I'm 28 years-old and most of my physical interactions with women were in college and often when I was drunk. Now that I am dating a girl (3 dates), she is 27, and it is apparent she is into me (quite certain). I'd like to escalate things with more kino, but it just feels unnatural, and I am unsure of myself. Does anyone have advice on how I can improve with this? For example, I would like to feel comfortable in holding her hand as we walk, putting my arm around her.....
Hello Friend,
If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.
It will be the most efficient use of your time.
And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.
Thank you for visiting and have a great day!
Inexperience in escalating things physically
- Thread starter baltyre
- Start date
What happens, IN HER MIND, is that she comes to see you as WORTHLESS simply because she hasn't had to INVEST anything in you in order to get you or to keep you.
You were an interesting diversion while she had nothing else to do. But now that someone a little more valuable has come along, someone who expects her to treat him very well, she'll have no problem at all dropping you or demoting you to lowly "friendship" status.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
Maxtro
Master Don Juan
All I can say is just do it.
How much, what kind of kino are you doing to her?
How much, what kind of kino are you doing to her?
You already answered your own question.
You ESCALATE. You don't play shy all night then go in for an awkward kiss, you start with a little touch here and there and work your way up. Even if it's as stupid as bumping her ass with your ass as you are walking, it opens the door for more. I have found that often all you have to do is get the ball rolling and she will take it from there.
You ESCALATE. You don't play shy all night then go in for an awkward kiss, you start with a little touch here and there and work your way up. Even if it's as stupid as bumping her ass with your ass as you are walking, it opens the door for more. I have found that often all you have to do is get the ball rolling and she will take it from there.
i hate to be over using this answer, but if you were a plate spinner you wouldn't have this problem.
the reason you have this problem is because you have anxiety over her reaction. you start thinking 'what if i go to hold her hand and she doesn't like that. ill look like a fool!" in essence, you look at yourself a some lowly peasant and her as some magestic princess, and you keep worrying that at some point the gig will be up.
whereas if you were dating other women also, you'd instead be thinking 'what, she doesn't want to hold hands? thats lame. i think sally and jen will get more of my attention moving forward since they enjoy holding hands."
you completely change the frame.
and trust me, most women will do whatever you want them to. UNTIL that is you start to exhibit hesitation, fear, anxiety, etc., then they smell the AFC in the air and they know they own your balls. this is when they start making you look like a fool.
so anyway, long way of saying, JUST DO IT. trust me, if she's gone out with you three times now she will be more than happy to hold your hand (and probably your penis also).
the reason you have this problem is because you have anxiety over her reaction. you start thinking 'what if i go to hold her hand and she doesn't like that. ill look like a fool!" in essence, you look at yourself a some lowly peasant and her as some magestic princess, and you keep worrying that at some point the gig will be up.
whereas if you were dating other women also, you'd instead be thinking 'what, she doesn't want to hold hands? thats lame. i think sally and jen will get more of my attention moving forward since they enjoy holding hands."
you completely change the frame.
and trust me, most women will do whatever you want them to. UNTIL that is you start to exhibit hesitation, fear, anxiety, etc., then they smell the AFC in the air and they know they own your balls. this is when they start making you look like a fool.
so anyway, long way of saying, JUST DO IT. trust me, if she's gone out with you three times now she will be more than happy to hold your hand (and probably your penis also).
Micheal Moon
Don Juan
- Joined
- Mar 3, 2007
- Messages
- 87
- Reaction score
- 2
For me it helps if you make it playful at first. Especially if you guys tease eachother, tickling, light smacking etc. Then it naturally escalates from there.
Just because a woman listens to you and acts interested in what you say doesn't mean she really is. She might just be acting polite, while silently wishing that the date would hurry up and end, or that you would go away... and never come back.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
Thank for the advice guys, that is some helpful information. I guess I have to "just do it", and maybe accept the fact I will appear a little awkward, since I am not experienced at this.
I do get a little nervous when it comes down to the mechanics of when/how I take her hand. Then trying to tell if she is uncomfortable, as I worry whether my hands are sweating. Also, when I try to touch her shoulder or back it just seems to contrived since I think about it too much, instead of going with the flow. Hopefully, I'll just relax and do it.
I do get a little nervous when it comes down to the mechanics of when/how I take her hand. Then trying to tell if she is uncomfortable, as I worry whether my hands are sweating. Also, when I try to touch her shoulder or back it just seems to contrived since I think about it too much, instead of going with the flow. Hopefully, I'll just relax and do it.
MacAvoy
Banned
I agree with the playful part and tickling, I find its a great way to build rapport and escalate, removes the nervousness and makes it fun, then you go in for a kiss and groping.
Fuglydude
Master Don Juan
When I was single, I found massages were a great escalating tool...they get both ur clothes off, get lotsa skin/skin contact going on, and are pretty intimate, sexual and sensual if you can do em properly.
In my experiences massages are associated with close to a 95% success rate culminating in getting your rod into one of her holes.
