infatuation for over three years

[ufotofu1]

Here is my problem. I am 24 and recent college graduate. I have
been infatuated with a girl for over three years now, and it has
greatly interfered with my life.
I met her in college, through the friend of a friend. I pretty
quickly realized that I had feelings for her, but at the time I was
more interested in one night stands and partying than in having a
relationship. Still, my infatuation for her began and I could hardly
keep her off my mind. My concentration was shot, and it affected my
relationships with others because I was "in" my head so often.
I can be timid and ineffectual with my wants and feelings, so I
never let her know hwo I felt...that is until a stupid IM conversation
when I told her the truth. Her response was underwhelming, to say the
least. It undoubtedly made her uncomfortable and she said she didn't
want to talk about it. I hardly saw her at all until after graduation,
although my feelings stayed the same.
I've seen her twice since college--we live in the same city--and
the second time we hung out I told her again about my feelings; I got
the same reaction as the first time. I haven't seen her since.
She clearly isn't into me. That doesn't change the fact that I put
her on a pedestal, fantasize about her and still have the same level
of infatuation, which, like I said before, interferes with my life, as
you can imagine such an anxiety would do. How do I deal with this
problem? Thanks.

 

[satyriasis]

Getting new women in your life = problem solved.
Makes no sense to be sprung over a chick that doesn't have feelings for you.

 

[MrNiceGuy]

Originally posted by ufotofu1
She clearly isn't into me. That doesn't change the fact that I put
her on a pedestal, fantasize about her and still have the same level
of infatuation

Stop doing this.

I've had exactly the same problems in the past, and made the same mistakes.. the best cure is to meet more women, but all the fantazing and pedastalling doesn't help at all.. When you're p*ssed off with your love life don't fantasise about her as the solution to all your problems, if she's not into you she's not the solution so it only makes it worse.. concentrate on other things not to do with her.

Also, if you must think about her, think about her seriously.. really be brutally honest with yourself, if you got it together would you REALLY be happy every after and grow old together??, think about it honestly, I bet the answer is no.. there are probably one or two things that would really annoy you, if after 3 years you've not got it together its by no means love at first sight is it?

I also know from experience you always want what you can't have, and if you do finally get it, its NEVER as good as you expected. Remember that

I know its hard, I've been there, but just be honest with yourself and don't doze off into dreamland..

I'm going to put together a post about this I think, since I'm starting to realise the thinks that are important when dealing with one-itis and the things you can do to minimise it as much as possible.

 

[muttley]

Originally posted by ufotofu1
Here is my problem. I am 24 and recent college graduate. I have
been infatuated with a girl for over three years now, and it has
greatly interfered with my life.
I met her in college, through the friend of a friend. I pretty
quickly realized that I had feelings for her, but at the time I was
more interested in one night stands and partying than in having a
relationship. Still, my infatuation for her began and I could hardly
keep her off my mind. My concentration was shot, and it affected my
relationships with others because I was "in" my head so often.
I can be timid and ineffectual with my wants and feelings, so I
never let her know hwo I felt...that is until a stupid IM conversation
when I told her the truth. Her response was underwhelming, to say the
least. It undoubtedly made her uncomfortable and she said she didn't
want to talk about it. I hardly saw her at all until after graduation,
although my feelings stayed the same.
I've seen her twice since college--we live in the same city--and
the second time we hung out I told her again about my feelings; I got
the same reaction as the first time. I haven't seen her since.
She clearly isn't into me. That doesn't change the fact that I put
her on a pedestal, fantasize about her and still have the same level
of infatuation, which, like I said before, interferes with my life, as
you can imagine such an anxiety would do. How do I deal with this
problem? Thanks.

Been there bro, suffered your pain
Mine too was for a long 2-3 yrs, 2-3 yrs too long. For me it was a little different, she had interest in me at one point and actually pursued me. I was a total pvssy and never made a move on her so she lost interest and moved on. I , on the other hand did not. I have now after asking my self brutally honest questions.

Ask your self WHY your infatuated with her and please be honest.
i wrote a great thread on this and it helped many guys here, i think you should check it out...

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?threadid=80553

 

[Bradshaw]

You should be able to bounce back after being rejected by a oneitis girl in a few weeks- at most. It sounds like you may have some form of depression. Every guy that I have been friends with that had these type of long-term-oneitis' were usually depressed before they even met the girl. Then they idealize her and believe that their life would be happy only if she was in it. To me, this isn't about THIS girl, but about some unresolved issue within yourself.

 

[brucevangeorge]

Yeah, had the same thing in high school. Wasnt as bad though. She figured it out and was avoiding me for a while.


Once I graduated and went to University things changed. I am hanging out with more girls and basicaly being a more fun and interesting guy. Now shes all friendly and smiling and flirty. I dont know what the **** is up.

My best guess is:

1. Ive avoided her for so long and she forgot most or some of what happened.

2. I have more social proof. (Definitelly)

3. Ive become a better person.

 

[DonJuanMonk]

When I go choke the monkey or polish my rod, I think about my infatuation just like that girl I saw on the street, that tomboyish girl I met 2 years ago on the beach, I just fist my flute to them, and then the next day I bang my girl.