Influencing the Young

[Latinoman]

Some of us have male children or stepchildren, others kid brothers, nephews, Godsons, or even a young male that looks up to us as their male figure.

Reading sosuave, in particular the General forum and the Anything Else forum has made me realize that today’s youth is swimming in a sea of confusion. It disturbs me reading threads after threads of young men that feel life is about “gaming” women or about getting laid. Especially when we have young men willing to sacrifice their future in exchange to gaming women, while we have women in America/UK/Australia/Canada and men in other nations focusing in their education, career, health.

They feel that being a gentleman is “AFC”. They feel that having emotions or sympathy for others is “AFC”. They feel that respecting women is “AFC”. I have news for them:

1- Knowing those things is not AFC.
2- Not knowing those things will make that person ignorant.
3- Incorrectly applying those things is what might make the person an AFC.

They feel everything is about “gaming” or “playing” or Facebook or MySpace or other stupid expressions that fill their lexicon. This is making me realize, as a man with a teenage son, that men are doing a terrible job preparing our male youngsters on how to become Men.

With my son, I am a father, mentor, and instructor. I am his role model and hero.

I covertly and overtly talks to him about things in life. I am providing him with the tools that he will need to succeed as a man. I have not even started to talk to him about “gaming” women or “picking” women. All I am doing is for me to gain his trust so he can approach me (when the time comes) and share with me his bad experiences or ask me for advice. After all, picking women is not going to define him as a man. We can even argue that facing rejection from time to time and overcoming those feelings will add to his maturity as a man. I have put in his mind (right or wrong) that Facebook and MySpace and other “social networks” are for losers. My concern is for him to get the advice from the person that matters: Latinoman. My concern is for him to develop his social skills the old school way. My concern is for him to meet friends, girlfriends, mentors the old fashion way. My concern is for him to learn how to read people’s eyes as those are the windows to their soul as those determine their true intentions as well as other mannerisms.

What I am teaching him is about the concept of self-respect and hard work. About the importance of an education and career. About the importance of having integrity and building character. About the importance of accountability. About protecting his sister and mother and treating women with respect (as defined by me). About being a gentleman. Once he learns about the above…eventually he can deal with how to deal with the vampires of our society without becoming one himself.

This is like teaching a basketball player the fundamentals of the sport. Michael Jordan, prior to becoming a super star, first learned about the fundamentals of playing basketball. Same with Magic Johnson and Larry Byrd.

 

[Warrior74]

I'm such a good dad..blah blah blah.

Well guess what...my dad taught me all of that stuff you are talking about...but he didn't teach me **** about women. And if he would have maybe my life would have been different. I grew up in a two parent home...never had a lot of girlfriends, so when i got out in the world I fell in love quick...she was complete slut...and when she left, I let it destroy me. Now years later as an adult my dad tells me how he was spinning plates and finally found a good girl (my mother) and settled down. He tells me a bunch of the things preached here....but he never told me that as a young man. Could have saved me years of pain if he would have taught me the way its really is. Start teaching your son the basics of men and women interactions...or at least discuss his sucesses and failures and share some of yours so he can learn something. It's a balance to be learned...and you can't know what good is if you don't know what the hell evil is.

 

[KontrollerX]

"Start teaching your son the basics of men and women interactions...or at least discuss his sucesses and failures and share some of yours so he can learn something. It's a balance to be learned...and you can't know what good is if you don't know what the hell evil is."

Exactly.

Great post Warrior.

My dad was a good man, a guy you Warrior and you Latinoman would both of fully respected had you met him.

A good guy with a friendly demeanor that commanded respect by how he carried himself and all the good things he did towards others but because he and my mother were together due to a codependent relationship with eachother which was more based on needs and fears than actual love my dad never really got with many women before my mother whom he met and got married to at age 18.

Having no knowledge from the field he did absolutely nothing to teach me how things were and what to do.

He saw me as a good kid that loved him and my mom and he just never had this kind of talk with me. He had entirely too much faith in the goodness of people and in my intelligence at the time which I'm sorry to say at the time he overestimated.

So please guys teach your sons the ways of women and the world.

Make teachings from this place and your own about it known to them, don't hide it, don't let them experience sh!t and get broken down, let them explore the world of course but in an informed manner.

 

[Latinoman]

I'm such a good dad..blah blah blah.

