Inexperienced loser mature man

[needimprovement250]

This is my first time posting in this section of the forum and I thought I'd give it a try to see if theres's a difference in perspective compared to the general section. So I am 29 and I have never had a girlfriend, also never dated anyone either. The only exceptions to this is a date that I went on back in 2015 when I was 21 that resulted in a hookup and then 5 years later having oral with a girl that my friend introduced me to. I will be honest and say that the lack of experience does bother me because I can't seem to get past the fear and assumption that I will get rejected by every woman that would be willing to go out with me once she finds out how little experience I have. So I have a longstanding fear that at this point, dating for me is just gonna be an endless cycle of going out on dates and having all of that interest that she might have evaporate as soon as she finds out that I'm inexperienced, and that same outcome will just keep happening over and over again. I just keep beating myself up over it and I can't stop or shake the fact that I've missed the boat.

But it doesn't stop there though, I also still live at home with my parents and a lot of you guys will probably say that's a bigger issue than not having much dating experience, and you're not wrong. Living at home at an adult age can definitely hold a man back when it comes to his dating life since you don't have your own place to bring a girl back to, and bringing her to your parents' house to hook up when you're almost 30 is definitely gonna be a turn off. The reason I'm still living at home is solely because of financial reasons since I also don't have a job right now (I am in school though) and even when I did have a job, I didn't make enough to afford a place of my own because the area I live in has a super high cost of living, so moving out has been an extremely frustrating struggle of mine for years.

In addition to that, I also currently don't have any friends. My last friend who was the one that introduced me to that girl I had oral with moved away, and the other friends I had were lost due to other various reasons. I just feel like everything about me is a turn off and all of this works together to make me a loser because what girl is gonna want date a 29 year old guy who's jobless, friendless, still lives at home, and she would have to be his first girlfriend.

I guess the only thing I can do is try to fix these things one step at a time and hopefully things will get better. Anyone have any tips on where I should start?

 

[Toddy]

You need to sort yourself out first. As Kevin Samules says get a job any job, get three if you need to. Start learning a skill/trade, hit the gym then your confidence will grow.
Good luck on the journey!

 

[needimprovement250]

You need to sort yourself out first. As Kevin Samules says get a job any job, get three if you need to. Start learning a skill/trade, hit the gym then your confidence will grow.
Good luck on the journey!

Well I'm probably gonna do Instacart and Doordash for now while I'm in school and then get a job when I'm done with school. I am in school to learn a trade. I had a gym membership years ago, but I never went and it was a waste of money so I think I'm better off working out at home and at this nearby park that has some free gym equipment as well as a trail for running laps.

 

[Kotaix]

#1 move the hell out of the expensive area.
#2 get a good job, although you're set with a trade
#3 join a sport of some kind you enjoy. It doesn't have to be football, it could be good or it could be sailing, but that's where you meet people. You could also do trivia or whatever
#4 stop beating yourself up over your mistakes. If you anchor yourself to your past you'll never go anywhere. Forgive yourself and move forward

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

As far as worrying about being good at sex, you’ve not much to worry about - most men by far have absolutely no idea what they’re doing in bed. If you care enough to do so you’ll learn as you gain notches. Read some books on the art of ****ing - if nothing else it’ll give you some material to work with as you explore.

 

[MtmVaott]

jobless, friendless, still lives at home, and she he would have to be his her first girlfriend boyfriend.

That's the girl you could get right now, but you couldn't meet her, because she is mostly at home.

I also don't think you are only afraid of not having enough experience. It has to be something that causes your life to be how it is right now.
I second the tip about moving out into a cheaper area. Maybe you need distance from your parents, since they probably have also problematic believes that caused your problematic believes in childhood?
Also forget the girls, right now you are using them to feel valuable. If you continue far enough on your journey, you wouldn't need them for that anymore, so it's only sex and companionship without this "pull". I don't know how to describe it, maybe how Buddha would have had contact with women.

 

[pipeman84]

I will be honest and say that the lack of experience does bother me because I can't seem to get past the fear and assumption that I will get rejected by every woman that would be willing to go out with me once she finds out how little experience I have.

Here's a quote from David Shade VV

I know many women who divorced their experienced husbands because they were lousy lovers.
There are countless experienced men who are lousy in bed. It is a huge complaint of women.
So experience does not make for being a good lover.
What makes for being a good lover is having the correct knowledge and beliefs.

