Influencing the Young

[Latinoman]

I dont think some of you guys understand. I posted about this in a thread in the past.

You do it indirectly. You dont go talking about the interactions of the male and female directly. You might throw in a few suggestions about the consequences of sex at a young age. How it could ruin their life for a night of pleasure.....ect. You do it by teaching them about life.

You teach them how to live a life of purpose. You teach them about respect, integrity, passions, honesty,discipline, values and the list could go on.You are constantly talking to them about this. When they know how to live that kind of life it WILL spill over into their interactions with women. Things will come natural. They will know what is right and what is wrong. Yes, they will need some hints every now and then. but they will have 90% of the tools needed to deal with women.

BINGO.

Exactly my point.

 

[Latinoman]

Well, I have no experience being a dad, but I do have some being a son.

I am lucky in that my parents have a pretty solid marriage. However, they both kind of struck the lottery with each other. they met when my dad was 19 and my mom 17. The other side of that is that my dad doesn't have much experience dating in the sense of guys on here.

Latinoman, as far as mentoring your boy, I can only give you my perspective as someone who has been a son. The three (related) challenges you might, *might* face are:

(1) Your son might feel that he doesn't 'measure up' to you, and that he can't ever. A lot of teenagers feel awkward--I sure as hell know I did. On the other hand, your son looks at you and sees how smooth and accomplished you are around women and the ways of the world, and he wonders if he can ever be like that. Sometimes I felt that way around my dad. He is a businessman, and has a more agressive personality that I tend to have.

(2) [related to (1)] He might feel that you don't understand where he is coming from--any awkwardness and insecurities he might have.

(3) The desire for a son to make his own way different from his dad.

The one thing that will really help you, I think, is that, from your posts on here, you seem to be *amazingly* good at seeing things from different perspectives. You are really good at giving advice that is very helpful to the new guys who on here are struggling to learn.


More to the point, I think you've already realized (1)--(3) before. I think you'll be good at letting your son know he can always talk to you about it to get good advice, in a way that he'll get.

Well said.

I appreciate your perspective.

Very early (when I was VERY young and my son was a pre-teen)...I realized he was not going to be like me in some areas. I mean...I was already extremely interested in females when I was in first grade. I am not kidding either. Had a girlfriend too. And my life revolved around liking girls ever since. That was the way my father was when he was a kid...and the way my cousins and brothers were too. He is not like that...no yet. I assume that is about to change. He likes some of the ranchy shows that I like (I let him watch them). So...

I know he feels that he won't measure to me in some areas. But I know he can be a lot more succesful than me...especially when it comes to career, because he is almost as intelligent as I was when I was his age. He is also as observant. The problem is, I was a lot tougher and had a lot of interest in females. I also came from a very tough "barrio". But his advantage is that I did not have direction...he does. He has LOT of direction.

I try not to put too much presure (he is actually very cool kid). I once tried to bust his balls, by saying (right after I left his mom)..."Do you have a girlfriend?" and his reply was..."Do you?" He got me there, considering that I just left his mom and he knew that if I said "Yes", it would imply I left for another woman...and if I said "No", then it would imply that I had not room to ask the question because I was without a woman. So he is that kind of smart.


#3 is very interesting...he already has a desire to do something that is different than what I did. Same education background, but different career choice. But that particular dream requires a LOT of preparation from High School. As the only way to be accepted in that particular program would ONLY depend on not just his academics, but also what he does outside high school. My responsibility is to help him come with a series of goals that will allow him to reach that dream goal. If he fails...at least he will know that his "hero" also tried hard with him and we did the best. What some people in here don't understand is that his dream is to make that program...not to get women. He knows already he gets attention from girls.

My other child has a "significant" other. That one I talk from time to time about relationships, etc. Different situation and different child, different priorities.

Good post, by the way.

 

[Latinoman]

To Kontrollex:

You have to realize your parents did not have the tools that I have (such as internet access, etc.). I know the importance of been accepted by the oposite sex from experience. Trust me...I do. But I also have the advantage that I can come to message boards and read what very young people are experiencing today. What people outside my generation and closer to my children generation are experiencing today. Even if my kids don't talk to me...I know what kids their age are thinking...all I have to do is log into a message board and read what they are thinking. That puts me in an advantage over your parents.

I know what is going to take to suceed. I also know that sadly, what a child does in High School will impact or could considerably slow down his path to success in life. You get bad grades at school...you will not go to a very good University...that will slow down the kind of jobs you might get...and slow you down by as much as a decade your accelerated path to success.