Well guess what...my dad taught me all of that stuff you are talking about...but he didn't teach me **** about women. And if he would have maybe my life would have been different. I grew up in a two parent home...never had a lot of girlfriends, so when i got out in the world I fell in love quick...she was complete slut...and when she left, I let it destroy me. Now years later as an adult my dad tells me how he was spinning plates and finally found a good girl (my mother) and settled down. He tells me a bunch of the things preached here....but he never told me that as a young man. Could have saved me years of pain if he would have taught me the way its really is. Start teaching your son the basics of men and women interactions...or at least discuss his sucesses and failures and share some of yours so he can learn something. It's a balance to be learned...and you can't know what good is if you don't know what the hell evil is.

Grab a Pablo Neruda in your book store and take a chill pill, dude.

First, this is not about being a good or bad dad. I used my son as an example...it could have been my kid brothers too.


Second, I think you missed the part that read: "All I am doing is for me to gain his trust so he can approach me (when the time comes) and share with me his bad experiences or ask me for advice. "

Hmmmmm...perhaps if your dad would have taught you that aspect, you would have approached him when you were dealing with that slu-t...if he would have taught you the concept of self-respect, you would have never fallen in love with a slu_t. And obviously, he didn't teach you accountability as I can see you are blaming her (which happens to be the woman YOU picked) and him for that failure. Who knows...maybe she was not a slu_t...maybe she dumped you because she found a man she considered better and that automatically (and in your eyes) categorized her as s_lut.

There is NO way we can teach our kids how to pick certain type of women. Fact is...in their eyes, they THINK they know better. That's the way it is when it comes to "emotions". All I can do is prepare him to be a Man so his pool of women is always expanding (as he is already an extremely good looking young man). All I can do is to teach him how to deal with adversities (so he doesn't allow a "slu_t" to destroy him). And of course, hopefully gain his trust so he can at least ask me for advice on ANYTHING.

 

[Latinoman]

Here is a fact...your fathers could have teached you EVERYTHING about women...and you two would have either found it dated or he too old to understand. You two would have found the situation even uncomfortable.

I know what I am doing. My son is 14.

The women part will come when he reaches the 18+ age. When I can take him with me for the hunt (like my father did with me when I was 16-17 and he took me to bars with him). And that part I can teach him COVERTLY by showing him how I (at age 44) interact with women when he is 18. Life is not about getting women. Life is about becoming the best you can....self improve in other areas (such as physical, appeances, mannerisms, masculinity, self-respect).

It is not about "PUA" crap. It is about picking the right friends and right women and right associates.

 

[Latinoman]

Words mean nothing...actions is everything. He hears me say comments when I drive around and see a hottie walking or driving near us. He knows I am a rake. That's not secret.

But by the type of women I am dating in serious terms and happen to introduce to him... I am already teaching him that I am VERY selective with women.

 

[KontrollerX]

"Here is a fact...your fathers could have teached you EVERYTHING about women...and you two would have either found it dated or he too old to understand. You two would have found the situation even uncomfortable."

Quite possibly but a father giving a son this kind of run down is still extremely informative and useful and if the son doesn't accept it outright once the pain comes from making the stupid decision the son then would most probably reconsider his father's advice as now being the truth because his own way of doing things has so miserably failed him.

This opens the doorway to the son believing more of what the father has to tell him as being true.

However I'd also advocate all fathers out there when it comes to women use some kind of method of questioning to teach the son and help the son teach himself how to get what he wants out of life and women.

What do you want out of life?

What do you want in a woman?

What kind of qualities would a woman have to possess to make me happy?

What are red flag bad qualities a woman would exhibit that would disqualify her from my life?

Stuff like this is what I think you might have in mind to do already Latinoman and in so doing have your son come to his own conclusions in a way teaching himself but in anycase I think leading sons to their own answers by having them ask questions like this may be the way to go to get past the ego barriers.

 

[Latinoman]

"Here is a fact...your fathers could have teached you EVERYTHING about women...and you two would have either found it dated or he too old to understand. You two would have found the situation even uncomfortable."

Quite possibly but a father giving a son this kind of run down is still extremely informative and useful and if the son doesn't accept it outright once the pain comes from making the stupid decision the son then would most probably reconsider his father's advice as now being the truth because his own way of doing things has so miserably failed him.

