IronHands22
New Member
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2006
- Messages
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Whats up! Newbie to the forum but not to women ; ). I'm 22, college student, and learning more about life and girls everyday... here is the latest:
For those who want the bottom line, scroll down to it. For those who want details, read below (My sub major is writing)
Okay, I got this chicks # and started hanging out with her 2 weeks ago. However, she is a daytime bartender on an outside patio and I would talk to her every few weeks on my way to work – my thing is, I always talk to a girl 3 or 4 different times to make sure she is not screwed up. So this chick passed the test and I got together with her 2 weeks ago at a coffee shop. I demonstrated my personality the best way I could and it went GREAT. I said all the right things, that I knew what I wanted, that I know where I’m going, that I don’t do one night stands, I have options (girls), and I am interested in her for her personality – all true stuff. So, the next day she texts me, out of the blue, and then the next day she does it again just saying hey – at this point, I know she wants me. So, we hang out at the beach 2 days later, just the two of us and the attraction was there, I could’ve went for the kiss but just made her wait. I conveyed my personality, did a little bit of C/F to amp attraction, and just put the anticipation up. So, we hang out again 2 days later at my place and I cook her dinner – some salmon and brown rice from scratch. It was easy for me because I cook and I was DHV (demonstrating higher value) the whole time. She was really turned on by this. Anyway, we sit on the couch watching a movie and one thing leads to another, we make out… 1st base only, I didn’t push because I was still building comfort with her.
WEIRDNESS starts: Okay, during making out, she says “okay, I have to stop making out with you” and I say “haha, whatever” and joke around. Next second, she is making out with me again and the pulls away “okay, I really gotta stop making out with you.” This goes on for about 20 mins. At the end of making out, it was getting hot and we stop, she says “oh my god, you’re making me think about sex” like two different times. I know at this point she wants to have sex with me but not comfortable yet. She asks me about how committed I am and I DODGE the question… I don’t usually answer the 20 questions bullsh*t from girls. 4 days later, we hang out again and this time, I have an answer to her commitment issue because I know she needs this info from me to be more comfortable with me. I tell her I was with this one girl for about a year and I finally took a stance against her bullsh*t, and broke it off with her. Then I told her how I had to make my own way through life in the past 3 years. So, this is where it really gets GOOD…
I tell her this it and it seems to be okay with her. It was WEIRD… she acts like a guy sometimes and she does here… as I was saying this “connection” stuff, she was like distant, sorta rolled her eyes like I was “unloading” on her or somethin and I called her on it, right there and said “don’t give me that, you asked me and I’m telling you now.” HOWEVER, the biggest piece of info I got from her was this. Right after that, she started explaining that she is really independent and that her aunts/sisters are all independent. The words that stuck out were “my last relationship broke up because I was too distant from the guy and I wasn’t letting him know what was going on with me.” So I just say back to her that relationships are best taken slow, that I don’t want anything from her, and that I just want to hang out with her. All of a sudden, says that she really likes talking with me, as if like she just had an instant realization. Weirdly though, as I’m playing these slow songs in the background like Amber by 311 and John Mayer, she goes “oh my god, this is so corny, okay whatever” – just weird **** I’ve never heard from a girl before… most girls love that stuff… so I tell her she doesn’t have good taste and bust on her about that
. Anyway, I do this C/F that breaks the tension and we make out to the song “Sparks” by Coldplay that just happened to start playing at that moment… really good, like deep making out, slow dry humping all that. When we stopped, her face was all red, so was mine, and she says surprisingly “that was the best make out I’ve ever had, wow I gotta go.” So, I take her home, we kiss before she leaves.
Anyway, next night, walking downtown, I bump into her out of the blue and she is shocked but happy to see me. She invites me on this stupid Halloween walk with her friends, her sister, and some douchebag guy who was AFCing all over her the whole night. Anyway, I was in HER WORLD. Which I knew was bad but I thought if I talked with her friends, they liked me, it would be good. So I did, and they liked me and it was cool, but still I felt like I didn’t belong there. I didn’t dance with her either, I didn’t feel comfortable enough. I got a phone call from my friend right in front of her (good) and told her I had to go hang out with my friends… she immediately shoots back “I’ll call you tomorrow!” Next night, I started being a bouncer at the same club she is and I saw her there, didn’t even know she was working, and I could see she recognized me out of the corner of my eye… she F*CKIN just puts her hat down and pretends not to see me… so I just observe that, and think about it for a minute, go over and bust her balls about it by saying “what, you can’t say hi?” Then, she just acts like “hey whats up, all that.”
