In the most worse situation ever with this girl

[youngmack]

So about a year ago i finally got my first girlfriend at age 15(im now 16 turning 17 in a few months). I was soo hype because i wasn't really experienced with girls or anything. I told myself since this is my first girlfriend i wont mess anything up and try to make things perfect.Shes the"flirty independent" type of girls that loves to flirt around and has everything in life going great for her.Shes also very social and outgoing.We dated for about one and a half month, and i really LIKED her but throughout the relationship she didn't show much interest and one time she told me that she flirted with a boy and went to his house..but did nothing sexual. she ended up breaking up with me and i was HEARTBROKEN...i cried my eyes out but i acted like it didn't phase me even though i was basically in love with her.we remained friends and hanged out for a little.Then we kinda lost contact.

Months passed and all i did was think about her.It was not one day i havent thought about her no matter what i did. And im still like this now.Then one day she texts me and we start talking aagain and she tells me that she had a boyfriend for about 8 months and they broke up recently. i was shocked and hurt again.but we started tlking more and more and we soon developed this kinda "playful bf/gf" relationship where we would flirt with each other and call each other "baby" and stuff even though i never told her how i really felt about her because i didn't have the guts too.We continued this little thing for a while until finally i grew the balls to tell her how i really felt, and i finally did.When i told her she really said nothing and we just continued doing what we were doing,but she would tell me how she likes me but she dosent want a boyfriend anymore.she really gave me signs that she actually liked me. Overtime we developed into "friends with benefits"...We would occasionally kiss and stuff.

About a month ago she invited me over to her house and we made out and i even gave her oral sex...The next day i text her and she lets me know that she didnt really like me (she thought she did) and that she dosent want to continue doing what we were doing, and we can no longer flirt or kiss. I was HEARTBROKEN AGAIN AND I CRIED. I CRIED LIKE EVERYDAY THAT WEEK THINKING ABOUT HOW SHE PLAYED ME FOR A FOOL.

PLEASE help guys what should i do? All i do is THINK ABOUT HER EVERYDAY,EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY NO MATTER WHAT I AM DOING.I have sex with other girls and try to occupy myself by working out and concentratiing on school but it dosent work(oh and she attends my school and everytime i see her my heart literally skips a beat and i get butterflies in my stomach. Its been a full year and i have still not gotten over this girl. Im infatuated with her. I decided to do no contact and on the third day she texted me and i replied like the sucker i am .... PLEASE HELP!!!!!

 

[coochieman]

Would have suggested blah blah blah... but it turns out you already doing those. The only thing i see missing here is your self respect, you need to decide ''its time to let go'' and when a DJ says he letting go, HE REALLY DOES!!!

Exes are generally never to be returned to! I personally went through a similar ordeal, funny thing is at times i wanna call her up and ask her where i went wrong, but for the fact that i know that i cannot pull this off with emotional maturity/detachment, i resist the urge to. She tried to resume contact, but ''my rules are my rules'' so i put a end to it.

She must have been special to glue to your mind this way but you have to choose whats best for you, move on and continue getting busy. Only time can really heal. No maybes, buts or ifs.... Trust me, plus you're still kinda young! you're wayyyyy lucky you found SS at this age.... looks to me we've found a future bomb.

 

[youngmack]

whats SS? and trust me i try soooooo hard to let go...i have talked to sooooo many different girls but she just cant get out of my mind "/

 

[JohnChops]

delete her number, go ghost, and have a new attitude on life. worked for me

 

[youngmack]

I did that but it isnt helping at all

 

[WorkingDJ]

I'm sorry, but I laughed at the oral sex part and then she doesn't call you.

My only tip is to just go out there and meet more girls man. Lose one, go find more.

 

[youngmack]

Shes your typical "Alpha Female" just that shes 17 years old.. Again what should i do? Sometimes i even think about pursuing her since i have no read a bunch of articles on sosuave.com and the dj bible. Should i pursue her?

 

[youngmack]

I Have Read*

 

[Die Hard]

You need to get angry at her and the miserable feeling you're experiencing. Only then can you overcome them.

This is something you have to force on yourself, you need to evoke the anger inside of you. Right now, you are weak, you are a victim, you are being trampled underfoot. She has fvcked you over, she is the one hurting you, so you need to adopt an attitude of 'fighting back' and get angry at her. Who is she to cause you this misery? Do you just let her do this to you? Are you just gonna roll over and die?

Of course not.... You're gonna stop being a helpless victim, you're gonna grow some teeth and fight back. This requires fighting spirit, though... Do you have that? Can you get angry and fight back? Or will you just crawl back under the rock she kicked you under and continue to cry yourself to sleep every night?