This opens the doorway to the son believing more of what the father has to tell him as being true.

I'd advocate all fathers out there when it comes to women use some kind of method of questioning to teach the son and help the son teach himself how to get what he wants out of life and women.

What do you want out of life?

What do you want in a woman?

What kind of qualities would a woman have to possess to make me happy?

What are red flag bad qualities a woman would exhibit that would disqualify her from my life?

Stuff like this is what I think you might have in mind to do already Latinoman and in so doing have your son come to his own conclusions in a way teaching himself but in anycase I think leading sons to their own answers by having them ask questions like this may be the way to go to get past the ego barriers.

I don't disagree with that. Especially the red flag stuff. My policy is that in their early 20s, they should not be concerned with "serious" relationships. They should have a LOT of fun (while focusing in other areas of self-improvement). But it is way to early to introduce him to that stuff.

I "joke" around from time to time and tell him..."Now don't go screw your life around in High School by hanging with the wrong crowd, or using drugs, or getting a girl pregnant. I won't bail you out from either one.".

What you illustrated is what I call "Phase 2" of the advice. Everything at the appropriate time. Advice that I give here...is advice that I will give to my son at the appropriate age. That's why you don't see me in the High School Forum giving advice about dating. That's something that is irrelevant at that age. College is a different issue and my philosophy is well known...NO serious relationship in College. Just make sure you don't get sick or anyone pregnant.

 

[Warrior74]

i don't argue. I said my peice. I re-read yours. I think we all know where each other stands. We aren't on opposing sides....just different places on the same side. The point is..more dads need to teach their sons about male and female interaction.

If you don't want responses, don't post threads. If you take reponses personally, your using the internet wrong!

 

[Maxtro]

The women part will come when he reaches the 18+ age. When I can take him with me for the hunt (like my father did with me when I was 16-17 and he took me to bars with him). And that part I can teach him COVERTLY by showing him how I (at age 44) interact with women when he is 18. Life is not about getting women. Life is about becoming the best you can....self improve in other areas (such as physical, appeances, mannerisms, masculinity, self-respect).

Why are you going to wait till your son is 18 to start helping him? By that age he should have graduated High School.

How would you feel if your son managed to get out of High School without having a single girlfriend or gone out on a date? What if you knew that a lack of success with women damaged his self-esteem? What if you found out that he came here to try and get advice and learn about girls?

I think waiting till 18 is too late. The most important years for his development is now. If you see that he is struggling you should help him.

If I had any success with girls back in my teens I think I would be a completely different, happier person than I am now.

 

[mikeraw]

I, too, would be much happier if I'd been successful with chicks during my teens. I grew up in a perfect, conservative household, and I was always raised to be a good, respectful husband, not a great lover or womanizer. What I've learned about chicks and dating I've learned through trial and lots of errors... and this site and the seduction community in genera, of course...

 

[logic1]

I dont think some of you guys understand. I posted about this in a thread in the past.

You do it indirectly. You dont go talking about the interactions of the male and female directly. You might throw in a few suggestions about the consequences of sex at a young age. How it could ruin their life for a night of pleasure.....ect. You do it by teaching them about life.

You teach them how to live a life of purpose. You teach them about respect, integrity, passions, honesty,discipline, values and the list could go on.You are constantly talking to them about this. When they know how to live that kind of life it WILL spill over into their interactions with women. Things will come natural. They will know what is right and what is wrong. Yes, they will need some hints every now and then. but they will have 90% of the tools needed to deal with women.

 

[KontrollerX]

"You teach them how to live a life of purpose. You teach them about respect, integrity, passions, honesty, values and the list could go on.You are constantly talking to them about this. When they know how to live that kind of life it WILL spill over into their interactions with women."

My dad taught me all about that but it did not spill over into my interactions with women.

I was still a supplicating weak AFC with women just like my dad.

Sure he taught me respect, integrity and all that good stuff but he did not stress respect for myself, rather he taught me to have respect for other people and that garbage advice that says people are inherintely good.

I also learned from him that all women are inherintely good as they are the weaker sex and should be tiptoed around because they are oh so fragile.

I also learned from him to let it go when a woman says something insulting to you as it was the right thing to do to not say anything back as since the insult came from a woman it must be true or she being a woman would be too weak to go on living if guys were to insult her right back.

"Things will come natural. They will know what is right and what is wrong."