Bottom line… I stayed away from her the whole night, working a different floor even. But its been 4 days since she has called to hang out… I really just think she wants space and not to be crowded. I mean, we hooked up Thurs night, bumped into each other Fri night, and bumped into each other Sat night RIGHT after a peak of attraction… I mean that make out was really good... bumping into her Friday night she had this “what the ****, was this meant to be or something?” kinda look and reaction on her face. I think it just weirded her out, her being independent (she does have a life of her own, which I like.)
The problems are a.) I am thinking she has intimacy issues, as in she has a hard time trusting people, opening up b.) I am “in her world” too much b/c I am working at the same place she is, maybe 2 nights a week at most. ALSO, this may be a DLV (demonstration of lower value) because she is making like 250$ a night (bartender) when I am making 50$ (bouncer) a night… I am still thinking about how important this really is (status issue) and if it is going to kill attraction, should I quit now, etc etc. However, I have demonstrated that I make more money personal training (my #1 job) and that my income is more steady and not dependent on generosity of other people. My status on the “corporate” ladder is higher than hers because I have more connections and marketing skills.
My approach to it: I haven’t called her and will not call her in the next 3 days. I am getting my A+’s in college, working out more, meeting more girls, and living my life everyday… it does bother me that she is distant somewhat, but I put my emotions aside and taking it logically. I’m not a pus$y ass bit*h who gets clingy, I’ve been through a lot of tough sh*t in my life already, but I do like this girl. I am working tomorrow night and will completely ignore her.
The BIG thing is, everytime she looks at me, she checks me out with her eyes, up and down… EVERYTIME. Everywhere I see her at its like she is telegraphing that she REALLY likes what she sees. She makes off handed comments about my butt, my ability to cook for her kids, etc that shows she is definitely into me. I know she is attracted to me. I just think she is scared because she is feeling all this “stuff” right now, its all going too fast, and she wants space to take it all slow. I mean, she even apologized 3 times on the phone last week for not calling, even though I didn't give a ****... its like she knows she is screwing up, being too distant and is really trying to not do that sh*t anymore.
I picked this girl as a long term relationship because I like what I see and that is what I am looking for right now… HOWEVER, I am dating around : ). I meet like 10 new women a day, but I’m finding its hard getting quality personality, like this chick has. Even if she has intimacy issues, I’m willing to look past that right now and focus on the positives.
I am going to be persistent with her but not clingy. I want opinions from all you guys about what to do about a.) the job (lower status issue? In “her world” too much?) and b.) Does she have intimacy issues and how to deal with it?
Any advice, tips, insights, comments?… all are much appreciated. Let me know what you think.
Thanks bros
For those who want the bottom line, scroll down to it. For those who want details, read below (My sub major is writing)
Okay, I got this chicks # and started hanging out with her 2 weeks ago. However, she is a daytime bartender on an outside patio and I would talk to her every few weeks on my way to work – my thing is, I always talk to a girl 3 or 4 different times to make sure she is not screwed up. So this chick passed the test and I got together with her 2 weeks ago at a coffee shop. I demonstrated my personality the best way I could and it went GREAT. I said all the right things, that I knew what I wanted, that I know where I’m going, that I don’t do one night stands, I have options (girls), and I am interested in her for her personality – all true stuff. So, the next day she texts me, out of the blue, and then the next day she does it again just saying hey – at this point, I know she wants me. So, we hang out at the beach 2 days later, just the two of us and the attraction was there, I could’ve went for the kiss but just made her wait. I conveyed my personality, did a little bit of C/F to amp attraction, and just put the anticipation up. So, we hang out again 2 days later at my place and I cook her dinner – some salmon and brown rice from scratch. It was easy for me because I cook and I was DHV (demonstrating higher value) the whole time. She was really turned on by this. Anyway, we sit on the couch watching a movie and one thing leads to another, we make out… 1st base only, I didn’t push because I was still building comfort with her.