So you just have to work on your beliefs (that you're not good enough and all that, get at the root of the problem and check out some spiritual stuff such as Eckhart Tolle) and dating&sex related knowledge (there are coaches, books, plenty info on this forum).

Specifically to your problem, once you get your inner strength, you can look the girl in the eye with a James Bond face and tell her you haven't dated a lot because you haven't met the right girl. Shift the burden on her, she has to prove herself worthy of you spending your time with her, just a pretty face and some makeup is not enough.

I just keep beating myself up over it and I can't stop or shake the fact that I've missed the boat.

On the contrary, at your age, the boat hasn't sailed. The best is yet to come.

 

[Mike32ct]

Your top priorities are acing trade school and ending phorn use if that's an issue.

The trade job will allow to get your own place/relocate later.

On the women department, I would say, don't be afraid to fail, at all.

You're talking to a chick and she ghosts or friendzones you? No problem. Next.

You make out with a chick and she ghosts you? No problem. Next.

You go on a few dates and sleep with a chick and then she tells you that things just aren't working out between you two? No problem. Next.

I guess what I'm saying is that you CAN get the experience you want and need, but it will probably happen incrementally. (Unless you land some really good gf that stays with you for a while.)

 

[corrector]

You are not a mature man as you are just 29 years old. You already know the advice people will give you. What you need is some solid connections and networking so some doors will open and you would get some breaks. Try joining a golf club or learn to play golf so you can interact with more infĺuential people.

They are people who work in boring government or office jobs doing nothing and making six figures but got there because of connections. I think most people working out there are just priviledged goofs and incompitents anyway which is why the world is so messed up.

 

[The Duke]

I wouldn't worry about women right now. Focus on making friends and getting a job. Once you accomplish that, move onto women.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

You need to accomplish something for yourself and your future FIRST. Confidence is an internal journey.

PS: Focusing on women will only distract you and give you a false sense of confidence.


Modern Man Advice

 

[Pedrito0906]

If you really wanna get better you have need to:

1. Have an entry part time job from your school, there are lots of small/big companies that will pay little but you will gain experience
2. Join a sports team in your area, the sport that you like, DON'T join a sports team because you wanna see influential people (That's stupid), do it because you truly enjoy it, and people know people, the networking will take care of itself.
3. Join a social activity that you enjoy it, for example I truly enjoy dancing, and luckily there are a lot of women and its a skill that helps you interact with women easily, but do it because you want to be good and want to enjoy, not for the women.
4. You need to hit the gym, even if you don't enjoy it, you need to, a strong body is a strong mind, you'll look better, feel better, more energetic, and good byproduct of that is that muscles are sexy, with obesity almost 50%, you'll be different.

 

[forcerecon01]

Believe it or not but right after I got out of the Corps I had no job, lived with my parents,and had no friends. Now I am financially free, have two degrees, and live in my own apartment. Oh and I have friends. Patience I feel is key because graduating college is a huge sacrifice. 4 years to earn a bachelors is minimum these days. There is a sense of mobility you get when you can market yourself to companies anywhere in the country for your qualifications. Don't worry about your knotch count it will come........You're stuck in innocence land like I was when I got out of the Corps. Don't quit your college degree's. It will help you later on in life.

 

[Suave88]

You need to sort yourself out first. As Kevin Samules says get a job any job, get three if you need to. Start learning a skill/trade, hit the gym then your confidence will grow.
Good luck on the journey!

You tell the man to get three jobs if he needs to and also you tell the man hit the gym like your day has 36 hours and the week is 10 and half days. He either have three jobs and sleeps or he has three jobs and goes to the gym. Be practical when advicing something.

 

[Suave88]

This is my first time posting in this section of the forum and I thought I'd give it a try to see if theres's a difference in perspective compared to the general section. So I am 29 and I have never had a girlfriend, also never dated anyone either. The only exceptions to this is a date that I went on back in 2015 when I was 21 that resulted in a hookup and then 5 years later having oral with a girl that my friend introduced me to. I will be honest and say that the lack of experience does bother me because I can't seem to get past the fear and assumption that I will get rejected by every woman that would be willing to go out with me once she finds out how little experience I have. So I have a longstanding fear that at this point, dating for me is just gonna be an endless cycle of going out on dates and having all of that interest that she might have evaporate as soon as she finds out that I'm inexperienced, and that same outcome will just keep happening over and over again. I just keep beating myself up over it and I can't stop or shake the fact that I've missed the boat.