For certain things yes, for matters of women no.

Some things in life need to be directly taught.

Success can come if a guy has a knowledgeable dad like Latinoman to tell him the way things work or finds a place like this or gets lucky and is born with killer good looks and has success as the result of them while still being an AFC at which point believing in the soulmate myth he gets married and has a bitter divorce 10 years down the line because of his AFCery which teaches him what we already know here but at a greater cost to him than would of been had if his dad or someone gave him all the information here beforehand.

So the bottom line is its better to be directly taught things and reject them at first than to never be taught them directly at all in my estimation.

"Yes, they will need some hints every now and then. but they will have 90% of the tools needed to deal with women."

Just teaching sons respect, integrity, passions, honesty, and values is not enough.

Those things can be manipulated by the media to serve the male weakening feminist agenda.

Agenda's like making ones passion marriage and family or it showing integrity by raising another man's offspring because you fell in love with the single mommy (not you personally just an example), or an AFC being upfront and honest with women and thereby being a complete open book with some chick about all of his deep feelings before she's truly earned the right to such feelings or having the values of waiting to have sex until you are married.

All of these things without a father having told his son how women and the world really works directly can be manipulated to fvck up the son's life and keep him in the darkness of being a manipulated and controlled AFC.

 

[##17]

Well, I have no experience being a dad, but I do have some being a son.

I am lucky in that my parents have a pretty solid marriage. However, they both kind of struck the lottery with each other. they met when my dad was 19 and my mom 17. The other side of that is that my dad doesn't have much experience dating in the sense of guys on here.

Latinoman, as far as mentoring your boy, I can only give you my perspective as someone who has been a son. The three (related) challenges you might, *might* face are:

(1) Your son might feel that he doesn't 'measure up' to you, and that he can't ever. A lot of teenagers feel awkward--I sure as hell know I did. On the other hand, your son looks at you and sees how smooth and accomplished you are around women and the ways of the world, and he wonders if he can ever be like that. Sometimes I felt that way around my dad. He is a businessman, and has a more agressive personality that I tend to have.

(2) [related to (1)] He might feel that you don't understand where he is coming from--any awkwardness and insecurities he might have.

(3) The desire for a son to make his own way different from his dad.

The one thing that will really help you, I think, is that, from your posts on here, you seem to be *amazingly* good at seeing things from different perspectives. You are really good at giving advice that is very helpful to the new guys who on here are struggling to learn.


More to the point, I think you've already realized (1)--(3) before. I think you'll be good at letting your son know he can always talk to you about it to get good advice, in a way that he'll get.

 

[logic1]

KX I respect your opinions because you are speaking from experience. I'm also speaking from experience. I guess this shows how things can be different with the same teaching tools. Maybe outside influences come into play..........who knows??

You are probally asking yourself why Iam on this site if that type of teaching worked for me? All I can say it did work for me. I got myself in trouble after my wife was put 5ft under and I tried dating again. I forgot what is was all about. This site only refreshed what I was taught 30 years ago. To become the best man possible.

You are correct about needing more than what I mentioned, not much more. But my father never talked about actual interactions. I always remembered him drilling into my head what I mentioned in my previous post. It made me into a man. I still say when this happens nature will take its course.

 

[##17]

Duplicate post

 

[KontrollerX]

Hey I respect your opinions too logic and I just want to say I hold no resentment towards my father for not guiding me better in this direction as he like me was simply ignorant of this aspect of life and thus literally couldn't guide me in a better direction in this regard because he had nothing to teach.

Nobody ever sat him down and taught him how things worked with women so he ended up in a co-dependent relationship at 18 years of age that lasted as a marriage until his death from cancer at 51 years of age. This marriage that I grew up as a son in was one filled with yelling and arguments and hatred of eachother mixed in with neediness and dependency that passed itself off as love in between. My parents on an individual level were good people that I love and respected but as a couple they had no mutual respect for eachother and it is mutual respect that is the strongest indicator of love being genuine as opposed to the destructive co-dependent variant.

"You are correct about needing more than what I mentioned, not much more. But my father never talked about actual interactions. I always remembered him drilling into my head what I mentioned in my previous post. It made me into a man. I still say when this happens nature will take its course."

Yeah some fathers can think "well talking about actual interactions with my son will be embarassing for us both so I'll just let him figure it out on his own" or they got married real young and didn't have much more experience than that to share anyway so they don't.

