in the family, and they fear becoming abandoned again, so they begin to show unreasonable jealousy to try and control the guy.

Yes, this type of behavior may get worse as she dates other people and confirms the idea that "Every guy will leave or cheat on you, so you must CLING for dear life!"

I dont think this girl will suddenly change if you get back together. She needs to keep dating nice guys and break the idea in her head that all guys are cheats and leave.