In the dumps a little.......Any advice???

[Falcon25]

Hey guys,

Long story short. Lost job six months ago, hated my job but I was making good money and lived on my own. I can't find anything and looks like I have to declare bk and start all over. No leads yet but I think I will find something soon. I am trying to stay positive. I work out six times a week, look for jobs during the day. I look at it as a positive thing, unemployment has made me appreciate money and also am happy in a way that I'm not at my previous job. I hated it. But here is my concern;
I haven't been on a real date in a year. I had to move in with family. So as you can imagine, getting a date hasn't been easy, but telling her what I do and where I live has been worse. I am getting depressed because I went from sleeping or dating lot's of girls in my college and post college years to nothing over the past year because of my job and living situation. I feel like I am losing my game. I feel like I am getting too old. My worries is that once I do find a job and get my place again, I may not have the charm or confidence I once had.
What would you do in this position? Would you just concentrate on getting your life going and a new career? Would you still date girls or forget about it till you get it all straightened out? It's hard not to go without female companionship especially since you are used to it. I just haven't had the financial resources or the personal confidence to meet new women after I lost my job. If I was 25, living with my aunt wouldn't bother me. But now I look at it as a turn off to women. I used to sleep with girls all the time when I was younger. But I feel like I have to get my shivt together now and so it effects the way I interact. Plus, all my friends got married or found girlfriends so I haven't been able to meet new women since we don't go out that much anymore. I don't want to ramble but what would your advice be? If you want to insult me, please save it, I am too tired and too old to deal with insults at this age. Sometimes life happens, and we hit the gutter. I hope none of you men experience unemployment, it's terrible. I keep saying things will be okay. I am also concerned that once I do find a job, anywhere in the country, I may have a hard time meeting women when I don't know a single person in another city.

 

[squirrels]

Would you just concentrate on getting your life going and a new career?

This one.

Would you still date girls or forget about it till you get it all straightened out?

Depends on the circumstance. You can still be charming and practice your "game"...it's just not a priority, and it's gonna be tougher because many women won't look through your circumstances.

It's hard not to go without female companionship especially since you are used to it.

You have larger concerns right now, man. This chick sh!t is trivial.

Good luck to you in getting back on your feet.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Obviously getting back on track should be a priority for you, but the last thing you should do right now is admit defeat in any endeavor in your life (women included).

One thing you can take to the bank is that there are plenty of women out there who would be willing to give a guy in your situation a chance IF you can maintain a professional composure about yourself. Even though you're not working right now you are still following a career path, which is the bigger picture and more important. If a woman can see you're on the right track, she'll take you on as a "good-bet project", meaning the odds are very good that you'll be a good catch once the unemployment situation is resolved.

You have to remember that you're not an unemployed loser. You're an unemployed professional.

The only thing I would change at the moment is how you go about meeting a woman for the first time. Cold approaches asking for numbers and blind dates via web sites or matchmaking friends shouldn't be your way right now. Those will lead to interview type dates where all of the questions you're struggling to answer right now take priority in conversation.

Instead you should warm up to women through repetitive encounters through social means, as you would through a club membership of some type, be it a gym or some hobby. Build up a likability first so that when you finally find yourself in a situation to explain your employment situation she'll weigh in her attraction to your personality and composure which can ease harsh judgments.

Bottom line is that we all give the people we like most the benefit of the doubt. If they aren't sure if they like you or not because they haven't had enough time to decide, you're going to lose out more often than not because of it.

Great advise Amante, and this is what I would do personally.

Also, take up a group hobby during the work day, such as joining a hiking group, volunteer group, etc. Whatever your interests are, outside of job hunting.

There's a lot of successful unemployed right now, and just remember that being unemployed is temporary. By getting involved in groups during working day hours, you'll meet a lot of folks that are in your same position. This could lead to meeting women (lot's of unemployed hot babes too), and meeting job prospects, networking, etc. Plus, it'll be fun too.

Best of luck, don't let this affect your confidence. You are faced with a life challenge, make it a good challenge, an exciting one.

 

[Colossus]

Obviously getting back on track should be a priority for you, but the last thing you should do right now is admit defeat in any endeavor in your life (women included).