Have you ever seen sheep walking around in a field? They're innocent and weak... If a wolf would enter, they couldn't do jack sh!t to save themselves. They can't kick him, they can't bite him, they can't even run away. They suck at all those things... They'll just be extremely afraid, say "beeeh" and then get killed off by the wolf. Some other animal, like a deer or something, would at least try to fight back. He'd assume a forward stance, pushing his hind legs firmly into the ground, pointing his head and his horns forward, bracing himself for the coming charge of the wolf.

What kind of look would that deer have in his eyes? It would be a mean and determined look... Well, you also have to become mean and determined! Allow yourself to become angry....or be a fvcking sheep. The choice is yours.

 

[coochieman]

SS, meaning SoSuave! Dude, no going back! I bet if you make a good paradigm shift, she'd realize it. Plus who even cares if she doesn't realize it ?

Imagine she see you've become better, she'd get curious. Becomes worse for her when she realizes she's not @ the centre of your universe any longer!

Make ur mind Up!

 

[youngmack]

This is why i need you guys tips and suggestions? This has never happened to me before ..idk if i should pursue her or not

 

[Die Hard]

No, you should not pursue her! You need her...which means you're a slave to your emotions and you are pursuing her coz you NEED her, as opposed to pursuing her coz you WANT her. BIG DIFFERENCE!

You basically are addicted to her, can't go on without her, are dependant of her. The whole DJ philosophy is about achieving a state where you no longer NEED girls, where you're happy on your own and girls can just ADD to that happiness.

That's not you, though. You are unhappy without her and want her to make you happy. It's the worst possible starting point from which to pursue a girl!!

So no, you do not pursue her. The goal in this situation should not be to win this girl coz you can't win her ayway. The goal in this situation should be to become independant of her affections, to NOT NEED her anymore. Which means going 'cold turkey', just like with any other addiction. Perhaps after you've achieved this, you can pursue her again but to be honest, I predict you don't even want her anymore by that time.

Look to the future. A DJ should always keep his perspective on the future, past the girl he's currently dealing with. Each girl you deal with is just a part of your path, she's never the endgoal! Each girl you deal with is just a learning experience, which will bring you more skill. Once you've gained enough skill points, you eventually become a true DJ. It's just like a video game where you battle countless common monsters out in the field, so you can gather anough experience points to be prepared for a fight with the Final Boss of the game.

Getting infatuated with a girl is a mistake. But we only learn through our mistakes... Fighting to get rid of the infatuation and eventually succeeding at it, is one of the most elemental experiences on the DJ path coz this is where you learn to control your emotions and gain the ability to prevent THEM from controlling YOU! It does take more than one experience, though... Each time you succesfully get rid of the infatuation with a girl, you gain more power, it's a continuous path.

Sure, we would all like to walk towards the Final Boss in a videogame but we know it doesn't work that way. First we have to gain enough experience points by killing dozens and dozens of ordinary monsters, which can be veeeeeery frustrating and tiresome... But that's the hard work we have to put in if we want to reach our goal, no one ever said it was gonna be easy... That's where the fighting spirit from my earlier post comes in, you're either a pathetic sheep who doesn't know how to put up a fight or you raise your fists and refuse to lose.

This girl, she is just like one of those ordinary monsters from a videogame. Well, perhaps she is even one of the earlier bosses in the game coz she is giving you quite some trouble... But she is not the Final Boss, she's is not the endgoal of your journey, she's just an obstacle on your path. So get past this obstacle, get rid of your infatuation with her.

It's very important to realize that this will not get you the girl!! Once you got rid of of the infatuation with her, there's absolutely no guarantee that you are able to get with her. In fact, most of the cases it turns out the guy doesn't get with the girl after he lost his infatuation with her... But like I said, you have to keep your eyes on the future, BEYOND THIS GIRL. You get no instant reward for losing your infatuation with her, but you will get a future reward for it.

Coz after this, you have gained more control over your emotions, so the next time you meet a special girl, you will be better able to control yourself from making mistakes. See, most mistakes guys make with girls are the result of neediness, infatuation, caring too much... You can learn about ****y&funny and all kinds of other tricks here, but when some stunning beauty with a smile from heaven stands in front of you and looks you deep in your eyes, you're gonna go soft, start to stutter and you forget about all those special tricks you had read about... Self-control is the most important aspect of becoming a DJ! And you will have gained more self control once you get rid of your current infatuation. There will be no instant reward, but it will pay off in the future.