But it doesn't stop there though, I also still live at home with my parents and a lot of you guys will probably say that's a bigger issue than not having much dating experience, and you're not wrong. Living at home at an adult age can definitely hold a man back when it comes to his dating life since you don't have your own place to bring a girl back to, and bringing her to your parents' house to hook up when you're almost 30 is definitely gonna be a turn off. The reason I'm still living at home is solely because of financial reasons since I also don't have a job right now (I am in school though) and even when I did have a job, I didn't make enough to afford a place of my own because the area I live in has a super high cost of living, so moving out has been an extremely frustrating struggle of mine for years.

In addition to that, I also currently don't have any friends. My last friend who was the one that introduced me to that girl I had oral with moved away, and the other friends I had were lost due to other various reasons. I just feel like everything about me is a turn off and all of this works together to make me a loser because what girl is gonna want date a 29 year old guy who's jobless, friendless, still lives at home, and she would have to be his first girlfriend.

I guess the only thing I can do is try to fix these things one step at a time and hopefully things will get better. Anyone have any tips on where I should start?

Is this a troll??????
Listen OP, with all due respect.
How is she gonna know you dont have any experience? Are you going to tell her? Man does not talk about other women with women. NEVER!
She may be less experienced than you. She may even like you better inexperienced!!!!!!!
Lots of people are fake! What she is not going to tolarate is things like you com too quick and you dont iniciate. Maybe, I am not sure, there are vimpires out there.
Below I quoted your text.
"I will get rejected by every woman that would be willing to go out with me once she finds out how little experience I have."

 

[Suave88]

#1 move the hell out of the expensive area.
#2 get a good job, although you're set with a trade
#3 join a sport of some kind you enjoy. It doesn't have to be football, it could be good or it could be sailing, but that's where you meet people. You could also do trivia or whatever
#4 stop beating yourself up over your mistakes. If you anchor yourself to your past you'll never go anywhere. Forgive yourself and move forward

These days, even chewing gum cost you real money..........
He has a place where he lives with his parents. I know b!tches I wanna fk who lives with their parents.
I believe his mindset is a problem and what he assumes to be expected from him at his age.
No everyone will end up a Steve Jobs.
Most who move away end up selling drugs, and robbing people at gun point, then in jail, you may choose love.
If he wants some money and he can pass the test he can have his CDL.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

OP. This is a serious question.

Why are your parents allowing you to live for free at home? They are getting something out of this.

I have 3 kids. A son (20) and two daughters 18 & 14. My son is away at university and majoring in computer science, is in ROTC about to commission in the Air Force, is taking 15 hours, working 30 hours as a car mechanic, living in his own place and managing a serious LTR with his high school sweetheart who he may marry.

My 18 year old daughter is graduating high school in the spring, works 25 hours a week, is saving for her own car and plans to move out of state with her high school sweetheart (already away at university) and can’t wait to get on to her adult life.

The 14 year old is younger obviously…but in time she too will move on to her own life.

My children were raised that you launch at 18. You go to school, you get a job, you do as you wish but you get out & get on with it. No way on God’s green Earth I’d have able bodied adult children living in my home. I have friends, am not lonely and I have things I want to do in life…

Now. I know other families don’t do as I do. There are families with controlling helicopter parents, there are families with needy lonely parents. There are families who couch potato life and families who do stuff. The type of family you have crafts many of your values and beliefs….there are rich families whose kids want to remain at home because they are spoiled kids too.

One of those situations fits you above more or less. The way you deal with your situation varies based on what situation you have, but you are some variety of unlaunched.

Your self esteem is low because you know you are falling behind in life relative to your peers. You must act to remedy this ASAP.

What positives do you have going for you?

Looks, fitness, intelligence? How do you rate there?

The good news and the bad news is you.

You made your choices. Your life is the result. You want a different life? Make different choices.

Women are not in your thought process right now. You are. Get a job, get a place & get on with it. Exercise daily. Quit whining and act.

Nobody can fix this but you. But YOU must do it and making different choices.

You can do it. Now will you?

 

[Suave88]

This is my first time posting in this section of the forum and I thought I'd give it a try to see if theres's a difference in perspective compared to the general section. So I am 29 and I have never had a girlfriend, also never dated anyone either. The only exceptions to this is a date that I went on back in 2015 when I was 21 that resulted in a hookup and then 5 years later having oral with a girl that my friend introduced me to. I will be honest and say that the lack of experience does bother me because I can't seem to get past the fear and assumption that I will get rejected by every woman that would be willing to go out with me once she finds out how little experience I have. So I have a longstanding fear that at this point, dating for me is just gonna be an endless cycle of going out on dates and having all of that interest that she might have evaporate as soon as she finds out that I'm inexperienced, and that same outcome will just keep happening over and over again. I just keep beating myself up over it and I can't stop or shake the fact that I've missed the boat.