My point is...our parents and your parents probably simply did not know better. They did not know how to perhaps communicate. My generation and yours now has the advantage of getting into our children's generations "mind"...thanks to Internet and message boards such as this.

To wjh:

I appreciate your kind words. I am not perfect. I have made mistakes. I have been succesful with women...but typically with those that find me attractive. Rarely I approach a woman that shows little interest for me. That's my current secret. And by the way, I understand your feeling...my father did not enter the picture until I was in my teens. So, it was tough. I was still had girlfriends, but my mentallity was not the one I developed in my 20s. There is not secret in here I was a cheater in my younger years and kind of a womanizer. But I was NOT a DJ. I can assure you that. I was lucky to reach what I am now. I did not have a great mentor...I learned on my own. And then honed the rest by reading message boards such as this and sharing experiences.

It could be depressing at a young age lacking success for women. That goes without saying. I will tell you one thing...in fact, I will PROMISE you one thing...if you self improve yourself in such a fashion that you develop your career and independence....to the point you stay healthy and relatively fit...I PROMISE you that

1- The women you can easily pick now...you will easily pick ten years from now
2- Some of the women you could not easily pick now...you might easily pick ten years from now
3- Some of the women that ignored you completely now...that same women will come to you ten years from now

That's the beauty of nature. We are men...biology is in our favor. And once men start to understand that...they will realize that it becomes an advantage ONLY if we work on other areas too.

You are an adult...you still learning. Some women are out there to deceive men...those ones? You can deceive too. In fact, I don't even find that unethical. A slu_tty woman in a bar decieving men into buying her drinks is a woman that is inviting men to decieve her. At your age...I personally don't see anything wrong with that approach with those type of women. I mean, you are young...nothing wrong by being exposed to those type of women as long as you don't fall in love. You can even view it as a project. Hear me out...as long as you don't abuse this...you will be alright.

But there are also women that you meet in real life (bar is "not real" in my opinion as everybody there is wearing a mask)...the ones that might or might not be potential ltr. Those ones? You can be open. You can be straight up.

You get my drift? Do what makes YOU happy. I know it might come as a surprise that I am telling you this. Especially when I preach integrity, etc. 80-90% integrity...while saving 10-20% of the other stuff for when dealing with the vampires of society is NOT unethical. If some women go to bars and nightclubs to deceive men into buying them free drinks and get them lot of attention (something that women starve)...then those women (not all...but the ones that are doing that)...are either not worth of my attention or worth of my "other" 10-20% of my character that I save if I have or want to deal with those type. Maturity allows you to turn down that dial (a very dangerous dial).

 

[speed dawg]

I agree with Latinoman about the waiting until 18 part to talk about women, for a couple of reasons.

One, I want the early part of my kids' lives to be about learning responsibility, belief in themselves, motivation, and my Christian faith (no flames on the Christian part, please, I don't care what any of you have to say about that). A teenager that believes in himself will have no problem with women anyway.

Two, there are certain aspects of life that I want my kids to learn on their own. Let him experiment a little with women himself for awhile. The dilemma, though, is when to talk about safe sex, if in fact my son starts fvcking chicks at a young age.

 

[Latinoman]

The dilemma, though, is when to talk about safe sex, if in fact my son starts fvcking chicks at a young age.

You talk about consequences and what consequences would bring a pregnancy or some sickness. And you do that without getting into the details. They will ask. If your kid is a female...the mom should talk FULL disclosure. A male is different. If he is dating....you have to talk about it. IMO.

By the way...when my kids were very little...I talking 5 years old, etc. My then wife and I sat down with each and always told them that if somebody touched them "there" or asked them to touch the adult somewhere...that they had to tell my wife and I.

In fact, I told them that the only way a doctor could touch them there was if dad or mom were present. (Did not want an adult to pretend he/she was a doctor). When they were older...old enough as to be home alone for an hour or so...or even to be in the neighborhood...I told them if a "Cop" knocked at the door...not to opened. To simply ask for the "Cop"s badge and tell the cop they were going to call the police station and ask if the Cop was indeed send there. Lot of predators pretend to be cops too.

Lot of wolves out there. We have to provide them with enough tools to help us protect them.

 

[##17]

Well said.

I appreciate your perspective.

Very early (when I was VERY young and my son was a pre-teen)...I realized he was not going to be like me in some areas. I mean...I was already extremely interested in females when I was in first grade. I am not kidding either. Had a girlfriend too. And my life revolved around liking girls ever since. That was the way my father was when he was a kid...and the way my cousins and brothers were too. He is not like that...no yet. I assume that is about to change. He likes some of the ranchy shows that I like (I let him watch them). So...

