Indifferent & Aloof or Soften Up?

[upcoming_DJ]

Hey DJs,

back for some more A game advice!

So this past weekend the girl I've been dating for 4 months and I went to a northern part of our country. We were having a good time. However I started drinking heavily, and even consumed a substance I shouldn't have.

Anyway, I already had plans to confront this girl about something that has been on my mind for a couple of weeks now. I made the mistake of asking to see her phone (I wanted to check whatsapp or her text messages) because I have been presuming that she's been talking with her ex boyfriend.

She flatly denied me (of course) and so I blew up. I completely lost my cool. And she later started crying because of what I said and the way I acted. I was already driving back home when I remembered that I had the hotel keys, and she said she doesn't want to go anywhere and for us to go back to the hotel. I told her I am willing to walk away if I need to. She did ended up giving me her phone unlocked but at this point I was over it, so I didn't go through it. I just wanted to see what her reaction would be.

So we wake up yesterday (sunday) morning and she is obviously very indifferent and aloof. Mind you, still in my arms and still kissing me (like she wanted to, not forced or anything).

Then we sort of spoke about what happened and why it did. And I just said to her "I was under the presumption that you haven't closed your past". and she asked why I thought that. And I said because of some words she's used before when relating to her ex, and the last time we spoke about her having her ex on facebook and in her contacts and him reaching out back to her, and she said she didn't "want to look like the weak one by blocking him". She then said she'll block him if I want her to. I said do what you feel is right". She said I hurt her by what I said and how I acted out on her. She then cried some more. Said she doesn't want to talk about it yet. So that's left unresolved.

However around midday I picked up a buddy of mine that lives in that area and we go to river crossing where we went over to the Mexican side of the river, had a great time, and she opened back up, her mood was better, we were laughing and having a great time.

I dropped her home, she turned to me and gave me a kiss as usual before stepping out.

She usually texts me to find out if I reached home safe, or to say I miss you, or something like that. She hasn't reached out yet. Cool. I always wait it out and sure enough, she usually contacts me at some point.

I'd like to know how I should handle this situation. Last weekend, we had "the talk" but I didn't fully commit to her. She did expressed her desire to be in a relationship with me, and that I shouldn't be seeing anyone else at the moment.

Should I give her the space to resolve her own conflicting feelings at this time or should i reach out to try to fix any damage that was done?

Mind you, a similar situation happened about 2 weekends ago but over an ex of mine we ran into in the city she's from - and the ex confronted her and she thought me and the ex still had something going on. She said she never wanted that to happen again and she hates feeling that way and the drama.

but it happened again this past weekend. and I understand this could be taken totally AFC/insecure.

thanks for any advice you can bestow upon this upcoming DJ.

 

[upcoming_DJ]

Seem like you're micromanaging things to protect yourself.

Indeed I am, and I was advised to protect myself numerous times here - so I have my guard up. I didn't really show it until this past weekend.

She did end up handing me her phone unlocked when she realized I wasn't playing and I blew up. But I refused to check it, I just wanted to see what her reaction would be after asking her to see her phone.

Wish I had, to remove any doubts I may have right now. Of course she denied having anything to do with her ex, or talking to him.

 

[Reykhel]

With this behavior you are making her value much higher than yours.....

If I had a girl who was acting like you, I'd get rid of her.

 

[upcoming_DJ]

Found this article, and it's quite interesting; http://www.rooshv.com/anger-is-an-aphrodisiac-to-women

 

[AJ84]

Found this article, and it's quite interesting; http://www.rooshv.com/anger-is-an-aphrodisiac-to-women

Female perspective: You're creating conflicting feelings in her by being vague about whether or not you want to commit while also being demanding that she basically commit to you (checking her phone etc).

Not to sound harsh but why should she commit to someone who is giving her the run around? Getting drunk then demanding, then making her cry? That's not the behaviour of a confident mature man. The fact that she puts up with that, to me, conveys that she is not a high value woman because a high value women would walk away from that kind of immature nonsense.

I don't think either of you are suited for a committed relationship with each other at this point. Date casually, meet other girls.

And Roosh? He has a zero score on successful long term relationships so I would take the relationship advice of a middle aged f**k boy trying to stay relevant with a grain of salt.

 

[AJ84]

100% of women have put up with similar nonsense in the past including yourself. You are not here because you met Prince Charming at age 18 and got married at 20.

Yes I have put up with it. I never said I didn't. But I didn't drop anchor with a guy who gave me the run around like that. I didn't put up with it for long because I snapped out of it.

This girl seems like drama and keeps going back for more despite being given the run around. That behaviour makes her less value. If she snaps out of it, drops her own bs and stops tolerating being played with then her value will go up. It's not all on him she is letting him do this and is also contributing to the drama, which I stated to the OP in another thread about this woman.

 

[Glassguy]

She did end up handing me her phone unlocked when she realized I wasn't playing and I blew up. But I refused to check it, I just wanted to see what her reaction would be after asking her to see her phone.

Of course. She had already wiped it clean by then.

Wish I had, to remove any doubts I may have right now. Of course she denied having anything to do with her ex, or talking to him.

You would still have doubts because you know that they are still communicating.

Should I give her the space to resolve her own conflicting feelings at this time or should i reach out to try to fix any damage that was done?

You should have given her plenty of space when you realized she was still talking to her ex on multiple platforms. Too late now dude. She already made you crack when you blew up on her instead of applying silence and distance when you first had the feeling that she was talking to him behind your back.

She then said she'll block him if I want her to

No, she should WANT to block him/remove him from her contacts if she wants to move forward with your or anyone else instead of letting the trash sit around to stink later. There is a reason that she keeps him around on fb, in her contacts, etc. I have plenty of chicks that I plated/dated still in my contacts. There are others who I deleted. Guess why some of them are still there and others are not? That would be enough for me to instantly demote her to plate/fwb and she would not hear much from me unless I wanted to hook up with her.

1.) You NEVER ask to go through someones phone (or go through their phone for that matter). Total beta chump move.

2.) You NEVER lose your cool and blow up on a chick. The only 2 things that you have control of are your emotions and yourself physically. She cracked you because you didnt apply silence and distance when you first knew that she was talking to her ex.

Stop trying to be her dictator and giving ultimatums. If she was totally into you none of these things would be an issue. Do the math.

 

[upcoming_DJ]

thank you all for the feedback - all constructive and welcomed!!

I haven't heard from her since dropping her home. I will not reach out. If she reaches out, then we will take it from there.

On sunday when we woke up, I was trying to get her to talk but she said she didn't want to talk about it; she "wasn't ready to talk".

so right now I'm prepared for whatever. already contacting other plates I had before I started focusing more on her and getting my armor ready.

without discovering the rid pill and the manosphere, I'd be in deep waters by now.

what's the best I can do for now to keep her atleast as fb ? apart from no contact and dread

 

[The Duke]

When someone cheats or is doing something they shouldn't it all comes out eventually. Its best to to keep your cool. Keep your eyes and ears open, collect the facts. If they are cheating on you, they'll eventually become more and more bold and slip up. Then tell them to go fuhk themselves when you have no doubt about their behavior.

Otherwise you don't accomplish a thing other than look like a weak dumbass.

 

[upcoming_DJ]

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2009/11/23/the-easiest-way-to-revive-a-flagging-relationship/