Well i just had one of the best converstaions with my brother who happens to be 15, yet he is a genius. I was explaining to him that i am sick of not feeling confident. There is a big diffrence between knowing and feeling. U cant fake it till u make it, towards those feelings of confidence. Its a feeling u get in ur chest and it feels like there pleasure particels being released from inside u, its realli ur breathing that gets relaxed. I spoke to him and I realized that I sort of have a inferiority complex, that means who I am as a person, I think of myself as lower than other people. I dont value my being and my talents and my accomphlisments as mush as I shud. ONE of the biggest things that make me feel inferior is my Race/nationality, and secondly my religion thirdly my accomphlisments and my persoanlity.
Now bear with me this is gonna be a semi long post, but I think there is stuff that u can learn from.
Well to start of, let me give you some information on myself. I am an American Citizen born in New York City, my parents are both Indians, they moved here in there late twenties. The religion I choose to follow is called Sikhism, where all the male members of the religion are required to wear turbans on their head to symbolize religious dedication. I chose to not wear mine, created lots of trouble at home, but i chose not to bcuz I didnt want too and I dont want to be the butt off all the stupid racist jokes at school anymore. I was 17 when I chose not wear it anymore.
So as it is, im 19 now, grades 1 thorugh 8, i had a pretty tough time getting accpeted, I was made fun off and laughed at, everyone though it was pretty funny. Jokes, I remb this one time in 6th grade the kids had a vote and i got voted the ugliest kid or w/e. I mean, i was made fun, esp cuz i wore a turban. I was told i was stupid and retarted and looked dumb. Kids used to pick on me all the time, ppl of my own religion who didnt wear the turban EVEN used to pick on me, imagine how low he must feel. I was mainly the butt of all the jokes, i was called stupid, slow, gay, faget, terrorist, osama, etc.. sterotypical jokes. I NEVR ONCE EVER felt accpeted when i was younger. It went on, everyday, it was the same story, I realli had no friends, only people to watch out for. All the people in my school at the time where black bcuz i went to a school where alot of black ppl live, it was blacks who made fun of me most of the time. They had such a big f*kin mouth each and everyone of them. Hell i dont care, now, i realli dont like black ppl bcuz of that. I still have a few freinds but im not afraid to say it, that i dont like the attitude, I mean most people in the ghetto arent nice and my school was it. I dont care about the rational that I shud "not like" a whole group of ppl, they made fun of me, hey lifes not fair. Im not racist though , its just that I dont like people who target me bcuz of my race, so now i have learned to target them i guess thats why i dont like them.
(btw...im not looking for pitty)
Now highschool comes along and its a COMPLETE change. I get accepted to a preppy school. Im 14 now. I still wear my turban, I enter highschool with absoultly no confidence and low self esteem. This one time this kid made fun of me and threaten to hit me, i said "im sorry i wont ever do that again." i felt like the shi*t on ppls shoes. I was scared and never stood up for myself, there was no point i was crap. So now its a whole diffrent group in the school, the schools are mainly whites, and a few minorities, i just tried to fit in where I wud feel comfortable and that wud be the hispanics and blacks since thats the type of atmosphere i was from. I never felt comfortable around whites bcuz of my low self esteem and low self confidence. I thought that they would never accept me for who i was. I BEGAN to believe the things that ppl where saying to mee. The black kids i hung around with me always made fun of me, they called me names and called me osama, sand nig*a, they made every attempt possible to make every second of my life a hell and a shame and embarresment. So i hung out with these kids even when they made fun of me cuz i figured if these ppl dont accept me, im sure as hell that white ppl wont. I was too scared to try and find ppl who wud, cuz everybody CANT be racist, but i didnt do that, i had social anxiety and had such a low self value. Then my senior yr comes along and i decide that i have had enough, I abandoned my religious obligations and took my turban off. I move away from the black kids i used to hang out with and made some indian friends, i didnt before cuz i never thoguht they where "cool." I was trying to disassociate myself bcuz i thought indians where faggots, after yrs of hearning ppl say stuff to me, i believed it, and i had a huge SOCIAL ANXIETY PROBLEM. So senior yr i made some friends, i had to try very hard and i had to overcome alot of stuff. Then i find a clique, that accepts me and to this day they remian my friends. Im 19 going to college in my 2nd yr. i want to be a lawyer so i can bring fairness and justice to ppl who treat those unfairly. Anyway so I begin to work on some issues and i "try" to cancel out all the things those kids have said to me. It was always the black kids who made fun of me, and the white kids well, i cud always tell they realli never liked me, i tried to befreind a few but they wud always move away. THese kids where from howard beach and long island, If u know anyhting about NYC then ull know that ppl from those neighboorhods tend to be quite racist. A black man was beaten with baseball bats like six months ago in howard beach. I cud tell that most of the white ppl at my school where racist, they never said anyhting and they just wanted me to leave and not be there at there school, So i never felt that I it was my place. I never felt that I belonged anywhere, I was an american citizen and i still dont feel like this country belongs to me, bcuz there is this feeling that no matter what i wont be accpeted anywhere. Thats when im outside i still tend to feel bad, as if i shouldnt be here. When i tend to leave NYC i feel out of place like i shouldnt be where there are many whites, cuz i wont be accepted and only viewed as a forgeiner even when im born here. I remb one time i was on the highway with my dad and this fu*k pulled up next to us and put his finger out of the window and told my dad "Go home, get out of here, go home man." My dad was also a citizen when he was seven yrs old thats when he came here, still this stupid treatment. I feel like ive been scared for life. I have so much hate for ppl, thats why im socially anxious, im afraid and i fear, and i also have so much hate for myself. I felt like being an indian, being a Sikh, made me inferior to ppl. Ive tried to forget my past, but i see now why i wud have an inferior complex.