I know he feels that he won't measure to me in some areas. But I know he can be a lot more succesful than me...especially when it comes to career, because he is almost as intelligent as I was when I was his age. He is also as observant. The problem is, I was a lot tougher and had a lot of interest in females. I also came from a very tough "barrio". But his advantage is that I did not have direction...he does. He has LOT of direction.

I try not to put too much presure (he is actually very cool kid). I once tried to bust his balls, by saying (right after I left his mom)..."Do you have a girlfriend?" and his reply was..."Do you?" He got me there, considering that I just left his mom and he knew that if I said "Yes", it would imply I left for another woman...and if I said "No", then it would imply that I had not room to ask the question because I was without a woman. So he is that kind of smart.


#3 is very interesting...he already has a desire to do something that is different than what I did. Same education background, but different career choice. But that particular dream requires a LOT of preparation from High School. As the only way to be accepted in that particular program would ONLY depend on not just his academics, but also what he does outside high school. My responsibility is to help him come with a series of goals that will allow him to reach that dream goal. If he fails...at least he will know that his "hero" also tried hard with him and we did the best. What some people in here don't understand is that his dream is to make that program...not to get women. He knows already he gets attention from girls.

My other child has a "significant" other. That one I talk from time to time about relationships, etc. Different situation and different child, different priorities.

Good post, by the way.

Hey man,

Your son is a very lucky boy, not just because you understand women, but also because you have an understanding of his perspective. And it sounds that you really love him, not just because he is your son, but also because of who he is and who he is on his way to becoming.

It's awesome that your first priority is teaching your son to be a good MAN. (And that is his priority as well---achieving his goals first.) When the time comes to focus on women, depending on your son and his personality, my guess is that the challenge will be making sure he keeps the right mindset to keep the first time he really falls for a girl, even though that is not what is on his mind now. The thing you DON'T want him to do is fall into that trap (that guys ALWAYS fall into) of feeling that 'yeah but this girl is different' and that Dad's advice about the nature of women doesn't apply to 'this special one' here. (Hey, I felt that way when I was much younger and when my dad tried to guide me the right way, and I ended up getting burned.)

I really do like what logic1 said about keep *telling true stories* to your son about women and the lessons you want him to learn, where you just work it into the 'casual conversation' when the two of you hang out.


And good luck to your son striving for his goals!! That is a cool thing, because the one thing that a man needs is a compelling mission in life independent of women. Ironically, that is what makes us more attractive to women...

 

[Omen]

I personally dont have kids, and I really am not sure how I would relate to them as far as women. My dad never said much to me, but times have changed some I guess.

My ONLY complaint or something I would change about this whole woman deal would be that for me... I always got lucky, or never tried and then here came this girl in high school and then we dated. I did that till my senior year. So and so likes you...blah blah blah, and then we'd go out.

I never HAD to pick up women, nor apply ANYTHING i've learned her, and later on in life. There was no Sosuave, or internet (barely) nor Facebook or MySpace or what not. Hell not even txt messages.

But here is what I ran into. I dont know what age you are supposed to teach/learn this stuff, but what happened to me, was that once I got into college, and then got older, I had NO IDEA HOW TO PICK UP WOMEN.

I had girlfriends all the time cause it happened, and then when I didnt have that anymore, I was screwed. I dated one girl I thought I was going to marry when I was 23 and that didnt happen, and then I only had one girlfriend after her.

Why? I never knew how to approach women or what the heck to do. I didnt know anything about this AFC stuff, and when I was being me, it was the wrong way of being me.

Regardless if it was my dad or not, and I dont blame him... SOMEONE should have taught me all of this stuff. Heck even a friends dad.

You could have thrown me out in a club or bar and I would have sat there dumbfounded like the Cosmo guy on the PUA that one episode. Beer in hand and just sitting in the corner by himself.

How was a guy who just had gf in school, supposed to do a 180 and then go PICK UP WOMEN.

All my point is, is that I wish I would have learned this at a younger age. maybe 19 20, or even earlier. I dont think earlier would have been a bad thing. Cause when I entered college, I was NOT prepared. I met a girl from church and then thought I was set for life. And when that didnt work out, I was left with NO TOOLS to succeed with women.

I then had to pick up books, come on here, and start like I was a baby out of my moms womb in my 20s. Kind of sucked.

But each parent is different, and some dont think women are that big of a deal. Just go find a girl son. Its like its cake.

I dont know, but those things above are what I went through, and when I have kids, and they get older, I dont want them to have to go through what I did. I'm not going to stress they go crazy over women and how to figure them out, but at least give them some pointers or some help to start the ball rolling.