Have a good massage oil (edible stuff works good, but its messy/sticky). Candles work good too (too much work if u ask me). I liked to have cheesy music goin (bump n' grind music!) as well...it can set the mood, or if the chic is playful u can laugh with her about how cheesy it is. In my experience women LOVE to be massaged, and massages totally turn em on to other more fun things.
Good luck.
In my experiences massages are associated with close to a 95% success rate culminating in getting your rod into one of her holes.
Have a good massage oil (edible stuff works good, but its messy/sticky). Candles work good too (too much work if u ask me). I liked to have cheesy music goin (bump n' grind music!) as well...it can set the mood, or if the chic is playful u can laugh with her about how cheesy it is. In my experience women LOVE to be massaged, and massages totally turn em on to other more fun things.
Good luck.
LovelyLady
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Jun 7, 2007
- Messages
- 437
- Reaction score
- 41
Does she wear heels/heeled boots? If so, perfect time to introduce a comfortable touch is when you are going up and down curbs walking down the street.
Most men don't give the courtesy of offering their arms when we wear heels. (or leading when crossing for that matter) Pace your step down with hers (she is in heels, afterall) but just as she starts to lower herself you take her arm and put it in/through your arm. And just say "Here - take my arm"). If she is comfortable with the physical contact, she may readjust a bit, but she will stay touching you. Then about a 1/2 block to a block you can say "Here, hold my hand" as you take her hand in yours.
You show you are considerate, you aren't afraid to be in charge, you want her to touch you, and you are a nice companion/stay connected with her in an affectionate/not gropey way. Ain't love grand
Most men don't give the courtesy of offering their arms when we wear heels. (or leading when crossing for that matter) Pace your step down with hers (she is in heels, afterall) but just as she starts to lower herself you take her arm and put it in/through your arm. And just say "Here - take my arm"). If she is comfortable with the physical contact, she may readjust a bit, but she will stay touching you. Then about a 1/2 block to a block you can say "Here, hold my hand" as you take her hand in yours.
You show you are considerate, you aren't afraid to be in charge, you want her to touch you, and you are a nice companion/stay connected with her in an affectionate/not gropey way. Ain't love grand
Maxtro
Master Don Juan
It is really hard to start doing kino if you haven't been doing it your whole life. By now I know how very important it is. But it still feels very awkward touching somebody. I still have that deep down fear that she will say something rude to me because I touched her.
I have started doing kino to a couple of girls. What I've found that works ok is to start playing with any jewelry that she is wearing. It works really well if she is wearing any interesting or unusual pieces. Once you have broken the first touch barrier everything else flows a little easier. Another way to get kino started is to say something that will get her to playfully hit you. Once that happens you are free to touch her.
My sticking point though is the more intimate things, for example, putting your arm around her or grabbing her hand. I haven't got that far with anybody yet.
I have started doing kino to a couple of girls. What I've found that works ok is to start playing with any jewelry that she is wearing. It works really well if she is wearing any interesting or unusual pieces. Once you have broken the first touch barrier everything else flows a little easier. Another way to get kino started is to say something that will get her to playfully hit you. Once that happens you are free to touch her.
My sticking point though is the more intimate things, for example, putting your arm around her or grabbing her hand. I haven't got that far with anybody yet.
Tell her a little about yourself, but not too much. Maintain some mystery. Give her something to think about and wonder about when she's at home.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
Bible_Belt
Master Don Juan
Touch her on the elbow when you share a joke, touch her leg in the car when you lean in to say something to her. Joking punches (softly) are good when you two are kidding around. If she has a plush or nylon garnent on, feel it to comment about its texture. If she has ring or a bracelet on, take her hand to look at it. Later, brush her hair a little with your hand, and if she does not get uncomfortable, then she wants you to kiss her.
Maxtro
Master Don Juan
Taking notes. The elbow touch seems like a nice innocent way to start. It seems that all touching is done, only with a reason. I've read before about the hair brush leading to kisses.
If you are in a classroom situation and she is sitting directly across from you, about two feet away is there any way to touch her without seeming really odd?
BTW I'm talking about people you are not seeing but would like to.
If you are in a classroom situation and she is sitting directly across from you, about two feet away is there any way to touch her without seeming really odd?
BTW I'm talking about people you are not seeing but would like to.
amoka
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 18, 2006
- Messages
- 1,933
- Reaction score
- 63
"Just do it" is the typical approach. However, for someone who has not don't it before, it may feel "awkward" to just do it. An alternative approach may be to escalate slowly. For example, you immediately noticed her wearing a bracelet or a watch on her wrist. You might say " that is a nice bracelet. Let me see...." She'll produce her hands for you to touch.... mission accomplished. She can't say no, given the fact that you just started seeing each other. You just killed two birds with one stone:
1. Compliment her.... check
2. Get to touch her.... check.
--amoka
1. Compliment her.... check
2. Get to touch her.... check.
--amoka