I also dont believe in myself, I dought myself and when ever it comes to dealing with ppl i have the classic social anxiety problems. To make it short I consider myself Inferior or not good enough for just about everyone. It is very hard to feel satisifed with who i am, bucz u know why. All i want is to be confident now and feel good and secure and good and have value.
Then i came across acmelove.com, i left fast and I came across sosuave.com, I decided to sit down and i tired to change myself the best i cud. I wud make notes and sit and read them to myself till four in the morning. When i left highschool, I attended a camp for Sikh's, it built some pride inside me.
After i came back for my first yr of college, i tried pickups, i had my failures, maybe ive only tried like a total of 20 times in the last yr and then i met my gurlfirend in the spring semester to whom i lost my virgnity
, i love sex. well who doesnt. She is so awsome we have been togther for 4 monthjs and she is italian. That changed alot of the negative programming in my head about white ppl and what not. ppl are ppl, i guess i have more confidence and i dont wear my turban which lets ppl accept me more easily. Im still trying not to look at ppl and judge them by the color of their skin, its hard bcuz i was judged so easily by what i wore on my head.
I realized that i have developed a inferiority complex which leads to feeling bad in comparisson to tohers based on race, ethinicty, nationaltiy and accomplishemts and i thought my persoanltiy was lousy too cuz nobody wanted to hang out with me.
well i hope this story gives u inspiration. Just writting it did. I mean along the way i learned so many things, I dj'd parties, i hit up clubs and sarged maybe like 4 or 5 times ever. i wud force myself, havent done it recently. I hung out, i made friends in college of all diffrent races and colors who saw me for who i was, and where the insults werent affecting my confidence.
I know that all this has affected my game, and there is alot of work that i need to do. any comments would be apreciated.
I just want to get over my inferiority complex
Now bear with me this is gonna be a semi long post, but I think there is stuff that u can learn from.
Well to start of, let me give you some information on myself. I am an American Citizen born in New York City, my parents are both Indians, they moved here in there late twenties. The religion I choose to follow is called Sikhism, where all the male members of the religion are required to wear turbans on their head to symbolize religious dedication. I chose to not wear mine, created lots of trouble at home, but i chose not to bcuz I didnt want too and I dont want to be the butt off all the stupid racist jokes at school anymore. I was 17 when I chose not wear it anymore.
So as it is, im 19 now, grades 1 thorugh 8, i had a pretty tough time getting accpeted, I was made fun off and laughed at, everyone though it was pretty funny. Jokes, I remb this one time in 6th grade the kids had a vote and i got voted the ugliest kid or w/e. I mean, i was made fun, esp cuz i wore a turban. I was told i was stupid and retarted and looked dumb. Kids used to pick on me all the time, ppl of my own religion who didnt wear the turban EVEN used to pick on me, imagine how low he must feel. I was mainly the butt of all the jokes, i was called stupid, slow, gay, faget, terrorist, osama, etc.. sterotypical jokes. I NEVR ONCE EVER felt accpeted when i was younger. It went on, everyday, it was the same story, I realli had no friends, only people to watch out for. All the people in my school at the time where black bcuz i went to a school where alot of black ppl live, it was blacks who made fun of me most of the time. They had such a big f*kin mouth each and everyone of them. Hell i dont care, now, i realli dont like black ppl bcuz of that. I still have a few freinds but im not afraid to say it, that i dont like the attitude, I mean most people in the ghetto arent nice and my school was it. I dont care about the rational that I shud "not like" a whole group of ppl, they made fun of me, hey lifes not fair. Im not racist though , its just that I dont like people who target me bcuz of my race, so now i have learned to target them i guess thats why i dont like them.