WEIRDNESS starts: Okay, during making out, she says “okay, I have to stop making out with you” and I say “haha, whatever” and joke around. Next second, she is making out with me again and the pulls away “okay, I really gotta stop making out with you.” This goes on for about 20 mins. At the end of making out, it was getting hot and we stop, she says “oh my god, you’re making me think about sex” like two different times. I know at this point she wants to have sex with me but not comfortable yet. She asks me about how committed I am and I DODGE the question… I don’t usually answer the 20 questions bullsh*t from girls. 4 days later, we hang out again and this time, I have an answer to her commitment issue because I know she needs this info from me to be more comfortable with me. I tell her I was with this one girl for about a year and I finally took a stance against her bullsh*t, and broke it off with her. Then I told her how I had to make my own way through life in the past 3 years. So, this is where it really gets GOOD…
I tell her this it and it seems to be okay with her. It was WEIRD… she acts like a guy sometimes and she does here… as I was saying this “connection” stuff, she was like distant, sorta rolled her eyes like I was “unloading” on her or somethin and I called her on it, right there and said “don’t give me that, you asked me and I’m telling you now.” HOWEVER, the biggest piece of info I got from her was this. Right after that, she started explaining that she is really independent and that her aunts/sisters are all independent. The words that stuck out were “my last relationship broke up because I was too distant from the guy and I wasn’t letting him know what was going on with me.” So I just say back to her that relationships are best taken slow, that I don’t want anything from her, and that I just want to hang out with her. All of a sudden, says that she really likes talking with me, as if like she just had an instant realization. Weirdly though, as I’m playing these slow songs in the background like Amber by 311 and John Mayer, she goes “oh my god, this is so corny, okay whatever” – just weird **** I’ve never heard from a girl before… most girls love that stuff… so I tell her she doesn’t have good taste and bust on her about that
. Anyway, I do this C/F that breaks the tension and we make out to the song “Sparks” by Coldplay that just happened to start playing at that moment… really good, like deep making out, slow dry humping all that. When we stopped, her face was all red, so was mine, and she says surprisingly “that was the best make out I’ve ever had, wow I gotta go.” So, I take her home, we kiss before she leaves. Anyway, next night, walking downtown, I bump into her out of the blue and she is shocked but happy to see me. She invites me on this stupid Halloween walk with her friends, her sister, and some douchebag guy who was AFCing all over her the whole night. Anyway, I was in HER WORLD. Which I knew was bad but I thought if I talked with her friends, they liked me, it would be good. So I did, and they liked me and it was cool, but still I felt like I didn’t belong there. I didn’t dance with her either, I didn’t feel comfortable enough. I got a phone call from my friend right in front of her (good) and told her I had to go hang out with my friends… she immediately shoots back “I’ll call you tomorrow!” Next night, I started being a bouncer at the same club she is and I saw her there, didn’t even know she was working, and I could see she recognized me out of the corner of my eye… she F*CKIN just puts her hat down and pretends not to see me… so I just observe that, and think about it for a minute, go over and bust her balls about it by saying “what, you can’t say hi?” Then, she just acts like “hey whats up, all that.”
Bottom line… I stayed away from her the whole night, working a different floor even. But its been 4 days since she has called to hang out… I really just think she wants space and not to be crowded. I mean, we hooked up Thurs night, bumped into each other Fri night, and bumped into each other Sat night RIGHT after a peak of attraction… I mean that make out was really good... bumping into her Friday night she had this “what the ****, was this meant to be or something?” kinda look and reaction on her face. I think it just weirded her out, her being independent (she does have a life of her own, which I like.)
The problems are a.) I am thinking she has intimacy issues, as in she has a hard time trusting people, opening up b.) I am “in her world” too much b/c I am working at the same place she is, maybe 2 nights a week at most. ALSO, this may be a DLV (demonstration of lower value) because she is making like 250$ a night (bartender) when I am making 50$ (bouncer) a night… I am still thinking about how important this really is (status issue) and if it is going to kill attraction, should I quit now, etc etc. However, I have demonstrated that I make more money personal training (my #1 job) and that my income is more steady and not dependent on generosity of other people. My status on the “corporate” ladder is higher than hers because I have more connections and marketing skills.
My approach to it: I haven’t called her and will not call her in the next 3 days. I am getting my A+’s in college, working out more, meeting more girls, and living my life everyday… it does bother me that she is distant somewhat, but I put my emotions aside and taking it logically. I’m not a pus$y ass bit*h who gets clingy, I’ve been through a lot of tough sh*t in my life already, but I do like this girl. I am working tomorrow night and will completely ignore her.
The BIG thing is, everytime she looks at me, she checks me out with her eyes, up and down… EVERYTIME. Everywhere I see her at its like she is telegraphing that she REALLY likes what she sees. She makes off handed comments about my butt, my ability to cook for her kids, etc that shows she is definitely into me. I know she is attracted to me. I just think she is scared because she is feeling all this “stuff” right now, its all going too fast, and she wants space to take it all slow. I mean, she even apologized 3 times on the phone last week for not calling, even though I didn't give a ****... its like she knows she is screwing up, being too distant and is really trying to not do that sh*t anymore.
I picked this girl as a long term relationship because I like what I see and that is what I am looking for right now… HOWEVER, I am dating around : ). I meet like 10 new women a day, but I’m finding its hard getting quality personality, like this chick has. Even if she has intimacy issues, I’m willing to look past that right now and focus on the positives.
I am going to be persistent with her but not clingy. I want opinions from all you guys about what to do about a.) the job (lower status issue? In “her world” too much?) and b.) Does she have intimacy issues and how to deal with it?
Any advice, tips, insights, comments?… all are much appreciated. Let me know what you think.
Thanks bros