One thing you can take to the bank is that there are plenty of women out there who would be willing to give a guy in your situation a chance IF you can maintain a professional composure about yourself. Even though you're not working right now you are still following a career path, which is the bigger picture and more important. If a woman can see you're on the right track, she'll take you on as a "good-bet project", meaning the odds are very good that you'll be a good catch once the unemployment situation is resolved.

You have to remember that you're not an unemployed loser. You're an unemployed professional.

The only thing I would change at the moment is how you go about meeting a woman for the first time. Cold approaches asking for numbers and blind dates via web sites or matchmaking friends shouldn't be your way right now. Those will lead to interview type dates where all of the questions you're struggling to answer right now take priority in conversation.

Instead you should warm up to women through repetitive encounters through social means, as you would through a club membership of some type, be it a gym or some hobby. Build up a likability first so that when you finally find yourself in a situation to explain your employment situation she'll weigh in her attraction to your personality and composure which can ease harsh judgments.

Bottom line is that we all give the people we like most the benefit of the doubt. If they aren't sure if they like you or not because they haven't had enough time to decide, you're going to lose out more often than not because of it.

Excellent, realistic advice.

One thing I was going to mention is that women "learn" to love a man. So, like Amante said, they are much more likely to give you the benefit of the doubt once you have established some good personal rapport with them.

I've noticed that women I talk to will almost immediately brand a new guy a 'loser' if he is unemployed. It sucks that this stigma exists, but women tend to stigmatize almost anything when they dont know a guy. That's why online dating or "cold" dates are bad turf for someone in your situation. They are interviews, and she only has to find ONE thing she doesn't like to next you.

So in short I second the above advice. Finding work is your #1 priority, and steer clear of situations where you are likely to be grilled about your work. A buddy of mine has been unemployed for almost a year and a half, lives at home, and he gets laid like crazy!! His secret: he socializes a lot with the same people. He's just out almost every night with his friends and their friends, and before long, his friends pass along which girls like him. Then he hooks up with them, builds off that rapport and the social proof of being seen with multiple girls....it's a snowball effect.

 

[Trader]

This brings up an interesting point.

We talk of men being high-value.

But where do you derive your value?

From your looks? From your money? From having girls like you?

We often laugh at girls because they derive their entire value based off of what others think of them.

But if you are a man, and you are basing your value off of your career success, or looks, or fame, or success with girls, is not your value as unstable as that of a girl? This recent downturn in the economy has made many men feel worthless.

Falcon25, I'm sure all of us can relate to what you are going through.

Without belief in a higher power, how can you possibly maintain your sense of value?

The problem with a man basing his value off of money, is that when the bank account hits zero, the man ceases to exist.

 

[Colossus]

This brings up an interesting point.

We talk of men being high-value.

But where do you derive your value?

From your looks? From your money? From having girls like you?

We often laugh at girls because they derive their entire value based off of what others think of them.

But if you are a man, and you are basing your value off of your career success, or looks, or fame, or success with girls, is not your value as unstable as that of a girl? This recent downturn in the economy has made many men feel worthless.

Falcon25, I'm sure all of us can relate to what you are going through.

Without belief in a higher power, how can you possibly maintain your sense of value?

The problem with a man basing his value off of money, is that when the bank account hits zero, the man ceases to exist.

Wise and true.

Men generally derive their value from what they do, and what they have done. Women tend to get their's from other's valuation of them and the quality of their relationships.

But the man who bases all his value on his career accomplishments or financial worth is not much different from the bodybuilder who gets all his value from his size and looks. These things are transient and subject to chance. What is he without them? What is he with nothing??

 

[SoldMySoul]

I sent you a PM as I understand what you are going through!

 

[Falcon25]

Thanks a lot for your advice guys. I'm going to concentrate on finding a gig so that I could naturally develop my confidence back. It's a lot funner to take a girl out when you don't have to budget and think if you have enough the next day to pay the bills. If something comes my way and she is understanding or if it's just sex or something, I will take it. But what would you guys do about moving to another city? Or having friends that have already settled and won't go out with you? Once I do get my feet back should I just try other things like internet dating?

 

[Bible_Belt]

When you have nothing, you can at least be sure that the people in your life value you for yourself, and not your wealth and status. If a girl turns her nose up at you because of your situation, then good! That is an easy way to screen out the shallow b!tches.

The truth is, if you are a fun person, then it will not matter. The difficulties come because your situation makes you not fun to be around. None of this is easy to fix, but just know that it is all in your head, and you are really the one in control.