(btw...im not looking for pitty)
Now highschool comes along and its a COMPLETE change. I get accepted to a preppy school. Im 14 now. I still wear my turban, I enter highschool with absoultly no confidence and low self esteem. This one time this kid made fun of me and threaten to hit me, i said "im sorry i wont ever do that again." i felt like the shi*t on ppls shoes. I was scared and never stood up for myself, there was no point i was crap. So now its a whole diffrent group in the school, the schools are mainly whites, and a few minorities, i just tried to fit in where I wud feel comfortable and that wud be the hispanics and blacks since thats the type of atmosphere i was from. I never felt comfortable around whites bcuz of my low self esteem and low self confidence. I thought that they would never accept me for who i was. I BEGAN to believe the things that ppl where saying to mee. The black kids i hung around with me always made fun of me, they called me names and called me osama, sand nig*a, they made every attempt possible to make every second of my life a hell and a shame and embarresment. So i hung out with these kids even when they made fun of me cuz i figured if these ppl dont accept me, im sure as hell that white ppl wont. I was too scared to try and find ppl who wud, cuz everybody CANT be racist, but i didnt do that, i had social anxiety and had such a low self value. Then my senior yr comes along and i decide that i have had enough, I abandoned my religious obligations and took my turban off. I move away from the black kids i used to hang out with and made some indian friends, i didnt before cuz i never thoguht they where "cool." I was trying to disassociate myself bcuz i thought indians where faggots, after yrs of hearning ppl say stuff to me, i believed it, and i had a huge SOCIAL ANXIETY PROBLEM. So senior yr i made some friends, i had to try very hard and i had to overcome alot of stuff. Then i find a clique, that accepts me and to this day they remian my friends. Im 19 going to college in my 2nd yr. i want to be a lawyer so i can bring fairness and justice to ppl who treat those unfairly. Anyway so I begin to work on some issues and i "try" to cancel out all the things those kids have said to me. It was always the black kids who made fun of me, and the white kids well, i cud always tell they realli never liked me, i tried to befreind a few but they wud always move away. THese kids where from howard beach and long island, If u know anyhting about NYC then ull know that ppl from those neighboorhods tend to be quite racist. A black man was beaten with baseball bats like six months ago in howard beach. I cud tell that most of the white ppl at my school where racist, they never said anyhting and they just wanted me to leave and not be there at there school, So i never felt that I it was my place. I never felt that I belonged anywhere, I was an american citizen and i still dont feel like this country belongs to me, bcuz there is this feeling that no matter what i wont be accpeted anywhere. Thats when im outside i still tend to feel bad, as if i shouldnt be here. When i tend to leave NYC i feel out of place like i shouldnt be where there are many whites, cuz i wont be accepted and only viewed as a forgeiner even when im born here. I remb one time i was on the highway with my dad and this fu*k pulled up next to us and put his finger out of the window and told my dad "Go home, get out of here, go home man." My dad was also a citizen when he was seven yrs old thats when he came here, still this stupid treatment. I feel like ive been scared for life. I have so much hate for ppl, thats why im socially anxious, im afraid and i fear, and i also have so much hate for myself. I felt like being an indian, being a Sikh, made me inferior to ppl. Ive tried to forget my past, but i see now why i wud have an inferior complex.
I also dont believe in myself, I dought myself and when ever it comes to dealing with ppl i have the classic social anxiety problems. To make it short I consider myself Inferior or not good enough for just about everyone. It is very hard to feel satisifed with who i am, bucz u know why. All i want is to be confident now and feel good and secure and good and have value.
Then i came across acmelove.com, i left fast and I came across sosuave.com, I decided to sit down and i tired to change myself the best i cud. I wud make notes and sit and read them to myself till four in the morning. When i left highschool, I attended a camp for Sikh's, it built some pride inside me.
After i came back for my first yr of college, i tried pickups, i had my failures, maybe ive only tried like a total of 20 times in the last yr and then i met my gurlfirend in the spring semester to whom i lost my virgnity
, i love sex. well who doesnt. She is so awsome we have been togther for 4 monthjs and she is italian. That changed alot of the negative programming in my head about white ppl and what not. ppl are ppl, i guess i have more confidence and i dont wear my turban which lets ppl accept me more easily. Im still trying not to look at ppl and judge them by the color of their skin, its hard bcuz i was judged so easily by what i wore on my head.I realized that i have developed a inferiority complex which leads to feeling bad in comparisson to tohers based on race, ethinicty, nationaltiy and accomplishemts and i thought my persoanltiy was lousy too cuz nobody wanted to hang out with me.
well i hope this story gives u inspiration. Just writting it did. I mean along the way i learned so many things, I dj'd parties, i hit up clubs and sarged
maybe like 4 or 5 times ever. i wud force myself, havent done it recently. I hung out, i made friends in college of all diffrent races and colors who saw me for who i was, and where the insults werent affecting my confidence. I know that all this has affected my game, and there is alot of work that i need to do. any comments would be apreciated.
I just want to get over my inferiority complex