I suppose your father's advice in certain cases can help certain people and help them in the way that they will make the right choices women wise from it but I truly believe cases like yours logic are the exception to the rule and I say that in the most respectful manner towards you possible.

I hold this belief because we in America are a nation of AFC's with broken families or families that are still together and stay together but are inherintely broken. Such arrangements all too often produce broken children who don't know what a healthy relationship looks like such as myself (well how I was before finding this place) who need to pick up the pieces of their lives and with any luck find a resource like this site to get what we should of got years ago in a healthy home environment.

I believe that most AFC's minds were and are like how mine was in that certain things are compartmentalized in that even in broken homes such as these good advice for life can be taught and kept in one compartment whereas thoughts about dealing with women and relationships can take up a different compartment which the other good advice never touches or the good advice is funneled through in a destructive way that is not beneficial to the man like I mentioned in my previous post about how good advice and values can be twisted to serve the feminist media agenda at weakening men.

Its a similar compartmentalization that has been mentioned before where concerning highly intelligent university educated religious people in that in one compartment is all of their higher learning but in another compartment is their religious belief and faith.

Logically one would think that the more learning that is done the less likely to believe in ridiculous things that person would be but it is not the case for many of these people due to thorough compartmentalization.

 

[wjh]

Latinoman, I highly respect how you're raising your son. You're one of the posters on SS I particularly enjoy reading and learning from.

Like a lot of AFCs, I was raised without a father for the majority of my youth. My stepfather entered the picture in my teenage years, but is too far removed from me in a generational-sense to be very relevant to me today.

Since I can remember, I have tried, reached out, and struggled with understanding myself and women. Struggled to the point of depression - like a lot of AFCs. And acted out in destructive ways. Thankfully, I have largely been able to grow beyond that, and live my life with a level of integrity and vigor that I feel is necessary. Sometimes, I slack. Sometimes, I feel the frustrations that I used to feel when I was younger. Sometimes I feel hopeless. But I come to a site like SS and learn, and try to grow. It helps a lot. Making a conscious effort to move beyond negativity is a daily chore, but entirely necessary and critical.

I try not to be too much of a relativist, because it really does me no personal good, but for perspective I look at all my friends, all the people I have associated with over the years, and can't help but feel blessed to have found the people and ideas on here.

We live in a non-compromising world with pitfalls and incredible challenges that must be overcome. The only other alternative is mediocrity. Living your life to the fullest and achieving your potential, is not just a cliche to me anymore.

 

[Latinoman]

Why are you going to wait till your son is 18 to start helping him? By that age he should have graduated High School.

How would you feel if your son managed to get out of High School without having a single girlfriend or gone out on a date? What if you knew that a lack of success with women damaged his self-esteem? What if you found out that he came here to try and get advice and learn about girls?

I think waiting till 18 is too late. The most important years for his development is now. If you see that he is struggling you should help him.

He is already good looking. In fact, VERY good looking. The dark skinned young man that has sky blue eyes and dark hair. He is also very tall (5'10"). And slim. And he is only 14. And very confident and cucky. He already asked me to add him to my gym membership because he wants me to teach him how to work out properly. He won't have problems with women. That would be the last of his worries. Of that I am frigging sure.


His problem would be when he is an adult and perhaps trying to pick the right woman...then that's when I come into the game.

If I had any success with girls back in my teens I think I would be a completely different, happier person than I am now.

Lot of people did not have success during their teens and went to college and BLOOMED.

You lack success because you are insecure. You lacked a strong male figure in your life (or perhaps had one WAY too strong). You might not even know how to lead...and I'm not talking here the school pet project. I am talking here about being the kid other kids want to follow around. The kid other kids want so say "hi" to. The kid that even without being a sport jock, manage to get the attention of others kids. That's the trick.

Not getting chicks in High School. It is about preparing to get everything else so women come to you as a by-product.

 

[Latinoman]

The point is..more dads need to teach their sons about male and female interaction.
If you don't want responses, don't post threads. If you take reponses personally, your using the internet wrong!

I want responses. The problem is that your "Blah, blah" and sarcasm was not a response. It was literally an attempt to downgrade my point. I used my son as an example. You did not contribute with anything.

When was the last time you took a young man under your wing and mentor him? Exactly.