Do not make the following mistake: "Oh, so even if I go through all this hard work and get rid of my infatuation with her, I STILL won't get her? Then fvck it, I'm just gonna stay infatuated and pursue her with all that I got in an attempt to win her after all!!" Trust me, it's not gonna work. That would be like trying to smash a giant rock with your bare fists, it's gonna be a painful experience... Pursuing a girl from a postition of infatuation will always, always, always end badly. So you really have to look past this girl, towards the future!

Now go and do it, become independant of this girl, disconnect your own happiness from her, stop needing her. She's nothing! She's just an obstacle on your path towards GREATNESS!

 

[youngmack]

Hmm you absolutely right Die Hard..i need to man the f*ck up and get rid of this infatuation.... I am currently doing No contact...its been like about two weeks..I am trying to be patient as much as possible but she continues to pop up in my head even when i try to be busy and work out. I talk to new girls and flirt all the time. How else can i try to get rid of this obssession i have of her?

 

[Die Hard]

Like I said before, get angry.

When some guy breaks into your house and you run into him in the hallway, you don't make some weak, uninspired attempt at making him leave, saying: "Okay, you're not supposed to be here, so would you please leave now?" That won't work, you need to get angry, raise your voice, get a mean look in your eyes and say: "What the hell are you doing in my house, @sshole?! You got 3 seconds to get the fvck out of here, before I SMASH your face in!!"

Your head = the house
A thought of this girl = the guy breaking in.

Get it?

Get angry, get pissed off! There's no special trick to getting rid of the infatuation or to keeping the thoughts of her out your head. When a thought pops up, you just push it out of your head. Rinse and repeat until the thoughts enter no more. Like I said, there's no special technique or whatever...you just do it. The difference is in your attitude, you just have to want it enough and get yourself into warrior mode. So actually, you're not just gonna push the thoughts out your head, you're gonna totally CRUSH and DESTROY them for even having the nerve to enter your mind!! :box:

Watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvsGjB4ORi0

After his teacher reminds him of his brother, he still uses the same kicking technique, he is doing the exact same thing as before, no special trick whatsoever. The difference is simply in his attitude, he now approaches his task with ANGER.
You do the same. When a thought of her pops up, you push it out of your head, when you see her and feel drawn towards her, you tell yourself "I don't need her" etc. But you do all this with real conviction, with anger, as if you were fighting for your life.

 

[coochieman]

Nice, DieHard hit it where it hurts............. The End

 

[loveshogun]

Am I the only person who sees this, and is thinking "this kid is 16 years old, and needs to make his mistakes now so that he doesn't make them later?"

Assuming you're not a troll, OP, take up some sports or something. The only reason you're crying over this girl is because you have nothing better going on. You're in high school, and it can be tough to have other things going on because you're a goddamn 16 year old and there aren't exactly a lot of opportunities for guys who still live with their parents.

Take up some sports. Learn some skills. Meet other girls, damn. Just quit it with the crying crap. That has never been cool.

Also, stop trying to be cool. You're f*ckin' 16. You haven't earned your wings yet. You don't earn those til you move out of your parents' place and start paying all of your own bills. Work on getting your wings.

 

[youngmack]

Ight i got you DieHard...and loveshogun..bro whos trying to be cool? As you can see im asking for help but thanks for the advice i guess?

 

[loveshogun]

Ight i got you DieHard...and loveshogun..bro whos trying to be cool? As you can see im asking for help but thanks for the advice i guess?

Yeah, and my advice was for you to stop focusing so much on girls. You're 16. Even if you had a girl, that's not what life's about, and if you don't start learning that when you're 16, you'll have to start learning it when you're 26, or 36, or 46, or never.

It's never been about the women.

But you still want a girl. My question is, who are you trying to impress? Your friends? Women? Other people?

That's what I'm getting at. You're trying to impress someone. That means you're trying to be cool.

Worse, you think something in your life is missing and you think a girl is the solution.

All of these things are forgivable, because you're 16. However, if you do nothing to change these attitudes, you will still have them when you're 26. Just look at some of the guys here, asking the same questions you are.

Spoiler alert - women are not the solution. You're 16. It's okay not to have a girlfriend. Sh*t, it's okay not to have a girlfriend when you're 36.

What I'm telling you, kid, is that if you keep up with this attitude that you always need to be talking to girls, being around girls, and being in relationships with girls, you're gonna be the guy who comes around in 10 years talking about how messy his divorce is going because he married a harpy, because he was too afraid of being alone.