But it doesn't stop there though, I also still live at home with my parents and a lot of you guys will probably say that's a bigger issue than not having much dating experience, and you're not wrong. Living at home at an adult age can definitely hold a man back when it comes to his dating life since you don't have your own place to bring a girl back to, and bringing her to your parents' house to hook up when you're almost 30 is definitely gonna be a turn off. The reason I'm still living at home is solely because of financial reasons since I also don't have a job right now (I am in school though) and even when I did have a job, I didn't make enough to afford a place of my own because the area I live in has a super high cost of living, so moving out has been an extremely frustrating struggle of mine for years.

In addition to that, I also currently don't have any friends. My last friend who was the one that introduced me to that girl I had oral with moved away, and the other friends I had were lost due to other various reasons. I just feel like everything about me is a turn off and all of this works together to make me a loser because what girl is gonna want date a 29 year old guy who's jobless, friendless, still lives at home, and she would have to be his first girlfriend.

I guess the only thing I can do is try to fix these things one step at a time and hopefully things will get better. Anyone have any tips on where I should start?

OP, if I were you, I finish college. Are you in the U.S.?
Now, there is Police force looking for new candidates in most cities.
State troopers also look for new hires.
Border Patrol, CBP.
Law enforcement agencies are all over the country.
At last, part time armed security officer if you want to stay in college.
Let me see what else. Let me think.

 

[Gamisch]

This is my first time posting in this section of the forum and I thought I'd give it a try to see if theres's a difference in perspective compared to the general section. So I am 29 and I have never had a girlfriend, also never dated anyone either. The only exceptions to this is a date that I went on back in 2015 when I was 21 that resulted in a hookup and then 5 years later having oral with a girl that my friend introduced me to. I will be honest and say that the lack of experience does bother me because I can't seem to get past the fear and assumption that I will get rejected by every woman that would be willing to go out with me once she finds out how little experience I have. So I have a longstanding fear that at this point, dating for me is just gonna be an endless cycle of going out on dates and having all of that interest that she might have evaporate as soon as she finds out that I'm inexperienced, and that same outcome will just keep happening over and over again. I just keep beating myself up over it and I can't stop or shake the fact that I've missed the boat.

But it doesn't stop there though, I also still live at home with my parents and a lot of you guys will probably say that's a bigger issue than not having much dating experience, and you're not wrong. Living at home at an adult age can definitely hold a man back when it comes to his dating life since you don't have your own place to bring a girl back to, and bringing her to your parents' house to hook up when you're almost 30 is definitely gonna be a turn off. The reason I'm still living at home is solely because of financial reasons since I also don't have a job right now (I am in school though) and even when I did have a job, I didn't make enough to afford a place of my own because the area I live in has a super high cost of living, so moving out has been an extremely frustrating struggle of mine for years.

In addition to that, I also currently don't have any friends. My last friend who was the one that introduced me to that girl I had oral with moved away, and the other friends I had were lost due to other various reasons. I just feel like everything about me is a turn off and all of this works together to make me a loser because what girl is gonna want date a 29 year old guy who's jobless, friendless, still lives at home, and she would have to be his first girlfriend.

I guess the only thing I can do is try to fix these things one step at a time and hopefully things will get better. Anyone have any tips on where I should start?

I am not gonna sugarcoat anything OP. And I might have a slightly different option than the rest . 1st, you need serious, individually focused help. I bet there are even some members here who can work with you on the seduction part.

Let me tell you what I ve told a homie who lives at home. You wanna move out so a woman can enter your life and dominate TF outta you? Because that what will happen bro,some toxic 304 will smell your desperation and bank on that.

Or do you rather stay at home stack money to the roof and then decide where to go? Moving out of your parents house only becomes relevant when you have actual women. Right now feel blessed you have both your parents and they let you stay cost free . I would trade with you right now; then you can deal with some of my toxic exes and I live in a rent free house and stack my money like I am scrooge.

Women as an endgoal = massive drama will be waiting for you. Women should compliment your life and never ever be the ultimate goal.

- what's your social circle like
- what are your hobbies?

 

[zekko]

As others have suggested, you need a multipurpose full on self improvement plan.